The Thrill Is Gone

She was so affected, so utterly stunned that all she could do was stare at him. Had she heard right? Could he have actually uttered those words? Her heart refused to believe it, even her mind was doubtful! And those fuckers were hardly ever in agreement. They were constantly having a go at each other, but at that moment, they had an understanding. In that moment, they were both certain that there was no way their güerito could’ve said such a thing, and if he had, then he didn’t mean it. He’d simply spoken out of fear. That was it. It had to be, because the man she loved would’ve never told her such a thing. The man she’d spent the last two and a half years of her life with, was incapable.

“Henry,” she said his name softly, pleadingly. “You don’t mean that. You don’t want that.” She reached out to touch him, but when her fingertips brushed against his face, he flinched and pulled away. “The only reason you even mentioned it is because you’re in shock, but give yourself time to process this. Just think this through. That’s all you have to do. Think it through, and once you do, I’m sure you’ll –”

“Shut it!” he cried out. “For God’s sake, stop talking! Can’t you see this is fucked?” He covered his eyes, not wanting her to see the tears that flooded them. “We’re fucked, my darling. So very fucked . . .”

“Quit saying that!” she demanded. “It’s not true!”

“It is!” he argued. “And there’s no point pretending otherwise.”

“Pretending,” she repeated, her voice trembling as she spoke. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

He didn’t reply.

“Stop acting like a child and answer me!” she yelled. “What the fuck are you even covering your face for? Do you think that’ll make this go away? Because it won’t! This isn’t going away. This pregnancy, this baby – they’re happening! So you need to talk to me, Henry.” She couldn’t keep it together anymore. Her voice faltered and she began to cry. “Fucking talk to me . . .”

“I’ve already said what I had to.” He dropped his hand from his face, but didn’t dare look at her.

“Bullshit!” She wasn’t going to let him get away with that. They had to talk things through, and she wouldn’t be satisfied until they did just that. “You didn’t mean a word of that. That was just your fear talking, and I refuse to listen to it. What I want to know, is what your heart thinks. I want to know what it wants.”

“What does it matter?” he snapped. And in his fury, he forgot himself. He forgot that he didn’t want her to see the tears that were sliding down his cheeks or the despair in his eyes. “It won’t make a bloody difference. It’s not like we can very well listen to the damn thing.”

“And who says we can’t?” She reached out to touch his face, and this time, he didn’t pull away. This time he allowed her to wipe away his tears. “Tell me, güerito. Please, tell me.”

“Do ya really want to know?” His gaze penetrated deep into her soul, and all she could do was nod, because of a verbal reply, she was incapable. “I want to run off with you somewhere where no one will know our names.” He paused and took possession of her hand, lowering it until it was waist level, but he didn’t let go. “I want you to have that baby and I want to raise them right with you. That’s what I fucking want. That’s what my heart is begging me to do.” He broke off, unable to continue any further. His mere crying had transformed into full on sobs, and when Paulina made a move to comfort him, he let go of her hand stepped back. “I want to see them grow up, and I quite want to see you pregnant, with a massive belly and a beautiful smile. I want that. That’s what my heart wants, but it’s not possible.”

“Of course it is,” she choked out.

“It’s not.” He said firmly. “And deep down, you have to know it’s not. This isn’t just two people having a child out of marriage. This is a Prince having a bastard.”

“Don’t call them that!” She despised the word.

“Why not?” he asked, finally fighting back his sobs. “It’s the truth. They’re a bastard – a Royal bastard. And if we’d been in this situation before Queen Victoria’s reign, then our bastard would’ve had a respectable life. They would’ve been created an Earl or a Countess or at the very least a Lord or Lady, they would’ve been set financially, and they would’ve moved in the most exclusive circles. If we’d fucked up like this back then, it would’ve been alright. Hell. If we’d caught it early enough, I could’ve married you and they wouldn’t ever have been a bastard. They would’ve just been our child, but we don’t live back then. A bastard is now a shame that can’t be tolerated.” He hated himself for saying those things, but he had to be practical. “They can’t be acknowledged. They can’t be titled. They can never be legitimized, even if I married you, they could never be Royal.”

“I don’t care,” she said in an even tone. “I don’t care if they don’t have a fancy title in front of their names or if they can’t live in a castle or an estate in the country. I don’t give a fuck about any of that. I just want them to be born. That’s it. That’s all that matters to me.”

“But you can’t have that.”

“Says who?” she questioned.

“Paulina . . .”

