Status: Done. :]
Impulse
One of two.
The doorman didn’t even try and stop me as I marched straight up to his apartment. Too impatient to wait for the elevator I began walking up the 15 flights of stairs it took to get to his floor. I was well aware of the fact that I looked like shit. Between the messy bun, sweatpants with stains and his old tee shirt on anyone could see I was still torn up inside about catching him. Everything about me had seemed to have seen better days.
Once I finally arrived at his floor I know I had to let my anger and frustration take over my body. I couldn’t let him see me cry. Hastily walking towards his apartment before the little bravery I had dissolved, I banged on his door. I had acted like a scared puppy, a coward, these past few weeks but I knew I had to confront him. There was no way I could continue to back down from this any longer. Things needed to be said, actions needed to be taken and no matter how much it was going to hurt we were going to talk about this.
The door finally opened to reveal the man I love with a completely confused and surprised expression. I could hear another voice coming from inside what used to be our apartment. I never anticipated coming here and hearing another females voice, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Although this was never part of my original plan, I knew we still needed to this.
“We need to talk.” I managed to congregate an indifferent tone that surprised me more than him. After what seemed like hours he finally seemed to pull himself together and allow me into the apartment. Much to my surprise there was a small group of visitors occupying the living room. I turned to face him, “Can we talk alone please, unless I am interrupting something?” I tried mustering up that indifferent tone but I ended up cowering back like a lost puppy. Apart of me wanted to run as far away as possible and never look back. But the better half of me knew that if I never talked to him it would haunt me forever.
“Let’s go to our room.” It was a simple reply but a painful reminder. Nothing seemed like it was ours anymore, at least not that bed in our bedroom. I followed closely behind him fighting the urge to look back and flip off his friends for all the sympathetic looks I knew they were giving me. He slowly shut the door behind us as I stood their awkwardly trying not release the tears that were threatening to fall.
As soon as the door was finally closed, he slide down to his knees and opened his mouth. “I am so sorry Genevieve.” I bite back the cry that wanted to escape my mouth. I wanted to keep calm, but I knew it was fading fast. I sat down on the floor across from him making sure I wasn’t in touching distance. “Why did you do it?” I was hoping he’d answer quickly, I knew the silence would kill me.
He gave me a simply reply, “I was lonely. I missed you.” That hurt more than him saying he doesn’t love me anymore. In our 10 year relationship I never thought anything like this would ever happen, especially not at his bachelor party.
I knew he regretted it, that he knew what a huge mistake he made. He startled me from my thoughts once he began to speak again. “I am going to make this up to you. I am going to make things right again.” The tears began to flow down my face. “Look at me.” I couldn’t look at him so instead I began picking at my fingernails hoping to dissolve into the floor. He crawled over next to me, “Can you say something…please?”
I took a deep breath and let my emotions take over. “I didn’t sign up for this when I said I would date you let alone marry you. Did you really think it would hurt less because I didn’t know her? Or did you just never think I would find out?”
“Of course I didn’t think those things. I guess in my drunken state of mind I thought it was no big deal. But it is never going to happen again Genevieve, you have to believe me I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to cause you all this pain.” He gently took my face into his hands so we were eye level with one another. “I love you. I want to be with you. No matter what I have to do we will get married. You’re the only person I can see myself with for the rest of my life. I know I made a huge mistake but I want you, all of you, and nothing else.”
I was overly shocked and what had just came out of his mouth. He was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. I knew that I couldn’t forgive him yet, But in time I might be able too. After taking a shaky breath I was ready to speak again. “You smashed every ounce or trust I had in you and in out relationship.” Reaching to grab the necklace out of my shirt I revealed my engagement ring. “But I guess deep down, I can some how forgive you, in time. A lot of time.” He kissed me hard and uttered “I love you.”
Once I finally arrived at his floor I know I had to let my anger and frustration take over my body. I couldn’t let him see me cry. Hastily walking towards his apartment before the little bravery I had dissolved, I banged on his door. I had acted like a scared puppy, a coward, these past few weeks but I knew I had to confront him. There was no way I could continue to back down from this any longer. Things needed to be said, actions needed to be taken and no matter how much it was going to hurt we were going to talk about this.
The door finally opened to reveal the man I love with a completely confused and surprised expression. I could hear another voice coming from inside what used to be our apartment. I never anticipated coming here and hearing another females voice, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Although this was never part of my original plan, I knew we still needed to this.
“We need to talk.” I managed to congregate an indifferent tone that surprised me more than him. After what seemed like hours he finally seemed to pull himself together and allow me into the apartment. Much to my surprise there was a small group of visitors occupying the living room. I turned to face him, “Can we talk alone please, unless I am interrupting something?” I tried mustering up that indifferent tone but I ended up cowering back like a lost puppy. Apart of me wanted to run as far away as possible and never look back. But the better half of me knew that if I never talked to him it would haunt me forever.
“Let’s go to our room.” It was a simple reply but a painful reminder. Nothing seemed like it was ours anymore, at least not that bed in our bedroom. I followed closely behind him fighting the urge to look back and flip off his friends for all the sympathetic looks I knew they were giving me. He slowly shut the door behind us as I stood their awkwardly trying not release the tears that were threatening to fall.
As soon as the door was finally closed, he slide down to his knees and opened his mouth. “I am so sorry Genevieve.” I bite back the cry that wanted to escape my mouth. I wanted to keep calm, but I knew it was fading fast. I sat down on the floor across from him making sure I wasn’t in touching distance. “Why did you do it?” I was hoping he’d answer quickly, I knew the silence would kill me.
He gave me a simply reply, “I was lonely. I missed you.” That hurt more than him saying he doesn’t love me anymore. In our 10 year relationship I never thought anything like this would ever happen, especially not at his bachelor party.
I knew he regretted it, that he knew what a huge mistake he made. He startled me from my thoughts once he began to speak again. “I am going to make this up to you. I am going to make things right again.” The tears began to flow down my face. “Look at me.” I couldn’t look at him so instead I began picking at my fingernails hoping to dissolve into the floor. He crawled over next to me, “Can you say something…please?”
I took a deep breath and let my emotions take over. “I didn’t sign up for this when I said I would date you let alone marry you. Did you really think it would hurt less because I didn’t know her? Or did you just never think I would find out?”
“Of course I didn’t think those things. I guess in my drunken state of mind I thought it was no big deal. But it is never going to happen again Genevieve, you have to believe me I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to cause you all this pain.” He gently took my face into his hands so we were eye level with one another. “I love you. I want to be with you. No matter what I have to do we will get married. You’re the only person I can see myself with for the rest of my life. I know I made a huge mistake but I want you, all of you, and nothing else.”
I was overly shocked and what had just came out of his mouth. He was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. I knew that I couldn’t forgive him yet, But in time I might be able too. After taking a shaky breath I was ready to speak again. “You smashed every ounce or trust I had in you and in out relationship.” Reaching to grab the necklace out of my shirt I revealed my engagement ring. “But I guess deep down, I can some how forgive you, in time. A lot of time.” He kissed me hard and uttered “I love you.”
♠ ♠ ♠
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