The Thrill Is Gone

The weeks following her return to California were relatively quiet. That’s not to say there wasn’t a lot going on for her. That’d be a massive lie. She was busy spending time with her family, meeting up with friends, and working at the paid internship Gloria had provided her. The reason it was quiet was because there was no drama. Not on her end, not on Harry’s. He wasn’t going around grinding on women anymore. Well, he wasn’t grinding on scantily dressed women. He still went out and drank with his friends and danced with beauties, but no one sat on his lap anymore. There were no more tits in his face and there most certainly was no more Chelsy.

He hadn’t planned on breaking off contact with Chelsy, not at first, at least. He’d thought it silly to tell his mates not to bring her around anymore. It wasn’t like anything was going to happen between them. He’d never be drunk enough to cheat. He’d always have enough wits about him to stop before things got that far, but then he had a chat with Zara, whom opened up his eyes about how daft it was to be photographed dancing and laughing about with his ex. She told him that if Mike ever did anything like that, that’d be the end of it. She wouldn’t put up with that sort of humiliation, no matter how much she loved him. That conversation inspired Harry to tell Jake not to come out with Chelsy anymore. Harry told him that if Chelsy was to be there for drinks or dinner or for anything, he wouldn’t be. Jake didn’t like that. He told Harry that he was acting like a right prat, and that he was pussy whipped. Those insults weren’t taken lightly by Harry. He slung insults back at Jake, and after two days without communication, Jake relented and swore never to bring Chelsy out with them ever again.

Although not knowing the full story, Paulina was glad that Harry was no longer photographed with Chelsy. She’d been afraid that once she returned to America, Harry would go back to his old habits, but he’d proved her wrong. Yeah, he was dancing with women she didn’t know, but she was alright with that. She was fine with him grinding on women that weren’t completely flinging their bits at him, she was fine with him getting drunk and calling her in the middle of the day to drunkenly tell her how brilliant she was, and she was fine with the night in which he called her from a strip club and had the exotic dancer get on the phone to tell her that he was behaving himself. Maybe another would’ve gotten mad and thought he was being an idiot, but she simply laughed and told him to get home safe.

She was happy with how things were, genuinely pleased. She wanted him to enjoy himself with his mates, and she knew that men in their twenties were absolutely idiots. She saw that for herself whenever she went out with her own friends. So it was fine. They were fine.

The press didn’t think so. They tried to make something from nothing. There were always at least three or four standing outside her house and work, trying to get her to talk to them, trying to get a rise out of her by talking about the wild nights Harry was having, but she ignored them, because they weren’t going to ruin the peace. They weren’t going to make her jealous, not when everything was fine. Her parents didn’t agree with her in that regard, neither did Rafael or Adrian, but she didn’t care. The way things were, were infinitely better than how they’d been in April when everything went to shit, and if things could stay like that until she graduated, she’d count herself lucky.

That way she’d be able to focus on school and work without having to worry if Harry was making an ass of himself. That way life could stay simple and relatively quiet, and she’d be able to focus on making the most of her childhood dream, while preparing herself to step into Royal shoes, because it was only a matter of time before that happened. Balmoral had served to confirm that for her. If there had ever been doubts of whether or not her place was with them, they’d been put to rest.

So for now, she treasured every moment she spend at her parent’s house. She spoiled her niece and nephew, taking them out whenever she could and playing with them whenever they were at the house. She hung out with friends, fought and laughed with her brothers, and did her absolute best at work, because she had a feeling that it was going to be the only time she’d ever work in a law office. This was it for her, her first and last taste of that world. And she had to make the most of it. She had to cherish it, which is why she worked so hard to get into the swing of things. She didn’t want to waste half of her time there just getting used to the way things ran. No. She hit the ground running. She worked through her breaks, only took lunch because it was mandated by law, and her dedication was noticed by Gloria and everyone else at the office.

There had been talk amongst the attorneys and paralegals and assistants and interns, that Paulina wouldn’t pull her weight. That she’d only secured the internship because of her connections and that she’d be a stuck up bitch that wouldn’t do any real work. That was what they expected of anyone dating Royalty, especially a young woman that was rubbing elbows with the international elite, but that wasn’t what they got. They got someone that had no trouble making copies, mailing out invoices, grabbing coffee, going out on a lunch run, or clearing up a paper jam. They got someone that was willing to work, and that made an impression on the staff. That led to their no longer treating her with cold civility, with that cattiness that coworkers treat someone that they think doesn’t belong. They actually started engaging her in conversation. She was careful with what she said, whenever someone brought up Harry, she was guarded. These weren’t people she felt comfortable with, so she wouldn’t disclose private information, but she did converse with them regarding her work with Elizabeth Warren and the political climate in Washington.

They were mostly liberals so they found themselves agreeing a great deal of time, but there were disagreements that led to heated debates in the break room. And it was during those discussions that Paulina truly shone. It was then that it became obvious that she had superior manners. She didn’t let her emotions get the best of her. She was passionate, she couldn’t help but be, but she was also graceful and refined in her delivery. She was always a lady, something that Paulina knew Lady Fellowes would be terribly proud of.

It was something that Gloria was proud of as well, and it was something that she discussed with Elizabeth Warren. She was old friends with the Harvard Professor, having met in Washington over a decade earlier, and since Paulina had been Ted’s protégé and was now their mutual employee, they felt it only right to discuss her work ethic and her as an individual.

“I just want to say that I get why you went ahead and offered her the research position again.” Gloria told Elizabeth. “At first, I was confused. I knew you’d taken her on because Ted asked you to. So I figured once the year was up, she’d be replaced, like they always are, but then you kept her. And I didn’t get why. Why keep her? I mean, she’s a good kid. I knew that ever since I met her over in the UK, but with so many impressive applicants, it wasn’t practical. Then of course, she started working here, and it made sense.”

“Is that so?” said Elizabeth from her place in front of the laptop. “Because I distinctly remember you saying that I should give someone else a chance, that it wasn’t right to deprive another.”

“Did I say that? I guess it does sound like something I’d say, but that was before I really spent time with her.”

“You spent time with her when you were representing her against Murdoch.”