“Who says I can’t have that?” she questioned, gruffly. “You know what? Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t fucking matter, because I don’t care who says that or who thinks that, because I am having this baby.” There was a fierce determination in her tone. “That’s the one thing I’ve been certain of since I found out. Well, that and my love for her.”

“Her?” He was taken aback by that. “Are you that far along?”

“No,” she replied honestly. “But I know in my heart she’s a girl, and I’m gonna love her until I die, because that’s what mother’s do. And if you don’t love her, then that’s too fucking bad, but whether you like it or not, she’s gonna be born.”

“It’s not a question of love.” He argued. “If I weren’t a Prince . . . if I were just some bloke in the army, then I’d be thrilled by this news. I would’ve fallen beside you in the bathroom and swept you into my arms and placed kisses all over your face and I would’ve kissed your belly and made promises that I’d spend a lifetime keeping. If I were a regular bloke, I wouldn’t be pleading for an abortion, but I’m a Prince and I’ve a duty to my family.”

“And what of your duty to me? And to our love?” She placed her hand on her belly and rubbed it, hoping to find the strength to continue. “I know this isn’t ideal. This isn’t how I planned on having my first baby. I always imagined we’d be married, for at least two or three years, and I wanted to have a little cottage and a lovely garden and I wanted to have settled things. You know? I wanted a nice little married life with you before I brought someone into this world, but we’re here now. I’m ten weeks pregnant, soon to be eleven, and I refuse to put an end to it.” She briefly paused. “And it’s up to you whether or not she’ll have a father. And I really hope she will, because there’s nothing better than having a mama and a daddy. I want her to have that in her life. I want her to know there are people in the world that would do anything for her. And most of all, I want us to be a family, like we talked about. Remember? We said we were gonna have lots of babies and you said you couldn’t wait to have them with me. And while we both thought that was several years off, they’re here now. And now it’s time to own up to this, because we made this life. This little miracle got through a condom and a birth control shot. They shouldn’t exist, but they do. This baby is a fucking fighter and I’m gonna take care of her. I’m gonna love her, and I hope you will to.”

“Do you honestly believe it’ll be as easy as all that? That love will be enough?” He was frustrated by how naïve she was being. He hated being the one that was looking at things realistically.

“It is enough,” she argued. “Love is all that matters.”

“That’s a lie people tell themselves to get through the day.” He told her. “Love isn’t enough. Maybe if the circumstances were different, it would be, but we’ve got to be realistic about this. There’s my family to think about. Not to mention, yours.” He paused. “Or have you told them already?”

“How dare you!” Her tears ceased. “Do you honestly think I would tell my family before I told you? Do you seriously think I’d do that? Because if you do, you’re an idiot.”

“Oi!” he bellowed. “I won’t stand to be insulted!”

“Then don’t insult me,” she shot back. “You’re the father, Henry.”

“Don’t say that,” he said through gritted teeth.

“It’s the truth,” she firmly stated. “This is our baby. And I owe it to them and to our love, to let you know before everyone else. And to be honest, I feel bad that Luis knew before –”

“He knows?” he practically screamed. “You just bloody said ya hadn’t told your family!”

“I didn’t tell Luis. He’s the one that told me.”

“What?”

“He’s the one that found out I was pregnant.” She knew the questions that were coming, and before he had a chance to ask, she answered them. “I hadn’t been feeling well for a while, my body was going crazy on me and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. So he took me to the hospital to check me out. He was going to do a bunch of exams, but he started off with a urine test and when he came back with it, I . . . I found out I was pregnant. But he hasn’t told anyone. I made him promise not to tell my parents.”

“They’ll be furious if they find out. Your father, particularly.” He could already imagine the rage on Ricardo’s face. “He’d disown you. Wouldn’t he? Why am I asking? Of course he would.”

“Don’t talk about my dad like you know him.”

“I do bloody well know him.” Harry wasn’t backing down. He needed to convince her to end the pregnancy. “He’s the person that kept you hidden away in your parent’s room when I visited your house, he’s the man who’s made it perfectly clear that grandchildren from you are the last thing he wants at present. He’s also the man who was furious because I didn’t ask him if I could date you. That’s the man he is! Now imagine what he’ll be like when he finds out you got knocked up before marriage? That’ll be hell, absolute hell. He’ll be furious. I daresay, he’ll feel betrayed, and in his anger, he’ll disown you because you won’t be the little girl he so proudly raised.”

“Shut the fuck up!” she snapped. The intensity with which she screamed made him flinch. “I refuse to listen to your bullshit.”

“It’s the truth!”

