When All My Strength Is Gone, in You I Can Be Strong
When All My Strength is Gone, in You I can be Strong
The car was silent. The leather interior felt covered in painful needles. Aislinn Stone hastily turned off the heated seat, she was already sweating from the tension.
“He’s your friend.” she gathered the courage to whisper. Her boyfriend, Roger Davies, furious denim eyes tightening even further, gripped the wheel harder. “He’s my friend too...”
This made him scoff. A short, choking sound that bruised Aislinn’s strength.
“Why can’t we go?”
This was met with more excruciating silence. Aislinn hoped she would have gotten used to these sorts of times by now.
It wasn’t always like this, of course. Only in the past few months had Roger been so angry, so distant. It’s like a switch was flipped inside him- one that made him so hostile towards her, his girlfriend of nearly two years, and Bill Weasley, their best friend. His looks were full of criticism, dark assumptions, instead of the devotion that used to keep Aislinn going.
When Roger would turn away, mumbling about needing space to think, Bill and Aislinn would exchange nervous glances. They were both so worried about him. Deep down, maybe so deep they couldn’t even recognize it, they were worried about each other too.
The engine calmed as Roger turned the key. He let out a deep breath.
“What did Bill do?” Aislinn dared to push him again. “What did I do?”
“Nothing.” He barked. “You haven’t done anything, from what I can tell.”
“Damn it, Roger, what are you even talking about?”
He slammed his fist on the dash so hard the cheap plastic cracked.
“You think I don’t see it.” He more said then asked. “Honestly, both of you, you are so fucking blind to it. It makes me feel like such a dick for being angry. The guilt sucks almost as bad as the feeling I get when I look at you two.”
“When you look at me... it hurts you?” Aislinn asked in a small voice.
She saw the guilt in his glare now. It was behind the anger, affecting something deeper and closer to his heart.
“Every single time.” Roger said. “I wish I could show you... For so long I tried to figure out why he made you look... that way. Smile that way. Breathe that way... when I couldn’t.”
“He? Bill, you mean?”
“Of course I mean Bill! God fucking damn it, can we stop the charade?”
“What charade, Roger? How can you be so angry with me when I have no idea what you’re talking about?”
Roger stormed out of the car. Aislinn followed, desperately trying to search her memory for something that would either explain why Roger was saying all these things or help him feel better again.
Roger, meanwhile, paced angrily back and forth next to his beat up car, black as this cold night. His breaths huffed angrily into the air, sending off clouds of frustration.
“He does something for you I can’t. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there and I can’t just ignore it anymore. You can’t either.”
Aislinn drew in a breath to protest, but Roger started talking again.
“You fucking want him, Aislinn.” He said passionately. She felt his breath on her freezing face. She bit her bottom lip so hard it began to leak warm blood onto her tongue. Roger spoke quieter now, “and he wants you too.”
Aislinn struggled to hold everything in that cage in the back of her mind but the memories flooded in now. The night of the Yule Ball, not Roger in his dark tuxedo, but Bill telling her to save him a dance. Summer days at the beach, not Roger teasing her into the cool water, but the way Bill’s smile lit up brilliantly under the hot Sun. And when she looked forward to this night, New Years Eve, it wasn’t Roger she dreamed of kissing when the clock struck twelve.
Everything Roger said was right. Aislinn couldn’t ignore it anymore.
“I’m sorry,” she burst out in a sob. Mascara has been running down her cheeks for quite some time now. “I never meant for any of this.”
Roger stood gruffly, unsure of whether to comfort the girl he loved or remain cold. “I know.” He said. Cold as the icy, old snow that had littered the earth since Christmas. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what he can. Just believe me, I’ve tried. Harder then I’ve ever tried at anything.”
“You must hate me.”
“I can’t hate you, Aislinn. That sucks too.”
Aislinn certainly hated herself. At the same time, she felt such strong remorse for what she was unknowingly putting Roger through. She felt confused and overwhelmed with the million questions rushing through her head. But one feeling was stronger then all of those put together.
She needed to find Bill.
11:42, read the bright light in Roger’s car. From where he had pull over, she’d have to dead sprint to make it on time. No time to waste.
She gave Roger a goodbye kiss on the cheek before whispering in his ear, “I’m so sorry. I really do love you.” He squeezed her arm for just a moment before getting back in his car and driving away. He may not have understood where he went wrong, he just knew it was time to give it up and move on. It was about to be a new year, after all. Aislinn didn’t know how it would be when she next saw Roger, but now was not the time to worry about anything beyond midnight.
She began to run. Her damp cheeks took to the biting wind as her long, brown hair whipped behind her. Slush splashed up so high it freckled her face. At least it will match the mascara, Aislinn inwardly groaned. If Bill turned her away looking like this, she didn’t know what she was going to do.