“Not the same.” Gloria shifted in her seat. “And not to mention, I only saw her when I flew out for the press conference, preliminary hearing, and trial. Now, I’ve gotten to know her a little better. And I see why Ted was so set on her. There’s truly something there with her. I’m already having her sit in when I’m with clients. I started off with having her do the usual intern thing, because I wanted to see if she’d think herself above it or if she’d actually do the work, but she did everything without complaining and she always did it right, so I’ve given her more responsibilities. Of course, that pissed off some of the other interns, but I don’t care. Most of them are only here because their parents called in favors, so they don’t have a right to complain, but you know how they are at that age. They get jealous, they get catty, and they were pretty bad with her during the first few weeks. There were a couple times I thought she’d lose it, but she’s been dignified. And now, I’m toying with getting her back next summer. Maybe set up a desk for her in my office; have her accompany me on a trip, because I’m bound to be suing some bastard or another. Anyways, I’m not sure, but I think I’ll offer her the position again.”

“Gloria, I love you, but don’t do that.” Elizabeth stated. “I need her over here.”

“What for?” questioned Gloria. “The semester’s going to be over.”

“Obviously, but I need her in Washington.” She explained. “I’ll be setting up the Consumer Protection Bureau.”

“But you’re already working on that.”

“I am, but you know Washington. Nothing is ever done quickly, especially not the implementation of a Bureau. For fucks sake, I’m already having nightmares just thinking about all the roadblocks that the GOP are gonna throw. Those imbeciles don’t agree with the creation of the CPB or with my being in charge of setting it up, so it’s gonna be a long time before I can hand it off to the President. And I’m going to need Paulina there. She’s indispensible to me. That’s why I’m going to ask her if she can spend the first half of the summer with me and then she can run off with her prince. And not to mention, that’ll be the time when I buckle down to prepare for my Senate bid.”

“You bitch!” cried out Gloria, excitedly. “You’re actually going through with it? I thought you said you wouldn’t be able to stomach being in Washington on a daily basis.”

“Believe me, I still feel that way. But how can I allow that smug bastard to keep Ted’s Senate seat, when all he does is whore himself out and embarrass Massachusetts? How can I allow that? I can’t. I can’t sit idly by. I don’t have it in me. The only reason I didn’t run during the special election was because I thought one of Ted’s sons would take up the torch, but Teddy’s not interested and Francis isn’t old enough. So I figure it’s up to me to keep the seat safe until Francis hits thirty. When that time comes, I’ll gladly return to teaching, it’s what I love most in the world, but for now, I need to prepare myself for what’s to come and I need her to be there, because loyalty and integrity are hard to come by in politics.”

“Agreed,” said Gloria. “But what happens after that? I imagine you’ll have her work with you during the academic year.”

“I will.”

“But what’ll happen during the next summer? Will you offer her a permanent position with you? Because by the time she graduates, you’ll be full on campaigning.”

“I will be, and I’d like to have her with me. In fact, I’d like to give her an official position within my Senate office, but by then, she’ll have graduated and I think it likely she’ll be in England.”

“Then you think it’s serious with the Prince?”

“That’s what it looks like.” Elizabeth slightly grimaced. “It’s a shame though. She has such potential.”

Gloria nodded in agreement.

“Want to know what Ted told me about her?”

“What’d he say?” inquired Gloria.

“He said that if anyone was ever going to rival Bobby in ability and passion, it’d be her.”

“Bullshit.” Gloria couldn’t believe it. “Bobby was the highest compliment he had and he never paid it to anyone. In fact, I remember asking him why it was that he compared Barack to John, but not Bobby. And you know what he said? He said it was because no one would ever deserve to be compared to him. Those were his exact words.”

“Be it as it may, he paid that compliment.”

“He couldn’t have.”

“He did.” Elizabeth firmly stated. “And that’s all that matters, because if anyone knew Bobby, it was Ted. After all, it’s not like we can be trusted authorities on him. I never met Bobby. Neither did you. We simply know of him. So there must be something in her that is distinctly him. And I believe it. There’s something about her that is captivating. She’s genteel, she’s charismatic, she’s fierce – and if she could go into politics, she’d come into her own and then we’d all be able to see what Ted saw. The problem is that she’s playing princess and I’m afraid that’s all she’ll end up as.”

“What a damn waste if she does. What a waste of an education. What a waste of a mind.”

“Agreed, agreed,” began Elizabeth. “But the heart wants what it wants. It doesn’t abide by logic. It laughs at it and makes fools of us. And I say that from experience. I was a complete fool for my first husband.”

“It happens to the best of us.” And she wasn’t just saying it to say it. Gloria truly had become a fool in love, but her foolishness had been short lived, though it did result in a child and a divorce. “The important thing is that we recovered our senses.”

“Do you think she’ll regain them before there’s a ring or a child? Because if either of those comes into play, it won’t matter whether or not she regains her senses, the American public would never accept her.”

“They’d see her as a former princess trying to transform American democracy into her own little monarchy.” Gloria knowingly added.

“Exactly!” said Elizabeth. “She’d have no chance in politics. And I just wish Ted were still around. I’m sure he’d find a way to keep her from ever drifting down that road.”

“We might not have Ted, but we have Hillary.”

“And Paulina is a huge fan of hers . . .” whispered Elizabeth.

“Then let’s introduce them,” Gloria proposed.

“Are we honestly going to pimp Hillary out like this?”

“She won’t mind. If anything, she’ll find it amusing.”

“Of course she would. Hillary’s always up for some fun, and since Paulina was Ted’s intended protégé, Hillary would be inclined to meet her, even if she and Ted had tense moments during the ’08 election, but I just can’t help but think that maybe Hillary won’t be enough.”

“How could she not be enough? Paulina idolizes her!”

“Yes. Yes. Of course she does. But the thing is . . . that is to say – have you met her prince?” Elizabeth awkwardly asked.

“What does that have to do with anything? He’s nowhere near as impressive as Hillary. He’s just some prince!”

“A charming and handsome prince,” Elizabeth added.

“Handsome?” Gloria scoffed. “He’s a pasty thin lipped Brit with centuries of inbreeding coursing through his veins.”

“He can hardly help the fact that his ancestors secured their wealth by marrying within a particular group. They were merely safeguarding their financial assets. And anyways, you might not think him handsome, but I do. And even if he wasn’t, he’s a nice enough boy. I just don’t think he’s worth her giving up everything, because there’s something special about her. Ted saw it. That’s why he was so determined to secure connections for her. That’s why he made me promise to take her on and that’s why you have her interning. We’re acting on his behalf.” She paused, trying to compose her thoughts. “Then again, we’re also acting in our own interest, but still, he wanted her to succeed. And I want the same. I’m invested in her.”

