The Thrill Is Gone

With a groan of displeasure, Alfred abandoned his place on the couch. He’d been lying there since Paulina left, having decided that reruns of The Inbetweeners were far more important than showering. It wasn’t like the damn water was going anywhere, he could pop in whenever he felt like it, but The Inbetweeners were on a set schedule. It was a mini-marathon of sorts, a prelude to the final series that was set to air in September. He was already current with all the episodes, having watched them on multiple occasions, but still he sat on the couch, laughing. He enjoyed the show to such a degree that he didn’t mind watching reruns of it. That was why he’d seen five episodes in one sitting, and he was fully committed to watching the rest of series one and two, but then the damn phone rang. It would’ve been alright had it been close by, he could’ve reached out for it, but unfortunately for him, he’d left the damn thing in the kitchen, having forgotten it when he was fixing tea.

That was why he groaned when he stood up. He didn’t want to miss a second of the Christmas episode. It was a bloody classic that always gave him a good laugh, but the phone was ringing and ringing, and he had no choice but to answer. He figured it’d be Olivia calling to ask about how the day had gone. She’d promised to call during her twenty minute break, and since she was working a 6pm-6am shift, he figured it made sense for her to be calling. It was nearly eleven, and although she usually took her break at midnight, she made a habit of taking it a bit earlier if she wanted to catch him before he went to bed.

As Alfred drew closer to the kitchen, he went over what he would tell Olivia. He’d say that the traffic had been horrible, but that he managed to arrive at the airport before Paulina cleared immigration. He’d grumble about the damn paparazzi. He’d certainly tell her that he’d spoken with Mrs. Balcázar, and that she had invited them to visit her in California. But what would he say about Paulina? That she was alright? That she had been a bit off? That she was pregnant? No. He couldn’t say that. Not over the phone. Not ever. That was Paulina’s business, and she would tell them when she was ready, but it would be difficult for him not to tell Olivia. He didn’t keep secrets from her, he didn’t care to, but this would have to be an exception. This had to be one of those times in which he would lie to Olivia. He would tell her that Paulina was fine, that they’d had a chat over tea and shared some laughs. He would tell her that nothing was wrong with Paulina, that she only came to England because she missed Harry too much. Those were the lies he would tell, and he hoped Olivia would believe him.

It was with an anxious look that he arrived at the small island in his kitchen. That was where his phone was, right next to a tin of biscuits. He took in a deep breath as he reached out for his phone. He was afraid that Olivia wouldn’t buy his lie, that she’d be able to see right through him, and in order to steady his nerves a bit, he turned over his phone so that the screen faced him, that way he’d be able to see her smiling face before he answered, but when he did that, he wasn’t greeted by a picture of her accompanied by her name, instead the screen was black, all except for one word glowing in white writing: Private.

He immediately set the phone down. He didn’t pick up private calls. Not since the press had found his number and bombarded him with calls. They’d bothered him for two weeks straight, trying to convince him to pass along valuable information and give up any compromising photos. They had annoyed him to the point where he had gotten a prepaid phone so that there wouldn’t be any contracts to tie him down or paperwork to aid those shameless bastards. And now, he didn’t pick up any calls that were listed as private. If it was important, they would leave a voicemail. If it wasn’t, he wouldn’t waste any time by answering the phone. That was why he slid his finger across the screen so the call would immediately be sent to his voicemail. He stood there, staring at the screen for a few minutes, waiting for a voicemail to pop up, but when it didn’t, he shook his head and went back to the living room.

He was just about to sit back down when the phone started ringing again. He took it out from his pocket, hoping it’d be Olivia, but once more it was Private. Once more, it was sent to voicemail, but it didn’t matter how many times Alfred sent it to voicemail, the person kept calling right back. He got so fed up by it that he decided he couldn’t watch The Inbetweeners anymore, he wasn’t in the mood for it. So he went upstairs to shower and he hoped that when he got out, there wouldn’t be any phone calls, but he barely made it to the shampooing portion of his shower when he absolutely could not take it anymore. That person had been calling for fifteen minutes straight. They had been calling and calling and calling and calling, and hadn’t bothered to leave a fucking voicemail. He was so irritated that his privacy was being invaded upon that he walked out of the shower without rinsing off his shampoo or turning off the water, and he marched right into his bedroom, where his phone was laying on the bed.

“Listen to me, you bloody bastard!” he roared into the telephone. “I’ve absolutely no idea as to how you obtained my personal mobile, but I will not tolerate having my privacy invaded upon! I have no interest whatsoever in sharing personal information about my friendship with Miss Balcázar. I have no desire to betray her confidence, and I have no need of your filthy money! Now kindly bugger off and don’t you ever phone me again, because if you do, I shall –”

“Alfred,” croaked out Paulina in a small, pathetic voice.

“Who is this?” he asked, not recognizing her voice.

“It’s me,” she said, a bit louder. “It’s Paulina.”

“Fucking hell . . .” he whispered. “Sorry!” he blurted out, embarrassedly. “You’ve no idea how embarrassed I am for going off on you like that. I didn’t realize it was you. I only saw it was a private number, so I instantly assumed it was the bastards in the press trying to have another go with me, but it wasn’t. It was you! And I am so sorry, Paulin. Really, I am. But hold on – why are you calling from a private number? Did you forget your mobile here? I’ve not seen it. Though, I’ve not been in the room you showered in, so it might be there. Hold on. Let me have a –”

“Alfie,” she cut him off. “I didn’t forget my phone. It’s upstairs, but I . . . I couldn’t get to it.”

“What do you mean you couldn’t get to it?” It was then that he realized just how drastically different her voice was. It was hoarse, a bit raspy, and there wasn’t the slightest trace of happiness in it. “Paulina, what’s going on? Are you alright?”

“No,” she confided, her voice trembling. “But I can’t talk about that right now. If I do, I’ll fucking lose it and I-I can’t do that right now. I can’t. I just need to get the hell out of here. I need to leave this house. I need to leave him.” Bitter tears stung her eyes at the mention of Harry, and she did her best to blink them away. “There’s nothing left for me here, Alfie. And I hate to put you on the spot like this, but do you . . . do you think you could please pick me up? I don’t mean to inconvenience you or anything, and I really am sorry for calling this late, but it’s just – I need you.”

“Don’t ever apologize for calling me,” he told her. “I promised to always be there, and I intend to keep my word. Now tell me, where are you? Do you have an address? If not, cross streets will work or I could always rummage through the internet to find out where those bastards are stalking you from.”

“You don’t have to do that. I know where I am. It’s a little far from your place, but it’s still in London.”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s far, I’d drive all the way to Scotland if I had to.” As he spoke, he began to rummage through his drawers for clothes. “Now where are you?”

“Imperial Crescent, Imperial Wharf. And I don’t know what number it is. I’ve never really checked. I just know it’s in Fulham and it’s pretty close to the Thames.” She struggled to remember more details about the area. “The problem is that you’re not gonna be allowed inside. The guard won’t let you unless I call to tell them, and I don’t have their number, so you’ll have to wait at the gate, and, uh, when you get there just honk and I’ll run. I’ll be waiting outside the house.”

“I’m not having you running anywhere.” He almost gave himself away. “What I mean is, the press will be there, and you can’t just step into them. They’d swarm.”

“That won’t happen, because when I get near enough, I’ll tell the guard to let you in and then I can get inside the car and we can leave. It’ll be okay, Alfie. You just need to get here as soon as you can.”

“Right then,” he told her. “I’ll drive to Imperial Crescent, Imperial Wharf in Fulham and when I get to the gate, I’ll honk. Have I got it?”

“You do,” she said with a hopeful little smile. Finally, things were looking up.

“In that case, I’ll set off as soon as I throw some clothes on. But before I go, I have to ask you to do something for me.”

“Anything,” she told him.

“Keep yourself safe,” he said.

“I will,” she promised, her voice cracking slightly. “Of course, I will.”

“Pleased to hear it,” he told her. “One last thing, and I know I run the risk of being silly, because this truly doesn’t need saying, but now more than ever, I think it only right to tell you that I love you.”

“I love you too, Alfie.” Her chest swelled with genuine affection and gratitude for him. “I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’ll never have to know,” he stated, very matter-of-factly. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for life, but for now, I must be off. I want to get there quick as I can. Don’t worry though, I won’t be speeding about. Just remember to keep safe, I’ll be there soon. Bye then, Paulin.”

He waited for her to say her own goodbye, and after she did, he hurried to get ready. He threw on the hoodie and shorts that he’d pulled from the dressed. They were his lying about clothes. The things he wore when he had absolutely no desire to go into public, but on that night, he didn’t care if people saw him in his raggedy comfort clothes, he didn’t care if he hadn’t had a chance to finish his shower, the only thing he cared about was getting Paulina safely back to his house. So he put on his clothes and with a nearby throw blanket, he dried his hair as best he could. He figured it’d be best that Paulina didn’t know she’d caught him in the middle of a shower. He didn’t want her to feel guilty for having intruded, although he personally didn’t think of it as an intrusion. She was his friend, and as he had told her several times in the past, he would always be there for those he loved.

As Alfred slipped on his loafers, he began to wonder how things had gone so terribly wrong for his dear friend. The last time he’d seen her and Harry together, they’d looked so in love. He had witnessed firsthand those looks of adoration that they unashamedly exchanged. He had seen her cook fish, despite the fact that she had often stated that she would never cook fish for anyone, no matter how much she loved them. He had seen the young prince rinse strawberries and cut the top off them so that she could eat them comfortably. He had seen them truly love one another, and that was why he couldn’t understand how all that had gone to shit. He couldn’t understand how the pregnancy had changed things so drastically. He honestly hadn’t expected it to. When she left his home that evening, he’d been worried about what would happen, but for the most part, he was confident in Harry’s love for Paulina. He believed in it so much that his heart refused to believe the pregnancy would be poorly received, but it had been.

Had Harry taken the news well, Paulina would’ve stayed put and in time, a statement announcing the pregnancy would’ve been released. Had Harry been supportive, she wouldn’t have found herself forced to call him in the middle of the night, begging for a ride – but she did. She called incessantly for a period lasting nearly twenty minutes, and when he finally picked up, he heard agitation and distress in her voice. And now that he thought about it, why hadn’t she been able to get a ride from Alistair? He was always good about driving her places when she needed a lift. Alfred knew of several instances in which Alistair had picked up Paulina to take her over to wherever Harry was. So why wasn’t he able to do that then? But more important than that, why hadn’t she been able to get to her phone? What kept her from doing so? Who kept her?

The more he thought about it, the angrier he grew. It was obvious that Harry and his security details were actively keeping her from leaving. That was why they’d cut off access to her cell phone, that was why the details weren’t giving her a ride. They were trying to keep her there. But what for? What did they hope to achieve by keeping her cut off? There was only one thing that came to mind, and that was that they wanted to keep her there in order to end the pregnancy. By what means, he didn’t know, but Alfred had a gut feeling that was their end goal. That was why Paulina had spoken so softly when he first answered the phone. That was why she asked him to get there quickly. That was why she told him that she needed to get the hell away from the house and from Harry. She was trying to flee. She was a woman whose pregnancy was being threatened by the very man who helped put her in that position.

And Alfred was disgusted.

He had never held Harry in high regard. Yes, he treated him with respect because he was a Prince and because he was his best friend’s boyfriend, but he had always held his own private reservations as to Harry’s character. He’d been skeptical about Harry’s womanizing past, the partying and hard drugs were things that he was weary of, but despite that, he never thought Harry low enough to turn his back on Paulina. Because how could a man turn his back on the woman he loves? Especially when is with his child? How could anyone be so cowardly and dishonorable? How could anyone be so unfeeling? And more importantly, how could any self-respecting man strive to coerce a woman to end a pregnancy against her wishes? That was what disgusted Alfred most of all, because if Harry didn’t want to be a father, then fine, but he had no right to keep Paulina from being a mother.

It was with a heavy heart and incensed mind that Alfred left his home. As a man skilled at brooding, he’d almost given himself over to his contemplations. He was determined to figure out why things had gone badly, and he had become so engrossed in that quest that he’d spent several minutes pacing about his room trying to figure out, but thankfully for him, his phone had started to ring. It was Olivia. She was calling to catch up with him, but he didn’t trust himself to answer. There was far too much going on, and if he were to talk to her, he would certainly divulge everything. So instead he stowed his phone away and ran out the front door, eager to get to Imperial Crescent.

Not knowing how to get there, he inputted the information that Paulina had given him, into his GPS and thanks to the efficiency of modern technology, he was soon given a route to take. Despite being late, there was still a fair amount of traffic on the streets. There was the usual crowd that flocked to the nightclubs on weekends, as well as the summer tourists that were determined to have their fill of London. They crowded the streets in their vehicles and cabs, and several of them stopped traffic altogether by brazenly walking when they were supposed to wait. They were a massive irritation to Alfred. He’d hoped to get to the flat quicker than his GPS had approximated, but now that he was on the road, he was thinking he might even take longer. To calm himself he decided to put on BBC Radio 3, because if anything was going to soothe his nerves, it’d have to be classical music and opera.

Sure enough, the musical genius of Béla Bartók did the trick. His emotions were pacified for the time being, and he was able to drive to Imperial Crescent with a cooler head. He was still worried, that wasn’t going away until Paulina was safely with him, but he was no longer distracted by his worrying. It was in that calmer condition that he drove for the better part of twenty minutes, but then, quite unexpectedly, the peace was done away with. He was halfway into the second movement of The Concerto for Orchestra, Sz. 116, BB 123 when the music was abruptly cut, and before he had time to voice his displeasure, a voice came on the radio.

“This is Rachel Nakamura with BBC Radio 3 from London. Normal programming has been temporarily suspended.” She let out a shaky breath. She wasn’t one for delivering news. All she ever did was comment on the composers and state whether or not a certain piece moved her emotionally. That was the extent of her on air time. She was there for her musical taste and experience in it, not because she could give the news. And worst of all, she’d never been the sort that could deliver bad news with a straight face. She was far too feeling. That’s why she loved music. That’s why she was such a skilled cellist because she invested her entire being into every piece, but now she was going to have to give the news because headquarters had said so. “We have just learned that Paulina Balcázar, girlfriend of Prince Harry of Wales has been involved in an automobile accident.”

Accident.

That was it.

That was enough to make Alfred lose it. He didn’t even bother with pulling over to the side of the road to hear the rest of it. He stopped right in the middle of it. Not caring if he was holding everyone up or if the person behind him had just narrowly avoided hitting him or if the vehicles were blaring their horns. He would not move. He could not.

“Accounts indicate that the accident occurred at a quarter to eleven in the gated community of Imperial Crescent, located in Fulham. Reports of the incident first surfaced online, where they were published by members of the tabloid press whom had been present. It was then taken into account by the BBC, whom verified the reports authenticity.” She paused. It all sounded so formal and cold. Why did it sound so detached? “Our news department was able to confirm that Miss Balcázar had indeed been struck by a vehicle while she was present on the street.” She took in a deep breath. “As you can imagine there are many stories coming in now. There is quite a bit of speculation regarding as to how it was that Miss Balcázar was struck by the Aston Martin. As of yet, we do not know the circumstances leading to the collision, but we can confirm that emergency services were dispatched to the scene. We can also confirm that Miss Balcázar has been transported to The Royal London Hospital. She arrived a short while ago, accompanied by Prince Harry.” Her voice faltered. “That is the extent of information that we have at present. As stated prior, there is quite a bit of speculation currently circulating the internet and gossip circles on television and radio, but as of yet, we have not been able to confirm any of them. At this moment, the only information that has been confirmed is that Miss Balcázar was struck by an Aston Martin and that she arrived at The Royal London Hospital accompanied by Prince Harry of Wales. It has been confirmed that Prince Harry was not struck by the vehicle, although photographs have emerged of his arm being in a sling at the moment in which they arrived at the hospital.” She was almost done. Just a bit more and she could get back to Bartók. “For further developments, tune into BBC Radio 5 Live. They will be covering the story as it develops.” She couldn’t help it. She had to go off script. “Our prayers are with Miss Balcázar at this time. We dedicate this night of programming to her."

It wasn’t until they resumed the Concerto that Alfred regained his senses. He had singlehandedly shut down a lane of traffic for two entire minutes. The people in his lane were struggling to merge onto the next and those that were driving by him, made sure to flip him off and curse, but he hadn’t noticed any of that. He’d gone into shock. And who could blame him? He’d gotten off the phone with her not to long ago and now she was in the hospital. How the fuck had that happened? How the fuck had she ended up in front of that Aston Martin? The only thing he could think of was that she’d been trying to run away from Harry and his security details. That was the only reason why she would run across the street without looking both ways. She was always so cautious about that. In fact, she’d told him off several times during their stint at Oxford because he always forgot to look both ways. So he knew in his heart that she hadn’t been thinking straight when the accident happened. She couldn’t have.

Despite having regained his senses, Alfred didn’t pull off to the side of the street. He was still there, blocking off the line, and the driver that was stuck behind him had grown so fed up that she stormed out of her car, determined to have a go at him.

“Oi!” she bellowed as she pounded on his window. “Don’t try to ignore me, because my arse isn’t going anywhere! You’ve bloody well made sure of that!”

Alfred was taken aback by the shouting, and finally tore his gaze away from his steering wheel. He stared at the young woman in confusion. What was she so angry about? Why was she trying to have a go at him?

“Is . . . is anything the matter?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“Anything the matter?” she scoffed. “You’ve some fucking nerve asking that!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t –”

“Ya don’t what?” she interjected. “You’ve not realized that you’ve been an arsehole that’s stopped traffic! I nearly crashed into you because you just fucking stopped out of nowhere! And there’s a fucking line all the way to the next light because of you!”

“I apologize.” Alfred told her. “I hadn’t realized I’d closed off the lane.”

“Well ya did,” she said, gruffly. “Now are ya gonna fucking move or what? Because traffic’s not letting me merge into the next lane and I’ve got to get my arse home, because I left my two year old with my husband, and I love the bastard but I don’t particularly trust him. So fucking move or else I’ll start breaking windows. That clear?” She waited until he nodded. “Get on with it then.”

Alfred was in no condition to drive. His arms were trembling his vision was blurred by tears, he was liable to get himself into an accident if he drove off, but he couldn’t just stay there. That wasn’t an option available to him. So he did the only thing he could do. He pulled off to the side of street, where there was an empty spot in front of a little bistro.

Once parked, he shut off the engine and did the only thing he could do, he cried. He cried like he hadn’t cried since his nanny passed away. He cried and cursed and slammed his fist on the steering wheel, sometimes landing a blow on the horn. He was an absolute mess. This wasn’t to happen. He was supposed to get to her flat and pick her up and take her home and make things better. He was supposed to keep her safe, but he hadn’t. And at first he blamed himself for having taken so long and he blamed the traffic and the tourist, but then he realized that according to what had been reported, she’d gotten into the accident only a few minutes after having hung up with him. There was nothing he could’ve done differently. There was no use in blaming himself, but he still did. He’d promised to be there for always. But where was she when the Aston Martin struck her? Where was he? He wallowed there for a good while. He cried and he cried and he kept on cursing and then suddenly, in the middle of a profanity laced rant against Prince Harry, he realized that someone had to tell her family. Someone had to tell them before the press showed up to make a spectacle of their sorrow, so despite the fact that he was still crying and that he hadn’t a clue as to what he’d say, he picked up his mobile and dialed Luis.

The phone rang several times before there was an answer. It actually went to voicemail four times before Luis finally picked up. He would’ve gotten to it sooner, but he’d been finishing up with a patient, a teenage boy who had lots of questions regarding sex. Luis had initially felt uncomfortable. It was the sort of conversation that was better left for a father to have with his son, but the teenager had said that would’ve been awkward and he needed answers since he and his girlfriend were planning on having sex soon. They were barely going into their freshman year of high school which was why Luis immediately told him that it might be better to wait on it for a year or two. He explained that sex was a big deal, that it wasn’t something that should be rushed into just because they were going into high school, but the young man insisted they were ready, and feeling it his duty to prevent a teenage pregnancy, Luis explained how to put on a condom and then gave the boy a brand new box of Trojans. He also told him to tell his girlfriend to get on birth control, just to make sure all basis were covered. The teenager left with a massive grin on his face, and his dad who’d been waiting outside, thanked Luis for having given his son the talk. His wife had told him that he was supposed to take care of it, but like his son, he thought it’d be too awkward. So it was a task that had been left to Luis, and when he went back to his office, he thought he was just going to grab his lunch box and go home, but when he took his phone from his desk, he saw his phone was ringing.
Without bothering to check who it was, he answered. He expected it to be his mom, reminding him to pick up his dad’s prescription from the pharmacy, but instead of hearing his mother’s voice on the other end, he heard Alfred’s.

“Thank God you’ve answered!” blurted out Alfred, utterly unaware as to how that must’ve sounded to Luis. “I was afraid I’d have to call your parents, but you’ve answered and now I don’t have to. And just – thank God! I don’t know how I . . . I couldn’t have, not with them. I couldn’t have.”

“What do you mean you couldn’t have?” asked Luis, the smile vanishing from his face. “What couldn’t you have done? What the hell’s going on, Alfred? Why are you calling this late? Isn’t it after eleven over there?”

“It is.” Alfred confirmed. “And I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t want your family finding out from the press. I would’ve never forgiven myself if you’d learned through them.”

“Quit rambling and just tell me what the fuck’s going on.”

“Your sister . . .” Alfred hadn’t thought about how difficult it would be to deliver the news. He’d only thought about how important it was to tell Luis. For some reason he thought that telling her brother would be easy, it would spare him somehow, because he knew he didn’t have the heart to tell her parents. That’s why he was telling Luis, so then Luis could have that burden fall on his shoulders, but now that he had Luis on the line, now that he had to say it, his resolve suddenly weakened and all he could do was burst into a fresh set of tears. “I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m terribly sorry. I never intended to drag this out as long as I have. I believed myself capable of just saying it, but it’s not that easy. It’s not . . .” With his free hand, he covered his eyes and attempted to compose himself.