“No, it’s fucking not!” She was offended that Harry believed her father capable of such a thing. Ricardo might’ve been a proud man with strong beliefs, but he would never disown his daughter. She was the light of his life, and an unplanned pregnancy wasn’t enough to change that. “My dad would never disown me. He’d never turn his back on his children.”

“But he’ll be disappointed!” Harry reminded.

“So what?” she spat. “He’s been disappointed in me before, but –”

“You’ve not been pregnant before.” Harry was determined to use her father to change her mind. “How can you pretend to know your father will be alright with this?”

“You’re right,” she conceded. “I don’t know for sure that my dad’s gonna be okay with this, but I have faith in him and my mom. They’ve always been there for me. When I broke my right hand when I was seven years old, my mom wiped my ass and showered me until I got better, because I refused to use my left. When the high school refused to let me play football because they were afraid I was too weak, my dad got in an argument with the principal and the superintendent, and then threatened to take it all the way to the state so that I could get my ass out on the field, and when I made it to girls state for wrestling, and the school told me they couldn’t take me because they weren’t going to waste money by sending one wrestler, my dad took three days off work so that he and my mom could drive me up north. My parents have always been there for me, and yes, I might not have been pregnant before, but they love me and support me no matter what. And I know in my heart that they’re going to love this baby, because they love me.” She paused, not trusting herself to continue any further, because if she did, she’d surely cry. She had to compose herself. She had to breathe. “So don’t try to manipulate me into having an abortion by saying that my parents are gonna disown me, because they won’t. I know who raised me. I know the man and woman who’ve given everything they have to ensure their children’s happiness. So cut the shit. Quit hiding behind my parents and behind your duty, because –”

“I’m not hiding behind my duty!”

“Then are you just a coward?” she spat.

“What?” His face flooded with color. His indignation was far too great.

“You heard me,” she said without hesitation. “You’re a coward.”

“And you’re a fool!” The gloves were off. Nothing was to be held off. “You think that just because you’ve been at this two years, you know what it’s like to be a Royal, but you’ve no fucking idea! You’re only a Royal girlfriend, important by relation, but you’re not important on your own. You don’t mean anything without me! And if we were to have that bastard, they would go through hell, because it is utter shit having to grow up a Royal child! You don’t know what the pressures like! There are always cameras everywhere, you can’t skin your knee without the entire world knowing, and you can’t muck about like normal kids do. Being a Royal child is fucked, but then you add illegitimacy to the mix and it’s so much worse! My heart aches at the thought of what that kid would go through if they were permitted to be born. Their suffering would be immense, and the shame – the shame would be immeasurable.”

“Shame for who?” she cried out. “Because there sure as hell won’t be any shame on my part, nor my family’s! And to hell with you! You’re acting like illegitimate royal children never happen, but they do! Monaco’s monarch has two of them! He has a girl and a little boy. And guess what? He’s taking care of both of them! They’ve both been formally recognized. So don’t tell me you can’t do the same! Or do you just not want to? Was all that talk of having children and growing old with me, a load of shit? Did you not mean any of that?”

“Of course, I fucking do!” And when he screamed that, he rushed her. He rushed her until her back was pressed against the bathroom wall.

She stared at him in horror. And for the first time in their relationship, she was afraid he might hurt her.

“I intend to marry you and have children with you – just not like this!” The manic glint remained in his eyes, and he towered over her as he spoke. “We’re not having a bastard. Is that understood? We’re having this taken care of. We’re not fucking up their lives or ours.”

“How would we be fucking up their lives by giving them a chance?” she argued. She was afraid of him, but she wouldn’t remain silent.

“They would never know peace or happiness, they would never be enough.”

“They would be more than enough!” she shot back.

“Like hell, they would!” Harry bellowed. “Even if we married, they would always be bastards.”

“Quit saying that!” she yelled. “How can you talk that way about your own kid?”

“Because it’s the truth!” He grabbed her by the shoulders. “This child would always be a bastard. They would always be reminded of that fact. Especially when we have other children!”

“Bullshit!” she summoned all her strength and forcefully shoved him away. “Our other children would never make this child feel inferior.”

“But everyone else would,” said Harry. “Our other children would be legitimate. They would have titles, be in line to the throne. They would be better and this bastard would always be conscious of it!”

“I don’t give a damn if this baby doesn’t have a fancy title or isn’t in line to the throne! It’s not like that matters! You’re the spare, Henry. I hate to say it, but it’s the truth. You’re never going to be King! Your kids will never ascend the throne. So who cares if you have an illegitimate child?”