“So am I, but we can’t do anything.” It was then that Gloria’s features softened. “We can criticize amongst ourselves and throw her in the way of influential people and say what we would like to see happen to her, but at the end of the day, it’s her life. We can’t force her to prosper in America, if all she wants to do is play dress up in England. I just hope she doesn’t fuck it up.”

“You and I, both,” said Elizabeth with a sigh. “Well, I have to get going now. The kids are visiting with their families, so I have to get the house ready for the grandchildren, but I’ll call you in a couple days to let you know about the brunch. It’s still being developed, but Michelle already told me to let you know about it, because she really wants you to save the date.”

“Even if she told me a day before, I’d cancel whatever it was I’d have planned just to make it.”

“That’s what I told her, but you know how it is, with all the people she has to meet with, she likes to make sure that there’ll at least be a few familiar faces in the crowd.” Elizabeth fixed her glasses. “And with that, I’ll say goodbye. Try not to get into too much trouble without me. And keep an eye on our girl! Tell her I say hello.”

“As if anyone needs to keep an eye on her,” chuckled Gloria. “She’s better behaved than either of us, but don’t worry. I’ll make sure our girl’s looked after. And since you’ve got to get going, make sure to send my love to the kids and Bruce. Talk to you in a few days, Lizzie.”

When the Skype session ended, Gloria took a moment to sit in silence. It was a luxury she shouldn’t have afforded herself, not when she had five meetings with clients lined up for the day, and a speech that still needed writing, but she felt it only right to indulge herself by sitting there with her eyes closed, taking in deep breaths. Every once in a while she just needed some peace in her day. It was what helped keep her sane, because without those stolen moments, she wouldn’t have been able to endure the pressure that came with her line of work, especially not at her age.

At sixty-nine, she should’ve been retired and finally living fulltime at her cottage in Northern California. That was what she’d always dreamt of doing. That was what her friends, whom had retired in their mid-sixties, were doing, but instead of enjoying the peace and satisfaction of retirement, she was still juggling cases and flying around the country to do conferences and hold meetings. She was exhausting herself, but she refused to retire. Not when there was still so much to do. Not when there were still so many battles to wage. She couldn’t stop until she felt that she’d given everything she could, and it was with that in mind that she willed herself to end her moment of silence and get started with her first client of the day, a transgender woman who had been disrespected and sexually assaulted by a police officer who had inappropriately touched her during an uncalled for frisking.

The meeting lasted nearly two hours. It was the first time that Gloria had sat down with Michelle. So she took her time to truly get to know her client. She became informed about her transition, about incidents that had occurred in the past, and whether or not she’d ever taken legal action against those who’d discriminated against her. By the end of the meeting, Gloria was already brainstorming possible press conferences; she was imagining what angle she would pursue and which media outlets she’d have Michelle on. It would be a difficult, yet incredibly exhilarating case, and since it would surely be a rewarding challenge, Gloria decided to do it pro bono.

After that meeting, Gloria dove right into the following two. The first was in regards to a pending lawsuit against an employer who had sexually harassed several members of the female staff, and the other consisted of a young man’s struggle to keep his visitation rights to his daughter, something that his ex-wife was denying him as a result of his having come out. Each was high profile in its own way, though the latter would undoubtedly set an important precedent for future cases. If Gloria got it right, it’d be another one for the history books, and that was why Gloria was so determined to secure the young man’s visitation rights. She wanted to add onto her legacy. That was why she worked straight through her usual lunch hour. She was so focused on Sean’s plight that her rumbling stomach meant nothing to her.

It wasn’t until he left her office that she realized just how hungry she felt. It was a quarter to two, nearly six hours since she’d last eaten, and not feeling like eating a frozen dinner or having her assistant go out to get her something, she decided to get her own lunch. Her assistant, Erin, tried to convince her otherwise. He said he’d fetch it for her, that whatever she wanted, he’d procure. That was, after all, how it usually worked. She named a restaurant and a dish, and within thirty minutes he had it on her desk, but on that afternoon, Gloria wasn’t in the mood to stay in the office. She’d been in there all morning, cooped up in meetings. She wanted to stretch her legs, to eat something that wasn’t particularly healthy, and so she grabbed her bag and walked a couple blocks to a little Chinese restaurant that sold Americanized version of the intended cuisine.

She was taken aback by the photographers that were standing outside the entrance. What were so many of them doing there? The only reason there were photographers was because of Paulina, but it was nearly two, and the interns always had their lunch between none and one, so it couldn’t possibly have been here in there. Except that it was. Paulina had found herself forced to take her lunch late, because she accompanied an attorney to a court hearing. The hearing was supposed to get out no later than 12:30, but it had run late, and it wasn’t until 1:43 that they made it back to the office. And it was then that Paulina excused herself and wandered down the street to find something to eat. Her mom had packed her pupusas for lunch, but for some reason, when she opened the container, her stomach churned. They just didn’t smell right. It was as if they’d spoiled during the ride over, which was ridiculous, because the food had never gone bad before, but whatever the reason, she couldn’t eat them. She honestly didn’t think herself capable of holding them down. So she walked down the street, surrounded by the paparazzi, and when she caught a whiff of the Chinese food, she decided that would be her lunch.

Gloria was ignorant of all that. The only reason she became aware of Paulina’s presence was because she recognized some of the photographers. Most of the time, there were different faces standing outside the office. It was boring gig, but it had to be done, and as such, most tabloids changed the photographers up every once in awhile, but there were some that were there day in and day out, and it was because of those few that Gloria realized Paulina was inside. And since it had been a couple days since she’d last held a full length conversation with Paulina, and since she’d spent part of her morning discussing her with Elizabeth, she decided to join her.

“Isn’t it a little late for lunch?” Gloria inquired when she approached Paulina.

Paulina didn’t reply immediately. Her mouth was filled with chicken egg roll, so she simply looked up from her plate. She didn’t expect to see Gloria there. It was a Chinese fast food joint, not the sort of restaurant where one would expect to see an accomplished lawyer at, but there was Gloria, dressed in designer clothes, holding a red plastic tray.