“It’s okay, Alfred.” Luis’ tone softened, but despite that, he grew increasingly worried. What had happened to make Alfred cry like that? What was going on in London? “Just breathe, man. Let’s get you calmed down.”

“There’s no calming down,” whispered Alfred. “Not after what I heard on the radio.”
“Was the radio talking shit about my sister?” asked Luis. “Because she’s told me that we’re never supposed to pay it any attention.”

“If only it’d been that simple. You see, it was the BBC. And . . . well, the BBC doesn’t report anything unless it’s true. They’ve actual journalistic integrity, and I was driving to go pick her up, because –”

“What do you mean you were gonna go pick her up? Wasn’t she with Harry?”

“She was, but . . .” Alfred wasn’t sure as to whether Luis knew. He felt the pregnancy was the sort of thing that Paulina would keep to herself until she told Harry. “Truth is, I don’t know what happened, I reckon they quarreled though, because she called me about a half hour ago, saying that she needed me to pick her up, that she couldn’t stay there, and –”

“¡Hijo de su chingada madre! (Son of a bitch!)” roared Luis. “Sabía que ese maldito no iba tener los huevos para quedarse con ella. ¡Lo sabía! Pero se las va a ver conmigo, porque nadie la falta el respeto a mi hermana. Me lo voy a chingar. ¡Maldito sea! (I knew that asshole wasn’t going to stay with her. I knew it! But he’s gonna get what’s coming to him, because no one disrespects my sister. I’m gonna fuck him up. Damn him!)”

“I’ve no clue what you’re saying, but I reckon I feel the same.” Alfred told him. And he meant it. He could feel the intensity and hatred dripping from Luis’ words, and it resonated with him. “He’s not who I imagined him to be. He’s an absolute cad. And she was trying to get away from him. She’d been calling nonstop for twenty minutes, but I wasn’t answering because it was showing up as private, and I thought the press had got hold of my number. There’d been a time when those bastards pestered me nonstop, so I was afraid they were up to that again, but it was her. She was calling from a private number because she couldn’t get to her phone.” He stopped, realizing that he was rambling again. “For fuck’s sake, I can’t stop rambling! I don’t mean to, honest. It’s just . . . I feel I have to explain why it was I couldn’t get to her in time.”

“Forget about it, Alfred.” Luis spoke in a calm, reassuring voice. “I don’t need any explanations from you. I know you always have my sister’s back. That’s why my brother’s and I like you so much. What I do need is for you to tell me what happened. What did the BBC say?”

“They . . . well, I suppose I must get on with it. I called so that I could give the news, because I felt it only right you heard it from me and not those bastards in the press, though I truly take no pleasure in telling you.” Alfred felt he had to give a disclaimer. That he had to convey just how much he hated being the bearer of bad news. He knew he couldn’t stall much longer, he had to tell Luis. So he took in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and said, “The BBC announced that she’d been struck by an Aston Martin.”

Alfred had mentally prepared himself for multilingual expletives. He was ready to hear Luis talk shit about Harry and the Queen and anything connected to the Royal Family, because that’s what he would’ve done had he been in Luis’ shoes. In fact, he had done it – just a bit though. He’d spoken ill of Harry to Luis, he’d cursed, though only in English, and he had cried. He’d fucking stopped traffic with his crying. So he was expecting Luis to take the cursing and the crying to another level, but that didn’t happen. Not at first.

Luis actually just sort of stood there, silent. The phone was still held up to his ear, he was still standing in the exact position as when he’d been waiting for Alfred to tell him what was going on, but the one difference was that his eyes weren’t closed anymore. He’d thought that if he closed them, it would make the news easier to take. That for some reason, it would make everything okay, but when he heard his sister had been hit by a car, his fucking eyes snapped wide open.

There was panic in them, as well as dread, but there weren’t any tears. He was far too busy thinking. His body couldn’t spare the energy for tears, not with his mind racing the way it was. What condition was his sister in? Had she broken any bones? Perhaps her hip had been damaged on impact, and he for sure knew that her ribs had to be bruised or fractured, because you can’t fucking get hit by a car and not have fucked up ribs. And what about the baby? How was Thea? Was Thea okay or was . . . well, was she going to be miscarried? Those were the thoughts that bombarded him. That was what he was focused on. He wanted to know if she was okay, he wanted to know how the pregnancy was going, he wanted to know everything that Alfred could tell him, but he couldn’t even ask.

After nearly three minutes of silence, Alfred couldn’t take it anymore and broke it.

“Luis,” he called out to him. “You still there, mate?”

He parted his lips to reply, but all that came out was a whimper.

“I know,” said Alfred, understanding Luis’ pain. “Believe me, I know. That’s why I had such trouble telling you. I couldn’t bring myself to say it, because it was so horrid.” The tears once more crept up on him. “For God’s sake, how could this have happened to our Paulin?”

“It shouldn’t have.” Luis suddenly found the strength to speak. “That fucking driver should’ve been watching out. I mean, what the fuck? You know? If you’re gonna be driving, then you have to fucking pay attention to the road. That’s what they tell you when you take a driving test, but no. That fucking bastard ran my little sister over.” His voice cracked. “He shouldn’t have done that, and if he did have to hit someone, then it should’ve been that fucking coward.” He had never been one to wish harm on others, but at that moment, he wasn’t thinking clearly. He was blinded by his anger and despair, and they made him wish that Harry had been the injured party. “His ass should’ve been the one that got run over. Not her. Not my little sister!”

Luis was so caught up in his emotions that he failed to check his volume. He didn’t realize that his words had been heard throughout the entire floor. Particularly, the last bit. He had shouted that with such intensity that it literally caused the doctors to abandon their offices and flood the hallway. His words had been indiscernible, but the pain behind them, the fierceness, had struck them all.

And although no one knew who had shouted or what was wrong, they felt obligated to find out. Because what if someone was having a heart attack in their office? What if something life threatening had happened? Those were the things coursing through their minds as they flooded the hallway. That’s why they immediately started scanning one another’s faces. They were trying to figure out who was missing, a task made difficult by the fact that several of their coworkers were absent. Had the majority of them been there, it would’ve been easier to narrow it down, but with so many of them gone, the only thing the doctors could think to do was to search every office.

Since Daniella hadn’t seen Luis in the hallway, she decided to check his office. He was very particular about people invading his privacy, what with what he’d been through since his sister started dating Harry, so she figured he’d appreciate that she’d been the one to look. That way if he was taking a nap in his office or listening to music, he’d see her face and not one of the others, but when Daniella stepped into his office, she didn’t find him on the couch or behind his desk with the headphones on. She found him standing next to his desk, red faced and trembling violently.

“Luis!” she cried out as she ran to him. “What’s going on? You’re trembling and flushed, and – shit! Let’s sit you down. Come on, let’s get you on the couch. I want to check your blood pressure. Okay?” She expected Luis to reply, but he appeared to be in shock. Knowing that she needed to get him to relax, she led him to the couch and sat him down. “Shh. Calm down there, Luis. It’s okay. Everything’s okay. Just breathe with me. Let’s take a deep breath. Good job. Now exhale.” As she spoke, she soothingly rubbed his back. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. You just have to breathe to work through it. I know it might feel difficult, but you can manage. I know you can.”

As Daniella comforted him, the doctors began to crowd the doorway. She knew Luis wouldn’t want to be seen in that condition, so she ran to the door and in a low voice told her colleagues that she had everything under control. That said, she closed the door and returned to the couch, where she remained until Luis calmed down.

“How do you feel?” she asked him. “Are you experiencing any chest pain or shortness of breath? How about any dizziness?”

“I’m fine,” said Luis in a shaky voice.

“Like hell you are.”

“I’m fine.” He repeated, a bit firmer.

“You don’t look it.” She stated sternly. “When I walked in you were bright red and shaking all over. So whether you like it or not, I’m going to make sure everything checks out. Now sit here while I examine you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” He insisted. “Look, I appreciate that you came to check up on me, I really do, but I don’t have time to be examined, even though I wish I did, because I honestly feel like my heart’s gonna give out, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that my sister . . .” he trailed off. It had suddenly become too much for him. He finally burst into tears. Daniella made a move to hug him, but he held his hand up in protest. He focused all his energy on getting his crying under control. He couldn’t waste time like that. Not when he didn’t know how his sister was doing. It took several minutes, but he eventually composed himself enough to speak. “I’m sorry, Dani. I know I should thank you for being here for me, but I . . . I need to be alone.”

“Are you sure?”

“No,” he told her. “But I’ve got my sister’s friend on the phone, and I need to hear what he has to say. He just fucking told me that a car hit her and –” He gritted his teeth, forcing back the sob.

“They ran her over?” Daniella’s eyes widened in horror. Her mind instantly went to the baby growing inside Paulina. “Do you know how she is? If the baby’s okay?”

“I don’t know.” He felt so helpless saying that. He was her older brother. He should’ve known how she was doing. “All I know is that she got hit.”

“Well then talk to her friend, find out as much as you can, and if you need me, don’t hesitate to call.” She took his hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “She’ll be alright, Luis.”

“Will she?”

“Of course she will. You Balcázars are tough.” She shot him one last reassuring smile, and left.

Luis took in a deep breath, and then raised the phone to his ear, “You still there?”

“I am.” Alfred replied.

“What else did they say? Did they say how she’s doing?”

“Unfortunately not. The only thing they said was that she’d been taken to The Royal London Hospital, accompanied by Prince Harry.”

“Fuck that puto (coward)!” hissed Luis. “He has no right to be there with my sister. He fucking turns his back on her and then he fucking rides in the ambulance with her. Fuck that shit!”

“I agree entirely. Fuck that shit!” Alfred cursed passionately, despite the fact that the phrase sounded so strange coming from him. “But don’t worry, he won’t be there long. As soon as I hang up with you, I’m driving over to the hospital. I’ll stay to make sure our Paulina’s seen to, and I’ll keep you updated as to her condition. I promise.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me and my family.” Luis heart swelled with gratitude. “We’re seriously in your debt.”

“Don’t be daft,” said Alfred. “I’m doing this as much for myself as I am for you. She’s as good as a sister to me. So it’s my duty to look after her. I’ll be at her side until she’s discharged from the hospital and then I will personally see her home to California.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Luis told him. “I’m flying out there. I’ve just got to go home first and tell my parents what’s going on, but once I do that, I’ll hopefully be out on a flight today. So you just have to keep her safe until I get there.”

“Do let me know when it is you’re arriving. That way I can meet you at the airport.”

“No.” Luis firmly stated. “You stay with my sister. That’s all that matters right now. My ass will get a taxi, and I’ll be set.”

“I will not have you hailing a taxi when you should be able to come directly to your sister. No, I’m afraid that if you will not allow me to fetch you from the airport, then I will send a driver. And don’t you dare try to talk me out of it, because my mind is quite made up.” Alfred waited for Luis to say something, but all he heard was crying. “She will pull through, Luis. She’s a fighter, she is.”

“I know, man. I know.” He told him. “I was just . . . it’s good to know that we can count on you. You know? Because she was so fucking in love with him and he just turned his back on her, and that makes you question people, but you . . . fucking Alfred, you’re always good. And I just – thanks. Thank you for calling, thank you for being there for us. Just thank you, man.” Luis took in a deep breath. “Thank you on behalf of myself and my family. “

“You’re quite welcome, though I continue to insist there is no need for thanks.” Now that he’d spoken with Luis, Alfred felt a bit better. He felt fit to drive to the hospital. “Well then Luis, I think it right I head over to the hospital now, but do let me know which flight you’ll travel on.”

“I will,” assured Luis as he sniffled. “Goodbye Alfred. Thanks again.”

The call had barely ended before another came in. It was Olivia calling, and despite the fact that Alfred was nervous about talking to her, he knew he had to pick up.

“Hello darling.” Alfred greeted her.

“Did you hear?” Olivia asked, not bothering to say her own hello. “It’s all over the news! And at first I thought it was only a nasty rumor, but the BBC’s confirmed it! And they don’t go around reporting nonsense, so it has to be true! It has to!” She burst into tears. “Poor Paulin. What were the bloody odds of her being hit by a car? How the hell did that happen? She’s always so careful about those things. Look both ways, she always pestered you when you’d forget. But now she’s gotten run over, and there’s no word as to how she’s doing. Well, no official word. There’s all these rumors about her, but the BBC’s not said a thing about the condition. And I’m so worried. This wasn’t supposed to happen to her. And Harry! I feel awful for him. First his mother’s killed in a car crash, and now Paulin’s _”

“Don’t you dare feel awful for him!” snapped Alfred, forgetting himself.

“Why would you say that?” asked a baffled Olivia. “He’s her boyfriend! He must be absolutely gutted by this, and he’s probably relieving some very traumatizing –”

“Fuck him.” Alfred stated. And before Olivia could get a word in he said, “It’s because of him that she’s in the bloody hospital.”

“That’s not true.” Olivia argued. “It wasn’t the press that caused the accident. It was – well, I don’t bloody well know what caused it, but I know it wasn’t him or the press.”

“But it was him! They were quarrelling, and I wager that she was trying to run away from him when the Aston Martin hit her.”

“And how do you know they were quarreling?”

“Because she called me!” he exclaimed. “She rang about thirty minutes ago, asking that I go pick her up because she needed to get away from him. And I was in the middle of a shower, and his flat’s far so I wasn’t able to get there before it happened. So believe me, darling. He is not to be pitied.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she whispered. “Why would they have been quarreling? What could’ve –?”

“I don’t know.” He lied. “All I know is that she was bloody sobbing when she rang. And she wasn’t even using her mobile, it was a private number she was calling from, because apparently, she couldn’t get to her own. So I don’t know what it was they were quarreling about, but it must’ve been big. And like I said before, I wager that she was trying to get away from him when she was run over. I’ve a feeling that’s what happened.”

“But he loves her,” argued Olivia, struggling to understand what she’d been told. “And he was there with her in the ambulance.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means he wants to make sure she’s alright!”

“Perhaps he might feel guilty.”

“Alfred!” exclaimed Olivia, reproachfully.

“Look Olivia, I know it’s hard to believe, but they were quarreling. She told me so herself. She called me nonstop until I picked up, and when I did, she begged for me to pick her up. So I might not know what they fought about or why, but I know she wanted to get away.”

“I just can’t believe it though,” she said. “He loves her!”

“She wanted to get away from him,” repeated Alfred. There was a part of him that was tempted to tell Olivia what he knew, just to make her as angry as he felt towards Harry, but he kept that back. It wasn’t his news to divulge. “She wanted to leave.”

“I don’t understand why though. It doesn’t make sense.”

“I know it doesn’t, but I only know what she told me.”

“Are you sure she didn’t mention what they quarreled about?”

“I am.” He told her. “She didn’t say what it was.”

“Do you reckon he cheated?” asked Olivia. “Maybe there was something more to those pictures of him with those birds?”

“Could be,” he lied.

“That bastard!” Olivia was getting worked up. “And to think I supported him so much. To think . . .”

“Don’t beat yourself up.” Alfred told her. “It’s not like you had to do with anything. That’s all on him, him alone. What we need to worry about is Paulina. I just rang Luis to tell him what happened.”

“How did he take it?”

“Badly,” confided Alfred. “He was sobbing like mad when I told him, not that it could’ve been helped. I was the same, really. I closed an entire lane of traffic, because for the life of me, I couldn’t move. It was awful hearing that and it was awful telling him, but he composed himself well enough and I told him everything I knew, and he said he’d fly out later today.” He took in a shaky breath. “And I promised I’d see to her in the hospital.”

“Of course you will,” said Olivia, pleased by him. “She needs you there, and I’ll be there soon as I can. Everyone here knows I’m mates with her, what with all the pictures in the tabloids, so there hopefully won’t be an issue and if there is, well then to hell with them. I know where I’m needed. You just get to her, Alfie. Stay at her side and let her know she’s loved.”

“I will.” He promised.

“In that case, I’ll let you get going. Are you almost at the hospital?”

“No. I was actually on my way to Harry’s flat when I heard the news and then I called her brother, and I . . . I really don’t know how far I am from the hospital.”

“S’alright,” she told him. “The navigation will take care of that. You just get to her. Now go on, look after her. I’ll give you a ring when I’m on way. I love you, Alfie.”

“And I you, darling. Goodbye.”

He hung up, and then searched for the address of The Royal London Hospital so that he could input it into his navigation system. He’d never been very quick at typing on his phone, but on that night, he was every bit a professional, and as soon as he got the address, he inputted the information and was then on his way. He drove faster than the posted limit, not substantially faster, but enough to cut the drive time by seven minutes. When he got to the hospital, he’d expected to go in through the Accidents and Emergency main entrance, but there were cameras everywhere, they weren’t crowding the entrance, but they were on the street across it. The photographers had initially blocked off the entrance and had to be removed because it was bothersome to the patients that were seeking treatment, so they were on the other side of the street, with their cameras out, ready to snaps shots of a familiar face, and Alfred knew that if they saw him, they would swarm.

So he took the long way. He parked further out and then attempted to walk in through a side entrance, but it was closed off, the only way of getting in was through that main Accident and Emergency entrance, and so he tried to quietly slip in, but the paparazzi saw him and began screaming his name. They were getting their cameras ready to start taking their shots, but Alfred sprinted into the building, leaving them without any photo op.

Once inside, he took a moment to compose himself. He was breathing hard from having sprinted, which wasn’t the best thing to have done after having cried so much, but in time, his breathing steadied, and when he felt ready, he began to walk over to the nurse’s station. He was going to ask them what room Paulina was in and how she was doing. He had a feeling they wouldn’t tell him anything, they’d probably think he was with the press, but he had faith that if he showed them some pictures on his mobile and that if he gave them his identification and asked them to search his name online, they would see that he wasn’t some wanker trying to get a scoop, but that he was really just a concerned friend.

As he walked towards the station, he practiced what he would tell them, but just before he reached it, he heard his name call out. He had half a mind to tell him to fuck off, but he wasn’t going to make a scene at the hospital. That would piss off Paulina, and to be honest, Alfred wasn’t the sort for those dramatics. So instead he turned in direction of the voice, and sure enough, there was Harry. He looked rough. His hair was an absolute mess and his eyes were swollen from all the crying he’d done, and for a moment, Alfred felt bad for him. For a moment, he was tempted to comfort him, but then he remembered the frantic phone call he’d received from Paulina, then his heart hardened, and he looked at Harry with contempt.

Not that Harry noticed it. He was just so relieved to see a familiar face that he failed to notice how unwelcomed he was. He was just grateful that Alfred was there. Now he had someone to sit with, he had someone to pass the agonizing minutes with. Alistair had been fine, but it wasn’t the same. Alfred was a direct link to Paulina. He was her best friend, and having him there felt right, it felt like there was a bit of her there, and in his emotional state, Harry practically ran to Alfred. And when he reached him, he wrapped his arms around him and just held on tight. He was hoping to find strength in the embrace, to find some reassurance, but that was all missing. No reassurance was given, no strength found. Alfred didn’t even make the effort to hug Harry back, his arms lay at his side, his hands were balled into tight fists, and he was so disgusted by Harry that he couldn’t hold his tongue.

“Coward,” he whispered into Harry’s ear.

Harry pulled away, stunned.

“W-what?” Harry stuttered, utterly confused.

“You heard me,” said Alfred in a low voice. “Now how is she? The BBC only said she’d been in an accident. They didn’t mention anything about her condition. Was she conscious when she arrived? Was there any blood?”

But he couldn’t reply. Harry was at a loss as to why Alfred would call him a coward.

“What’s the matter with you?” he found himself saying. “Where do you get off calling me a coward? Do ya reckon I saw the bloody Aston Martin coming, and did nothing? Because I’ll have you know if I’d –”

“That’s not why.” Alfred paused. “You know it’s not why.”

“I don’t, actually.” Harry was growing irritated.

“Don’t lose your temper.” Alfred told him. “The last thing Paulina needs is us having a go at each other in the waiting area.”

“I’m not having a go at you. You’re having a go at me.”

“All I did was call you what you are. If you’ve a problem with that, then take it up with yourself, because I didn’t make you a coward.”

“Enough!” hissed Harry. “Where do you get off saying that?”

“Where do I get off?” repeated Alfred. “Well, if you must know, I received a very disturbing phone call earlier this evening. Do you know who it was from? I’m sure you do. It was from my dear friend, begging me to pick her up.”

“Bullshit. Her phone was upstairs.”

“Didn’t say she called from her phone, did I?” It was then that Alfred noticed the sling on his arm. “How’d that happen?”

“Training injury.” Harry lied, unconvincingly.

“Of course, it is.” Alfred had a feeling Paulina had done that, and he was pleased. “Now that we’ve had our chat, are you going to tell me how she is or must I throw a fit at the nurse’s station?”

“Ask Alistair.” Harry told him. “I’ve nothing to say to you.”

“Right then,” said Alfred, and he walked off towards Alistair. “His Royal Highness said it was with you that I must inquire as to the state of my friend. So here I am. And I do hope you’ll tell me, because I need to know how she’s doing.”

“We don’t know.” Alistair honestly replied. “No one’s been out to talk with His Royal Highness.”

“Are you serious?”

Alistair nodded.

“Well then can you at least tell me if she was conscious when she arrived here? Did she lose a lot of blood?”

“She was conscious.” Alistair informed him. “She was wide awake after the accident, so much so that she was giving orders to the paramedics in regards to the treatment she could receive. As for the blood loss, there was some, but not much.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“When she hit the windshield, the glass . . . well, it cracked.” Alistair visibly cringed at the memory. “Not much, mind you. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for the right side of her face to sustain damage, directly above her eyebrow there was a deep gash and there was some glass embedded into her skin, but she wasn’t bleeding substantially. That’s the extent of my knowledge.”

