Leis Larsson

The next day I just waited for lunch. I sat impatiently through class after class, half listening and half scrawling what the teachers had to say. The minute the bell rang I literally stuffed the Geography notes in my back pack and bolted for the door. I tried to stay calm as I navigated the hallways to the cafeteria. With my tray I meandered the winding path to the table we'd sat at the previous day and waited patiently.
Turned out it was in vain. They never showed up. So I sat there despondently until the bell rang again, and the cafeteria was half empty. I sat there, alone in the cafeteria while some ladies begrudgingly cleaning up the mess that the kids had made. I sat there until I absolutely had to leave. I sat in class. I sat, and that was all. How could I concentrate when I was feeling this heavy. For the first time I actually felt alone. Loneliness was somethings I was so used to it fit like a second skin, but this. This was the loneliness of knowing what I was without. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to be with Leis and David, and listen wide-eyed at their confounding conversations about this and that and nothing. I wanted to watch them carry on the way they did. Leis and David were cool. They were so calm and collected and together. I wanted to be a part of them. I wanted to be the antagonist to the bullies. I wanted Forehead to get pissed like that at me. They way they'd behaved yesterday was so clearly in control and superior that it was no wonder Forehead was about to lose his cool. They could manipulate and control your emotions without even trying. They were powerful. That was what I needed. I needed that kind of help. I couldn't let my dad and those douches run me like this my entire life. My heart raced as I thought about it. I imagined standing up to my dad. Telling him I wanted to live with mom and that was that

The bell rang for next period and I trudged out. I felt a lead weight across my back. I was being pulled to the earth. I somehow felt as if yesterday was the beginning and end of everything. But I was a teenager back then, I had a right to exaggerate. The next moment didn't help.

'Fucking faggot!' rang in my ears as I hurtled through the air after the force of a great blow across my face. I didn't even see who did it. By the time I could blink through the pain in my cheek and jaw whoever had done it was long gone. Everyone saw it, but no one helped me up. So I lay there in a puddle of myself for a while. And when I got up I was angry. I was angry like I'd never been before.

'God forgive me,' I mumbled as I waded through the backflow of students. I swore I'd make that motherfucker pay. One day.

At home. My mom's smiling face instantly put me at ease.
'Sandy! Baby, I'm so glad you're home Dunkie. I have to go to work as in right now. I had no idea if you'd be home soon enough so I was worried you'd be locked out. I'm getting you a set of keys on my way home. There's minute noodles in the cupboard there. I won't be home to make dinner. Long shift tonight, but I do it for the overtime.' She gave me a sincere hug, and I hugged her back tightly.

When she was gone I was alone with my thoughts. I tried to wind down to basic cable, but found it exhausting. My homework was a non-event, and by the time I was finished, I was bored out of my mind and it was already dark outside. I made the noodles and ate them so slowly it took almost an hour. The fact was that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake the tightening in my chest. I was simmering with rage. Not sadness, regret or guilt-- those were the emotions I was far more accustomed to. Anger was a new one. But I had a right. Some kid had punched me straight in the face, knocking me off my feet in front of everyone and not a single hand was extended to help me out. No one cared. You didn't even have to like someone to help them out when they were on the floor. It was a human thing to do.

The next day I all but forgot the obsessive anger that'd consumed me the previous night, all I'd exported to the next day was that I needed lessons in standing up for myself. And for that I needed Leif. I wanted his strength and stoic calm in the face of a massacre.

I had calculus. That was my first shot, if he didn't show up there I'd wait for him at the cafeteria. Hopefully today things wouldn't progress like yesterday.

I entered calculus all hopeful and with a spring in my step. I was the first one in class and sat patiently as the rest of the class filed in. And there he was, unmissable as a black panther amongst a group of penguins i.e. he was the only one in black. Before anyone else could he darted for the seat beside mine. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel so utterly special because of his enthusiasm to be near me.
'Hey Stacy,' he smiled blissfully. I was so bewitched that the wrong name did nothing to detach my rambling happiness. 'I guess this is gonna be our class. Don't worry, I'll work myself catatonic before I give up on you getting this shit. It's not even that hard. I promise.'
I smiled back, but then got the feeling I was staring and whipped my head away.
'Lunch together right?' he punched me slightly on the upper arm. I nodded lightly.
'You'll have to talk more this time. I might forget you're there again.' And he added with a discernible air of enthusiasm 'And Hammy's gonna join us too. You'll like him, he's funny looking.'
My fledgling response was cut short.
'You faggot's havin' a little tea party here?' Forehead smiled menacingly at Leis, then at me. My face burned.
'Feeling left out there cocksucker?' Leis leaned forward, the smile on his face was enchanting. From another angle it would have seemed as though he was flirting.
'Listen,' Forehead pointed a thick finger at Leis. He was smiling too, but his smile lacked gloss and was frayed at the sides with gnawing anger. 'Don't you dare fuck with my shit like that again. You think with that fat bastard around you can do whatever you want don't you? You think you're all high and mighty with your big black security guard, but when I catch you alone, I will kick your ass to a bloody pulp. You get me?' He spoke through his teeth, his voice was no louder than a growl.
I practically shat myself while I sat there, scared as fuck. Forehead was a really scary guy. But Leis was untouched by this festering rage. His smile had dropped a little, but his voice remained light and smooth to the pallet. 'You think I'm fragile all on my lonesome? What a fucking complement. We should go out for a coffee sometime and I'll tell you all about the last three months I spent in juvie. Then you can decide if I wont splatter your ass over this motherfucking wall like a bug on a god-damned windshield, bitch.'
It was barely discernible, but Forehead flinched. He was scared of Leis. And at that moment, so was I.