“Just a bit late, Ma’am,” replied Paulina when she finally swallowed the food. She made a move to stand up, but Gloria assured her it wasn’t necessary. “I’m sorry for not replying right away. I had a mouth full of egg roll so it would’ve been a fairly gross sight. Not that you needed to know that. But would you care to join me? Or do you have your own table?”

“If it’s no inconvenience, I’ll join you.”

“Of course it’s not. It’s always an honor.” Paulina motioned to the seat in front of her.

“Thank you.” Gloria set down her tray and then sat down. “So how’s the food?”

“It’s delicious.” Paulina replied. “They have the best sesame chicken here and the egg rolls are good to.”

“They are. I got a few of them myself.” Gloria opened up her container and began to put chili on her chow mein and friend rice. “I have to admit that I’m surprised to see you in here. The interns usually take their lunch around noon.”

“We do, but I accompanied Mr. Truong to a hearing today. We actually got in not to long ago.”

“You went with him to the housing hearing?”

She nodded. “I wasn’t planning on going. It actually wasn’t until today that he invited me.”

“Did Allison call out?” inquiring Gloria, referring to Truong’s assistant.

“No, she didn’t.” Paulina answered. “His inviting me was actually his thanking me.” She noticed Gloria’s inquiring look, and went on to explain, “I had noticed Allison gathering information for the case, and it related to material that I had been helping Professor Warren research, so I leant a hand to his assistant. His assistant let him know, and then Mr. Truong sort of took me on the case. I was able to provide sources from published economic journals and papers that other Professors had written, and Professor Warren helped out too. She agreed to be interviewed with him. And I suppose that since I was helpful, he felt obliged to ask me join them. It wasn’t necessary. I wasn’t helping him to get anything out of it. I was just trying to help. I mean, there’s no point in knowing something if you don’t share the knowledge. But I do appreciate the fact that I could be at the hearing, because a housing hearing that pertains to the current economy and discriminatory practices within financial institutions is a lot more exciting than a hearing against a tabloid.”

“It certainly is,” agreed Gloria with a smile. “At these hearings you get capable attorneys that know how to put up a fight. Even when they’re waging an uphill battle, they don’t give an inch. They manipulate data, pay off expert witness – and I know it’s horrible to be excited about those kind of things, but they make it a challenge and when you’ve been in this line of work for as long as I have, you learn to appreciate a worthy adversary that’ll demand your best. But with tabloids, you get idiots that just throw money at the problem. That’s honestly all they do. If they’ve been caught in the wrong, they’ll try to write a check for the lowest amount the victim’s willing to accept, and if they haven’t been caught, they’ll hope that the libel and slander laws will rule in their favor. So it’s the difference in the quality of the attorneys that make this sort of hearing more exciting. Because for those of us that are interested in the legal process, hearings and trials are like boxing fights.”

“Exactly!” said Paulina, excitedly. “When Mr. Truong was presenting his oral argument, I was on the edge of my seat. All I wanted to do was clap and be loud!”

“I know the feeling.” Gloria smiled nostalgically. “And one time, I actually wasn’t able to control myself from verbally expressing my approval. This was about a decade or so ago. It was a rape case, and the aggressor was this smug bastard that was determined to vilify my client. He was painting her as nothing more than a scorned woman who was trying to get revenge because he didn’t want anything serious with her. It was nonsense, but most people were siding with him, because in our society, it’s normal to blame the victim. In our society, there’s no way that an attractive white man with a good job can possibly be a rapist. That’d be ridiculous. Ah. Sorry, sorry, I’m getting heating, but I can’t help it. Those cases hit close to home.” She had been a victim of rape when she was in her mid-twenties. “But anyway, this bastard and his attorney were putting on a show. They were spewing lies and the jury was just eating it up. It was disgusting. I remember fuming in my seat because I wanted nothing more than to walk across the aisle and punch him in his hateful little face, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t even argue, because I had agreed to let another attorney be the voice. It was actually Madison.”

“Madison Reynolds?” asked Paulina.

Gloria nodded. “That was her big break. It was the case that cemented her position at my firm and I was thrilled of it, because I’ve always seen her as my protégé. But at the time, I wanted to tell her to step aside so that I could take a shot at him. I didn’t ask her to do that though. I knew how much it meant to her, and I never regretted my decision to not do the cross examination, because she destroyed him out there. She got him so flustered that he inadvertently admitted to having raped her. It was like something out of a movie, and I got so excited that I jumped up from my seat and shouted.”

“Seriously?” she blurted out, completely forgetting her food.

“I wouldn’t lie about something like that.” Gloria said with a smile. “The judge even told me that one more outburst would see me removed from the court.”

“No way!” blurted out Paulina.

“And it’s not the only time I’ve been threatened with removal.” Gloria proudly stated. “I mean, it’s not a regular thing with me. It doesn’t happen every single time I go before a judge, but at least once every year or so, it happens. In fact, I was almost arrested once for being in contempt of the court.”

“Wait. What?” Paulina couldn’t believe what she’d just heard, especially since she’d never read anything mentioning that, and she prided herself on being fairly well versed on Gloria’s legal career. “How did that happen? What case was this?”

“It was a rape case from the early 90s,” answered Gloria. “The defendant was a man that made me cringe by just being in his presence. He was foul, absolutely disgusting, and when I was cross-examining him, he started using profanity in regards to my client. And it wasn’t just a couple curse words, that I could’ve stomached, but he was talking about her as if she were some piece of meat whose sole purpose was for him to stick his penis in. It was sick. You know? And I couldn’t just stand there and let him talk about my client like that, even if she wasn’t my client, I couldn’t have allowed him to carry on about any woman like that. So I went off on him and on his attorney and on the judge, because that buffoon wasn’t firm enough with the defendant. Any other judge would’ve reprimanded that man for his language, but that one let him go on at great length, and when I told him that he was failing in his duty to the preservation of justice, he told me that I’d be arrested if I didn’t respect his authority.”

“ . . . I thought you said you didn’t get arrested . . .”

“I didn’t,” said Gloria. “And don’t worry; I didn’t respect the bastard’s authority. Instead, I threatened to file a complaint against him with the Department of Justice, a complaint that he knew would be furthered by my connections with the Clintons and Kennedys. He wasn’t stupid enough to arrest me after that, but even if he had, it would’ve been worth it.”

Paulina shot her a questioning look.