“Are you sure? You don’t know if there were any broken bones or if she had trouble breathing?”

“She did have trouble, with the breathing, that is. This hasn’t been confirmed, but I believe she might have fractured a few ribs during the accident. I’ve had my fair share of those, so I know the signs. Also, I’m quite certain she’s broken her right arm. What with the way she was cradling her –” He stopped himself before he could divulge the fact that her hand had instinctively cradled her lower belly.

“Cradling what?” inquired Alfred, although he knew what she’d be protecting.

“Nothing,” replied Alistair. “Nothing at all, I was merely speculating. It was not my place to do so. I do apologize.”

“Well then, if you’ve nothing else to add, I’ll give her brother a –”

“The Balcázars!” exclaimed Alistair, his eyes widening. “How could we have forgotten them? I . . . I’ll inform them directly.”

“Calling her family isn’t something you just forget,” said Alfred, reproachfully. “Nor is calling me, for that matter. I shouldn’t have learned about her accident, by hearing it on the radio. That’s something that should’ve been told to me over the phone by one of you. After all, I know you lot have my number, what with all the security checks that have been done to my cottage, but no one rang.” He had to take a deep breath, otherwise he was going to lose his temper. “I had to hear about it from Rachel Nakamura on BBC 3. Can you believe that? I’m Paulin’s best mate, and yet, I found out along with everyone else. That’s not right. Not right at all. I’ve been here longer than you lot. I’ve looked after her as if she were my own sister, and yet no one had the decency to give me a ring.” He blinked away the tears that stung at his bloodshot eyes. “Were you lot afraid of her having someone here that actually cares for her?”

“Sir, I understand that your emotions are running high, but I resent the implication that we –”

“Resent it.” Alfred told him. “What do I care if you do? The only thing I’m presently concerned with is my mate’s wellbeing. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to ring Luis.”

And as Alfred called Luis, Paulina threw a fit in the examination room.

“Surgery?” she repeated. Her swollen eyes wide with fear. “What do you mean, surgery? I don’t fucking need that. It’s a broken arm. All you have to do is snap the bones back into a place and put a cast on it.”

“I’m afraid that’s not the case with your particular fracture, Miss Balcázar.” Doctor Bhatnagar told her. “In most cases when the radius and ulna have both been compromised, surgery is necessary.”

“What part of I don’t need surgery, don’t you understand?" She was growing frantic. She couldn’t have surgery. She didn’t want to risk anything happening to Thea. That was why she had denied the morphine that had been offered to her. She knew it would’ve made things so much easier, but she’d rather be in pain than risk Thea’s wellbeing. “I mean, look at my arm! The bones aren’t sticking out of anything. They’re still inside, so snap them in place. I’m fucking ready for it. I promise I won’t scream. Just give me something to bite on.”

“Miss . . .”

“Do it,” she cut her off. “Please.”

“X-rays must be taken to ascertain whether or not surgery is avoidable.” Dr. Bhatnagar informed her. “And I think it only right that we also have X-rays taken of your chest. That way we know for certain how many ribs were fractured in the accident. Though I believe the majority of them were merely bruised in the collision.”

“Why are you bringing up X-rays?” she asked. “I can’t have them. You know I can’t.”

“There was nothing in your medical records that suggest –”

“Malditos idiotas (Fucking idiots)!” she cursed. “I can’t believe they didn’t tell you! I fucking told them so that in case I passed out, they’d let you know.”

“Let me know what, Miss?”

“That I’m pregnant.”

The staff exchanged uneasy glances amongst themselves, only Doctor Bhatnagar remained unaffected.

“How far along?” she asked.

“Ten weeks,” replied Paulina. “Nearly eleven.”

“Then I’m ordering an MRI without a contrast injection. That way we’ll have a clear visual as to what’s occurred within you. Though I firmly believe the damage is minimal. It certainly might not feel like it at present, but you were fortunate to have rolled onto the hood.” She paused, briefly. “Now that I am aware of your pregnancy, I will send for an OBG to conduct a thorough examination and to advise me in your treatment. An ultrasound tech will also be made available.” She turned to her nurse. “Molly, go get Dr. Zanyiwe. Tell him it’s urgent and to bring along his ultrasound tech. And Eric, tell the MRI tech that I will be taking Miss Balcázar to them shortly.”

“You don’t think anything’s happened to my baby, do you?” Paulina didn’t bother to mask her fear. Her voice trembled, tears stung at her eyes. She was a pitiful sight. “I tried to protect her. That’s why my arm’s all fucked up. I covered my womb with it so that the car wouldn’t hit it, and it didn’t . . .” she trailed off. “My damn arm’s broken. It took the hit. My baby has to be okay. She has to be! Tell me, she is. Please, tell me she’s okay.”

“That, I cannot say.” Dr. Bhatnagar honestly answered. “Though there was no spotting or bleeding when you arrived, which is undoubtedly a positive sign.”

“A long time’s passed since then.” She wanted to reach down. To touch herself so that she could make sure she wasn’t bleeding, but her right arm was fucking useless and then left had the IV in it. “Will you check me?”

The Doctor nodded and then went to the bottom of the examination table. Gently, she lifted Paulina’s gown so as to see the space beneath her bottom, and when she did, she was relieved to not see a single drop of blood.

“No bleeding,” she told her.

Paulina let out a sigh of relief.

“Tell me, have you experienced any cramping or pain in your abdomen?” inquired Dr. Bhatnagar.

It was an easy enough question, one that a simple yes or no would’ve been enough for, but the problem was that Paulina was incapable of distinguishing what hurt and what didn’t. The accident had left her body in a perpetual state of agony. Her bruised and fractured ribs made breathing a challenge, her broken arm throbbed, her sides felt as though they’d been trampled on by an entire football team. She wasn’t fit to say whether or not she was experiencing any cramping or pain, because the truth was that she didn’t know. Everything just hurt. Everything needed mending.

“I don’t know,” she found herself saying in a small, childlike voice.

“How can you possibly not know?” Dr. Bhatnagar said without thinking.

“Because everything hurts!” she cried out. “So I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you if I’m experiencing any irregular cramping or pain in my abdomen, because I honestly don’t fucking know if I am. If I did, I’d tell you. Believe me, I would, because I want to know everything’s okay with my baby.” She shut her eyes tight and gritted her teeth, trying to keep her emotions in check until the OBG arrived. She was emotionally exhausted and wanted nothing more than to just pass out so that she wouldn’t feel anything anymore, but she had to keep her wits about her for as long as she could. She had to hear her daughter’s heartbeat and consent to a course of treatment before she could completely lose it. “I . . . I can’t lose her.”

Shortly thereafter, Doctor Zanyiwe arrived. He was accompanied by his ultrasound technician, who was flushed from having to keep up with the Doctor’s quick pace, while simultaneously pushing along her machine. They had been briefed by Molly as to the necessity of the upmost discretion, and while not having mentioned Paulina’s name out of fear of being overheard by other staff or patients, she did tell them that it was a high profile public figure. Had the pair not had such a busy night in their department, they would’ve known that Paulina had been rushed in by paramedics, and they would’ve suspected that she was the mysterious patient. As it was, they hadn’t a clue as to her arrival. Doctor Zanyiwe had been busy delivering a child when she arrived, and as for Brenda – well, she’d been with Doctor Mayhew, who was examining a patient who had experienced light bleeding during her seventh month of pregnancy.

Needless to say, when the pair entered the examination room, their eyes went a bit wide. They glanced at one another, unsure if they’d been brought into the right room. There was no way that Prince Harry’s girlfriend could be in need of an ultrasound.

“Thank you for coming so quickly.” Dr. Bhatnagar broke the awkward silence. “Do come closer so that I can brief you as to what has occurred.”

“Yes, of course,” replied Dr. Zanyiwe as he stepped further into the room, stopping at the foot of the table.

“Hello Doctor.” Paulina greeted him in a strained voice.

“Miss Balcázar, it is a privilege.” He replied. “How can I be of service?”

“By conducting a thorough examination of Miss Balcázar.” Dr. Bhatnagar stated. “Earlier tonight, she was struck by a sports car. As of yet, I have been able to ascertain that she broken her right arm in two places, that she has suffered bruising and fractures in her ribs, and that she has been spared a concussion. I would like to have an MRI done to see the full extent of her injuries, but before that, we need to know the status of her pregnancy. That way she can be treated accordingly.”

“How far along are you, dear?” Dr. Zanyiwe asked. He knew that pregnant women were in delicate emotional state, and he approached them gently, with a compassionate tone.

“Almost eleven weeks.”

“Congratulations,” he said, using the same smile he did with all his patients. “When did you find out?”

“Earlier this week. I had some really bad back pain, so my brother took me to the hospital and he was gonna run some tests, but he had me pee because he wanted to see if I was pregnant or not, that way he’d know whether to order the X-rays, but it turned out that I am.” She spoke freely, firmly believing that the medical professionals present would not break the confidentiality that existed between her and them. “He had his friend do an ultrasound and everything checked out. They said that my baby and I were both healthy.” She hesitated a moment before saying, “And I hope you’ll be saying that too.”

“As do I, truly.” He was at the sink, thoroughly washing his hands. “But before I can do that, we must have ourselves a look.” He walked back to her. “Tell me, have you experienced any abdominal pain or contractions since the accident?”

“I’m not sure,” replied Paulina. “The accident fucked me up, so I can’t really say if the pain in my abdomen is from getting hit or if has anything to do with . . .” she let out a whimper, once more her emotions were threatening to take over. “I haven’t had any contractions though. That I can say for sure.”

“I’m pleased to hear there’ve been no contractions.” He was now at the foot of the examination table. “But since you cannot say for certain what the pain in your abdomen stems from, I think it best that I conduct a bimanual vaginal examination. Tell me, have you ever had one before?”

She nodded.

“Fantastic. Then you know there should be little, if any, discomfort.” He placed his sterile gloves on. “Now that I have made you aware of my intention to carry out the bimanual vaginal examination, do I have your consent to continue?”

“You do.”

“Now then, I suppose we will have to make due with our present circumstances. Were we in my office, I would have had you place your feet in the stirrups, but as that is not possible, I ask that you place your ankles together and let your knees fall apart as far as you can.” He lifted her gown so that scrunched up at her belly button. “Whenever you’re ready,” he told her.

Any other day that wouldn’t have been a big deal for her, she would’ve been able to do it instantly, but the car had left her bruised and in pain, and the simple action of moving her legs so that her ankles were touching made her whimper, and when she began placing her knees apart, she full on yelled, but she pushed through the pain. Despite the fact that Dr. Zanyiwe told her to take a break, she pushed on because she wanted the examination over so that she could have the ultrasound done.

Now that she was in correct position, Dr. Zanyiwe proceeded with the examination. At first, he simply checked the outside of the vagina, inspecting the labia and clitoris for any abnormalities. He found none. That done, he placed lube on the index and middle finger on his right hand.

“What I’m doing now is prepping,” he told Paulina. “I’ve lubricated my fingers so that the pressure you feel is minimal. They have now been properly coated and I will begin the procedure. If at any pain, you experience any pain or discomfort, do not hesitate to tell me.”

He enlisted the service of his thumb and index finger on his left hand to hold apart the labia majora. With them separated, he slowly inserted his right index finger to check for any cervical excitation. He found none, but his patient was already grimacing. It was uncomfortable, and when he introduced his right middle finger, she had to grit her teeth to keep from crying out. There was a part of her that begged for her to tell the doctor she was in pain, that she couldn’t take it. She’d gone through enough that night, what with breaking her arm and fracturing/bruising her ribs, she needed a little peace, she needed to be drugged up and left alone, but her needs and wants were no longer of importance to her heart or mind. They were focused on ensuring that Thea was okay. That was why she didn’t tell Dr. Zanyiwe to stop, that was why when he began to palpate the vaginal walls to feel for abnormalities, she didn’t cry out. She simply gritted her teeth and furrowed her brow, and let the tears fall freely. She could curse and shout after everything was checked out, for now she’d endure.

She did the same thing when he palpated her cervix. It wasn’t until he got to her uterus that she lost composure. By then she was in worse pain than before, but she somehow reasoned that it was okay, that nothing was regular because she’d just been in an accident, so obviously her body was going to more sensitive than usual, but then he reached her uterus, and when she felt his fingers reach it, she took in a sharp breath.

Dr. Zanyiwe immediately stopped. “Have I hurt you?”

“Get on with it,” she said in a strained voice.

“Miss, if I have –”

“Finish!” she demanded, blinking away the tears. “Please, finish . . .”

He had initially wanted to give her a break, a few minutes to compose herself before he checked her uterus, but he knew she was right, it was best to get on with it. Otherwise, he would have to work up to it again, and that would only add to her discomfort.

Since he had to press on, he began to palpate the uterus by pressing it between his index and middle fingers. With that underway, he placed his left hand on her lower abdomen, so that he could apply light pressure to check for masses, but the moment his left hand, came into contact with her lower abdomen, she let out a piercing cry that echoed throughout the entire floor and struck the hearts of those present.

“What’s wrong?” she managed to ask between sobs.

Dr. Zanyiwe removed his fingers. He had hoped there would be no discharge or blood on the glove, but it was drenched, there were even bits of uterine lining.

“What’s wrong?” she forcefully repeated.

“Miss Balcázar, there is no need to worry at present.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” she snapped. “I know something’s wrong.”

“At present, you have uterine tenderness.” He told her, though he also suspected there had been placental abruption, but he would not mention that until it was confirmed. “Which although not ideal, is not altogether a negative indicator.”

“What does it mean then?”

“That we must examine further,” he replied, calmly. “That is why Brenda is going to assist us with an ultrasound.” He looked to his right and saw that Brenda had already set up her machine and was ready to go. “Brenda has set up the unit, and I will now cover your lower body with a sheet.” He took the sterilized sheet from a tray beside the bed and covered her lower body. “There. All covered. Now I will be at Brenda’s side to inspect the ultrasound and we will see where we go from there.”

Dr. Zanyiwe left her side, and Brenda’s smiling face made itself known. She was trained to keep her own emotions at bay. These were pregnant woman and the slightest hint of worry, could set them off. So she had to smile, she had to look composed, and she did it well.
“Hello Miss.” Brenda spoke in a pleasant Northern accent. “As the Doctor said, I’m Brenda, and I’ll be doing your ultrasound today. Now I wasn’t trying to be nosy, but I thought I heard you say that you’d already had one of these.”

“I did.” Paulina answered, struggling to get her sobbing under control. “Earlier t-this week.”

“Pleased to hear it,” said Brenda, still smiling. “That way I don’t have to bore you with how it’ll go. You know that we’ll put a bit of gel on your belly, and that I’ll then I’ll go over it with this wand,” she held it up. “And we’ll be able to see how the little one’s doing.”

The informal manner with which Brenda spoke, set Paulina at ease. That was why Brenda was so respected in her department, she wasn’t awkward with people or cold, she was warm and friendly, and that made all the difference in her particular line of work.

“Now then, I’m going to raise your gown a bit. That alright?” She waited until Paulina nodded and then raised the gown until her belly was fully exposed. There was no small bump or any physical sign of pregnancy, it was too early for that. “Would you like me to warm the gel?”

Paulina shook her head.

“In that case, prepare for a bit of cold.”

She applied a generous amount of the gel, and then placed its container away so that she could go over it with her transducer probe. She had her unit on so that the heartbeat would be heard and monitored on a smaller screen next to the main one that would show the fetus, and after maneuvering the transducer a bit, she was able to get a clear shot of the fetus, and its heartbeat filled the room.

Overwhelmed with relief, Paulina gleefully cried out, “Thea!”

And despite the dried blood in her hair, the stitches over her brow, and the bruising and cuts scattered around her face, she had never looked more beautiful than she did then. It was a mother’s beauty. It was all the love she felt for her daughter, manifesting itself in her smile and her gaze. Her little one was alive. Her heart was beating despite the accident, and Paulina had never been happier than she was then. It was better than going to Disneyland for the first time when she was three years old, or graduating from Stanford and Oxford, it was better than getting her acceptance letter from Harvard. Nothing trumped that moment. Nothing ever would.

Paulina was so overcome with happiness that she failed to notice the concerned looks shared between Brenda and Dr. Zanyiwe. While she was celebrating the fact that she’d heard a heartbeat, they were worried by how low it was. It should’ve been anywhere between 120-180 beats per minutes, but it was a mere 65. Worse than that was the image itself. Dr. Zanyiwe had Brenda maneuver the transducer several times so that he could verify what he suspected, and sure enough, regardless of what position the imagine came in from, it showed that there had been a severe placental separation.

The fetus’ life support system had been compromised. Only a tiny portion of it was still connected to the uterine lining, and it was that portion that was keeping the fetus alive for the moment, but after nearly three decades in his profession, Dr. Zanyiwe knew it would not be enough to transfer the necessary oxygen and nutrients to the baby. Had this occurred when Paulina was seven months along, an emergency cesarean would’ve been performed, but as it was so early on, not even clear of the first trimester, he knew that it would end in a miscarriage – it was only a matter of time.

Would they last the night? Make it to the end of the week? Perhaps they’ve be stronger and manage to survive a few days longer, but there was no way the fetus would make it to full term. Their hours were numbered. And had Paulina been any other patient, he would’ve broken the news to her as gently as he could and then sent her home to miscarry in private. That was the standard practice, because as awful as miscarriages were, they were natural and had to be treated as such.

They kept the ultrasound going for fifteen minutes. It was longer than Brenda accustomed so early in a pregnancy, but Dr. Zanyiwe wanted to see how much the heart rate would drop. It went from 65 bpm to 58 bpm. The change went unnoticed by Paulina. She was far too busy rejoicing in the sound of her child’s heartbeat. It was more beautiful than any symphony, and it gave her peace.

So she lay on that examination table with her eyes closed, smiling as she listened to her daughter’s heartbeat. It had such a profound effect on her that she momentarily forgot her troubles. The fact that Harry refused to recognize his child didn’t matter, the fact that she had broken her arm and fucked up her ribs, was insignificant. All that mattered was that her daughter had survived. All that mattered was that she would be a mother.

It wasn’t until the transducer was removed from her belly that her eyes snapped open. She was irritated. How dare they take away her one comfort? Hearing her daughter’s heartbeat was more efficient than morphine or any fucking pain killer. If they could just let her keep listening, if they could just record it and play it on loop, then she’d let them prod and poke wherever they had to. She just needed to hear that blessed sound.

“Put it back on,” she told them, a smile still on her face. “I need to hear it some more.”

“That wouldn’t be prudent, Miss Balcázar.” It was Dr. Bhatnagar who spoke. She had been discreetly informed of the situation, and was now attempting to take the necessary steps to inform Paulina of it.

“Please,” she pleaded.

“I am afraid that is out of the question. There is a matter that needs discussing.”

“It can wait.” Paulina said, stubbornly.

“Believe me, it cannot.”

Dr. Bhatnagar glanced at Dr. Zanyiwe, and motioned for him to take over. She did not feel it her place to relay the news. It was Dr. Zanyiwe’s duty. It was his area of specializing, so the disagreeable task fell to him.

“Miss Balcázar,” he began hesitantly, like he always did whenever he had to deliver that sort of news.

Dr. Zanyiwe was now at her side. She could see him clearly. She could see the pity on his face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked in a low voice. “There’s pity in your eyes, I can see it, but I don’t get why it’s there. Why are you looking at me like that when everything’s okay? Because everything is okay,” she firmly stated. “We just heard the heartbeat and I haven’t bled, not where it counts. So you better fucking stop looking at me like that, because everything’s fine.”

“Miss Balcázar,” he began once more.

“Don’t you fucking Miss Balcázar, me!” she bellowed. “Everything’s great! Do you hear me? Everything if fucking fantastic and I will not have you ruin it!”

That wasn’t the first time Dr. Zanyiwe had been shouted at by a hormonal pregnant woman. It happened fairly often in his profession, which was why he remained unaffected by the outbursts. He knew better than to tell her she was being silly or that she’d been unreasonable long enough, those were things no pregnant woman should ever hear, which was why he kept quiet and maintained eye contact with her. He knew in time, his empathetic gaze would serve its purpose, and sure enough it did. Her shouting was reduced to sobs, which was then reduced to weeping. He knew that in a moment like that she would feel vulnerable and alone, and so he took her hand in his, planning to simply give it a sympathetic squeeze before letting go, but when his hand touched hers, she held on tight. She needed to feel like someone was there with her, because in a moment like that, she wanted her mom and her dad and Luis and Adrian and Rafa. In a moment like that, she wanted Olivia and Alfred and Rodolfo. She needed them desperately, but her family was in a different country, as was Rodolfo, and Olivia was at work and Alfred was probably freaking out because things hadn’t gone as planned.. So she was on her own, and if Dr. Zanyiwe was going to offer her a bit of compassion, then she would take it.

“There now, Miss Balcázar.”

“Paulina,” she corrected.

“Paulina,” he took his time saying her name. The familiarity brought comfort. He saw it on her face. “I can see how terribly upsetting this all is for you, but I must ask that you give me leave to discuss the results of the examination and ultrasound.”

“I heard her heartbeat,” she whispered, her voice wavering under the intensity of her emotions. “I was so fucking scared that I wouldn’t, but I did. I heard her, but she wasn’t like last time . . . was she?”

“Unfortunately not, Paulina.” He told her. “While I have not seen your medical records from that visit, I know quite well what it must’ve been like. It was thunderous, was it not?”

She nodded, and the tears slid down her face, drenching her hair.

