Status: A work in progress.
The battle of life
Chapter 3 Pain
Screaming in my head, tearing myself apart struggling to battle this back.
I lay there with a knife in my hand, wishing Death would come visit me, but this rusty knife is not strong enough to call Death to me.
The stings and many red cuts on my neck burn as I put my hand over them. Tears streaming down my face wishing it would all end.
Pain visited me today, I curse him for doing this and Love for bestowing this all upon me.
Why would Love bestow this beautiful amazing person upon me, who not only inspires me but is perfect in every way in my eyes. Only to have her slam the door in my face and remove me from her life.
Tears return as I give it another attempt but continue to fail, wondering why I cant take my own life, what does Death have against me this night?
I lay there defeated a whisper from my heart echoes inside the room. “As the sheep lays defeated as its leg is broken he slowly begins to understand why he should not travel beyond the boundaries of the fence and thanks the Shepard for breaking its leg.”
I ignore what my heart is telling dismissing it as mad, for there is no way it could be logical when it's broken.
Silently sobbing wondering if what I am trying to do is wrong or right, silently waiting for Death to knock on my door knowing deep down that tonight is not the night he will show up.
I flash back on the events that lead up to this point
My emotions got a hold of me, they controlled me and moved me, I let my heart lead the way and ignored my mind.
I cursed myself for not listening, I should have known this would eventually happen but I ignored it. I cursed my heart for being so blinded.
I lay back trying to calm myself down, trying to control the endless sobs, Darkness dancing happily in the back of my mind. Love being released into my body as my heart cracks. Pain gripped my neck and soul as the small bleeding cuts slowly start to heal.
I sigh knowing that I wont be able to convince Death to visit me this night, I slowly let the knife fall to my side and close my eyes, my sobs subsiding a little as I realize how tired I truly am, but for some reason unable to fall asleep.
I then wondered how I would explain the scars on my neck to my friends when I next saw them, they cannot be easily covered up, do I dare tell them the truth?
Pondering these thoughts for a while I find that if I told them it would raise there concerns and I do not believe they need that on there plate at the moment. On the other hand I would probably go insane if I didn't tell someone.
Figuring it best to look at the scars and see how they appear in the morning I close my eyes defeated, knowing I have failed to grab Death's attention.
I feel my heart still beating, wondering if it's beating as a whole or if it's just many pieces all beating simultaneously. Either way, I felt that it was wrong.
I lay there with a knife in my hand, wishing Death would come visit me, but this rusty knife is not strong enough to call Death to me.
The stings and many red cuts on my neck burn as I put my hand over them. Tears streaming down my face wishing it would all end.
Pain visited me today, I curse him for doing this and Love for bestowing this all upon me.
Why would Love bestow this beautiful amazing person upon me, who not only inspires me but is perfect in every way in my eyes. Only to have her slam the door in my face and remove me from her life.
Tears return as I give it another attempt but continue to fail, wondering why I cant take my own life, what does Death have against me this night?
I lay there defeated a whisper from my heart echoes inside the room. “As the sheep lays defeated as its leg is broken he slowly begins to understand why he should not travel beyond the boundaries of the fence and thanks the Shepard for breaking its leg.”
I ignore what my heart is telling dismissing it as mad, for there is no way it could be logical when it's broken.
Silently sobbing wondering if what I am trying to do is wrong or right, silently waiting for Death to knock on my door knowing deep down that tonight is not the night he will show up.
I flash back on the events that lead up to this point
My emotions got a hold of me, they controlled me and moved me, I let my heart lead the way and ignored my mind.
I cursed myself for not listening, I should have known this would eventually happen but I ignored it. I cursed my heart for being so blinded.
I lay back trying to calm myself down, trying to control the endless sobs, Darkness dancing happily in the back of my mind. Love being released into my body as my heart cracks. Pain gripped my neck and soul as the small bleeding cuts slowly start to heal.
I sigh knowing that I wont be able to convince Death to visit me this night, I slowly let the knife fall to my side and close my eyes, my sobs subsiding a little as I realize how tired I truly am, but for some reason unable to fall asleep.
I then wondered how I would explain the scars on my neck to my friends when I next saw them, they cannot be easily covered up, do I dare tell them the truth?
Pondering these thoughts for a while I find that if I told them it would raise there concerns and I do not believe they need that on there plate at the moment. On the other hand I would probably go insane if I didn't tell someone.
Figuring it best to look at the scars and see how they appear in the morning I close my eyes defeated, knowing I have failed to grab Death's attention.
I feel my heart still beating, wondering if it's beating as a whole or if it's just many pieces all beating simultaneously. Either way, I felt that it was wrong.