“As women, we can’t be afraid to make noise and ruffle feathers, even if that gets us on the wrong side of the law. That’s why getting arrested would’ve been worth it to me,” explained Gloria. “We owe it to ourselves to stand up for what we believe in, but more importantly, as educated women who’ve been blessed with such opportunities, it is our sacred duty to our less fortunate sisters, to be fearless and to fight.” She paused, briefly. “Maybe you don’t agree with me, but I –”

“I agree. Of course, I do.” She didn’t care if it was bad manner to cut Gloria off midsentence. “The main reason I want to go into politics is to be able to fight for those who lack the means to. That’s what I was raised for. From a young age my parents and grandparents taught me the importance of not only standing up for myself, but for others. They taught me the value of honor and pride and love and sacrifice and justice, because without those pillars, there’s no point in living. At least not in my opinion,” she added. “That’s why I’m not afraid to stand up for what’s right. That’s why I agree with you. Because as privileged women, we have to give back, we have to be fearless and outspoken, even if it makes people think we’re bitches.” She was breathing hard. Her passions had run free and now she was feeling a little embarrassed about having gotten so worked up. “I feel like I should apologize for having gone on like that, but if I were to do so, I’d be neglecting the advice you gave me about being outspoken.”

“So don’t apologize,” said an amused Gloria. “I’m glad you’re so passionate.”

“You are?” she blurted out. “Why?”

“Because it’s proof that even in the end, Ted knew how to pick ‘em.” Gloria smiled indulgently. “And if I’m completely honest, it’s also a relief because hearing you ramble on like that, makes me feel like there’s hope for the future. These last few years have been hard, especially with those Tea Baggers coming into power. I mean, I’ve never been a fan of the GOP, but ever since the Tea Party came up, I’ve started missing the way they were, because those idiots are forcing the GOP to become more extreme. They’re making the party less apologetic about the racism, sexism, and homophobia that exists within its membership. There’s Anne Coulter running her mouth about the browning of America, and very few people are calling her out on it. Before the GOP leadership would’ve been condemning such language in hopes of minimizing the damage to the party, but now it’s only a few moderates that understand the importance of appealing to minority voters. And I don’t know, I’m worried about where this country’s gonna be in ten, twenty, thirty years, but hearing your passion, your determination – it’s reassuring. And by the time you’re in politics, Francis will be to. So you’ll have that ally, and some of the younger Kennedys are being groomed for that as well. Francis has a cousin in the Peace Corps that’s finishing up, another that’ll be graduating from West Point soon, and one that’s actually serving in active duty in the Middle East, so those are at least three more Kennedys to fight alongside with.”

“You’re terribly kind to presume I’d have them as allies.”

“How’s that terribly kind?” Gloria didn’t understand. “Ideologically speaking, you’re liberals, who would be best classified as democratic socialists. There would be instances in which you disagree, which is only natural, but on all the major issues your opinions coincide.”

“Be that as it may, I don’t think I’ll be in a position to have them as allies.” She was surprising herself by the honesty in her words. “That is to say, I see myself in politics, and while I have dreamt of being a proper politician, I have a feeling I’ll never assume office.”

“You have to dream big,” advised Gloria.

“I do, bur there are different dreams to be had.” She blushed, embarrassed of having divulged so much of her future plans. “Thank you for the compliment though. It’s one I’ll cherish.”

And she truly would. It was a great compliment. Had it been directed towards her teenage self, she would’ve gone crazy and promised to dream big and make it all the way to the White House, but her twenty-five year old self didn’t want to pursue that, because even then, as she heard those inspiring words from Gloria, she knew that her place was beside Harry. She might’ve had difficulty coming to terms with what that would entail, but she knew in her heart that he was her future.

Gloria was taken aback by Paulina’s words. She’d caught their underlying meaning, and had half a mind to urge the young woman to stay away from marriage and domesticity. She’d be better off in politics. She’d be able to do more good, to truly impact change, but Gloria held her tongue. It wasn’t her place to meddle. Had Paulina been her protégé, she would’ve felt the intimacy to do so, but she was Ted’s. And his being didn’t change that. If anything, the only other person who could claim such intimacy was Elizabeth, and Elizabeth was determined to not speak so boldly on the subject. She would drop hints, she would coordinate activities meant to lure Paulina into a long future in Washington, but she wouldn’t speak outright about it, because she didn’t want the young woman to resent her.

Since Gloria couldn’t meddle, she opted to change the conversation instead, a move that was welcomed by Paulina. She preferred to discuss cases instead of her future plans and so they spent the rest of their lunch doing so. The pair was so engrossed in conversation that they forgot to keep track of the time. It wasn’t until Paulina received a phone call from the head of the internship program that they realized how much time had passed. Paulina apologized for being late, assured her that it would never happen again, and said that she would be on her way back to the office immediately. She was genuinely embarrassed for having neglected her duties, but Gloria told her not to worry about it.

“You were with me,” she told Paulina. “You can’t get in trouble if you were with me.”

She was right. There was no way Paulina or any other intern could be told off if they were in the company of Gloria Allred. She was the head of the law firm, and as such, Gloria simply called Leandra and informed her that Paulina had been in her company and they would return to the office shortly.

“Now that that’s been taken care of, I think we should head back.” Gloria began to stand. “I’ve a meeting I need to prep for.”

“Last one of the day?” asked Paulina.

“Wish it was, but I still have two more to go.” Now that Gloria was standing, she glanced over at the entry door and when she saw the photographers clustered in front, she grimaced. “I thought they would’ve left by now.”

“They never leave.” Paulina began to stand up, but as she did, her lower back stiffened. She couldn’t move anymore, she couldn’t fully stand, she couldn’t sit back down. She was just left in an awkward position that made it look like she was in the process of squatting to take a shit. “Maldición (damn it) . . .” she hissed.

“Are you okay?” inquired a concerned Gloria, rushing to her side.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” She assured, despite the fact that she was still grimacing. “It’s just my back. It’s okay though. It’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure? It looks like you’re hurting pretty bad. If anything, I can call my secretary to bring my car around.”

“Please don’t do that.” Paulina lifted her gaze so it met Gloria’s. “It’ll pass soon enough. My back’s been doing this on and off all week, so it’s just a matter of time before it’s over.” She gritted her teeth and forced herself to stand up all the way. It hurt like a bitch and she let out a pained groan, but at least she was standing up properly. “There, good as new.” The full on pain subdued into a lingering discomfort, but she wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. “Thank you for your concern, but I’m okay now.”