“At ten weeks,” he continued, “the fetal heart rate would have undoubtedly been in the high hundreds, 150 and upwards to 180, but at present it is –”

“Tell me it’s in the hundreds,” she implored, squeezing his hand out of desperation. “Please say she’ll be fine.”

He hesitated a moment before saying, “At the start of the ultrasound, it was at 65. When we finished, it had dropped to 58.”

“Stabilize it!” she demanded. “Do whatever you have to! I give my consent.”

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy.”

“Of course it is!” she snapped, and her pressure on his hand intensified. “We’ll forget the MRI and fixing my arm, what matters is getting her heart rate up. That’s the priority. So do what you have to. Just make sure it stabilizes, because I . . .” she fought back the sob rising in her throat “. . . I can’t lose her.”

This was the part that always broke his heart. He hated having to be the one that crushed their dreams, to be the reason they stopped picking out names and decorating nurseries. He hated having to tell them that there was nothing he could do to save their fetuses, but he had to do it.

“I am sorry, truly I am,” he told her in a calm tone, despite the fact that she was still squeezing his hand. “I had hoped for better news, but unfortunately there has been a severe placental abruption. Nearly all of it has detached from the uterine lining, comprising the fetus’ oxygen and nourishment supplies.”

“Then reattach it.” In her mind, it was that simple. If the placenta had detached, then it could just as easily be reattached. “Let’s go! You need to get me in an operating room so you can fix this.” With each passing moment she grew more hysterical. “What the fuck are you looking at me for? We need to get going!”

“Were it at all medically possible to reattach the placenta, I would do so, but we have no way of doing so.”

“Then what are my options?” she asked. “How am I gonna have my Thea? Because I am going to have her.”

“If you were further along in your pregnancy, an emergency cesarean would have been undertaken, but at this stage, under these conditions, the fetus is not viable outside the womb.” He paused briefly, taking it as a moment to rally himself. “There is nothing to be done, but to wait.”

“No!” she bellowed. “Get the fuck out of here!” she told him and she finally let go of his hand. “Get out! And you!” she glanced over at Dr. Bhatnagar. “Get me another OBG! I need a second opinion! I need –”

That was it. Her body couldn’t keep going anymore. It was one thing to remain somewhat functioning when she was trying to make sure that Thea was okay, but now that she’d been told that there was no hope, now that she’d been informed of her impending miscarriage, she finally succumbed to the pain. The mere act of breathing had been a struggle for her, every breath had been fought for, but now her breathing got away from her. She could no longer manage on the shallow breaths that she had been taking. Now her lungs wanted to expand to full capacity so that they could stabilize the rest of her, but her lungs didn’t have enough room. Three ribs had been fractured, a total of five others had been bruised. They were the ones being tortured by the expanding lungs that were desperate for air. They were the ones that blocked the lungs from taking the breaths they so coveted, and that led to her body trembling violently. She was gasping for breath like a dying fish. Her mouth was wide open, her tear glands had temporarily suspended production. Her body was focused on getting her to breathe, on at least keeping her heart from failing, but the breathing was outside of its control and her heart raced violently, causing the machines she was hooked up to, to wail.

Dr. Bhatnagar immediately sprang into action. After working so many years in the A&E, Dr. Bhatnagar knew how important an injection of propofol was. That was why she always had them on hand, just in the case the patient required it, and when she saw Paulina lose control, she didn’t hesitate to administer the injection.

After doing so, she grabbed the bag valve mask from the crash cart and secured it onto Paulina, whose eyes were beginning to flutter. With the mask secured, she began to squeeze every five to six seconds. Dr. Bhatnagar could have easily had a nurse do the pumping, but she was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t relegate the task. She simply kept at it, not stopping until Paulina’s breathing and heart rate had stabilized. It was then that she ordered for Paulina to be taken to the MRI room. That task was given to the nurses. And while the nurses pushed Paulina to the MRI room, Dr. Bhatnagar turned to Dr. Zanyiwe.

“I can’t have her miscarry,” she told him.

“You know as well as I that there’s nothing I can do.” Dr. Zanyiwe said.

“Obviously.” Dr. Bhatnagar stated. “But what I meant is that I can’t have her miscarry, not at present. Do you have any drugs that might delay it awhile? At least until her body has had an opportunity to somewhat heal from the accident, because I am afraid that she is not fit to handle both at present.”

“To delay it would be to risk further complications.”

“Then do you recommend that I allow her to miscarry naturally? Do you recommend that while she is healing from bruised and fractured ribs, that she also endure painful contractions? Do you recommend me to risk my patient falling ill with fever and vomit? Because I think it foolish. Her body could not take the strain.”

Dr. Zanyiwe recognized the truth in Dr. Bhatnagar’s words, because while miscarriages were natural, they could also lead to complications. He had treated women who had developed infections and whose bleeding would not cease. He had treated women who had been poisoned by their own bodies and had to be kept overnight to save their lives. He knew that Dr. Bhatnagar was right. Paulina was miscarrying and her body would not endure it. It already had enough to heal. It could not be expected to expel and repair at the same time. That was why he offered to help, because he was the only one there that was trained in the procedure that would help the burden on Paulina’s body.

“I’ll assist the miscarriage,” he eventually said.

“Will you –”

“Concern yourself with the MRI,” he told her. “I’ll see to the rest.”

And as Dr. Zanyiwe sought to secure an operating room, Alfred sat outside in the waiting area, completely oblivious to the fact that his friend was about to lose the daughter she had so looked forward to. He sat there in silence, staring at the large blue door from which the doctors and nurses kept going in and out of. He thought that if he stared at them long enough, one would eventually come over and give him some news, even a shred would suffice, but that wasn’t the case. They went about their business and left him unnoticed. And he sat there, waiting for someone to tell him anything. And he sat there, praying that his friend would be spared and that she could have the baby, because he knew in his heart that she wanted them. He could see it in her eyes, he could hear it in her voice when she called him, begging for a ride.
He sat there undisturbed for several hours. It wasn’t until a quarter after two in the morning when he received a phone call. At first, he thought it was Olivia, saying that she was driving over from her hospital, but when she pulled out his mobile he noticed that it was Luis calling.

“Hello Luis.” Alfred greeted him. “How are you?”

“I’ve been better,” replied Luis. “What about you though? Were you able to get to the hospital?”

“Yes, of course,” assured Alfred. “Not that it’s done much good. There’s still no word as to how she is.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Unfortunately, I am.” Alfred shared Luis’ frustration. “They’ve had her back there all this while and no one’s come to give us word as to what is being done. And it’s incredibly irritating. You’d think they’d have the decency to give us an update, but apparently not.” He close his eyes and focused on reigning in his emotions. “I apologize for going off like that. It’s only that I’ve been here two hours and as of yet, know nothing of value. The only thing I know is what I rang you earlier about. That she was conscious and wasn’t bleeding to badly.”

“Don’t worry about it, man. I know you’re doing your best over there.” Luis took in a deep breath. “I was just calling because I wanted to tell you that I’m at LAX right now.”

“Were you able to get a flight?”

“I was, but it’s not leaving until 8. It’s flight BA0283. So my parents and I are gonna be out on that one.”

“Thank God,” said Alfred. He knew that his friend would need her parents. “I’d been afraid they wouldn’t be able to, and –”

“There’s no keeping a Balcázar from their kid.” Luis cleared his throat in an attempt to keep himself composed. “Our flight’s meant to arrive at 3pm London time.”

“At Heathrow?” inquired Alfred.

“Yes,” confirmed Luis. “But we probably won’t be cleared until after five, what with immigration the way it is.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Alfred was not a man to use influence. “I’ll make it so you can clear customs quickly and there’ll be a driver waiting for you. Alright?”

“Thanks for that Alfred, but I’ve been thinking it might be best that I rent a car out there. That way we can go to the hospital and then get a hotel.”

“Don’t be daft!” That was the first time Alfred raised his voice, and it garnered Harry’s attention. “You and your parents will stay at my flat.”

“We couldn’t stay at your apartment.”

“It’s a proper house,” said Alfred. “And it has plenty space for the lot of you. So you will stay there. Do you hear me? I won’t have you in a bloody hotel when you can have better accommodations.”

“But we don’t know how long we’ll be there.” Luis argued. “It might be a few days, it might be longer.”

“Regardless, you will find a home at my flat.” Alfred told him. “So safe your breath, because I will not change my mind.” Before Luis could protest, Alfred said, “Now tell me, how’s your mother?”

He was on the phone with the Balcázars for a good while longer. He finished speaking to Luis and the phone was then given to Irmelinda, who then gave it to her husband when she finished. They all thanked him warmly for everything he was doing for them, for being at the hospital and for giving them a place to stay. He wasn’t acting like a friend, he was acting like a member of the family, and Irmelinda told him as much. She told him that she felt she had a fourth son, and when she said that, Alfred’s eyes watered and he thanked her for her kindness.

When the conversation ended, Alfred turned to Harry, and for the first time since their little spat, he spoke to him.

“Her parents and Luis will be arriving in Heathrow, tomorrow at 3pm on flight BA0283.” He told Harry. “You should make arrangements for them to be hurried through customs. A simple phone call from you would surely suffice.”

Harry wanted to tell Alfred to fuck off, that he didn’t tell him what to do, but he knew he had to do right by the Balcázars, so he nodded and then told Alistair to make the necessary arrangements. Alfred and Harry didn’t speak again after that. They both simply sat there, staring at that fucking door until Dr. Bhatnagar came out.

“Your Royal Highness,” Dr. Bhatnagar addressed her. “I am Dr. Bhatnagar, I had the privilege of being Miss Balcázars doctor this night.”

“And how she?” asked Harry, his swollen eyes fixed firmly on her face.

“She is stable,” replied Dr. Bhatnagar. “The injuries she sustained were not life threatening. There are three fractured ribs, as well as two bruised, along her right side, and on her left, three of her ribs sustained bruising. As you surely saw, she had a deep gash above her right eyebrow. We took out the glass, thoroughly cleaned the area and then stitched it up. We also removed the shards of glass along the right side of her face and cleaned it to prevent infection.” She took a deep breath. “We had believed that she had fractured both her ulna and radius in the accident, but the MRI demonstrated that it was the ulna that had been compromised.”

“Did she need surgery?”

“Not for that, Sir.” Dr. Bhatnagar replied. “Once the fracture had been properly identified, we exercised reduction and were able to realign the bone. At present, she is in a splint, but when the swelling goes down, a proper cast will be put on. She has experienced difficulty breathing, for which we have placed her on a noninvasive ventilator. This way we can monitor her breathing and prevent any excessively large breaths which might pain her.”

“What surgery did she have then?” It was Alfred that spoke up.

Dr. Bhatnagar looked him over. “You are?”

“Your patient’s best mate,” he told her. “Now what surgery did she have? Because you just explained that she didn’t have surgery for her arm, so there must’ve been something else. What was it?”

“Sir, I am afraid that I am not aware of the level of intimacy you have with Miss Balcázar. As such I will not disclose any sensitive medical information to you.”

Alfred was offended and exhausted, and it was all an awful combination. “How dare you!”

“Beg pardon?” she said.

“I am as dear as a brother to her, and I demand you tell me what surgery she had.”

“Alfred,” said Harry in a low voice. “Don’t throw a fit. I’ll let you know as soon I bloody well know.”

“I should know before you,” he argued.

“This is neither the time nor the place.” Harry didn’t raise his voice, but his tone made it clear there was no point in arguing. “Or do you want to embarrass Paulina by making an arse of yourself in the waiting area? No? I didn’t think so. Now then doctor, where is she?”

“In a recovery room, where she will remain until we think it prudent to transfer her to a private room.”

“When she’s in that room, will I be able to stay with her?”

“Of course, Sir.” Dr. Bhatnagar replied with a smile. “But before that, could you please follow me inside. There is a matter I must discuss with you.”

Without turning to look at Alfred, Harry followed Bhatnagar to her private office.

“How’s the baby?” he asked as soon as they were in the safety of her office.

Dr. Bhatnagar was caught off guard. She expected to have to ease into that particular conversation.

“Don’t look at me like that. Just tell me how they are!” he impatiently demanded.

“Sir, I regret to have to inform you that the pregnancy has ended in an assisted miscarriage.”

“What?” he snapped. “What the fuck does that even mean? What are you trying to say with that? You’re not telling me that you bastards went in there and –” He faltered, unable to finish his sentence.

“We had no choice, Sir.”

“I don’t believe you!”

“When we did the ultrasound to check the fetus’ vitals, the heart rate was at 65.”

“That’s normal though!” he argued. “It’s meant to be between 60 and 100.”

“Not for a fetus in their tenth week. For them it’s meant to be in the 150-180 range.” She informed him. “By the time we finished the ultrasound, it had dropped to 58. And when we entered the operating room, it was at 21. Their heart was failing them, and the placenta which provides nourishment and oxygen had severely detached so there was no hope. It was only a matter of time before her uterus discarded the fetus. And if we had allowed it to happen on its own terms, her body would not have been able to endure it. The contractions and pain, and the risk of infection were far too high. That was why we assisted the miscarriage. It was in her best interest.”

“She won’t see it like that though,” his eyes were shining with tears. “She’ll be furious!”

“There was no possibility of the pregnancy reaching full term.”

“You act like that’s going to mean anything to her.” The tears were now sliding down his cheeks. “She wanted that little girl more than anything! She was willing to take on the world so that she could be born!”

“I am truly sorry, Sir.”

“For fucks sake!” he bellowed. “This wasn’t supposed to happen! It wasn’t meant to be like this.” His entire figure trembled from the intensity of his sobs, and he didn’t care if the doctor saw him like that. He couldn’t remain composed, not after that news. He might not have wanted the baby in the beginning, but he had spent hours praying that they would be spared. He wanted that little girl. “We weren’t supposed to lose her, not our little one . . . not my daughter.”

It was then, at that moment that he learned there was no hope, that he suddenly realized everything he would be missing out on. Little Thea would never grow up. He would never chase after her in the garden or laugh heartily as she pestered the pets, he would never teach her to ride or to hunt, he would never wake to her smiling face jumping on the bed, he would never have absurd tea parties with her, he would never come home from a long day at work and have her run to greet him at the door with a massive hug, he would never intimidate boys that would want to date her, he would never walk her down the aisle, but worst of all, he would never get to hold her in his arms.

And that broke his heart.

Unable to compose himself, Harry remained in the office. Dr. Bhatnagar had never been one to allow others to stay behind while she was out, but she felt it her duty to offer Harry a bit of privacy. And he was more than grateful for it. He was glad he didn’t have to go back out there, because he honestly didn’t know how he was going to face the world. How was he supposed to keep on going when a dream had ended? He had spent those long hours in the waiting area, telling himself that Paulina and the baby were going to be alright, and that as soon as she was conscious, he would beg her to take him back so that they could be a proper family. He had imagined what life would be like in the future. He’d get them a little cottage in the country, somewhere far from town where they would be able to keep at least one horse and have plenty of space to be at peace. He had imagined himself singing songs to Paulina’s growing belly and placing tender kisses on it. He had imagined a beautiful life with Thea and Paulina. And he had been so sure that he would have it, that he didn’t bother to think about what it would be like if she miscarried, but she had.

And now he didn’t know what to do with himself. He alternated between crying hysterically and cursing at the top of his lungs. There wasn’t a person on the floor that didn’t hear him. The nurses, the doctors, they all heard. They all found themselves wandering into the corridor to see what was going on, but whenever they approached the door, they were told to mind their own business by Dr. Bhatnagar, who was standing guard. She’d known all along that curiosity would get the best of her colleagues. That was why she had stationed herself there. She wanted to keep the matter as private as possible. That was why she stressed to the nurses, doctors, and technicians present that not a word could be leaked, because if it was, then the Royal family would surely come down on them with everything they had.

Harry kept alternating between his crying and cursing until he became so physically exhausted that it was no longer possible for him to continue. It was at that moment, when he felt as his absolute worst, that he wanted his brother’s familiar face. He needed William alongside him, because if he had Wills and Alistair there for him, then he would get through it. And so Harry took out his mobile and rang his brother, utterly unaware as to how unacceptable an hour it was, especially since William had gone to bed at ten.

“Your arse better not be off your face, because if you are, I swear I’m going to smack you right across the head,” mumbled William when he answered the phone. He fully expected his brother to be drunk dialing him. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened. “Well go on then, tell me whatever it is you rang for.” He was so sleepy that he failed to notice the heavy breathing coming from the other end. “That’s it. If your arse isn’t going to say anything, then I’m hanging up the fucking phone because I’ve an early morning with Kate tomorrow. So fuck off, my dearest ging.”

“No!” Harry croaked out, suddenly finding his voice. “I-I’m not drunk.”

“Then why you ringing at this bloody hour?”

“Because I didn’t know who else to call . . .”

His bottom lip trembled and hot tears filled his eyes. He was helpless, completely and utterly helpless, and his brother picked up on that. He heard his brother whimper, and it was that faint whimper that fully roused him from his sleep. It was then that William’s eyes snapped wide open and that he finally became aware that something was terribly wrong.

“Are you alright, Harry?” he immediately asked, wanting to ensure his brother’s wellbeing before he asked anything else. “Are you hurt?”

“Not really. No.” Harry replied. His voice hoarse. “But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I need you. Ya hear me? I bloody need you, Wills.”

“Why?” William couldn’t help but ask.

“Because everything’s gone to shit.” He struggled to speak. “She fucking lost the baby, Wills.”

“B-b-baby?” stuttered William. The color drained from his face.

“She fucking lost our little girl . . .” Harry continued, softly.

“No. No! You can’t be serious. There’s absolutely no way you could possibly be telling the truth. There’s no way she could’ve been –”

“But she was.” Harry interjected. “Ten weeks along, actually. Can you believe that?”

“Ten weeks?” William gasped. “For fuck’s sake, Harry. That isn’t the sort of thing you’re meant to keep to yourself. Ya should’ve told me!”

“It’s not like I’ve known for ages.” Harry argued. “I’ve only just found out, really. That’s why she flew out, so she could tell me face to face.” He paused, briefly. “Though now that I think about it, I should’ve known something was off, what with her coming out the way she did. She usually plans her trips months in advance so it’ll work with my schedule, but this time she just rang and told me she needed to see me, and I was so pleased she’d be visiting that I didn’t think much of it. I figured she just missed me, but no, that wasn’t why bothered with flying out. She came because she needed to tell me there was a little one on their way. And I . . .” he was embarrassed to tell his brother how he’d reacted. “. . . well, I panicked. I was a bloody wanker, I was. I told her I didn’t want it. We can’t have a bastard, I kept saying, but she didn’t feel the same. So we started fighting, had ourselves a proper row, and I don’t know how it happened, but things sort of got out of hand, and before I knew it, I was trying to put her in the closet so I could phone dad to see what to do from there, but then she fucking threw me and I dislocated my bloody shoulder.”

“Why the fuck would you put her in the closet?” screamed William, and he was so loud that he woke up Kate.

“Wills,” she mumbled, sleepily. “Turn off your mobile . . .”

But William didn’t. He didn’t even hear her. He was far too engrossed in the conversation.

“Go on then, give me an answer.” He demanded. “Why would you even think to put her there?”

“Because I didn’t know what else to do!” cried an exasperated Harry. “I was terrified she might run off, so I thought if I kept her there, then I could sort things out and get help convincing her to have an abortion, but it didn’t work out like that. She overpowered me and ran out, and then Alistair came to check on me and he fucking told me off. He put me in my place, Wills. He told me that I was being a bloody coward and that if I didn’t man up, I’d lose her. And you know what? Somehow or another, he made me not afraid of having the baby. I wasn’t worried about what Gran would say or being disowned. I wasn’t worried about any of it. I just wanted Paulina and our daughter, but it didn’t work out. It didn’t . . .” he trailed off, unable to continue.

“What happened to her?” William asked, cautiously.

“A fucking car hit her.” Harry didn’t wait for William to ask any questions. He needed to tell him everything. “She was hiding from me out back. Can you believe that? I scared her so much that she hid from me in the garden. And when Alistair and I went looking for her so I could make things right, she took off. She thought I went out there because I wanted to coerce her, but I wasn’t. I swear, I wasn’t. Believe me, I know I was a massive wanker in the beginning, what with trying to put her in the closet and all that, but I changed my mind. I wanted that baby. I wanted to see her with a massive belly, because I reckon she’d look beautiful pregnant, but she . . . she ran out and I chased after her. I fucking ran like hell to try to catch up to her, but she wouldn’t let up. And then, when I almost caught up to her, she ran into the fucking street to put some distance between us, and that’s when . . . that’s when that bastard ran her over.” He was quiet a moment, permitting himself to sob a bit. “If only I’d been up for it from the start, she wouldn’t have been hit. We would’ve been inside, celebrating. But I was a coward. I was afraid of what would happen if we had them, and this is what I get for being a spineless little shit. This is my punishment.”

“Don’t be daft!” William bellowed, cutting off his brother’s rambling. “This isn’t your fault. Do you hear me? It’s not your fault she got hit.”

“But if I’d just –”

“What happened was terrible, but you are not to blame for it.” William firmly stated. “You didn’t know she’d run off like that. You didn’t push her in front of the car.”

“I was chasing her though,” argued Harry. “Can you imagine how terrifying that must’ve been for her? Being chased by Alistair and me? We just fucking went after her. And I don’t blame her for running off. She was just being a good mum. She was trying to keep our little one safe.” He closed his eyes, remembering the terrified look she’d worn. “I should’ve screamed out that I wanted the baby. I should’ve announced that when I went into the garden. That way there wouldn’t have been any misunderstandings.”

“Quit it!” demanded William. “I will not have you torturing yourself like this. That’s in the past. Do you hear me? There’s nothing you can do to change it. So quit driving yourself mad with what ifs. Because you did what anyone in our position would’ve done,” he told him. “I would’ve acted the same, except without the closet bit. That was stupid Harry, but none of us can fault for not having wanted them at first. This life of ours, it’s not an easy one.”