At lunch, the gut twisting sensation of hearing those dark angry words part Leis's sweet lips with such nonchalance had completely dissipated. I was at lunch, and my only occupation was to listen to George and Leis go on and on and on. I loved the way Leis was with George; so easy and comfortable. I found myself wishing that one day he would be like that with me too. At the moment he treated me a little like a pet or a project.

'Yeah, like a motherfucker!' Leis laughed.
'You'd be perfect at it. You've already got the lazy arrogance down.'
'You really think so?' Leis pouted his lips. 'I'd look fucking slammin on the runway, huh?'
'Fuck you,' George laughed. 'Get a real job and stop sponging off me.'
'But you like it.'
'Yeah, the same way I like STDs and Larry King Live.'
George folded his arms and looked around. 'Hey, its the Hamster,' he nodded towards the food line. 'Think he'll see us?
'Are you kidding me Shrek?'
George laughed. 'You'll pay for that,' he mumbled. I looked around. But there was no one remarkable in the line. I strained for a while, but no one interesting broke off to go sit down either. It was all just the same menagerie of nondescript blur of students. I waited for someone to make their way to our table, but it was hard to tell with so many of them coming around us. I only found who the hamster was when he pulled out the chair beside me. I dragged my tray aside a little, making room for him.

The 'Hamster' was something like a hamster, but not enough to warrant the nickname. His features were a lot less prominent than George's; his lips less wide and thick, his face less structured, his eyes thinner and with a thicker scattering of curly eyelashes framing their glossy white veneer. Like George his teeth were white, big, and perfectly straight. His smile was honest. He extended a hand to shake mine. I took it.
Leis introduced us. 'Hammy,' he beamed. 'This is Stacey and Stacey, this is Richard Nathaniel Waylon Hamilton the third-ish.'
'I'm happy to meet you Stacey, ' he shook my hand.
'Uhm... My name's kind of Duncan,' I said quietly.
'Then in that case, I'm happy to meet you Duncan.' Then to Leis he said: 'Is your facial recognition fucking you up again?'
'Hey! He looked like a Stacey. So Stacey he became.' Leis defended himself indignantly.
'You can't just assign people names Leif. It's a rule, you know.'
'Yes I can,' he looked up at George. 'Right Shrek?'
'Fuck you,' George responded automatically. He was staring forward determinedly. I wanted to see what he was looking at with so much concentration but decided not to; it would be obvious and awkward.
'So who's been up your ass for two days?'
'Kaegan. Said I could apply for college now, since, you know, I've done my time already. Said my SATs were good. Don't need to wait until I graduate apparently. So I guess this means I'm skipping my senior year.'
'You did that for two whole fucking days?' Leis played around with the food on his plate, every once in a while he glanced in the same direction as George.
'Sending out application forms to every fucking college in the damn country. Kaegan wouldn't let me fucking leave.'
'You're his motherfucking prodigy Hammy. The poor fucker's proud of you. You're probably the only good shit that's come from this school.'
'He wanted his name on all of them under that references part. He's only known me a fucking week and he's going on about how I 'display exemplary character' 'proud of how far I've excelled' all that shit.'
'You're gifted and he wants a piece of the pie. And can you blame him? What decent, God fearing American wouldn't want a piece of your pie?'
Hammy shrugged. Leis went quiet, and was allowing his gaze to linger on the same target as George. Hammy looked at me.
'How come I've never seen you before?' he asked, spooning yogurt between his lips.
I shrugged, blushing. I wasn't used to the attention. It didn't help that Hammy's eyes burnt oh so bright with genuine interest.
'Well, you know., cause I would've remembered you if Id seen you before'. My heart lept to my throat, was he flirting with me?
'Uh, maybe.' Was the best I could do. My mouth was dry.
He laughed lightly. 'You're so shy. It's the cutest thing. But you know what? I think he's wrong. You look more like a Sweet Sandy.'
I nodded. 'That's what my mom said...' My throat was so dry.
'Your mom's a smart lady.'
'That's what--' I interrupted myself. Was I going in a circle here? Why were these conversations repeating themselves. Well maybe repetition is what happened when you had more than yourself, and an Aunt who visited once a year, to talk to. I accepted it. Maybe that's what would be happening from now on.
'What?' Hammy raised his eyebrows.
'Nothing,' I shook my head.

Then George stood wordlessly from the table, taking his tray with him and Leis followed. Even though lunch was far from over, I grabbed the edges of my tray and made to follow them. But Hammy held my forearm to stop me. I sat back down.
'Aren't you going too?' But I was content to just sit here... with Hammy.
'No.' he smiled over his teaspoon. 'Following those two is a mistake you only make once. Anyway Stace, they're bad kids. You shouldn't follow bad kids.'
I frowned slightly at him. Feeling oddly at ease in his presence and his presence alone. 'But aren't you friends.'
'Oh,' Hammy smiled. 'Dammit, I guess we are. I guess that means I'm a bad kid too. And since you're my friend, I guess it means you're a bad kid too.'
I gave him a lopsided smile. 'I can't be a bad kid.' I said honestly.
'It's not up to you,' Hammy mumbled, swallowing his last teaspoon of yoghurt,