“I care!” he roared. “I won’t subject any child of mine to be a Royal bastard. I refuse to put them through that! That’s why you have to end this pregnancy. You need to do it for them!”

“Maldito Cobarde (fucking coward). . .” she whispered, staring at him with utter disgust.

“I’ll not stand to hear you say such things!”

“Yes, you fucking will!” she hissed. “You’re a coward, Henry! A fucking coward! You’ve spent two years telling me that you love me and that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, and now you’re turning your back on me.”

“I’m not turning my back. I’ll be there when the procedures done. I’ll take care of you afterwards!”

“What good is that when I’m not having an abortion?” She wasn’t going to change her mind. It didn’t matter how much he pestered.

“Quit being so stubborn!” He cried. “If you love me, if you want us to have a chance at happiness, then end it.”

“Happiness?” she repeated. “What chance at happiness would we have without them?”

“We’d still marry, still have children, but at the right time.” He took her hand, but he wasn’t forceful. His touch was gentle, pleading.

“If we don’t have this child, we’ll never have another. We’ll never marry.” Despite the tears that were falling, her voice was even.

“What?” He stared at her in confusion.

“You heard me.” She hoped that would be enough to convince him. “If you don’t recognize this child, I’m leaving. I’ll return to American and you will never see me again.”

“Don’t say that.” His hold on her tightened. “You don’t mean it.”

“But I do,” she assured. “You might be a coward, but I’m not. I’m prepared to raise this child on my own. Do I want to? No. But if I have to, I will. It’s up to you though. Do you want me in your life? Do you love me?”

“You know I do.”

“Then will you raise them with me?”

“I . . .” If he were normal, if he were just a bloke, he would’ve. He would’ve gotten down on one knee, he would’ve asked her to marry him, he would’ve been a father, he would’ve been her husband, but he wasn’t just some bloke. He was a Prince with a duty to his family. “ . . . I can’t.”

That wasn’t at all what she’d expected. Despite having heard him go on at great length about the abortion, she thought he’d come around in the end, that he’d take on the world in order to be with her and the baby, because that was what she was willing to do. She was willing to leave behind her education, her family, her religion if need be, she was willing to leave that all behind, to start a family with him, but Harry didn’t feel the same.

“I should’ve known this was never going to work out,” she spoke, softly. “In the beginning, I’d constantly remind myself that it could end at any moment, that you’d get bored and run off, but somewhere along the lines, I got comfortable. I started believing that you were serious about me.”

“I am serious.” He assured.

“You’re not. Not really.” She pulled her hand away. “If you were serious about me, you’d be supportive. You’d also be fucking terrified, but that’d be okay, because I’m scared to. We would’ve gotten through it together. We would’ve made it work.”

“If it were up to me –”

“Excuses,” she said. “All these excuses.”

“They’re not bloody excuses! It’s a fact that I’m a Prince.”

“But you’re also a man who’s capable of making decisions for himself.” She countered. “And if you loved me anywhere near as much as you claim to, then you’d be willing to fight for me and this baby! For fuck’s sakes, you were in Afghanistan, you fought in an actual war! But you’re not willing to deal with the press and your family in order to make this work?” She covered her eyes with her hand. “For the longest time, I believed with all my heart that we were gonna get married and have babies, that you’d love me forever – the way my dad loves my mom, but no . . .” she broke down, unable to speak, hardly able to breathe. He tried to hold her but she pushed him away. “I was wrong about you.” She lowered her hands, allowing him to see her puffy bloodshot eyes. “I was wrong about us. I should’ve known better than to think we could have a happily ever after. That sort of thing only happens in fairytales, not even real life Royals get it.”

He was at a loss. His heart urged him to reconsider. He couldn’t lose her. Not after all they’d been through. She was his future. Whenever people asked him what he planned on doing ten or fifteen years down the line, he always imagined he’d be raising a family with her. She was all he wanted, but now the future he dreamt of was unattainable. He couldn’t let down his family. It was one thing to be caught in compromising situations with alcohol and drugs and women, but an unplanned pregnancy was so much worse. His grandmother would never warm to it. His father would disapprove. After all, Prince Charles had been the one that bought Harry his first rubbers and taught him how to use them, and not to mention, if he got someone pregnant outside marriage, he’d be cut off. On his eighteenth birthday, his grandmother had explicitly warned him that if he were to ever get a woman pregnant outside marriage, she would cut him off. That threat had been more than enough to keep Harry in line, and it was one of the first things that came to mind when he found out about the pregnancy.