“That’s why I was so scared.” Harry confided. “I didn’t want them growing up to feel less than. I didn’t want them to be known as my bastard. That’s why I told her to have an abortion, because that way Thea wouldn’t suffer the shame, but then I got to talking with Alistair. He made me understand that there are things worth giving up a title for, and my daughter would’ve been worth it.” He inhaled sharply. “I would’ve renounced my title so that she wouldn’t have been my Royal bastard, but just my little girl. She would’ve had her mum’s eyes and curls, but she would’ve had my ginger hair.”

“Harry . . .”

“I would’ve doted on her all the days of my life. Can you imagine me as a dad? Because I can. I would’ve taught her to ride and fish, even though her mum wouldn’t have been keen on it. I would’ve taken naps with her on the couch and played in the garden. I would’ve loved her with all my heart, but now she’s gone and I’m afraid her mum won’t take me back.”

“She will.”

“You don’t understand, Wills. She gave me a choice. She told me that I either raised Thea with her or she’d forget me.”

“That doesn’t matter though. What matters is that you came around in the end. You tried to make it right. That’s what counts.”

“Does it really?”

“It does,” assured William. “You tried to tell her you wanted to be a dad, but it just didn’t work out. And I’m sorry that she lost the baby. Really, I am. Because bastard or not, they would’ve been loved.”

“Would you have loved her?” Harry asked, timidly.

“Of course, you silly ginger. She would’ve been my niece. I would’ve loved her as much as I do you, possibly even more.”

“Fucking Willis . . .” whispered an emotional Harry. “You’ve no idea how much it means to hear you say that.” He sniffled. “I was afraid everyone would turn their back on –”

“You should know better than to think I’d turn my back on you.” William interjected. “I’m afraid there’s no getting rid of me. You’re stuck with me for life.” He paused a moment. “Now, what hospital am I going to?”

“The Royal London Hospital.”

“Right then, I’ll be there as soon as I can. But before I go, how is she? Have you been able to see her?”

“Not yet,” replied Harry. “She just got out of surgery so she’s in recovery right now. Once she’s cleared from that, she’ll be put in a private room and I’ll be able to sit with her.”

“Surgery?” exclaimed William. “What’d she have done?”

“They, uh . . . well, they assisted the miscarriage.” It pained him to say it.

“What does that mean? How does one go about assisting a miscarriage?”

“Don’t know,” answered Harry. “The Doctor didn’t explain that bit. I imagine it might be a lot like an abortion, what with having to go in there and all that, but I can’t be sure. All I know is that Thea was done for. There was nothing they could do to save her. So they either had let Paulina miscarry naturally or assist her in doing so, and according to the doctor, a natural miscarriage would’ve worsened her condition, so the doctors went ahead and . . . helped.”

William was silent a moment, unsure as to what to say, but he quickly recovered and said, “If the doctor felt it right, then surely it was in Paulina’s best interest.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself, but I’m afraid she won’t see it that way.”

“She will, in time.” William assured. “Otherwise, it sounds like there would’ve been complications.”

“Doctor said there would’ve been a risk of infection. That she would’ve suffered through contractions and loads of other things. It would’ve been awful, what with how bad her ribs are and her arm.” He took in a shaky breath. “She’s been through hell, Wills. If only you’d seen her, you’d understand. She was all bloodied up. Right above her eye there was a gash and it would not stop bleeding. Then her arm was broken, because she tried to cradle her lower belly to keep Thea safe. It was awful, Wills. There was a moment where I honestly thought I’d lost her. My heart nearly gave out then. I couldn’t stomach the thought of her not . . .” he couldn’t even bring himself to say it. “I need her in my life, Wills. I can’t get on without her, not anymore.”

It was then that a knock came at the door. It was Dr. Bhatnagar coming to fetch Harry. She had just finished transferring Paulina to her private accommodations and was now ready to escort Harry to her beside. Harry was pleased to hear that he’d finally be able to see her, and was quick to tell William that he had to be off.

“Sorry Wills, but I’ve got to get a move on.” He said, hurriedly. “She’s been relocated so I can keep her company now.”

“Off with you then. Go and make sure she’s well seen to.” William rubbed his tired eyes. “And give her my love if she wakes before I get there, though I don’t think that likely since I’ll be setting off soon.” He paused before adding, “And be kind to yourself, my little ginger. You won’t be doing yourself any favors if you get all worked up.”

Harry assured his brother that he would do his best to keep himself from getting unnecessarily worked up, and after having uttered a few parting words, the phone call finally ended and Harry was at liberty to follow Dr. Bhatnagar. He was nervous about seeing her. Since she’d just gotten cleared from the recovery area, he figured that she’d be wide awake and functional. Perhaps, the painkillers might slightly impair her abilities, but he firmly believed she would be lucid enough to tell him off. In fact, that was what he was preparing himself for during the walk over. He knew that she was just going to let him have it. She was going to curse at him, she was going to scream and cry, and in response, he would hug her. He would take her in his arm and hold her close, then they would both cry and in time everything would be okay.

That was what he imagined during the walk over, but when he entered the room, he wasn’t received with harsh glares and threatening words. In fact, there was no reception for him, no acknowledgement of his presence. It wasn’t that Paulina was ignoring him. She lacked the self-restraint for that. Had she been awake, she would’ve thrown a fucking fit. She would’ve lived up to his expectations, but as it was, she was passed out when arrived. Her body lay flat against the bed, her bruised and swollen face was covered almost entirely by the ventilator that was regulating her breathing, her right arm was in a splint, her left hand had a catheter with two lines running from it, and the moment Harry laid eyes on her, he grew so disconcerted that he fell to his knees.

He had known she’d be roughed up, the doctor had explained that to him and he had witnessed firsthand some of her injuries, but seeing her hooked up to the heart monitor and the ventilator, and seeing the catheter in her hand – well, it was all too much for him. He would’ve preferred to have been the one that got run over, he would’ve preferred to have been the one hooked up the machines, because that way, he would’ve been spared the torture of seeing the woman he loved in such a pitiful state.

It was ages before he managed to get himself off the floor, and even then, he wasn’t composed. He was nothing more than a blubbering mess who could find no comfort in anything. Dr. Bhatnagar made several attempts to assure him everything was alright, but her attempts went unappreciated. Harry just sat at Paulina’s bedside and cried. Because what else could he do? He couldn’t magically make her better. It wasn’t like he possessed that ability. So he cried, because crying was the only thing his heart and mind were capable of. He cried until his body became so exhausted that it shut down on him.

He didn’t sleep long, hardly three hours passed before he woke. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot, they couldn’t stay open all the way, and they were a little crusty at the corners, but none of that mattered, because when Harry woke at a quarter to seven that morning, he was woken by Paulina.

He had fallen asleep holding her hand. There had been a part of him that wanted to sleep with his cheek resting against her hand, but he’d been afraid that the pressure might damage the catheter or the drip system that were in place, so he opted to simply lace his fingers with hers. He found comfort in her touch, reassure that everything would be alright, but when Paulina awoke that morning, she didn’t experience the same sensations as Harry.

Instead of comfort, she felt disgust. She felt hatred. How dare he touch her? How dare he hold her hand as if everything were okay? It was completely and utterly unacceptable, and the moment she became aware that he was holding her hand, she actively worked to put an end to it. She tried to pry her hand away from his, but his grip was much stronger than hers. She was weak from the accident, weak from the surgery. She had little strength and her mind was hazy from the painkillers she’d been given, but still she tried to free her hand from his hold.

Desperate to free herself of him, she sunk her nails into his skin, and almost immediately he relinquished his hold on her. He hissed in pain as he pulled his hand away. No blood had been drawn and his skin hadn’t been broken, but it still hurt. He held his hand close to his chest and rubbed it in an attempt to soothe the pain, and as he did that, he began to regain his senses. Hardly a minute passed before he regained his senses enough to realize that Paulina had been the one to hurt him, and if she had hurt him, then that meant she was awake.

It was at that moment that his bloodshot eyes snapped wide open. They were so desperate to look upon her face that they forced aside the discomfort which they felt. The only thing that mattered was looking at her and making sure she was alright. So he fixed his eyes on her face, half expecting to see the tender smile she always gifted him in the mornings, but when he looked over at her, there was no smile on her lips, there was a scowl, which was accompanied by a harsh glare.

That look was enough to make the smile vanish from his face. He had known all along that when she came to things wouldn’t be easy, he had hoped they would, but he was sensible enough to know she was going to be angry and that she’d want to have a go at him, but he hadn’t fully prepared himself for being treated so cruelly. She was glaring at him worse than she did the members of the press. In fact, he’d never seen her look so angry. Not when he accused her of fucking Callum. Not when he’d missed her birthday. This was brand new territory and he was at a complete loss as to what to do. He’d thought that he’d be able to stomach being glared and shouted at, but he didn’t have it in him. He didn’t want her to look at him like that, not when he loved her so much.

“D-darling,” he stuttered out, unsure as to what to say.

“Leave!” she demanded, but the ventilator mask muffled her words.

“Don’t work yourself up.” Harry instinctively told her. “It won’t do you any good, not with your broken ribs and all that. Look, I know you’re furious at me, but –”

“Fuck off!” she shouted.

This time, the ventilator mask fogged up, but that wasn’t the only difference, her heart rate was going up and it attracted the attention of a nurse that happened to be walking by. The nurse ran in without knocking, terrified that something would happen if she were to delay her entrance by a few seconds. When she ran in, she went directly to Paulina’s bedside.

“Miss,” she spoke. “What’s the matter?”

Realizing that she wouldn’t be able to understand Paulina, she removed the mask from her face, but before she could once again ask what was wrong, Paulina mouthed off.

“Get out!” she bellowed.

“I’m afraid I am not at liberty to leave until we steady your heart rate,” replied the nurse, thinking that Paulina was trying to kick her out of the room. “Once I finish that, you’ll be alone with His Royal Highness.”

“I don’t want to be alone with him,” she hissed. “Do you hear that?” she shouted at Harry. “I want you to fuck off!”

“You don’t mean that.” Had he been capable of crying, he would’ve been doing so by then, but after an entire night of sobbing, his tear glands were all dried up. “Deep down, you must want me here.”

“Get him out,” she begged the nurse. “He’s not family and he’s not my friend, so get him the fuck out of here.”

The nurse was at a loss as to what to say. How could she kick out Prince Harry of Wales?

“Hold on there, I’m her boyfriend. I’ve a right to be here.” Harry told the nurse.

“Bullshit!” exclaimed Paulina, and she flinched in discomfort, she was starting to be able to feel her ribs. “You’re not my boyfriend anymore. You stopped being that last night!”

“I’ve not stopped!” he declared. “I recognize that we had ourselves a nasty row, but this relationship isn’t over. I bloody well love you, Paulin. Do you understand? I love you. And nothings changing that. Nothing.”

An earlier version of Paulina would’ve started crying at his words, she would’ve reached out for him and allowed him to comfort her, but she wasn’t that girl anymore. The night had hardened her. There was no place left in her heart for him.

“Vete de mí vista maldito cobarde. Me tienes hasta la chingada y si pudiera, te pondría unos putasos bien puestos. (Get out of my sight you fucking coward. I’ve had it up to here with you and if I could, I’d mess you up.)” Her words were uttered in a low tone,

His aching heart stood still. She had never spoken to him like that, even when she had threatened him with the vase, there hadn’t been such malice in her words.

“Querida, por favor no hablas así. Mi corazón no aguanta. (Beloved, please don’t talk to me like that. My heart can’t take it.)” Slowly, he drew closer to her. He thought that if he spoke to her in Spanish that she would remember all the effort that he’d put into the relationship and that she’d want to be with him. “Tú eres mi mundo. Te amo más que me amo a mi mismo, entonces por favor no me hagas esto. Por favor. (You are my world. I love you more than I love myself, so please don’t be like this. Please.)”

“Púdrete (Go to hell)!” she hissed.

It was then that he reached out for her hand and for a moment, he held it tight.

“I love you, even now that you’re threatening me and telling me to go to hell, I still love. I’ll love you even after you’ve flung all the insults at me that you can think of and even if you were to physically hurt me, I would love you still.” His voice became choked with tears. “You’re right, you know. I was a fucking coward. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did, but I changed my mind on it. When you ran out and Alistair came in the room, he told me off and said things I never thought I’d hear him say, but it was good for me, because it made me see that I needed you and the little one. It made me see that life wouldn’t be worth living with you lot. That’s why I changed my mind. That’s why I ran outside, but you thought I was –”

“¡Cállate! (Shut the fuck up!)” She cried at the top of her lungs, and it was then that she pulled her hand away from his. “You have no right to talk about my daughter!”

“She was mine to!” he argued.

“Was?” Her eyes widened in panic. She was under the delusion that the doctors had managed to stabilize the heartbeat and reattach the placenta. “What does he mean?” she turned to the nurse, her eyes glistening with tears. “What happened to my baby? What the hell happened?”

“Miss, do calm yourself. You must not agitate yourself. It is not good for –”

“What happened?” she demanded to be answered. “Why is he saying that it was his daughter? Why is he –?”

“Paulin . . .” began Harry.

“Get out!” she yelled at him, but this time she looked crazed, this time she looked liable to hurt him. “Get the fuck out! You’re nothing to me! So leave me the fuck alone you spineless asshole!”

Her yelling had grown so hysterical that it reached every room in the hall, it even carried all the way down to the nurses’ station. The nurses present at the station didn’t hesitate to call a doctor, and shortly after Paulina called Harry a spineless asshole, the doctor that Dr. Bhatnagar had charged with looking after Paulina, came in.

“Good morning!” Dr. Elliot cheerfully greeted them. “I see you’re awake, Miss Balcázar. I must admit we were not expecting that so soon. To be honest, we thought it would surely be well into the afternoon before you regained consciousness, but I’m incredibly pleased to see you awake at this hour.” It was then that he noticed her fast heart rate. “But I am not pleased with the sound of that heart monitor. What do you say we stabilize the rate a bit? You’ll be all the better for it, I promise.” As he stepped further into the room, he looked over at Harry. He knew he had to get the Prince out of the room, it was his presence that was agitating his patient, and unlike the nurse, Dr. Elliot would not hesitate to ask Harry to leave. “Good morning, Sir.”

“Morning,” said Harry, his voice hoarse.

“You look like you could use a cuppa. Am I correct in assuming so?” asked Dr. Elliot.

Harry just stared at the doctor in confusion.

“If not tea, coffee is ready available.” Dr. Elliot added. “Or anything else, really. We could have whatever you’re keen on, sent to my office.”

“Why you’re office?” asked Harry.

“Because unfortunately, I cannot allow visitors to be present during my examination of Miss Balcázar.”

“Don’t fucking ask questions, just leave!” yelled Paulina, interrupting Dr. Elliot.

“As such, I thought it only right to offer you my office as a sort of waiting area.” Dr. Elliot went on, unaffected by the outburst. “Amanda would fetch you whatever you like, and you would be afforded a bit more privacy than one would have in the general waiting area. Would that be agreeable to you?”

“Yeah, of course,” muttered Harry.

“Very well then.” Dr. Elliot turned to the nurse. “Amanda, do see that His Royal Highness is well seen to.”

“It’ll be an honor,” replied Amanda. “Your Royal Highness, if you will please be so kind as to follow me.”

“Before I go, can I have just a moment with –?”

“Get out!” bellowed Paulina, cutting him off before he could say her name or call her darling.

Sensing that his patient was about to resume her hysterics, the doctor took charge of the situation.

“Sir, I think it best if you were to follow Amanda directly.” Dr. Elliot watched as Harry hesitated before eventually following Amanda out. “There we are, Miss.” His tone softened once the door was shut. “I daresay we won’t have any trouble lowering your heart rate. Now, can you –”

“What happened to my daughter?” she cut him off, not caring if she came off as rude. “Tell me what happened and then I’ll do whatever you tell me.”

“Miss, it is my professional opinion that we calm you before we delve into –”

“I’m going to keep cutting you off until you tell me.” She warned. “And I don’t mean to be a bitch, not when you just did me a solid by getting him out of here, but I just really need to know.” Needing to find the strength to continue, she balled her left hand into a fist, and then said, “Whether or not the news is good or bad, I . . . I need to know. I have a right to know what happened.”

“I agree entirely.” Dr. Elliot told her. “It’s only that I’d rather tell you under better conditions.”

“There aren’t gonna be better conditions.” She argued. “So tell me. Please, tell me.”

“Miss . . .”

“Am I still pregnant?” she asked, and her nails dug into her palm as she awaited his reply.

In his seven years as a doctor, he had never had to inform a patient that she had miscarried, that was something that he had been spared, but now there was a woman who had to be given that dreadful news and he hadn’t a clue as to how to go about it.

“Believe me when I say that I take no pleasure in relaying this information to you.”

“For fuck’s sake!” she snapped. “Just tell me!”

He wasn’t going to just blurt out, that would be tactless, so he took in a deep breath, and remembering the advice that Dr. Bhatnagar had given him, he reached out for her hand. She tensed at first, but eventually, she relaxed enough for Dr. Elliot to take her hand so that he could give it a comforting squeeze.

“I truly am sorry, Miss,” he began. “But unfortunately, you are no longer pregnant.”

She had suspected as much. When she woke up, she’d been able to tell that pain killers had been administered to her, they had left her mind a little hazy and kept her from truly feeling her ribs, and she knew that she no doctor would give a pregnant woman serious painkillers, they would be afraid of the effects it might have on the growing fetus, but regardless of that, she had tricked herself into believing that she was still very much pregnant, that the doctors had miraculously found a strong painkiller that they could give her. She had deluded herself into thinking that everything would be alright, but Dr. Elliot had put an end to that delusion and now the unpleasant truth lay before her.

Thea was gone.

Dr. Elliot fully expected her to tear him a new one, because if she’d been screaming at Prince Harry, then surely she wouldn’t have any problems with telling him off, but she didn’t snap at him. She remained silent, unsettlingly so. She just sort of lay there with her brow furrowed, struggling to process what had been said. It didn’t click right away. Because how could it? How could she bring herself to acknowledge the fact that she had lost her baby? How could she accept that? She couldn’t, not at first, but eventually it sank in.

Eventually, she realized that there would be no tearful family dinner in which she would announce her pregnancy or nights spent praying that her unborn daughter would not look like her estranged father, there would be no terrifying birth or joyous baptism, there would be no first steps or words or skinned knees or colds, there would be no emotional first day of school or afternoons spent helping her do her homework.

There would be no memories with Thea.

There would be no Thea, at all.

It was then, when she truly understood the fact that she wouldn’t have a daughter to share her life with, that she completely lost it. Her heart rate went up alarmingly, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the fact that she couldn’t breathe properly. She was crying and sobbing full blast. Her lungs couldn’t explain all the way, not with her ribs the way they were, so she was struggling to take rapid, shallow breaths to at least keep some air coming in, but that wasn’t helping.

Seeing that she was struggling to breathe, Dr. Elliot immediately jumped into action. He placed the ventilator mask back on her, and although it took several minutes, it was eventually able to steady her breathing, which in turn helped stabilize her heart rate. She was now out of danger and Dr. Elliot endeavored to tell her as much, but she wasn’t paying any attention to him. She didn’t have time for his reassuring words. She was far too busy dwelling on her miscarriage.

From the moment she found out she was pregnant, she had lived for her daughter. She had dreamt of what the future would hold for them and all the memories they would make, she had fully invested herself in the pregnancy, but now . . . now Theodora was gone, and she didn’t know how to cope with that. She had never imagined that her pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. In her mind, it was going to end with her giving birth to a healthy nine pound baby girl, that was the way things were supposed to go, but fate had been cruel. It had taken from her the most precious thing. It had left her in shambles. And she was so beaten down that she couldn’t even put in the effort to fake that she was okay. Things were so bad that she didn’t care who saw her crying, she wasn’t going to cover her pain for anyone, that’s why she cried until her body couldn’t take it anymore and shut down on her.

The next time she woke it was nearly eleven in the morning and she was hurting like hell, but it wasn’t the pain that had woken her from her sleepless slumber, it was Alfred’s yelling.

“Look, I don’t bloody well care what you tell him, just get those damn flowers out of here!” he bellowed, momentarily forgetting to check his volume. “Now off with you.”

“I’m afraid that’s out of the question, Sir.” It was Alistair who spoke. “I have been charged with delivering this arrangement to Miss Balcazar and I will not leave until I have done so.”

“Do you honestly think I give a fuck if that wanker’s charged you with anything?” Alfred was fed up with having to deal with Harry and his security details. He just wanted to be left alone so he could continue sitting at his friend’s bedside. “Because if you do, you’re sorely mistaken. I’ve absolutely no interest in what he’s told you to do. So take those flowers and tell him that I said he should shove them up his –”

“Enough!” Alistair cried out. “That’s enough. You’ve thrown your fit and voiced your contempt for His Royal Highness, but that doesn’t give you the right to deny his flowers – only Miss Balcázar may do so.”

“If she were awake, you’d be right.” Alfred argued. “But she’s unconscious at present. And seeing as how I’ve been charged by her family to act in her best interest, I have the right to deny his flowers. Now take them, because I’m not wasting any more time arguing with you.”

Without hesitating, Alfred slammed the door shut and locked it behind him. He had a feeling that Alistair wouldn’t try to force it open, but if he did, then Alfred was going to attack him because he was fed up. He wanted Prince Harry as far away from his friend as humanly possible, and he knew in his heart that if Paulina had been awake, she would’ve wanted the same, but Harry was determined to remain there. He had even gone so far as to try to sneak back into her room after Dr. Elliot had finished his examination, but Dr. Elliot had not allowed him to. Harry had argued with the doctor, he demanded that he allow him to sit at her bedside, but Dr. Elliot wasn’t going to give into a royal tantrum. He stated that his patient had left explicit instructions which barred Harry access to her room, and he was merely adhering to them. It was then, when Harry was angrily storming back into the waiting room, that Alfred once again asked whether or not he would be allowed to see his friend.