Stitches constricted her breath from her neck down both her sides. The clock was at 11:56 when The Burrow, packed with cars and portkeys for the annual, infamous Weasley New Years party, finally came into view.
Aislinn burst into the front door. People crowded from all directions. 11:57.
“Have you,” she panted to Bill’s brother Charlie, “seen Bill?”
“Upstairs...” Charlie gave Aislinn a look that said ‘were you in a car crash or something?’ Aislinn made a mental note to try and explain later.
“Bill?” she called when she got to the stairs, pushing past anybody in the way. “Bill?”
11:58. The house was buzzing with excitement as the new year approached. Aislinn wanted to scream for time to just slow down until she found Bill. Desperation only grew.
“Bill, Bill?” she continued to call, gasping to catch her breath between shouts. People turned towards her from all directions.
“Aislinn?” Finally! His voice sounded equally frantic. Word had gotten to him that Aislinn was trying to find him.
Next to the banister, level with the modest but pretty chandelier in the Weasley’s foyer, the two finally met arms. Bill’s golden eyes looked alarmed. The crowd started to count down 10...9...
“Oh Aislinn, what’s wrong? Where’s Roger?”
Aislinn just shook her head. “I’m here... for you...” she puffed. 8...7...
Bill’s mouth hung slightly open, but the wheels were turning in his head. It was finally happening. He had fantasized about ringing in the new year with Aislinn, but he couldn’t bear the idea of coming between her and Roger. But here she was, tear-streaked, out of breath, shaking frigid in his arms. 6...5...
They both had that look in their eye, that inexplicable spark that Roger had tried to explain to Aislinn. She let herself feel it now. Bill did, too. 4...3...
“I want you. I want this.” Aislinn breathed. 2...
“So do I. So much.” Bill replied. 1...
Bill pulled Aislinn into him. Their lips finally met with all the energy that buzzed around the house as people cheered and confetti fell like snow. Everyone was excited for a fresh start, looking forward to something beautiful and new.
Aislinn was still shaking from the cold when the two separated from their first kiss.
“Come on,” Bill whispered gently. Let’s get you something warm and dry to wear.
Aislinn smiled gratefully, happy to to be in this place, opening a new chapter of her life. Despite the weakness in her legs, the exhaustion in her lungs- there was new life in her heart. She looked to Bill and said “when all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong.”
“He’s your friend.” she gathered the courage to whisper. Her boyfriend, Roger Davies, furious denim eyes tightening even further, gripped the wheel harder. “He’s my friend too...”
This made him scoff. A short, choking sound that bruised Aislinn’s strength.
“Why can’t we go?”
This was met with more excruciating silence. Aislinn hoped she would have gotten used to these sorts of times by now.
It wasn’t always like this, of course. Only in the past few months had Roger been so angry, so distant. It’s like a switch was flipped inside him- one that made him so hostile towards her, his girlfriend of nearly two years, and Bill Weasley, their best friend. His looks were full of criticism, dark assumptions, instead of the devotion that used to keep Aislinn going.
When Roger would turn away, mumbling about needing space to think, Bill and Aislinn would exchange nervous glances. They were both so worried about him. Deep down, maybe so deep they couldn’t even recognize it, they were worried about each other too.
The engine calmed as Roger turned the key. He let out a deep breath.
“What did Bill do?” Aislinn dared to push him again. “What did I do?”
“Nothing.” He barked. “You haven’t done anything, from what I can tell.”
“Damn it, Roger, what are you even talking about?”
He slammed his fist on the dash so hard the cheap plastic cracked.
“You think I don’t see it.” He more said then asked. “Honestly, both of you, you are so fucking blind to it. It makes me feel like such a dick for being angry. The guilt sucks almost as bad as the feeling I get when I look at you two.”
“When you look at me... it hurts you?” Aislinn asked in a small voice.
She saw the guilt in his glare now. It was behind the anger, affecting something deeper and closer to his heart.
“Every single time.” Roger said. “I wish I could show you... For so long I tried to figure out why he made you look... that way. Smile that way. Breathe that way... when I couldn’t.”
“He? Bill, you mean?”
“Of course I mean Bill! God fucking damn it, can we stop the charade?”
“What charade, Roger? How can you be so angry with me when I have no idea what you’re talking about?”
Roger stormed out of the car. Aislinn followed, desperately trying to search her memory for something that would either explain why Roger was saying all these things or help him feel better again.
Roger, meanwhile, paced angrily back and forth next to his beat up car, black as this cold night. His breaths huffed angrily into the air, sending off clouds of frustration.