“You’re sweating though.”

“It’s just hot in here. They need to turn the AC on.” Paulina said, dismissively. “I promise I’m fine. And if anything were to happen to me, I’ll have a bunch of photographers at my side. One of them is bound to dial 9-1-1.”

“That’s not funny.” Gloria sternly stated.

“It was worth a shot.” Paulina smiled weakly. “I’m going to head out now. I suggest you stay here for a few minutes. That way you won’t have to deal with them.”

“That’s not necessary, I can put up with them. I’m a tough broad.” Gloria didn’t want to let her walk out on her own. The last thing she needed was one of her interns getting hurt and more importantly, Elizabeth wouldn’t forgive her if she didn’t look out for Paulina. “Not to mention, your back might act up again.”

“It’s fine. It’s only mother nature giving me a heads up for what’s coming.” Paulina slung her messenger bag across her shoulder. “I’ll be off now, but thank you for the lunchtime conversation. It was fantastic! I’ll see you back at the office, Ma’am.”

That said, Paulina disposed of her trash and then placed the tray in its respective bin. She lingered by the bin for a moment, using it as an opportunity to take a deep breath to rally herself. Once she felt ready, she pushed her shoulders back, and walked over to the exit, where she then stepped out into the open. The paparazzi instantly swarmed her, but she kept her head held high, looking firmly ahead and ignoring every word that was directed towards her. She didn’t walk quickly, the discomfort she felt on her lower back kept her from doing so, but it was fine. She arrived at the office a couple minutes after Gloria did and spared her the annoyance of having to deal with the photographers.

The rest of the afternoon went by quietly. She spent an hour with Allison, and what was left of her day was spent attending to the usual intern errands. She had hoped that her lower back pain would vanish like it had so many times before, but it held up, and even when she took the two acetaminophens, the pain persisted. Her back was actively rebelling against her, and while it wasn’t uncommon for her back to hurt before her period showed up, it never really lingered that long or hurt that bad.

When she went to sleep that night, she did so wishing that her period would finally come, even if that meant having to throw her sheets in the wash before she left to work, because at least that way, she wouldn’t have to deal with that pain for another month or so, but that didn’t happen. Her period didn’t come and the discomfort transformed into a soreness that kept her from moving normally. She was tempted to call off. The back pain wasn’t going to go away during the drive over to work, if it hadn’t faded during the night, it’d only get worse, but the thing was that she couldn’t call off. Her pride kept her from doing so. She had a limited amount of time at the firm, less than the other interns got, so she couldn’t waste one of her days being ill. That wouldn’t be fair to her.

So she grabbed an Icy Hot patch from the well stocked first aid kit in the bathroom, and secured it onto her back. It would ideally last eight hours, and hopefully coupled with two acetaminophens during lunch, would be able to keep her alright enough for work. The patched worked fine during her drive to work, the soreness had somewhat diminished and she was able to walk into the office without any problem. But at nine, after three hours of use, it stopped working. She’d gone for the standard pain relief instead of the extra strength, and when she looked through her bag to grab her medicine, they were nowhere to be found. She’d left them in her room, and when she asked her fellow interns if they had any Tylenol, they just shook her head and told her they didn’t. She thought about walking a few blocks down the street to the local Walgreens, but the thought of moving more than just a few steps made her nervous.

She was going to have to ask a favor of one of the interns or maybe even Allison would help her out. They got along well enough, they weren’t friends or anything, but they sometimes talked in the break room, so perhaps Allison would be kind enough to help her out. It was with that in mind that Paulina started to move away from the counter in the break room, but as she was doing so, the soreness transformed into a dull pain that gradually intensified with every step she took, and unable to move any further, she grasped the nearby chair and steadied herself over it.

It was in that state that Gloria found Paulina. She was walking to the waiting area where she would greet high ranking members of the California State Senate, but when she glanced into the break room and saw Paulina grimacing in pain, she veered off track and went to see what was going on.

“It got worse?” she asked, though there was no need to do so.

“A little . . .” replied Paulina in a strained voice. “I’ll be fine though. I just need to get some Tylenol. Once I have that I’ll –”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You need to go home, though I don’t think you’re fit to drive just yet. Is there anyone who can pick you up?”

“No one,” she lied. She knew that her mom would come if she asked, so would Teresa since she didn’t have to pick the kids up from school until later, but she didn’t want to inconvenience them. Not when Teresa had a house to see after and not when her mom was taking care of her Aunt Josephina, who was recovering from knee surgery. “It’s not that bad though. All I need is medicine and I can get through the day. I don’t want to disappoint you by not being here, not when you were gracious enough to give me an internship.”

“Stubborn child, don’t worry about that.” Gloria’s features softened. “There will always be a place for you here – internship or an actual job. Do you hear me?” It wasn’t an offer she made lightly. “But for now, your health comes first. So let’s get you some medicine. I have Tylenol in my office. I’ll have that brought over to you and when you feel up to it, you can drive home. Understood?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” replied Paulina.

“Now wait here for my secretary. They’ll see that you’re looked after, but for now I have to go meet with a few Senators. If you need anything just ask.”

Shortly thereafter, the secretary brought the Tylenol, but there was only one left and feeling distressed, Paulina didn’t even taking it, claiming that it wouldn’t help. Unable to support the pain and desiring nothing more than her warm bed and a heating pad, she left the building. She maneuvered her way through the press as best she could and then climbed inside her car and took off. She hoped that since it was so early in the morning, there wouldn’t be any traffic, that it would only take forty minutes or an hour to get home, but there was an accident on the ten, which led to the freeway being shut right before the Garfield exit. She was stuck there for one hour and seven minutes, waiting for the California Highway Patrol to open up the freeway.

And during that hour, she began to cry, because the dull pain transformed into a sharp one that was fixed precisely on her lower back. She couldn’t move without gritting her teeth, even putting up the volume or changing the station, hurt. It was fucking ridiculous to her that she couldn’t sit without being in pain. She couldn’t even move without fresh tears springing into her eyes. It got so bad that she wanted to lower down the window and cry out for the police to send one of the ambulances to her, because she couldn’t take it. Every breath brought along a new burst of pain, and the only thing that came to mind was that she was having appendicitis. When her brothers had it, they’d all cried. They had tried to tough it out, thinking it was food poisoning, but in the end, the pain crippled them and their parents rushed them to the hospital. That had happened to all three of her brothers, she’d seen them look as bad as she looked at that moment, but the problem was that she wasn’t shitting or throwing up uncontrollably. The problem was that the pain was in the wrong place. She might’ve been hurting as badly as her brothers had, but in her heart she knew it wasn’t appendicitis. She just wished it was because it would’ve made things easier. She was afraid of what could be going on in her body, because it was clear to her that this wasn’t PMS. This wasn’t her body getting ready for an upcoming period. It was something else, possibly something truly serious, and it took everything she had to not call Luis to pick her up.