“I can’t take care of a family right now,” he found himself saying. “If my Gran found out about this, she’d cut me off. And then where would we be? How could I take care of you and a baby without an income?”

“We don’t need her money.” She told him. “We don’t need Royal comforts. I mean, you’re a helicopter pilot. You make good money from that, and if it’s not enough, then I’ll get a job too. We’ll work hard to make ends meet. I know we can do it.”

“That sorts us out. But what about my charities? What about the children in Lesotho?”

“Prince Seeiso will take care of them, and you can ask William to take over. I’m sure he’d be willing.”

“But they’re my responsibility!”

“And this child isn’t?” He didn’t say it verbally, but the look in his eyes made his opinion clear. “Alright, if that’s how you feel then fine. I’m not gonna waste any more time trying to get you on board with this, but you better listen to me and listen to me good, I’m going to leave and you better never try to come back into our lives, because I don’t want you to make an effort to be a father once they’re five or ten or fifteen years old. Fuck that! I will beat the shit out of you if you try to! Do you hear me? You’d be a fucking coward who wasn’t there for the birth or the sleepless nights or the fevers or the chicken pox! You’ll be a coward that missed out on everything! So don’t fucking try to look for me in a few years, because I’ll have nothing for you!” she was red in the face for shouting. “And I don’t give a fuck what any books or people say, because if you’re not gonna be a dad from the start, then you’re not worthy of being in my child’s life! Have I made myself clear?”

He didn’t reply to that. He was too busy processing the fact that she was keeping the child.

“So you’re having them?”

“Yes, captain obvious!”

“But you can’t!”

“You’ve made it clear that you think I can’t, but I am.” She pushed him out of the way and stormed into the bedroom, where she immediately began to look for her shoes. “Now tell me, where the fuck is my stuff? Because I can’t stay another minute!”

“Do you think I’m joking when I say that you can’t carry on with this?” He followed after her. “My future’s on the line here!”

“I don’t give a fuck about your future! Now where are my shoes?”

“Your arse isn’t going anywhere!” he grabbed her arm and spun her around. “We’re staying right here until this is sorted.”

“This isn’t going to be sorted!” She struggled against him but couldn’t get free.

“Oh yes, it fucking will. Just let me get my dad on the line and he’ll –”

“Fuck that shit!” she snapped. “You better not be thinking about forcing an abortion on me, because if you are, you’ve got another thing coming. Now let me go!”

“Do you think so low of me?”

”I do.” She replied without hesitation. “Forced abortions are the sort of things that cowardly Royals are capable of!”

“I am not a coward!”

“Then let me go!” She stomped on his foot but he didn’t budge. “Hijo de tu chingada (son of a –) –” she didn’t finish it, she couldn’t bring herself to.

Harry’s eyes widened in indignation. “Don’t you dare bring my mother into this!” he spat.

“I didn’t!” she snapped. “I respect her too much to insult her. It’s not her fault that you don’t know what it means to be a real man!”

“Oi!” he bellowed, his hold on her arm tightening. “That’s enough of that.”

“Then let me go!”

“Not until you’ve been made to see reason!”

“What part of I’m having this baby, don’t you understand?” She was hormonally unbalanced, emotionally unstable, and if he didn’t let her go, she was going to do something she’d regret. “I’m not changing my mind, so let me go!”

“I can’t!” Harry dragged her to the closet. He was getting frustrated and the only thing he could think of, was locking her in there. At least until his dad showed up. “You need to be reasoned with and since I can’t do it, I’m bringing someone who can!”

“Who the fuck do you think is going to make me change my mind?” She dug her heels hard into the ground, preventing him from moving her any further. “I already told you that I’m having this baby, and you don’t have to worry about the world finding out, because I’m going to release a statement!”

“A statement?” he cocked his brow.

She nodded. “I’m not exactly sure what it’ll say, but the point is that I’m gonna tell everyone that I cheated on you!”

“You wouldn’t . . .”

“I’m serious. I’m going to make everyone believe that I fucked some random guy at Harvard, and that he knocked me up. I’m even going to tell my parents that. That way my dad won’t go to jail for defending my honor by kicking your ass.” She wasn’t making that up. She knew her father would fly out to England to get in a fist fight with Harry. That was how things were done where they were from. “So fucking let me go, because no one is ever going to suspect that you’re the father.”

“Are you daft?” Harry scoffed. “No one would believe that nonsense! It’s a load of rubbish, and the tabloids would know right away!”

“Not even!”