The nurse instinctively told him that he could not be permitted, but Alfred was insistent. He demanded to speak with the doctor in charge of Paulina’s care, and when Dr. Elliot came out, the two had a long chat which ended with Dr. Elliot asking Alfred to follow him. The reason why Dr. Elliot had allowed Alfred in was a simple one, it was because Paulina had been muttering Alfred’s name in her sleep. She had been asking for him to come closer, to please stay with her, and Dr. Elliot felt that if his patient was asking for that particular person, then it was his duty to ensure they would be at her side when she woke.

So he allowed Alfred in, and for many hours, Alfred sat at her bedside, watching over her protectively. He was exhausted from the long night, but he refused to fall asleep, not until the Balcázars arrived. Once they were in the hospital, he would feel comfortable enough to pass out in the waiting room, but not before then. He had given his word that he would look after Paulina and he intended to keep it. That was why he held her left hand and whispered reassuring things that he hoped would somehow reach her. That was why he went crazy on Alistair when he tried to leave flowers from Prince Harry. The nerve of them was astounding. How dare they take her flowers after they’d ruined her life? He couldn’t care if he was being dramatic or if he was taking things too personally, they had been the reason why his best friend had called him crying in the middle of the night, and he would never forget that, nor would he forgive.

That was why he stood with his back against the door for a moment. He had to calm himself, steady his emotions. He wouldn’t be any good to his friend if he was worked up. He had to be composed. That was why he remained at the door until he felt comfortable enough to retake his place beside her, and when he did get back to his seat, he expected to find his friend still sleeping, but that wasn’t the case. She awake and her gaze was firmly fixed on him.

“Paulin!” he cried out, gleefully.

He expected her to smile. If not a massive one, then at least a little tired one to show him that she was alright, but she didn’t smile. She didn’t have the heart for it.

“You’re awake.” He felt a wave of relief course through him. “Thank the heavens, you’re awake! I was terribly – well, there’s no point in saying how I felt, what matters is that you’re awake. And I’m so terribly pleased by it.” And he truly he was. His tired face wore a massive smile, one that almost rivaled those reserved for his beloved Olivia. “Let me fetch the doctor. He told me to send for him directly when you woke. It’ll only be a moment and then –” he stopped short when he saw her shake her head at him. “Do you not want me to leave? I promise I won’t be long. I only have to step out a moment, the nurses’ station isn’t far from here.”

“Don’t . . .” she croaked out, but the mask kept her from being understood.

“I won’t be long.” He smiled reassuringly as he spoke. He didn’t want to leave her, but he wanted to get the doctor in so he could check on her vitals and ensure everything was alright with her.

Desperate to keep him at her side, she reached out for him. Her left hand trembled as it sought his out. The simple act of lifting it from the bed had her grimacing in pain, she’d never imagined that moving her arm would make her want to cry out, but it did. And it was so bad that she was tempted to let it fall back onto the bed, just so she could be free of the torture, but her desire for his company far outweighed her want of comfort, and so she pushed on until her hand rested atop his.

“Alright,” said Alfred, softly. “The doctor can wait.”

He retook his seat at her bedside, his hand still firmly held by hers. He sat in silence, fully expecting her to break it, but she didn’t say or do anything. She simply lay there with her eyes closed, relishing in the fact that there was finally a loved one at her side. She’d been terrified that she was going to have to go through the entire ordeal on her own, that her family and friends wouldn’t be there for her, but there was Alfred, looking a right mess. And just by the look of him, she knew that he’d been there all night. That he hadn’t left, not even when she was unconscious.

She wished that he would’ve been at her side when she first woke up. Things would’ve been much better had he been there instead of Harry. Her heart rate wouldn’t have risen so dangerously, her emotions wouldn’t have overwhelmed her so early on. Alfred would’ve been a welcomed face. She would’ve rejoiced at the sight of him, and then, when it came time, she would’ve held his hand as she found out about the miscarriage. He would’ve been her rock. He would’ve been a shoulder to cry on. He would’ve comforted her in her sorrow.

It was then, as she thought about the miscarriage, that tears began sliding down the sides of her face, but this time around, her tears weren’t accompanied by sobs and painful gasps for breath. This time, she was oddly subdued. She was still distressed, that much was obvious from her furrowed brow and trembling lips, but she just wasn’t being hysterical about it. She was far too exhausted for that. The accident and miscarriage had left her in a weak physical state. So all she could do was lay there, mourning her loss.
Desperate to console his friend, he placed a kiss atop her hand. It always worked with Olivia so he figured it was worth a shot with Paulina, and thankfully, the simple gesture was enough to snap his friend from her thoughts. Her head slowly tilted to the left, it pained her to do so, but she bore it well. And when she felt her head could turn no further, her eyes fluttered open.

Alfred was taken aback by the misery in them. He’d never seen her so broken. Not after the tabloids had run the picture of Chelsy kissing Harry, not after Harry had stood her up on her birthday to bail out Chelsy and Jake from fucking jail, not even after an unprofessional reporter oinked at her and called her an unattractive slag that was on the way out. That was all nothing compared to what she was like at that moment. And it broke his heart to see her so distraught. She was meant to smile and to laugh and to tease him about Olivia. That was how she was supposed to be, that’s how she’d been throughout the vast majority of their friendship, but no . . . she was laying in that hospital bed, staring at him with swollen bloodshot eyes that spoke of a sorrow that would never truly be overcome.

And he had no clue as to how to comfort her. He was torn as to whether or not he should acknowledge the pregnancy or simply address the accident. He felt that given the sorrow in her eyes, he ought to mention the pregnancy, but at the same time, he was afraid that mentioning it would only serve to further distress her, although he doubted that was possible. He didn’t think it possible for a person to look more brokenhearted than she did at that moment.

Had it been up to Alfred, they would’ve remained in that uncomfortable silence until a nurse or doctor showed up. He was afraid of saying something wrong so he simply kept holding her hand in hopes that that would be enough for her, but it wasn’t enough. She appreciated the fact that he was there for her and that he’d clearly spent his night at the hospital, but she didn’t just want to hold his hand, she needed to vent.

“You . . . were . . . right . . .” she took her time saying each word, hoping that would make it easier for Alfred to understand.

“I was what?” asked Alfred.

Knowing that the ventilator mask would keep her from being misunderstood, she set out to remove it. She let go of Alfred’s hand and for a moment, allowed her bruised arm to rest against the mattress, but it was a short lived break, because soon after she began the painful task of lifting her hand to her face. She gritted her teeth as she lifted her trembling arm to her face, the exertion engaged muscles that would’ve much preferred to have been left alone to heal, but she forced them to action and despite the fact that she was in terrible pain, she managed to place her left hand atop the mask.

“What are you doing?” Alfred blurted out. “Don’t fiddle with that. It’s not meant to be tampered with.”
He meant to ramble on a bit longer, but before he could say anything further, she lifted the mask from her face. She wasn’t able to fully take it off, the straps made that impossible in her current condition, but she manage to lift it so that it rested on her forehead instead of her nose and mouth.

“Don’t be scared,” she spoke slowly, thinking it best not to tire herself out.

“But you’re meant to have that on.” He protested.

“I can still breathe,” she assured. “So don’t worry.”

“I’ll stop worrying once you’ve been discharged.” He told her. “Until then, I’m afraid you’ll have me fussing about, and there’s no point in telling me not to. I intend to look after you.”

“Why?” she found herself timidly asking.

After Harry’s cowardice, she found it hard to believe that anyone would want to be there for her.

“Because you’re my best mate,” he answered without hesitation. “And I might’ve failed you last night, but I don’t intend to ever do so again.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.” His nostrils flared slightly. “I . . . I should’ve answered my mobile immediately, but I was afraid it was the press calling to pester. If only I’d –”

“Enough!” she bellowed, and she winced as she spoke. The painkillers were wearing off, she was beginning to truly feel the hell that the morphine had masked. “That fucking coward failed me, not you.” She had never spoken of Harry like that to anyone, so Alfred was taken aback by the foul language and hatred that oozed from her words. “He turned his fucking back on me when I needed him most. Can you believe that shit? What kind of ball-less prick does that? He spent years telling me how much he loved me and how he always wanted to be with me and how he couldn’t wait to start a family and spend the rest of our lives together, and then I tell him . . .” she fought back a sob “. . . I tell him that I’m pregnant and he fucking tells me to get rid of my daughter.” Her heart rate was steadily going up, but she didn’t mind it. She was pissed off and brokenhearted, and if she didn’t keep talking, she felt she would implode. “I should’ve never left your house. Better yet, I should’ve stayed in Azusa and told him over the phone, that way none of this would’ve happened,” she gritted her teeth to keep going, “But no, I had to be polite. I couldn’t do it over the damn phone or Skype, I had to fly my ass out here.”

“Paulin . . .” he said her name softly, hesitantly. He didn’t know what to say, but felt he ought to say something.

“I was such a bitch to you.” She ignored his attempt at speaking. “But I was just so scared, because I thought that you could see it on my face, and then I got to thinking that if you picked up on it, then the press would be able to, but you didn’t know. You were just teasing me.” She paused, briefly. “Or did you know?”

He nodded.

“Really?”

“Not immediately,” he replied, and as he spoke, he took her left hand into his possession. “I had a feeling something was going on, because it didn’t quite make sense for you to be traveling when you’d only just left, but I had no idea that it was to do with a pregnancy, not until you snapped at me.”

“Fucking hell . . .” she whispered.

“S’alright,” he assured her. “I’ve not told anyone. Not Olivia. Not Luis. Although I imagine he must know, because when I told him about the accident, he kept saying that Harry had turned his back on –”

“You called my brother?”

“Yes, of course I did,” he answered. “Was that wrong of me? I thought it’d be best if they heard the news from me, than from some reporter on the teli.”

“It wasn’t wrong,” she assured him. “It’s just, I’m grateful you called. I hadn’t even thought of my brother or family. I was so caught up with myself that I –”

“S’alright.” With his thumb, he began to rub the top of her hand reassuringly. “Last night was absolutely dreadful. You were put through hell, but now you’re awake, and soon enough you’ll be fit to travel. You’ll be able to return to California and raise your little one.”

“If only,” she croaked out.

He shot her a confused look.

“I lost her . . .” her grip on his hand intensified as the tears continued to fall. “I broke my arm trying to protect her and I thought I’d managed it, but I didn’t. I fucking lost my little Thea.” She would’ve lost herself in her sorrow, but then she remembered what Harry had said. “And then that asshole had the nerve to tell me that he had changed his mind on her. After he fucking found out that I miscarried, he tried to tell me that he wanted her in the end. That he wanted to raise her with me. Can you believe that shit?” She was trembling in anger. “What kind of a person does that? How fucking dishonorable do you have to be to pull that? He fucking tells me to get an abortion, then he tries to throw me in the closet to keep me from leaving, then he chases me into the street, and he still has the nerve to tell me he wanted her, that I didn’t give him a chance to change his mind. Bullshit! I gave him a fucking chance. I begged him to reconsider because I wanted my little girl to have her dad. I swallowed my pride to beg him to raise her with me, but there was only so much I could do. And I told him that if he didn’t raise her with me that he would never see me again, and he tried to get crazy, so I got crazy and then he tried to throw me in the closet and I don’t know how I managed but I fucking tossed him and dislocated his shoulder.”

“Good!” exclaimed Alfred. He was absolutely furious. “That bastard deserves that and more, I swear the next time I see him, I’ll break his bloody nose!”

“Don’t,” she demanded.

“But he –”

“I won’t have you going to jail for assaulting him. He’s not worth it.”

“He turned his back on you, he tried to throw you in a bloody closet, he –” Alfred felt as if these offenses had been committed against his own person. He felt he had a moral obligation to defend her honor.

“No.” She didn’t say it forcefully. It was barely above a whisper, but it was all that was needed. “You leave that prick alone. I have my own ways of getting back at him.”

“Are you going to leak the story?”

“Of course not. I won’t have the fucking media profit from it. That’s why what I’ve said is staying between you and me, no one else can ever know what really happened that night.”

“But what about your family? They’ll be arriving later today. Don’t you -?”

“What?”

“They’ve flown out from Los Angeles,” Alfred informed her. “They’re meant to arrive at Heathrow around 3 this afternoon. I’m to send a car for them, and they’ll stay at my flat.”

Had she been capable of smiling, she would’ve done so, but despite being grateful and pleased, she couldn’t be happy. That feeling had been torn from her.

“Alfie,” she said his name tenderly, and she was going to thank him, but instead she broke down crying. “S-Sorry, I just can’t help it, I . . . thank you for everything, Alfie.”

“No need for thanks. This is what mates do.” He paused a moment before continuing. “And since you’ve asked it of me, I won’t hurt that pathetic excuse of a man.”

“Don’t let my brother hurt him either,” she said between her crying. “I know it’s asking a lot of you, but please keep Luis from doing so. He . . . he won’t know when to stop and I can’t have him arrested.” She noticed the disapproval on Alfred’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s only that I don’t think it right that Harry escape from his unscathed.”

“I told you I have my own ways of getting back at him.”

“How?”

“By ignoring him. I told the doctor not to give him any information and that he’s not allowed in here, and when he tries to ask you for news, tell him that only loved ones are allowed to know how I’m doing. That’ll fucking drive him crazy. It’ll make him hate himself as much as I do. And that’s what I want. I want him to be miserable, and to know what it feels to lose what you love most.”

“Right then,” said Alfred. “I’ll keep Luis out of trouble. But do you reckon I can fetch the doctor now? I see you wincing about. It’s best we have you seen to.”

“It’s just the pain.”

“Then you should press this,” with his free hand, he took hold of the little control she could press for a controlled morphine dose. “The doctor said not to worry, that it’s programmed for safety, so you can press on it when you feel the pain come on.”

“I want to feel the pain,” she found herself saying.

“Don’t say that,” said Alfred. “We need to get you better, and having you suffer through this won’t do you any favors.”

“It will,” she argued. “I want to remember how bad this feels so that if I ever find myself wanting to be with that asshole again, I’ll be able to recall this pain. I want to commit this to memory so that I never fall for his charm again.”

“Be reasonable, you can’t torture yourself.”

“There’s no changing my decision.” She told him. “And I hope you’ll respect that.”

“You know I will. I only think it daft, and I’ll tell the doctor as much.”

“That’s fine, the doctor can’t force it on me.” She tried to move so that she was once more on her back, but when she started to turn, she lost control and fell right onto her back, causing her to cry out in pain. “Pinches chingaderas (fucking shit)!”

“That’s it. I’m fetching the doctor!”

Alfred pried his hand away from hers and returned with Dr. Elliot. Dr. Elliot immediately placed the ventilator mask back on his patient and made a move to touch the patient controlled analgesia pump, but Paulina fiercely shook her head.

“She doesn’t want anything for the pain.” Alfred informed the doctor. “I told her she was mental, but she’s insistent on not having painkillers.”

“What?” Dr. Elliot was used to patients imploring for a bit of morphine, but there was the young woman, declining it. Wanting an answer from her, he lifted off the mask. “Why do you not want morphine? You appear to be in horrendous pain. I see it in your eyes and the way you’re grimacing.”

“Don’t need it,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Miss Balcázar, I must insist that you allow me to administer a dose of morphine.”

“I said no.”

“How do you intend to recover if you are willingly subjecting yourself to pain?”

“I want to remember it.” She stated.

“You what?” he was utterly confused.

“I’m not trying to forget this. The morphine will make me groggy and confused, and I intend to remember this.”

Dr. Elliot glanced at Alfred. “Is she serious?”

“Afraid so,” replied Alfred.

“Miss,” began Dr. Elliot, “I respect the fact that you want to remember this, surely you have good reasons for that, but it is foolish of you to deliberately subject yourself to this pain. You were struck by a vehicle and you have –” he stopped short, thinking it best not to mention the miscarriage in front of Alfred. He wasn’t sure how much information the young man was privy to.

“He knows about my miscarriage,” she informed the doctor. “He’s the only person that’s going to know about it.” She paused a moment and focused on her breathing. The pain was becoming unbearable, she needed the mask back on so it could safely regulate her breathing. “My parents and brother are gonna be arriving later today, I don’t want them knowing about the miscarriage, so please put that in the notes.”

“I will.” Dr. Elliot promised. “But as for the pain –”

“I’m not budging on the morphine.”

“Then will you at least consent to Panadol? We’ll do 800mg every six hours. You won’t be numbed, you’ll undoubtedly still feel the majority of the pain, but some of it will hopefully be subdued. Can you consent to that?”

“Make it 500mg,” she told him.

“800mg is already a low dose in my opinion,” argued Dr. Elliot.

“500mg is what I’ll consent to take.”

The only reason she was willing to take 500mg of Panadol was because it was the same as 500mg Tylenol, which was what she took back in America for her bad headaches and cramps. She knew it wasn’t going to do much, the vast majority of the pain would still be present, but she might be able to breathe a little easier.

“Fine then, we’ll do 500mg, but I’m going to take away the morphine. So if you want it later, you’re going to have to ask.” He was hoping that by removing it from the room, she might change her mind and ask for him to leave it there, but she didn’t.

“Sounds good,” she told him.

Dr. Elliot stared at her a moment, baffled as to how the young woman could possibly be turning down morphine or at the very least a respectable dose of Panadol to reduce the pain. He couldn’t understand how anyone would say no to it, especially not someone who’d been hit by a car, but she had. She’d said no and he couldn’t go against her wishes, so instead he secured her ventilator mask back on and then ventured outside to get her the two Panadol tablets.

The moment Dr. Elliot left, Alfred retook his place at the side of her bed, and once more, they fell into silence. He no longer knew what to say, she no longer felt like speaking. She just stared up at the ceiling, thinking about Thea and trying to get through the physical pain. It wasn’t until the doctor returned to give her the medication that Alfred broke the silence.

“Olivia’s here,” he told her when Dr. Elliot left the room.

She turned her head to look at him, and arched her brow, as if to urge him on since the doctor left strict orders that she was to keep her ventilator mask on.

“She arrived a few hours ago,” he elaborated, knowing very well that she wanted to know more. “Would’ve arrived sooner had she not been at work, but she had to finish up one last delivery before she was given permission to leave.” He rubbed his tired eyes. “I’ve not yet seen her, since she got in shortly after I was allowed to visit with you, but she’s there. Would you like to see her?”

She nodded as best she could.

“Right then, let me tell the nurses she can be let in. I’ll be right back.”

Had the circumstances been different, Alfred would’ve walked all the way to the waiting room to fetch Olivia, but he didn’t feel comfortable leaving Paulina alone for that long. Instead he went to the nurse’s station and told them to please let in Olivia Mercier, the petite blonde in scrubs.

About ten or so minutes after Alfred returned to the room, Olivia nervously stepped inside. She was carrying a massive bouquet of sunflowers, having thought it be best to liven up the hospital room a bit since even the nice ones managed to look a bit dreary. She had hoped that the sunflowers would make her friends face light up like it always did at the sight of her favorite flowers, she had hoped to see one of those smiles that Paulina was so well known for, but there was none of that. Her facial expression didn’t alter. She was pleased to see Olivia and the flowers, but she wasn’t capable of being cheerful.

The moment Olivia’s eyes landed on Paulina, her heart broke. She’d been warned that her friend wasn’t in good shape, Alfred had called earlier to inform her of that, but she hadn’t expected her to be so roughed up, but more than that, she hadn’t expected to find her looking so lifeless. She had expected her friend to be in a sling and bruised up, but she’d held hope that her eyes would still be full of life and that there’d be at least a little smile to welcome her. That wasn’t the case though. There was no smile on her lips, only a perpetual grimace and her eyes were filled with an unfathomable sorrow that moved Olivia to tears. She had told herself she wouldn’t cry, that she’d be strong for her friend, but she couldn’t stand to see her so beaten.

Unable to speak, she rushed to her friend’s bedside and fell to her knees. She snatched Paulina’s left hand from Alfred, and held it close, praying that somehow that would make things better, but although it didn’t heal Paulina, it did comfort her. It was a relief to know that she could count on Olivia.

“I am so bloody sorry I didn’t get here faster.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “I meant to leave the hospital as soon as I heard, but then one of the patients went into labor and since I was always the nurse that saw to her, she wanted to have me there, but I promise I left work as soon as I could.”

“Don’t work yourself up, Via.” Alfred gently rubbed his girlfriend’s back. “She knows you got here quick as you could, and she appreciates it.”

“Do you?” Olivia stared up at her friend.

Paulina nodded.

Relieved, Olivia smiled brightly despite her tears. “The nurse explained that you’re not meant to take off your ventilator mask, so I know we can’t have a proper chat, but I’m just so sorry this happened to you. It’s like something out of a movie, it is. One moment you’re walking and the next there’s a bloody car coming straight at you, and I was so furious when I heard what happened, and I was also so worried, but I’m pleased you’re alright. Well, I know you’ve a broken arm and fractured ribs, so you’re not technically alright, but I’m just pleased that you’re conscious and that you can nod and do all that. And I’m sorry, I’m rambling. I need to stop rambling. I don’t need you to think I’ve lost it, but it’s just, I’m glad you’re conscious and I know it might not seem like it right now, but everything will be sorted. And if you like, I can be your personal nurse. I’ll look after you.”

A few tears of gratitude slid down Paulina’s face and although she’d been told not to, Paulina let go of Olivia’s hand and then lifted her mask off.

“You’re not meant to do that,” Olivia scolded.

