See You in My Dreams

Broken chips from the outer brick walls of the cheap London hotel made crunching noises under Lucetta Gamielle shoes as she slid herself to the ground. Bracing herself for what I was about to do, she closed her eyes and pictured Alex Gaskarth’s face in front of her. So vivid, it was enough wind behind her to push her forward.

She winced as she looked at the number of unread text messages on her iPhone. Fifty six now. Like the first page of an epic novel, she opened the first text.

Lucetta... do you want to talk?

This was followed by:

I understand if you don’t want to... but please... I need this.

Once again followed by:

You need to know who I am now.

A few texts similar to this, begging Lucetta to respond, followed. At the eleventh message, another kind, more desperate, turned up:

I just found out you are in England with Zack. Lucetta, how could you?! Please talk to me! If you gave him another chance, don’t I deserve the same? Why, Lucy? Why did you give him the chance?

The sight of Alex’s nickname for her hurt. The text cut off, so Lucetta clicked to the next one:

I’ve changed, Lucy. I’ve changed for you. Has Zack done that? Has he managed to do what I did for you? Just text me back! Let me know you at least care...

Lucetta’s gut ached. Alex had thought she was ignoring him on purpose.

You told me that day that I couldn’t hold it together for you, and I had problems of my own to get through before I could be with you. I did that, Lucetta. I fixed myself for you.

The texts grew shorter and shorter from there;

Hello?

Please...

Please...

Please...

Lucetta clicked through the texts with hazy vision. The very last text she read feeling the desperation in Alex’s voice.

Zack just threatened me to stop trying to contact you. That it would only hurt you. Don’t get angry with him, Lucy. He was honest. He said that he tricked you into not reading your texts. He said you considered contacting me and that he talked you out of it. I won’t hurt you anymore, Lucetta. I said that once, but that was before I became who I am now. I will stay away and respect you, even if the thing I want most is to hold you once again. I’m sorry, Lucetta. I’ll let you go if you need me to... as much as it will kill me... but I will never, never stop loving you and hoping for you to come back to me. Goodbye, my Lucy. See you in my dreams.

Blankly, Lucetta read and reread the tiny black text in front of her. She read it until she practically had it memorized. She read it until the words blurred into streaks of black lines in front of her damp eyes.

She watched the hopefulness just drain out of Alex’s words. He had tried so hard, just as she had once asked him to do for her, and he finally listened. Did that mean nothing?

But so did Zack. He committed himself in a way he never imagined he could. Did that mean nothing?

No. It meant everything. Everything Alex and Zack did meant everything.

Lucetta swiped the tears away from her cheeks and let them scatter to the ground. She’d only allow herself to do this for a moment, for Zack would be back soon and she couldn’t let him see this. Taking in a shuttering gasp of air, she tentatively let her fingers punch the buttons on her phone, one letter at a time.

Alex... With all my heart I’ll never stop loving you either. But I can’t put you through this anymore. You know that feeling, right? I can’t even begin to tell you about what you mean to me. Getting yourself through your problems, it means everything. I mean that. I know it is completely unfair of me to ask a favor of you, but I do have one thing. Find happiness. Please, just do whatever you can to be honestly and truly happy. You have so many amazing qualities that people in this world would kill for: Your compassion, your determination, your kindness. Please just embrace it and find happiness. For me and for yourself. I’ll love you forever... Goodbye, Alex.

After rereading the text a couple of times, Lucetta pressed send. The little animated mailbox danced about until bold black letters appeared on the screen: MESSAGE SENT SUCCESSFULLY.

Then, finally, she forced herself to delete all messages and memory from her phone. No trace of contact with Alex Gaskarth. If it weren’t for the wet pavement or the sickening pang in her heart, she may have questioned whether it ever happened at all.

The bells from one of the London churches rang around her. Once again, Alex’s face appeared behind Lucetta’s eyelids. That straight blonde hair and knowing grin, that mischievous spark in his eye that Lucetta would always love.

Goodbye, Alex. she repeated in her mind. See you in my dreams.