“You’re not the sort to cheat,” Harry told her. “Everyone who knows you, knows that. Everyone who knows of you, knows that! If you were to tell the world you had a fling with some bloke, then everyone would rush to say that it’s not true, that you’re covering for me, because everyone thinks better of you than they do me. So I’m sorry, but ya won’t be doing that. Now come on, I’ve no time to waste. I’ve got to call my dad and sort things out.” He pulled her with all his strength, and she was once again dragged to the closet.

“Quit it!” she yelled, smacking him with her free hand. “This is not how you treat a pregnant woman!”

“Well if you stopped acting like such a pain in the fucking ass, I wouldn’t have to drag you!” he shot back. “Now you’re going to get in that closet and you’ll bloody well wait there until –”

“You’re throwing me in a closet?”

That was it. That was what put her over the edge. Without hesitating, she used her free hand to grab a fistful of his hair. It was a simple, childish maneuver, but it was enough to catch Harry off guard. She yanked at his hair with everything she had, and she made him cry out in pain. She might not have been bigger or stronger than him, but she could play dirty, and when she pulled his hair, he dropped his hold of her.

“The hell was that about?” cried Harry as he massaged his head.

“That was for trying to throw me in a closet!”

“Well I didn’t trust you in the bedroom. You might climb out a window!”

“Like this? You’ve got to be an absolute idiot to think that a pregnant woman would climb out a fourth story window!” As she yelled, she began to look for ways out, but Harry was closest to the only exit. “I can hardly manage a second story when I’m fine!”

“If I leave you in here then, will you wait?”

“Really? Do you honestly think I’m going to wait for your dad and whoever else is coming to talk me out of my pregnancy? Of course not!” Her face was bright red, and the tears had fully subsided. “I just need you to get the fuck out of my way, so I can get out of your life. Do you understand? Move, and this will all be done with soon enough. Come on, let’s go!”

“I won’t let you leave.”

“Then I will hurt you!” she threatened.

“By yanking at my hair, again?”

“I’ll kick you in the fucking balls! It’s not like you’re using them, you coward!” She stepped back, and it was then that she noticed a vase full of flowers. Before Harry could realize what she was thinking, she picked the vase up and wielded it protectively in front of her. “If you don’t move, I’m going to throw this at you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” And he firmly believed that she still loved him enough to not want to hurt him, but he should’ve known better than to think a mother would place anyone’s safety above her child’s.

“Get the fuck out of the way!” she held the vase as she would a dodge ball. “Move!”

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret, darling!” Harry pleaded.

“I’ve already done it.” Her voice trembled. “Now move, I won’t ask again.”

Instead of clearing the way like she wanted, Harry rushed her. He believed his physical strength would be enough to overtake her, but years of wrestling had taught her technique. Harry rushed her standing straight up, intending to wrap his arms around her and force her onto the ground, but when Paulina saw him coming, she discarded the vase and crouched down a little, in a basic square wrestling stance. From there, she charged him. She met him head on, and before he was able to wrap his arms around her, she established inside control. She wrapped her right arm around the back of his neck, the left was secured on his bicep. Before Harry could realize what was going on, she forcefully snapped down, causing him to jerk forwards. When Harry’s body reacted to the snap, she back stepped into him and secured both her hands onto his upper right arm in an outside grip. Now that her ass was pressed into him and her body was angled correctly, she used her leverage to throw him over her shoulder. He landed with a thud, and Paulina followed through on her throw, she grasped firmly onto his arm, utterly unaware that she’d dislocated his shoulder.

It wasn’t until he cried out in pain that she realized she’d hurt him. She hadn’t expected to. She’d done that move plenty of times throughout high school without anything bad happening, but there was Harry, lying on the ground with a dislocated shoulder. The moment she heard him scream, she dropped her hold on his arm and sprang to her feet so as to assess the damage. She was afraid she was going to see bone sticking out, that somehow she’d fucked up the toss she’s perfected during high school, but thankfully there was none of that.

“Shh. Calm down, I’m gonna get Alistair for you,” she told him in an even voice. “Just stay here. Okay? Don’t move.”

“Paulin . . . darling, don’t go. Please don’t.” His vision was blinded by tears, but still he gazed up at her.

For a moment, she hesitated. There was a part of her that wanted to take care of him, a part that wanted to stay at his side until the family doctor arrived, a part that wanted to be with him always, but that small part was overruled by her heart and her mind. She couldn’t stay there. She couldn’t risk it.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, but I can’t stay.”