“Fuck it,” said Paulina. “I’ll put it on as soon as I’m done talking. I just had to tell you how much this means to me. I felt so alone when I was in the ambulance and ER, it was fucking awful not having a loved one with me, but you two are here now and I don’t have the words to really tell you how much it means to have you here.” She took in a somewhat deep breath. “And as for being my personal nurse, thanks, I appreciate the offer, but I can’t take you up on it. You have your work to think of and I wouldn’t want to take you from it.”

“I have holiday time,” argued Olivia.

“Use that time with Alfie.” Paulina grimaced, whenever she didn’t have the mask on, her ribs hurt worse. “Don’t look at me like that, Olivia. I’m gonna have plenty of people looking after me. My parents and Luis are gonna be here soon. So don’t waste your vacation time. You have to use that for when you and Alfie want to go up to Scotland or France.”

“It wouldn’t be a waste. And even if it were, I want to help.”

“Then just hold my hand and talk to Alfie.” It was a simple request, but it truly was all she wanted.

“That really what you want?” asked Olivia.

Paulina nodded. “I know it sounds weird, but if you two talk then this’ll feel less like a hospital and more like one of your flats.”

“If that’s what you want, then he and I will have a chat, but I have to ask something first. Have they given you any pain medication? Because you look to be hurting.”

“She’s on Panadol.” Alfred answered for his friend.

“This isn’t the sort of thing you give Panadol to. She needs morphine!” exclaimed Olivia. “I swear, I’m going to march right up to that nurses’ station and tell them –”

“They offered her morphine,” Alfred cut in. “She said no.”

“How could you say no?” Olivia was utterly stunned.

“Because I want to remember the pain so if I ever lose my self-respect and consider taking that asshole back, I’ll be able to recall what I went through and come to my senses to tell him to fuck off.” Paulina then began to reach for her ventilator mask to secure it back on.

“What happened between you two?” asked Olivia, momentarily forgetting herself. “You were so happy in Torquay and now, you’re talking like that and I reckon he must’ve done something utterly dreadful and unforgiveable, but he looks absolutely gutted.”

“Good.” And that said, Paulina placed her ventilator mask right over her mouth and nose.

Olivia was flabbergasted, but she didn’t press the issue any further. It was clear no answer would be given. Instead she just sort of stayed there, until Alfred offered her a chair. She then sat down, still holding onto Paulina’s hand and while she sat on that chair, Alfred brought one over from the other side of the room. He thought it’d be best if they sat on the same side, that way Paulina wouldn’t have to look back and forth between them. They sat there talking about work and domestic things, both thought it was utterly absurd to do so when their friend had been hit by a car and had broken up with her boyfriend, but they humored her. She wanted them to talk, so they talked.

They talked until it was one in the afternoon. They didn’t stop chatting because the doctor walked in or a nurse interrupted them, they stopped because Olivia was having troubles staying awake. She had been awake for over twenty-four hours and while that would’ve been nothing during their college days, it was a lot for her body to take.

“You exhausted,” said Paulina after she lifted her mask.

“Don’t be silly, I’m fine.” Olivia replied, stifling a yawn.

“You can hardly keep your eyes open.”

“Not like it matters, I don’t work tonight.” Olivia said, dismissively.

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rest,” argued Paulina.

“I’ll sleep once your parents get in.”

“Why wear yourself out if you don’t have to?” she asked. “Let’s just call the nurse, see if she can bring in a blanket or something, that way you can knock out in here.”

“Can’t do that, Paulin.”

“Course you can,” she argued. “Just knock out, you’ve been up all night.”

“Still, it wouldn’t be right.” Olivia didn’t feel comfortable falling asleep when her friend might need tending to. “I mean to look after you.”

“There’s plenty of people looking after me.” Paulina assured. “Just sleep a little. That’ll make me feel better about this, because I can’t help but feel guilty that you had to leave work early and drive out here. I mean, I’ve completely interrupted yours and Alfie’s lives.”

“Don’t you dare feel guilty,” Alfred made his way into the conversation. “We’re here of our own accord.”

“He’s right,” said Olivia. “We love you and we want to look after you. That’s what friends do. Or have you forgotten that night I got that dreadful food poisoning and you stayed up all night with me? You even tidied up the bathroom after I’d been sick all over the floor.”

“And not even a month after we first met, I came down with a nasty cold and I distinctly remember you going over to cook for me every single for a week, so that I’d have plenty of food.” Alfred recalled. “So don’t feel guilty, because you’ve looked after us loads of times, now it’s our turn. And it’s not even like we’re going to be looking after you for too long, your parents will be getting in latter today.”

“That’s right,” said Olivia. “So you have to give us this time to fuss about.”

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy having you fuss over me, it’s that you two have been awake all night. You have to sleep a little. I mean, I’m feeling kind of tired. I might knock out soon, so let’s just all go to sleep. Yeah?”

“It wouldn’t be right for us to be sleeping in here, not when you have all those people waiting to see you.” Olivia told her.

“What are you talking about? No one’s out there except for . . .” she trailed off, unwilling to say his name or even properly mention him.

“The Fellowes are here,” Olivia began. “So are Prince William and Kate.”

“I don’t wanna see them.” Paulina replied. She didn’t care if she was being rude. She had no time for manners. She didn’t want to see anyone connected to Harry. She wasn’t strong enough for that.

Olivia had guessed as much, which was why she went onto say, “There’s also an American.”

“American?” repeated Paulina. Her brow slightly furrowed. “Why would anyone from over there fly out? I mean, obviously my family would, and I’m sure my friends from Azusa would want to fly out, but they don’t have the money.”

“It’s no one from California.”

“You recognized them?”

Olivia nodded. “I don’t quite remember her name, but it’s your professor, the one you work for.”

“Warren’s here?”

“That’s the one!” exclaimed Olivia.

“But that doesn’t make any sense. She’s supposed to be in Washington. She can’t –”

“She is.” Olivia firmly stated. “She arrived a bit before the nurse went for me.”

“I can’t believe she’s here,” whispered an astonished Paulina. “I’m just her assistant. Why would she fly out?”

“That’s a question only she can answer.” Alfred chimed in. “Do you want me to see her in?”

“Would they let her in?” asked Paulina. “I don’t know what the visitor policy is.”

“It’s three visitors during the day and one overnight,” said Olivia.

“Then let’s tell the nurse to let her in.”

“Right then, I’ll tell the nurse, but while Warren’s in here, I’ll see myself out. I reckon its best you have a bit of privacy.”

“You and Alfie can stay, I want you to.” Paulina told them.

“Alfie will stay and look after you,” said Olivia. “I’ll visit the canteen downstairs, fetch us some lunch. How does that sound?”

“Rather brilliant, actually.” Alfred replied. “But before you go, let me fetch Professor Warren. I reckon its best one of us goes out there.”

“I can see her in. It wouldn’t be an issue.” Olivia assured.

“It’ll be a waste of energy though, having you walk there and back and then back outside. There’s no need for it. I’ll get her.” He stood up. “I’ll be back in a bit, Paulin.”

Alfred saw himself out and then proceeded to walk down the hall. He had never spoken to Professor Warren before, which made him nervous about approaching her, but he cast aside his feelings. He had to introduce himself, inform her that Paulina wished to see her, and then during the walk back to the room, brief her on what to expect.

In his mind, he kept going over what he would tell her once he was in the waiting room, but all that preparation went to shit, because the moment he exited the restricted section, Harry swarmed him.

Harry had been pacing about the room for the last two hours. He had tried to get the nurses to brief him as to what was happening, but every single nurse he’d asked had told him that that was sensitive material that they were not at liberty to discuss. He had lost his temper a few times, outraged at their refusal, and as embarrassing as it was to admit, he did throw a fit. He told off one of them for being such an infuriating git, he would’ve said worse but Alistair took him aside and offered him whiskey from his flask. That somewhat calmed Harry, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to know what was happening behind those doors. So the moment he saw Alfred, he was overjoyed. He thought that finally he was going to get a bit of news, he’d be able to find out if she was conscious, if she’d had anything to drink or eat, if she’d mentioned him at all. He hoped she had. He hoped that she had seen the truth in his words and sent Alfred to fetch him.

“Alfred!” he exclaimed when he saw the young man emerge from the restricted area. “She’s sent for me, hasn’t she? I knew she would. I reckoned she couldn’t stay mad. So let’s get on with it then. Yeah? Because I’ve a lot to say and if you wouldn’t mind, I’d appreciate if you and Olivia weren’t in the room when –”

“I’m not here to fetch you.” Alfred cut him off.

“Then did something happen to her?”

“Her present condition is none of your business.” Alfred coldly told him.

“Where do you get off saying that?” Harry was getting worked up again. “I’m her bloody boyfriend. I’ve a right to know how my bird’s doing!”

“If she were your girlfriend, you would.” Alfred stated. “But she has made it perfectly clear that her relationship with you has ended. As such, I was instructed not to divulge any information to your person or anyone associated with you. Now if you’ll excuse me, she’s asked to see Professor Warren.”

Alfred didn’t give Harry the chance to say anything further, he simply walked on, which pissed Harry off. He couldn’t believe the young man whom had been so cordial and respectful, was suddenly acting like such a prat. It wasn’t right. It wouldn’t be tolerated. So Harry reached out and forcefully grabbed Alfred’s upper arm.

“Oi!” he bellowed. “I’ve not finished with you.”

“Well I’ve nothing further to say.” Alfred wasn’t a fighting man, but at that moment it took all his self-restraint to keep himself from punching Harry in the face. “So I suggest you leave me be.”

“She wants to see me,” whispered Harry, desperation oozing from his words. “She might not know it yet because she’s a bit stubborn, but she needs to see me.”

“If she needed to see you, she would’ve sent for you, but she hasn’t.” Alfred firmly stated. “And more importantly, she hasn’t even mentioned you, not favorably at least.”

“That’s not true,” hissed Harry.

“It is.”

“She loves me!” Harry snapped.

“Do you honestly think she could love a dishonorable coward?” That was it. The gloves were off. “Mind you, those are her words, not mine.”

“You’re a bloody liar, you are!” bellowed Harry.

“That’s what she thinks of you.” Alfred’s voice remained even, despite the fact that his eyes were conveying his rage. “And you know as well as I that she can’t love someone she doesn’t respect.”

“Enough.” It was William that interjected. “Is this how you lot want to spend your time? Fighting about while she’s in there? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, acting like bloody children.” He scolded. “We have a loved one who’s been through hell, and it is her recovery that matters most – not our feelings.”

“But –” Harry began to protest.

“I understand you’re upset,” William told his brother. “Believe me, I do. I would much rather you were looking after her in there, than waiting out here with us, but she doesn’t want that.”

“She’s not thinking right. If only I had a moment, I could convince her to –”

“Trying to force what you want isn’t going to do you any favors.” William said, pointedly. “If anything, it’ll upset her even more. What you have to do, as mental as it might sound, is just respect her decision. She has valid reasons for not wanting you there, you know she does.” It was then that his features softened. “Harry, I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to see things for what they are.”

“I know I do.” Harry’s voice trembled as he spoke. “That doesn’t mean it’s easy though.”

“Of course it’s not, but give it time. It might take longer than we like, but I have faith things will sort themselves out.” William reached out and patted his brother’s shoulder. They shared a moment, not a particularly mushy moment, but it was nice enough and Harry was all the better for it. When that moment passed, William turned to Alfred, who was still standing there. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself, I’ve a few words for you as well.”

“Me?” Alfred was taken aback. He’d hoped to be overlooked by William.

“Don’t look so surprised.” William told him. “My brother wasn’t the only one making a scene. He had plenty of help from you.” He took in a deep breath. “And while I do understand that you’re upset over what happened to our dear friend, I must say that that doesn’t give you a right to be so heartless and cruel to my brother.”

“Then we think differently on the matter.” Alfred spoke, genuinely surprised that he hadn’t stuttered. “Your brother received the treatment he deserves. So I’m sorry if I offend you, but I’m not going to apologize.”

“I’m not asking you to.” William told him. “I’m only asking that you not be so malicious, because it’s one thing to tell him that she doesn’t want to see him, and it’s another to call him a dishonorable coward. You understand that, don’t you? I know you do. You’re an educated man. Paulina has told me that you’ve studied at Harvard and Oxford, so clearly you know you were being intentionally malicious.”

“It couldn’t be helped.”

“I disagree,” said William. “I’m quite certain you could’ve controlled yourself, you simply didn’t want to, but that’s in the past now. What matters is that you not be malicious in the future. Only tell him what is necessary. Could you do that for me?”

Hesitantly, Alfred nodded.

“Thank you,” said William. “Well then, I won’t keep you any longer. Go find the Professor. I’m sure Paulina will be pleased to see her.”

Alfred didn’t make any reply, he simply went off in search of Professor Warren. The waiting room wasn’t particularly large, it was exclusively for use of those who had loved ones in the private rooms, so other than the people who were there for Paulina, there were only a handful of others. It was those people that Alfred looked at. He figured that the Professor had to be among them, perhaps she was having a nap or reading, so he scanned over their faces, buts hers was nowhere to be found.

At a loss as to where she’d gone off to, he figured it best to check the corridor. Since she was such a high profile woman in America, he thought it very likely that she might’ve received a phone call and instead of taking it inside where others could hear, she went into the corridor that wasn’t nearly so crowded, and sure enough, when he went outside, he heard a distinctly American voice on the line.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to keep my word, but given circumstances, I’ve done as much as I can do.” She was on the phone with a Congressman from her home state. “I sent the files to you via e-mail and I also had Francis drive some printed copies to your office. He sent me a picture of him handing them over to your assistant, so I know for a fact that you have the research. And isn’t that what matters? Just let the data speak for itself.” Her friend wasn’t pleased by what she said and he was very vocal about that. “What? Don’t be ridiculous! You can’t postpone the meeting! And even if you could, I don’t know when I’ll be back. That’s right. I cleared my schedule for the following three days because I want to be here for her. What do you mean – why? She’s been a helpful and loyal assistant, checking up on her is the least I can do. So go show the files at that meeting and read over the notes I jotted down for you. That should be enough, and if for any reason it’s not, then tell the representatives that I will personally reach out to them when I return to America. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get going.”

It was halfway during that conversation that Alfred stumbled across Professor Warren. She was partially hidden behind a large potted plant. Her back was to him and she was so engrossed in conversation that she failed to notice his arrival. When he first reached her, he contemplated making his presence known, that way he wouldn’t waste any time in getting her to Paulina, but he decided against it. He didn’t want to be rude. So he waited until she hung up, and a few seconds after that, he spoke.

“Excuse me?” his tone was polite, a far cry from the one he’d used with Harry. “I don’t meant to be a bother, but I noticed your American accent and couldn’t help but wonder if you happen to be Professor Warren.”

“I am.” She slowly turned to face him. “And you are?”

“Alfred,” he responded. “Alfred Vaughan Ferrars.” He paused a moment before adding, “I won’t flatter myself by thinking you know who I am, but I’m an intimate friend of Paulina’s. And I am very much at your service.”

“I do know you,” her voice was distant, she was remembering the times that Paulina had mentioned him. “Not personally, of course, but I’ve seen pictures and I’ve heard of you.”

“Have you?” his face lit up.

“Quite a bit, actually. Paulina thinks highly of you, and if she thinks so well of you, then I’m very much inclined to do so as well.” She smiled warmly. “That said, it’s great meeting you. It’s a shame about the circumstances though.”

“It is.” Alfred shook her outstretched hand. “But she’s woken now.”

“Oh, thank God!” exclaimed Warren, a massive smile bursting onto her tired face. “I was so worried. I thought – well, I don’t exactly know what I thought, but I was terrified of what might happen, but she’s awake now. She’s awake! Tell me, how is she? How long has she been conscious for? Have the doctors examined her since she woke?”

“They have.” Alfred answered. “They checked her vitals and gave her a bit of medication for the pain, though she’s only taking 500mg of Panadol when she ought to be taking morphine, but she is quite stubborn on that front and there’s no changing her mind.”

“I don’t know what Panadol is, but I’m glad she’s still stubborn.”

“It’ll take a lot more than being run over to take the stubbornness from her,” he commented. “But as for your other questions, she’s been awake for over an hour, and although she is doing better, she’s still in quite a bit of pain and only talks for about ten minutes at a time, then she places her ventilator mask back on for about an hour, just to be able to work up the energy again.”

“She fractured ribs then?”

Alfred nodded.

“What else happened?”

“A broken arm, and an assortment of cuts and scrapes and bruises.” He felt a lump rising in his throat. “The right side of her face is quite swollen and she has stitches above her brow and it’s . . .” he cleared his throat and averted his gaze from hers so that he could blink his tears away. “It’s not easy seeing her. We’re so accustomed to her smiling and laughing that it’s quite a shock when you see that bruised figure lying in that bed. I urge you to be as composed as you can possibly be. It’s best we be strong for her.”

“I can do that.” Warren assured. “I’ll be composed.”

“Pleased to hear it.” Alfred mustered a little smile. “Now if you’ll please follow me back to the waiting room.”

“Are we going to see our girl?” Warren asked.

Alfred nodded. “Yes. We will. And I think it best if you take out your passport. The nurses will need proper identification to allow you in, and if you like, do allow me to carry your luggage.”

“It’s just a duffle bag. I can manage.” Professor Warren had grabbed her husband’s leather duffle bag and thrown a couple outfits in there, along with her laptop. It was by all means very light luggage.

“I insist.”

“You truly are as much of a gentleman as she says you are.” Warren slipped off her duffle bag and handed it over. “Thank you, Alfred. Now lead the way.”

They quickly made their way into the waiting room, where Harry stood pacing back and forth. He had deluded himself into thinking that somehow Alfred would change his mind and let him go see Paulina, but when he walked in accompanied by Professor Warren, Harry knew there was no chance of that. He glared at them as they waited for a nurse to let them in. How was it possible for that Professor to be given priority over him? She’d only known Paulina for a year. He was going on three with her. He had shared her bed. He had been with her through the good and the bad, and it just wasn’t fair for him to be stuck in the fucking waiting room, while those two went on in.

Where was the justice in that?

He loved her more than they did, more than they could ever. And yes, he’d fucked up by telling her to get an abortion and trying to throw her in the closet was the stupidest thing he’d ever done in his life, but that wasn’t him acting, that was his desperation. And anyway, he’d changed his mind in the end. He was willing to give it all up, the title, the fortune, the lifestyle, just so he could have a little family with her, but he’d been too late. Fate had conspired against him, and now he was stuck standing in the waiting room with no news of her present condition. He was being treated like a stranger, and it killed him.

“Why is he glaring at us?” Professor Warren asked, softly. “If he wants to go before me, that’s fine. I understand. He is her boyfriend, after all. And he’s been out here since I arrived.”

“He’s not allowed in.” Alfred replied in a hushed voice.

And before Professor Warren could ask anything further, a nurse appeared at the doorway. She was familiar with Alfred, having dealt with him all morning, but since there was a new person there, she had to take her to the desk, where she verified Professor Warren’s identification, gave her a visitor’s tag, and then logged that Paulina had three visitors with her at present.

After that, it was a straight shot down the hall. It was then that a more serious expression befell Warren. Her features had been animated beforehand, she was excited at the prospect of seeing Paulina, but now that she was there, standing outside the door, the gravity of the situation sunk in. Her personal assistant wasn’t going to smiling and full of life, she was going to be grim, she was going to be hurt, and Professor Warren didn’t like the thought of that, but she had promised to be composed and she would endeavor to do so. So she waited outside the door while Alfred stepped in and announced that Professor Warren had come to see her, and after that announcement, she took in a deep breath and walked in.

Despite having been warned that Paulina was badly bruised and in a pitiable state, she hadn’t truly thought that she would look so bad. She had somehow convinced herself that there was minor swelling and that the bruising was there, but not as overwhelming as it was. But when she walked in, she saw that the entire right side of Paulina’s face was swollen and black and blue, that her arm was in a cast, that she had an IV hooked up, and that she was slightly grimacing, but the worst of it, was her gaze. She looked broken, completely and utterly broken and hopeless. She looked nothing like the eager young woman that had shown up at her office a year earlier, and that made her take in a sharp breath. She stood still a moment, not daring to walk any further or to say anything. She had promised to be composed, and she would keep it, but it was increasingly difficult to do so.

“Professor.” It was Paulina who spoke first. Her voice was strained. She was tired from being awake for so many hours, but she was holding onto consciousness. “I couldn’t believe it when Olivia said you were here, but there you are.”

“Here I am.” Warren forced herself to smile brightly. “I take it this is Olivia.”

“It is.” Paulina told her. “She’s one of my best friends. Via, this is Professor Warren.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Ma’am.” Olivia stood up, and smiled warmly. “Paulina thinks you’re absolutely fantastic. Please, do sit down here.”

“I couldn’t possibly. That’s your seat.”

“I’m actually on the way out.” Olivia told her. “I was only waiting for you and Alfred to get here, but now that I know Paulina will be well looked after, I’m going to get a bit of lunch. Would you care for anything? Perhaps a coffee?”

“Coffee would be great.” Warren replied. “And there’s no need from cream or sugar, I’ll take it black. Thank you.”

Olivia smiled and exited the room, but before she did, she placed a kiss atop Paulina’s forehead and then one on Alfred’s lips. While she did that, Warren settled into the seat on the left side of Paulina, and Alfred took the one on the right. He had a feeling that the Professor might want a bit of privacy, but his friend had told him to stay there, and he would oblige.

“Thank you for coming,” spoke Paulina. “I honestly appreciate it, but I just don’t understand why you’re here. Shouldn’t you be in Washington? That’s where you told me you’d –”

“Washington will still be there when I get around to it.”

“But your bill . . .” Paulina began. She knew that the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act was coming up for the vote, and although she couldn’t remember when the vote would be held, she knew it was soon.

