Impulse

-A few months later-

We were at the rehearsal dinner for our wedding. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I still hadn't forgiven him and we were still going to get married. I guess that is because I still couldn't believe that the happy, calm, serious, uncomplicated Jonathan had in fact cheated on me in our own bed. And yet here we are, sitting next to one another pretending that everything is the way it used to be.

I look across the room to see Patrick Sharp and his wife Abby sitting next to one another. They look blissfully happy as they feed one another and tell cute jokes. I have been jealous of their relationship ever since I found out Jon had cheated. I wanted what they had, their relationship was seemingly perfect. I couldn't help but wonder if Jon and I could get back to that some day soon. I miss us, but I just can't forgive him yet.

I get up from our table and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. In reality I was going outside to calm myself down. I couldn't be in that room anymore. All the couples in their looking so in love, it just made me want to cry.

"Babe?" I hear Jon's voice slowly approaching.

"Hey."

"Hey."

There is an awkward silence. That is what every conversation seemed to contain between us these last few months. "I guess it is no secret that I am still really hurt."

"I am trying to change that. You know I'll do anything to make you happy again."

I am quite for a long while. I don't know what to say. I can feel Jonathan's eyes burning a hole into the back of my head. I open my mouth willing something to come out, but nothing does.

"Genevieve, please don't give up on me. Don't give up on us. I know I hurt you and I know I fucked this relationship up but I am trying to make things better. I am so sorry."

I can hear his voice cracking signaling he was holding back tears. It tore me up inside to know I was hurting him, but in a way I wasn't sorry at all. I want him to hurt for what he did.

"Just please don't give up in us, this marriage. You can't end it. I won't be able to live without you."

It has been no secret that I have thought about ending everything and giving up. All this stuff I was doing was hurting him. Hurting him just as much as he hurt me.

I could hear him walking away so I began to speak.

"I would be lost without you. You are the best man I have ever met."

I can honestly say I have never meant anything more than what I am telling him right now, even after what he did. I guess I just finally realized that it is harder to hate him.

"You are the love of my life. And as much as I want to hate you for what you did, I know it is harder this way."

I turn to make sure he is still standing there. He is.

"I just want to raise babies with you and grow old together and I want to get married tomorrow because I know it will be the biggest mistake of my life if I don't snatch you up while I have the chance."

I could feel the tears running down my face but I knew I had to lay all my cards out for him.

"I am going to try my hardest to forgive you because at this point that is all I can do. I love you."

He took three giant steps towards me and took my face into his hands.

"I love you too Genevieve. So much so you have no idea."

I slowly brought my face closer to his and pressed our lips together. We stood there for awhile with our foreheads touching. We haven't been this close in what seems like forever.

"Hey Johnny, can you do me a favor?"

"Anything baby."

"When we get home, can you make love to me like this never ever happened?"

I saw a shit eating grin from on his face and I knew I wouldn't be left disappointed.