“Like hell you can’t! You made this mess, you ought to see it through!”

“I could say the same of our child,” she countered. “Though I wouldn’t call her a mess.”

“Don’t –”

“Stay still!” she cut him off. “Alistair will be here soon.”

“You can’t leave me!”

“This is what you wanted!” she cried, the tears were falling hard. “I told you to choose and you said –”

“I want you!” he bellowed, angrily.

“But you don’t want our daughter!” she snapped. “And as much as I love you, I love her more.”

That didn’t make any sense to him. He couldn’t understand how she could possibly love something that wasn’t really there. Sure, there was a fetus growing inside her, but they might not even be born. Her body might miscarry. She might have a stillborn. So many things could go wrong, and there she was, throwing a two year relationship away over something that might not work out. He wanted to make her see how irrational she was being, and he was determined to do so, but before he could say as much, she left.

She ran out of the bedroom, sprinted across the corridor, and when she made it to the stairs, she fully expected it to be a clear shot to the front door, but when she started running down the stairs, Alistair started running up. He’d been having himself a smoke in the backyard, so he didn’t hear them fighting about the pregnancy. It wasn’t until Harry screamed out that he realized something wasn’t right. He instantly sprang into security detail mode, putting out his cigarette and rushing into the kitchen and then through the hall, and then to the stairs. In his mind, he was preparing himself for Harry having somehow injured himself during sex. It wouldn’t be the first time that Harry pulled a muscle or slipped on something, but when he saw Paulina running down the stairs, he realized that wasn’t the case. She was fully clothed, and it was clear that those clothes had not been taken off at any point.

“Miss!” he bellowed. “What’s happened to Henry?” he forgot himself, his worry did away with protocol. “I thought I heard a scream.”

“You did,” she breathlessly confirmed. “But he’s fine! It’s nothing serious.”

“What do you mean, nothing serious?”

“It’s only his shoulder!” she told him.

“Good heavens!” he exclaimed. “Was he trying to lift something? I’m quite certain he was! I’ve told him time and time again that just because he’s in the military that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need help!”

“He wasn’t lifting anything. It was me!”

“You?”

She nodded.

“What did you do, Miss?” He asked slowly.

“I told him to get out of my way, but he wouldn’t move and then . . . then he rushed me and I – I don’t know! I had to protect myself and the baby, so I –”

It hadn’t occurred to her that Alistair hadn’t heard the argument. She was certain that it could be heard throughout the entire house. They’d gone at it like two drunken idiots, but the look on Alistair’s face made his ignorance obvious.

“Baby,” he repeated. “But that would mean you’re . . .” he didn’t dare say it.

“I am, Alistair.” Her voice trembled. “But you don’t have to worry about me, none of you do. I’m not gonna be an issue for the monarchy. I’m just gonna get myself on the first flight out and you’ll never hear from me again, I promise.”

“He was displeased?” Alistair whispered, struggling to understand.

“Would I be standing here if he wasn’t?” Paulina wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “Go take care of him, Alistair. He needs a doctor. Not that it’s serious, Adrian dislocated his shoulder during soccer once and it wasn’t too bad, but you need to look after him. I’ll see myself out.”

“You can’t leave, Miss.” He told her, gently. “We need this sorted out.”

“I will not be sorted out!” she shrieked. “I need to get the hell out of here, so please get out of my way.”

“How do you intend to be on your way if you’ve no luggage? More importantly, do you truly want to be seen in your present condition by the press?”

“I –” He was right, she didn’t want the press to see her like this. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t stay here.”

“Paulina,” this was one of those moments when using her first name would be best, “You can’t leave, not like this. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“To who?” she questioned, gruffly.

“To the little one,” he replied. “The last thing they need is their mother being harassed by the press at such a delicate moment.” He paused. “I think it best if you sort yourself out while I tend to His Royal Highness.”

“And then what?” she asked. “He comes downstairs and we start fighting again? Because that’s what’ll happen. He’s made it perfectly clear that he’s against this pregnancy, and I refuse to argue with him anymore. I’m over it. I just want to go home.”

“Give me leave to secure his Royal Highness’ wellbeing, and when I finish, I shall personally see you to the airport.”

“Harry won’t like that. He doesn’t want me to leave. He wants me to –”

“Be that as it may, I will see to your being properly looked after.”

“Don’t,” she told him. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do and I’ll always be grateful, but don’t! He’ll be furious with you. You might even lose your job! And I refuse to let that happen! I won’t have you risk your livelihood for me. If you really want to help, then let me borrow your phone. I’ll make my own arrangements and you won’t get in trouble for helping.”