When she got to the house, she couldn’t even get out of the car. She opened the door and slung her left foot out, but when it came time to move, to get her right leg out there, she couldn’t do it. She was paralyzed by the pain and the simple act of trying to move her body was too much for her, so she ended up crying. It was a cry that she’d never let out before, not when her knee had been blown out during a football game, not when she messed up her wrist during wrestling. This was brand new territory, and she was glad that the paparazzi hadn’t gotten to her house yet, because if they had, they would’ve gotten tons of pictures of her crying in the driveway, and she wouldn’t have been able to get away. There wouldn’t have been any toughing it out. She couldn’t get out of the fucking car, let alone walk up the pathway that led to the house.

So she sat there, bawling her eyes out with one leg on the pavement and the other resting on the carpeted mat. With the way things were, she was destined to stay in that car until well after the press showed up, because there was no way she was getting in on her own. She had to call someone to get there and take her inside or she had to scream for Rudy’s mom to help her. Those were the things she was going to have to do once she finished crying and regained her wits, but thankfully for her, Luis had forgotten his lunch at home that morning. He could’ve just eaten at the hospital cafeteria or grabbed some In-n-Out or a Subway or a slice of pizza, but he just really wanted the leftover enchiladas. And so he drove home, and when he pulled up, he didn’t find an empty driveway like he’d expected, he saw his sister crying in her car.

He instantly thought there’d been a fight between Harry and her. Why else would she be crying like that in the driveway? His mind concocted a scenario in which Harry had slept with someone, and that pictures had been taken and sold to the press. That was the only thing he could imagine her crying about like that. Otherwise, she would’ve been crying inside, locked in her room, away from prying eyes. That was how she worked. She liked to keep her sorrow for herself, not on display for the rest of the world, but there she was, for everyone to see, and he was grateful that there was no press in front of the house.

Quick as he could, he parked beside her and rushed out of the car. He was still in his scrubs, wearing glasses since he hadn’t felt like putting his contacts in that morning. When he reached her, his heart almost stopped, her eyes were swollen, the vein on her forehead was on full display, and she looked defeated.

“I’ll fuck him up,” he instinctually said. “Tell me what he did. Come on, chunky butt. Let me know.”

“What are you talking about?” she said between her sobs.

“Harry,” he told her. “He hurt you. Didn’t he? I mean, that’s why you’re crying like this. He had to have done something.”

“He didn’t do anything.” She gritted her teeth as she attempted to move, but instead of getting out, she let a piercing shriek. “For fuck’s sake!” she howled in pain.

It was then he realized that she wasn’t crying because of Harry. She was crying because something was wrong with her.

“Where does it hurt?” he immediately asked. “Is it around your belly button? To the right of it?” he was thinking it was appendicitis. That was the only explanation. “I’m gonna put pressure right here,” he pointed to a spot directly above the appendix. “Let me know how you feel when I –”

“It’s not appendicitis.” She told him, knowing very well what he was trying to get at. “I haven’t been throwing up or anything like that, and . . . and it doesn’t hurt around there. It’s my back. The lower back, it hurts like hell.”

“Have you done any heavy lifting? Or are you due for your period? I mean its July 27th, so in theory you should be on it.”

“Not that!” she cried. “I know my body, and it’s not that . . . it’s something else.”

“Then let’s get you to the hospital. Come on, give me your hand, I’ll help you.”

“But I can’t get out,” she was embarrassed to say it. “I’ve been trying to but it just hurts too much.”

“I know, Paulin, but you’re gonna have to, because you can’t drive over there. And we need to get out of here before the press shows up.”

“I don’t want them taking pictures of me like this. Henry will worry.”

“Then push through it,” he advised. “All you have to do is swing your right leg over. After that, I’ll pick you up and carry you to my car.”

It was a painful task, but a manageable one. They reached the hospital without the press following them, and if they were lucky, they’d be able to leave the hospital unnoticed. Because since Paulina’s car was parked at the house, the press would undoubtedly think she was home. All Luis could do was hope that no patient or employee would tweet about Paulina being at the hospital or post something about it on Facebook.

The moment they pulled up to the hospital, Luis swept Paulina into his arms and carried her all the way inside. He was in protective brother mode, and he wasn’t going to put her down for anything in the world, not even a wheelchair to make the journey a little less tiring. He carried her into the main building, held her in his arms during the elevator ride, and when they reached his private office, he gently lay her down on the couch so that her back could rest a little. It was then that he washed his hands in his private bathroom and when he came back out, he began his questioning.

“How long has your lower back been hurting?” he inquired.

“About a week, maybe a week and a half,” she replied. The pain wasn’t bad anymore. She was lying on her belly and if she just kept still, the pain was tolerable. “It’s been on and off, but it never really hurt that bad. Not like today. I mean, it was a bother. The fucking thing would tense up and be sore, but it’d only last a few minutes and then I’d be good as new, but this pain started yesterday. I took some two acetaminophens, but it didn’t help. And this morning, I put on an icy hot patch, and it worked for like three hours, but then the pain got worse and it’s killing me, Luis. And I’m scared. What if I have a tumor down there? Or my bones are going to shit? They shouldn’t be, because I’m healthy enough. I lift weights at the house, I ride my bike everyday, I take the dogs on walks, so I should be good, but I’m not.”

“Have you been doing power cleans?”

“Yeah, but not super heavy ones.” Paulina answered. “I haven’t overdone it with the weights, and if I had, I would’ve been out from that moment.”

“But were you doing weights even after your back started hurting?”

“Not power cleans or deadlifts. I’ve stayed away from those.” She could feel he wasn’t convinced. “Fucking Luis, believe me. This isn’t because of weights.”

“And are you sure you’re not on your period?”

“I’m positive!” she said, forcefully. “I’d know if I was on my period, especially since the last one hurt so much.”