“He does something for you I can’t. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there and I can’t just ignore it anymore. You can’t either.”
Aislinn drew in a breath to protest, but Roger started talking again.
“You fucking want him, Aislinn.” He said passionately. She felt his breath on her freezing face. She bit her bottom lip so hard it began to leak warm blood onto her tongue. Roger spoke quieter now, “and he wants you too.”
Aislinn struggled to hold everything in that cage in the back of her mind but the memories flooded in now. The night of the Yule Ball, not Roger in his dark tuxedo, but Bill telling her to save him a dance. Summer days at the beach, not Roger teasing her into the cool water, but the way Bill’s smile lit up brilliantly under the hot Sun. And when she looked forward to this night, New Years Eve, it wasn’t Roger she dreamed of kissing when the clock struck twelve.
Everything Roger said was right. Aislinn couldn’t ignore it anymore.
“I’m sorry,” she burst out in a sob. Mascara has been running down her cheeks for quite some time now. “I never meant for any of this.”
Roger stood gruffly, unsure of whether to comfort the girl he loved or remain cold. “I know.” He said. Cold as the icy, old snow that had littered the earth since Christmas. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what he can. Just believe me, I’ve tried. Harder then I’ve ever tried at anything.”
“You must hate me.”
“I can’t hate you, Aislinn. That sucks too.”
Aislinn certainly hated herself. At the same time, she felt such strong remorse for what she was unknowingly putting Roger through. She felt confused and overwhelmed with the million questions rushing through her head. But one feeling was stronger then all of those put together.
She needed to find Bill.
11:42, read the bright light in Roger’s car. From where he had pull over, she’d have to dead sprint to make it on time. No time to waste.
She gave Roger a goodbye kiss on the cheek before whispering in his ear, “I’m so sorry. I really do love you.” He squeezed her arm for just a moment before getting back in his car and driving away. He may not have understood where he went wrong, he just knew it was time to give it up and move on. It was about to be a new year, after all. Aislinn didn’t know how it would be when she next saw Roger, but now was not the time to worry about anything beyond midnight.
She began to run. Her damp cheeks took to the biting wind as her long, brown hair whipped behind her. Slush splashed up so high it freckled her face. At least it will match the mascara, Aislinn inwardly groaned. If Bill turned her away looking like this, she didn’t know what she was going to do.
Stitches constricted her breath from her neck down both her sides. The clock was at 11:56 when The Burrow, packed with cars and portkeys for the annual, infamous Weasley New Years party, finally came into view.
Aislinn burst into the front door. People crowded from all directions. 11:57.
“Have you,” she panted to Bill’s brother Charlie, “seen Bill?”
“Upstairs...” Charlie gave Aislinn a look that said ‘were you in a car crash or something?’ Aislinn made a mental note to try and explain later.
“Bill?” she called when she got to the stairs, pushing past anybody in the way. “Bill?”
11:58. The house was buzzing with excitement as the new year approached. Aislinn wanted to scream for time to just slow down until she found Bill. Desperation only grew.
“Bill, Bill?” she continued to call, gasping to catch her breath between shouts. People turned towards her from all directions.
“Aislinn?” Finally! His voice sounded equally frantic. Word had gotten to him that Aislinn was trying to find him.
Next to the banister, level with the modest but pretty chandelier in the Weasley’s foyer, the two finally met arms. Bill’s golden eyes looked alarmed. The crowd started to count down 10...9...
“Oh Aislinn, what’s wrong? Where’s Roger?”
Aislinn just shook her head. “I’m here... for you...” she puffed. 8...7...
Bill’s mouth hung slightly open, but the wheels were turning in his head. It was finally happening. He had fantasized about ringing in the new year with Aislinn, but he couldn’t bear the idea of coming between her and Roger. But here she was, tear-streaked, out of breath, shaking frigid in his arms. 6...5...
They both had that look in their eye, that inexplicable spark that Roger had tried to explain to Aislinn. She let herself feel it now. Bill did, too. 4...3...
“I want you. I want this.” Aislinn breathed. 2...
“So do I. So much.” Bill replied. 1...
Bill pulled Aislinn into him. Their lips finally met with all the energy that buzzed around the house as people cheered and confetti fell like snow. Everyone was excited for a fresh start, looking forward to something beautiful and new.
Aislinn was still shaking from the cold when the two separated from their first kiss.
“Come on,” Bill whispered gently. Let’s get you something warm and dry to wear.
Aislinn smiled gratefully, happy to to be in this place, opening a new chapter of her life. Despite the weakness in her legs, the exhaustion in her lungs- there was new life in her heart. She looked to Bill and said “when all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong.”