“I am not afraid of being reprimanded.”

“I know you’re not.” She smiled softly, with eyes filled with respect. “But letting me borrow your phone is all the help I need.”

“I’m not quite certain of that.”

“Well, I am.”

“Paulina . . .”

“Just let me borrow your phone.” She told him. “That’s all I need, Alistair.”

He hesitated a moment, not because he didn’t trust her with his phone, but because he felt it was his duty to ensure she safely returned to California. He didn’t want to leave it to chance. What if the press crossed the line like last time? What if they swarmed and she fainted? He didn’t feel comfortable leaving her to her own devices, he’d grown far too fond of her over the last two years. He wanted to make sure she’d be alright. If he could get her to her family, he’d be satisfied, because he knew in his heart that her parents would do anything to keep her and the baby safe, but she refused to have that be an option. She was determined to make her own arrangements, and he had to honor her decision.
“Since you prefer to make your own arrangements, here it is.” He handed over his mobile. “I believe it would be best if you make the calls from the garden. That way you will not be bothered when the others arrive.” He turned to leave, but stopped shortly. “One last thing, be cautious of what you say on the mobile. While the line is technically secured, it is listened in on by my superiors, to ensure everything is well. In such a case, discretion is . . .”

“Don’t worry, I won’t mention the pregnancy.”

“Then I take my leave.”

He turned to go, but just as he was leaving, she spoke up.

“Alistair?”

“Yes, Miss?”

“Please . . .” she hesitated, she didn’t want to insult him, but she had to say it. “Don’t betray me.”

“Do you truly think me capable?”

“No. Not really,” she answered honestly. “But I’m just scared. I mean, you love him. You’ve looked after him all these years, and I guess . . . I feel like there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for him. And that’s not a bad thing. I’m not judging you for it. It’s just that I – I’m worried. You know?” She shifted nervously. “This isn’t a position I ever wanted to be in, Alistair. I honestly thought that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him and that we would raise a family, but –” She covered her mouth with her right hand, trying to smother the sob that rose from her. “I thought I could trust him and I was wrong, and now I’m not sure I can trust in anything.”

“Trust in me,” he told her. “I understand it is difficult for you, but have faith. I will not betray you.”

“But –”

“You are correct in assuming that I care deeply for His Royal Highness. It has been my duty and privilege to care for him, and I shall never do anything to compromise his safety.” He paused. “That said, I shall not betray you. I have given my word, and you know as well as I, that it is not given lightly. Now do what you must, while I do what I must.”

Overwhelmed by gratitude, she allowed her emotions to get the best of her. She knew that delaying him wasn’t wise, not when Harry had a dislocated shoulder, but she couldn’t help it. She had to hug him! It was the only way she could convey her respect and admiration for him, and it wasn’t like it was a particularly long hug. It only lasted five or so seconds, and at the end of it, she kissed his cheek, just as she would her brothers.

They parted ways after that. Paulina went out to the garden, and as soon as she was among the flowers, she called Alfred. For his part, Alistair began scaling the four flights of stairs that would lead him to the master bedroom. He didn’t run up them, not because he didn’t think a dislocated shoulder was serious, but because he was calling Kamal on the spare phone he always carried around in case of an emergency. He thought it’d be best if Kamal saw to the doctor, while he saw to Harry. So Alistair charged Kamal with procuring one of the Medical staff members of the Royal Household, and informed him that painkillers would undoubtedly be necessary given the circumstances.

Kamal wasn’t taken aback by the request. It wasn’t the first time that a doctor had to be brought in in the middle of the night for Harry, and as for the dislocated shoulder, he didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t serious, not really. Kamal had dislocated his right shoulder twice before; once during training throughout his military career, and the second when he was participating in a Greco-Roman wrestling tournament. And as for Harry, he’d also dislocated his shoulder before. A couple years back, before he went off to fight in Afghanistan, he’d dislocated his left shoulder after a fall from his horse. Harry had panicked a bit then, but it hadn’t been too bad. Kamal had assured him that it’d be alright, just a bit of pain would be involved to get it back in place, and the doctor that had sorted Harry out that time had been incredibly efficient, and it was that same doctor that Kamal was going to fetch.

Alistair quickly approved of the plan, and with that settled, he proceeded to run up the remaining stairs. He reached the fourth floor in little time, his face was flushed, but he was ready to do his duty by Harry and to keep his word to Paulina. How he was to go about that, he wasn’t sure, but he would damn well try.