“What happened last time?”

“The cramps were severe,” she informed him. “They hurt so bad that I literally woke up crying. They didn’t last that long though. Maybe five or so hours, and the flow wasn’t heavy, but the pain . . . it was intolerable.”

“Would you describe your last flow as having been light?”

“Pretty light, only lasted a couple days.”

“Your periods usually last a week though.” Luis was her sister’s confidante, and as such, he was privy to information that he would’ve liked to have steered clear of. “And you say they’re usually heavy, even with the birth control.”

“I know, I know,” she said. “But my light period was light. It was the cramps that were worse than usual.” She wasn’t making connections, not the ones that Luis was forming. “Are you gonna do an x-ray or an MRI?”

“Not yet,” he didn’t want to risk radiation, not before he checked something else off the list. “I’m going to take a blood sample and a urine one. Okay?”

“What for?” she asked. “It’s probably a bone that’s messed up, you should just –”

“I am going to do some blood work and take a urine sample,” he firmly stated. “But before that, I am going to apply pressure on your back. I want to see what points hurt.”

“It’s the lower back. I fucking told you that already.”

“Calm down. This is part of my assessing you. Or do you want me to call another doctor in?”

“Fine, but you better not apply to much pressure because I’ll fuck you up once I’m better.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

He was gentle, but that didn’t keep her from screaming as he touched around her lower back to see where the pain was strongest and how far it was reaching. She was right to say it was concentrated on the lower back, and he knew that he had to run the blood work, but first, he wanted to run the urine test. That would be quicker, and if it confirmed his suspicions, then he wouldn’t have to put the blood work in the system and risk others finding out what he was afraid might be true. He knew that patient-medical staff member confidentiality was a sacred one that no respectable medical professional would ever break, but there was always the chance of there being a nurse that thought themselves cleverer or a lab technician that could possibly have a big mouth or a breach of information. There was the possibility of something getting out, and if he was right in his suspicions, he wanted to avoid putting that information on record.

The urine sample was painfully and awkwardly collected. Paulina couldn’t crouch over the toilet and hold the container while she peed, not with her back aching the way it was. It would’ve been best to call in a nurse, to have a stranger be the one that helped, but this had to be kept private between the two of them. That’s why Luis put on gloves and held the container under his sister so that she could hold onto the support beam and the sink for balance. She closed her eyes as she peed and he looked off to the side, staring at the custard cream walls.

“Are you gonna take the blood now?” she asked as he helped her back to the couch.

“Not yet, Paulin,” he replied, doing his best to keep a relaxed face. “First I’m gonna run a few test on your urine, and then I’ll do the blood work. Okay?”

“You sure you don’t want to take the blood right now?” she just wanted the prodding to be over with.

“Positive.” He smiled warmly. “Once I run the test on this, I’ll get the stuff for the blood work. Don’t worry though. I’m gonna take care of you. I’ll always take care of you.”

“Does that mean you’ll give me some morphine?”

“Not yet,” he grabbed her hand. “But I’m gonna get you a cold patch. When I get back, I’ll take it off and we’ll go from there. If you need anything, just call me. Okay? I’ll just be a couple floors down.”

He was lying. He actually just went a short way down the hall, to his friend Daniella’s private office. She was also on her lunch hour. And when she saw him walk in without knocking, she immediately grew worried. Luis always knocked. He was a gentleman. He knocked, stated his name and waited until she let him in. So his walking in unannounced was a sign that something serious was happening.

“I need your help,” he told her before she even had a chance to speak.

“Of course I’ll help. But with what?” She stood up from behind her desk.

“I need a test,” he told her in a voice just above a whisper. “I need a test and I can’t go all the way to the supply area, not when I have the urine right here.” He held it up. “Can you let me have one? No. Not one. Three – I need three!”

“Sure you don’t need four better?” she attempted a joke to ease his distress, but not even light teasing was enough. “Three is it then. Let me just grab from the bathroom.” She disappeared for only a moment, and then walked out with three tests in hand. “Is this for one of your kids?” she knew that as a pediatrician, Luis sometimes had patients that were too embarrassed to go to the OB/GYN with their fears. As a result of that, he often ran down to Daniella’s for a couple test for them to take at home.

“Kind of,” he told her. “Look, I can’t say more, but if it is what I think it is, will you help me look into it? I don’t trust any of the other OBGs. They’d –”

“Just let me know what time.” She handed the tests over. “I have a few appointments this afternoon, but there are gaps, so just let me know when you need me and I’ll be there.”

“Thank you Dani,” he grabbed her free hand and warmly pressed it. “You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

She waited for him to pull away, but he kept his hand on hers, and it was beginning to slightly tremble.

“If you want,” she began, “You can run the tests here. And then go back to your office. That way I’ll know if you’ll need me.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“I’m positive. Now go in there and do what you need to.”

Seventeen minutes later, Luis reentered his office. He expected to find Paulina lying on the couch, still grimacing in pain, but she was sitting up now. The pain had somewhat subdued. It was no longer sharp. The sensation was no longer that of a knife piercing her back. It was a dull ache, a discomfort that limited her mobility and made her brow furrow, but that no longer made her weep.

“Luis,” she greeted him warmly, relieved to see him back. “I thought you’d forgotten me.”

“Don’t be lame, I could never.” He forced a smile on his face, but Luis wasn’t good at forcing smiles. He was always upfront about things, and in that moment she knew something was wrong.

“The pain’s sort of gone away, but I don’t think that’s good news. Is it?” she hesitantly asked. “Who am I kidding? There’s no point in asking that when you look so conflicted. Tell me, Luis. Whatever’s wrong, just tell me. I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”

“You’re just my baby sister.” Tears came into his eyes, but instead of letting them fall, he blinked them away and moved towards her, not stopping until he reached the couch. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I’d be an idiot if I didn’t.” She took his hand in hers. “But why are you telling me that?”

“Because I want you to know that no matter what, I’m going to be there for you.”

“Luis, don’t talk like that. You’re fucking worrying me. And you shouldn’t be worrying me, because you just took a urine sample, you can’t tell much from a urine sample. It’s the blood samples that count. Those are the ones that say whether or not shit’s going down in a person’s body. The only that urine samples can tell is if someone’s dehydrated or not or if someone’s –”

“Pregnant,” he finished her sentence. “And you are, Paulin. You’re pregnant.”