“Don’t worry about that. Your wellbeing is more important than any bill.” That was a huge statement for Warren to make. She had spent the last two and a half years actively fighting for it, and before that, she had spent decades arguing for similar legislation to be presented before Congress. “So let’s focus on that. Tell me, what have the doctor’s said?”

“That I’ll be fine.”

“Well that’s encouraging.” Warren tried her best to be cheerful. “Doctors are always cautious when it comes to their prognosis. They don’t want to mislead anyone or give false hope. So if they’re saying you’ll be fine, then you’ll undoubtedly make a full recovery. It’ll be awhile, these things take plenty of time, but you’re strong and there are so many people that care about you and will be there to offer support.” She waited for Paulina to comment, but after an awkward silence, she found herself once again speaking. “In fact do you want to know who helped get me here so fast?”

“Who?” Paulina asked.

“Francis.”

“What?” she was at a loss.

“He was with me when I found out.” Warren began. She was going to explain how everything happened.

“Why would he be?” Paulina blurted out. “I thought you’ve been in Washington all this time.”

“I have been, but so has he, for the most part. I take it I ought to explain things a little further.” She cleared her throat. “As you know, things have gotten incredibly hectic with the Dodd-Frank bill. There have been numerous committee hearings and private meetings with Representatives and Senators, and so in order to be able to do all that, I had to reach out for help. At first, I toyed with the idea of getting a student from campus. I thought it’d be the easiest way of going about things, but let’s be honest, this bill isn’t the sort of thing you can entrust to just anyone. So instead, I asked Bobby if he could ask his kids and nephews and nieces if they’d be interested in helping me. I thought one of the younger kids would volunteer, there are a few that are just starting college, so I figured it would benefit them and me, but Francis was actually the one that volunteered.”

“He has a job though.”

“That’s why I hesitated,” said Warren. “I didn’t think he could possibly be my assistant while simultaneously being a district attorney, but he’s managed. Though rest assured, he’s no you.” She smiled fondly at the young woman. “I would’ve much rather had you, but I completely understand that you had to honor prior engagements. But like I was saying, Francis has been helping me these last few weeks, and yesterday, we were finishing up some files for an upcoming meeting. We were nearly done with them, when Andrea on MSNBC announced that there was breaking news. I immediately thought it was something to do with Congress, what with the tension being unbearable few days, but then I saw a shot of you being pushed into the hospital and –” her voice faltered. “I know it’s not professional to say this, but you are so much more than just an assistant to me. You know that, don’t you?”

Paulina nodded as best she could.

“I feel protective towards you, responsible even, and when I saw the paramedics rushing you into the ER, I felt my blood run cold.” She took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I lacked the words to describe how scared I was, but even then, I knew that I needed to make sure you were okay. And I couldn’t stand to have someone else inform me of that. I had to make sure for myself. The problem was that I couldn’t get a flight out of Reagan. Everything until four am was already booked. There was nothing in economy, in business, in first class – everything was taken up! So I tried my luck with the surrounding airports, but the earliest flight I found was from Baltimore and that wasn’t until midnight. Needless to say, I was incredibly irritated and distressed. And as embarrassing as it is to admit, I contemplated calling in a favor with the President, because I figured that since I’ve done so much for him that the least he could do was have someone fly me out to London, but it thankfully didn’t come to that. Because while I was panicking, Francis arranged for one of the family jets to fly me out.”

“No fucking way . . .” blurted out Paulina, and she was so stunned that she didn’t even realize that she’d cursed in front of the Professor.

“My sentiments exactly.” Warren chuckled. “I went from struggling to get a seat to having an entire plane brought to me. It was inane, but that’s how the Kennedys are. They look after those they like, which reminds me . . .” She reached into purse and pulled out her wallet.

“He asked me to give you this.”

“Who did?”

“Francis,” replied Warren as she took out the faded image of the Virgin Mary. “He thought it might help.” She held it close to Paulina’s face. “There now, can you see it?”

Paulina had a clear look at it. She could see the frayed edges of the picture, the faded color of her blue garments. She could see her face, merciful and loving, the look of a mother with endless love for her children. Growing up, the Virgin Mary had always soothed her in times of trouble. When she went off to Stanford and felt homesick, she sought out the local Catholic Church to see if the smell of incense would soothe her heart, but it wasn’t the smell that gave her peace, it was the mounted portrait of the Virgin Mary. When she lost her grandfather and maternal grandmother, it was to the Virgin that she prayed, and despite their being gone, she was filled with a strange sense of peace. It made her feel like everything would be okay.

But at that moment, the image of the blessed mother didn’t soothe her pain.

It heightened it.

It pissed her off. It made her as angry as she’d felt when she woke up and saw Harry sitting at her bedside. That image was an unwelcomed intruder. It hadn’t done anything to her, the Virgin Mary most certainly had played no part in Paulina running into the middle of the street and the accident that ensued, but Paulina felt that she was somehow to blame. And it was childish really, and she would recognize that later down the line, but at that moment she was angry at the almighty and at her beloved Virgencita, because she had prayed to them.

When she was being rushed over to the hospital, she had spent the entire ambulance ride praying to the Virgin, imploring her to grant her the miracle of allowing the pregnancy to go on undisturbed. She had begged her with tears in her eyes to just let her keep Thea. She could break her arms, take a leg, she could disfigure her face, but so long as she let her keep Thea, it would be okay. Paulina had placed so much faith in the Virgin, she had blindly believed that because she wanted it so much, it would work out, but it didn’t. She lost Thea. She lost her little girl, she lost her dreams for the future, and she had a lot of rage that she needed to work through, she had a lot of sorrow, and it had to be directed somewhere, it couldn’t stay inside her. So she let her emotions get the best of her.

“You were supposed to take care of her!” she cried out, stunning Professor Warren with her outburst. “I prayed and prayed so you would, but you didn’t . . .”

Alfred abandoned his seat to her right and bolted over to where Professor Warren sat. He didn’t care if he was being rude, he stepped right in front of her and successfully shielded her from view. He tried to calm his friend down with reassuring words, he even kissed her hand, but none of that was doing any good. So feeling that there was only thing left to try, he crouched down and rested his head against the side that wasn’t bruised and swollen and then he lightly draped his arm across her chest so that he could gently rub her right shoulder. It was as close to a hug as he could get and although he tried not to apply unnecessary pressure, the bit that was applied was enough to hurt her, but instead of pulling away, she sought his touch. She needed to be held.

“I just wanted things to work out,” she whispered. “I fucking flew out thinking we were gonna live happily ever after, and instead I got this. And it just doesn’t make any sense. I mean, I thought he’d be happy. I figured it’d take him by surprise, but that after the shock went away, he’d be good, but no . . .” She sniffled. “It all went to shit and I’m so fucking mad. I’m so mad that I don’t even know how to feel it. I’m mad at him. I’m mad at myself. I’m even mad at la Virgencita, and it’s not like it’s her fault. This is on me. I shouldn’t have been a dumbass. I should’ve stayed on the sidewalk, I should’ve looked before I made a run for it, and if it had come to him dragging me, then I should’ve fought. I could’ve gotten away somehow, I would’ve made it, but I was an idiot. I panicked and I lost her.”

“But she’ll be well looked after,” he spoke in a hushed tone so low that Warren couldn’t hear. “Mother Mary, she’ll look after her for you.”

“Really?”

“Well of course she will,” Alfred assured. He might not have been a Roman Catholic like Paulina, but Alfred had strong feelings towards the Virgin Mary. “She’s meant to be mother to us all, so she’ll look after little Thea.”

The thought of the Virgin Mary looking after Thea was a comfort to Paulina. She would’ve preferred to have been the one taking care of her, but since that was no longer an option, believing that Thea would be seen to by la Virgencita made her feel at peace.

Slowly, the crying and anger came down. It took a long time to do so, but that was okay, because Alfred was there to hold her. He held her until she fell asleep and when she did, he slowly pulled away and then secured her ventilator mask back on.

When he turned around to go back to his seat, he was faced with a baffled Warren. She didn’t understand how such a simple picture could cause such a reaction.

“This has not been easy for her,” he began. “So please don’t judge her too harshly. Please don’t.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “Our girl’s been put through the ringer, it’s only natural that she act the way she’s acting.”

“She’ll be alright though,” said Alfred. “She’s a strong one, she is. This won’t defeat her. I only wish she wouldn’t have had to have gone through this.” He looked away, he could feel the tears sting at his eyes. “Olivia will be coming around with lunch soon enough. I’m sure she’ll have brought you proper food along with your coffee.” He was now going to pretend that he had not been on the verge of crying in front of a stranger. “Tell me, might I borrow that picture?”

“This one?” asked Warren, confused as to why he would want the image that sent Paulina screaming.

He nodded. “I want to put it up.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea? I would hate for her to get worked up again.”

“She’d prefer to have it out.” He stated. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but after our chat, she would.”

“Then here you go.” She handed it over. “Just be careful with it.

He placed it in front of the sunflower bouquet that Olivia had brought, and since Paulina was fast asleep, Alfred and Warren conversed amongst themselves. It was awkward at first, Alfred always had trouble talking to people he didn’t know well, but he made an honest effort of it. He inquired as to how the flight had been, if the line had been long to clear immigration, and whether or not she had a place to stay. To those questions Warren responded by saying that the flight had been much longer than she would’ve liked, but that it had been a smooth one, that it had taken her an hour to be allowed into the country, and that she would be staying at a residence owned by the Kennedys. It was a property that Francis and his brothers had inherited from their father, it hadn’t been assigned to a specific son because Ted had thought it best that they all have equal access to it, so it was there that Warren would retire to if she so felt like it. The housekeeper had already been told to expect her.

It was then Warren’s turn to make conversation. She remembered Paulina mentioning that Alfred had attended Harvard, so she asked him how he had liked Massachusetts and after that, she asked if he was still at school. He told her that he wasn’t, that he wasn’t working for a large bank, and that as soon as he had enough money to marry and purchase a proper home, he would give his notice and go to work for the government. He told her about his views on banking regulation and how now that he knew how banks operated on the inside, he felt he’d be an asset to regulating agencies. Banking regulations was a topic that Warren would never tire of, neither would Alfred. So they conversed animatedly until Olivia arrived with the food. It was by no means delicious, but it was alright and more importantly, it was all the hospital had.

Conversation died down while they ate, and afterwards, it was virtually nonexistent. They were exhausted, they had just eaten, and not even coffee and tea were enough to keep them properly awake. So they remained in their respective chairs, with eyes struggling to remain open. Their gaze was firmly fixed on Paulina. They had to keep looking at her, just in case she needed anything, but she was alright. She was fast asleep. It wasn’t the most comfortable rest she’d ever had, but the exhaustion was so immense that not even the pain was enough to ruin her sleep. In fact, she would’ve probably slept right into the following day if she hadn’t been woken by Alfred trying to throw William out. He wasn’t being rude about it, not really. It wasn’t like he was telling him to get the fuck out of there. He was actually being polite about it, the problem was that he hadn’t bothered himself with speaking in a hushed tone like William was. His sleep deprivation had him talking at full volume.

“Be that as it may, Paulina made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want your brother in here or –”

“Do you see him in here?” William kept his voice low, not wanting to disturb the sleeping patient, but he was growing irritated. “Because as far as I know, he’s in the waiting room with our aunt and uncle. He did not follow me in here. Had he done so, I would be aware of it, but it’s only me in this room and all I’m asking is to have a few minutes privacy with a dear friend.”

“She doesn’t want you here though.” Alfred argued.

“It’s Harry she doesn’t want.”

“It’s Harry and anyone associated with him.” Alfred stated. “And can you blame her? After the night she’s had, it makes sense for her not to want to be reminded of him.”

“All I’m asking for is five minutes,” said William, remaining composed despite his feelings.

“I promised not to let him or anyone associated with him in here.” Alfred spoke in a softened tone. “Believe me, it is not my intention to be rude or to offend, but I gave her my word. And I’m the sort of man that keeps it.”

While that went on, Paulina lifted her ventilator mask and left it resting against her forehead.

“Let him stay,” she spoke, her voice was hoarse and they weren’t able to understand what she said, but Alfred immediately went to her side.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Let him stay,” she repeated. “And get me a drink, please.”

“I’ll serve her the water.” William stated. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m perfectly capable of pouring a drink. Now if you will.” That was his polite way of telling him to get out.

Alfred looked to Paulina.

“It’s okay,” she told him. “I’ll be alright.”

Hesitantly, Alfred exited the room and made his way out into the hall where Olivia and Warren stood waiting. He told them that she going to have a chat with William, and that they should just stay there until he left. Olivia told him that it wasn’t right to hang about the corridor, she said it might be best if they go out to the waiting room, but Alfred refused to leave. He wanted to be close at hand, he had promised Luis he would, so while he waited there, Olivia and Warren went out to the waiting room.

Not possessing the energy to stand long, Alfred took a seat by the door. His body urged him to close his eyes, she would be alright, she was with William, and without even realizing it he fell asleep.
That was okay though, Paulina was being well looked after. William had already filled a plastic cup with water from the carafe, and after having put in a new straw he held it up so that Paulina would be able to drink. Despite being incredibly thirsty, she drank slowly and only managed a few sips before she gave up. She would try again in a little while, but for now she’d had all she could, and so she lowered her head back onto the pillow.

“Don’t be mad at him,” she found herself saying. “He was just doing what I asked.”

“He’s in charge of looking after you, then?” William inquired, although he already knew the answer. “I have to admit, you chose well. Not many would have had the nerve to refuse a Prince.”

He waited for her to say something, but she simply lay there with her eyes closed, mentally scolding herself for having told him to stay. She should’ve let Alfred throw him out, that would’ve been the sensible thing to do, but the problem was that she couldn’t stand to have William mistreated. It was one thing to give word to not let him in, but a different thing entirely to have him rudely thrown out. He had always been kind to her, warm and welcoming, he had offered her his friendship and had argued on her behalf when the Queen hated her, so she owed it to the friendship they once had, to treat him with respect.

“I see you’re not much in the way of conversation,” he said, softly. “That’s quite alright. After the night you’ve had, one could hardly expect you to be chatty. What with your ribs being the way they are and your . . .”

“Face,” she finished for him. “It doesn’t hurt that bad or maybe everything else just hurts so much that it makes me forget about it. Either way, I’m speaking mostly with the left side. I have a feeling it must make me look like two-face. You know who I’m talking about?”

“I believe so, yes.” He replied. “He’s a villain of Batman’s, but rest assured you don’t remind me of him, not at all.”

“You’re being polite,” she told him. “It’s okay though, I know I look like shit.”

“Now see here, that’s not true.”

“It is,” she said, rather forcefully. “I see it in everyone’s eyes. They try to be strong for me, make an effort to not act like I’m so roughed up, but their eyes betray them. I’ve seen it Olivia’s, in Alfred’s, in Warren’s, and I can see it in yours.” She paused and took in shaky breaths. “I look like shit and there’s no getting around it, but that’s alright, because my face, the ribs, my arm – it’ll all heal. So I’m not worried. Bones and skin always have a way of getting back to how they’re supposed to be, so they’ll mend, because they have no other choice. My body will heal because it has to.”

“And what of your spirit?” he asked, hesitantly. He didn’t know how to bring up the pregnancy. He wanted to comfort her on that, he needed to, he knew that her misery didn’t stem from the physical injuries she’d sustained, but from the loss of her child.

“That won’t get better until I get the fuck out of this country, and even then, I’m doubtful,” she said, bitterly.

“Surely, you can’t leave!”

“As soon as they discharge me, I’ll be on the first flight out.”

“But you can’t,” he argued. It was then that he reached out for her hand. He held it between his, hoping that somehow it would help his cause. “You’ve made a life for yourself here, you can’t abandon it. Only think about everything you and Harry have –”

“Don’t’!” she cut him off, her voice cracking. “Don’t you fucking mention him.”

“Is that how you treat the man you love?”

“That’s how I treat cowards.”

“But you love him!”

“Stop mentioning him!” she pulled her hand away. “For fuck’s sake, stop it.”

“He loves you.” William felt his time with her was running out. He had to speak quickly. “And I know he was a fool. I know you’ve every right to be cross with –”

“No, you don’t!” she hissed. “You don’t know what he did.”

“I do.” He stated, rather frantically. “He rang me in the middle of the bloody night and told me everything.” He rallied his courage to mention the pregnancy. “He told me about the pregnancy, and how poorly he reacted at first, but then he –”

“I don’t want to talk about this!” she snapped.

“He changed his mind in the end,” he went on. “When he went outside to look for you, it was because he wanted to tell you that he was sorry and that nothing would make him happier than raising the little –”

“Shut the fuck up!” she sobbed. “Your brother didn’t change his fucking mind. He went out there because he wanted to throw me in a closet! He wanted to lock me up until he could figure out how to end the pregnancy. He told me so himself! He said that he was gonna call someone to help him sort things out, that he was going to make sure that I didn’t have Thea.”

“He changed his mind.” William repeated. He knew he had to help his brother, but he couldn’t help but be furious with him. He had scolded Harry for trying to throw her in the closet, but hearing her tell her side of the story, broke his heart.

“It’s easy to change your mind when there’s no baby to raise!” she cried hysterically. “But when Thea was inside me, when she had a chance at being born, he called her a bastard and said that I couldn’t have her, because he wasn’t going to risk his position for us. He told me that I had to get an abortion and when I said no he tried to throw me in a closet, but I fought. I fought with everything I had because I wanted her.” She burst into tears. “I wanted her with all my heart. I still want her!” Her emotions overpowered her. She couldn’t talk anymore.

And it was then, that a drowsy Alfred burst into the room. He’d been sleeping outside, completely oblivious what was going on, but her final cry roused from sleep and he ran inside as quickly as he could. He was terrified by what he found. William was begging her to look at him, to please calm down, and she was just bawling her eyes out in the bed. Alfred was so stunned by what he saw that he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move. He just stood in the doorway and let the door close itself.

“And I don’t think I’m ever gonna stop wanting her,” she found the strength to go on. “I’m always gonna miss her. I’m always gonna wonder what life would’ve been like if she was born. I’m gonna think about what she would’ve looked like, how she would’ve smiled, how her laugh would’ve sounded.” She trembled as she cried. “I’m gonna spend the rest of my life torturing myself with those thoughts! And I hope and pray that your brother is every bit as miserable as I am!” she spat. “I hope he marries a woman he doesn’t love and that he spends his nights dreaming about what life with me and Thea would’ve been like!”

“Don’t say that!” William implored. “You don’t mean it.” He tried to take her hand, but she pulled away. “You love him. You’re meant to be with him. That’s how it ought to be, you and Harry. And I know it’s difficult, and I know you hate him right now, you’re quite right to, but give it time – please, give it time.” He begged. “Don’t give up on him. If you need time, take it. Go to America, recover, but come home to him at some point. Come back.”

“You need to leave,” said Alfred, finally recovering himself.

“Go outside!” ordered William, not bothering to be polite. “Give us a bit of privacy.”

“So you can make her cry some more?” Alfred questioned, gruffly. “I don’t bloody well think so.”

William ignored him and took her hand in his. “Forgive him,” he implored. “He’s no chance at happiness without you, and neither do you. You’re meant to be together, and you know it. Don’t you?”

“That doesn’t matter,” she struggled to free her hand from him.

“Of course it does,” he whispered. “Don’t let your pride condemn you to misery. Forgive him.”

“I could’ve forgiven him for being scared,” she said, softly. “But I will never forgive him for trying to throw me in that closet. So he can go fuck himself. In fact, tell him I said so. Tell him that Paulina wants him to go fuck himself. And while you’re at it, tell him that if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll leave before my parents and Luis show up, because my brother . . .”

“He knows,” said William. “Believe me, he does, but he refuses to leave. He’ll be out in that waiting room until you’ve been discharged.”

“I don’t want him there when I leave.” She told him. “Tell him that.”

“He won’t listen.” William knew that for certain. “He’s determined to make things right.”

“There’s no making this right.” She cleared her throat. “Now I think it’s time for you to leave.”

“Paulina –”

“I don’t want to be a dick to you.” Her voice shook as she spoke. “You’ve always been so kind to me, even before I meant anything to you. So please just go. Go and be happy with Kate, because I want you to be happy.”

Without saying anything further, she placed the ventilator mask back on. There was a moment in which William debated whether or not he should disregard what she just said, but he didn’t want to see her cry anymore. So instead he stood up and after he fixed his pullover, he reached out and stroked her hair affectionately.

“I would’ve loved to have had you for a sister.” He leant down and kissed her forehead. “But I respect your decision, although I must admit, I’m going to pray that your heart softens and that you’ll return to us.” He smiled at her one last time before turning to Alfred. “You better take good care of her.”

He didn’t wait for Alfred to tell him anything, he simply saw himself out, and when he reentered the waiting room, Olivia and Professor Warren rushed to get back to Paulina, while Harry rushed to his brother’s side.

“How is she?” he asked, desperate for news. “Will she see me?”

William shook his head.

“Then you’ll have to go back in. Go on. What are you waiting for? There’s no point in you standing about out here, you’re needed in there. Tell her that I’m sorry, that I love her. Tell her I’m going mad!”

“Harry . . .”

“I need to see her, Wills.” His voice cracked. “I can’t take being out here for much longer. Not when everyone else is let in! I’m more important than Alfred or Olivia or her bloody Professor! So why can they sit with her but not me? Why?”

“Because you broke her heart,” said William. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s true. You know it is.”

“I didn’t mean to,” whispered Harry.

“That doesn’t matter. Not to her. Now if you love her as much as you claim to, then endure.” He hated being so blunt, but he didn’t want to lie to his brother. “That’s all you can do at this point.”

“Do you think she’ll come around then, in the end?”

“I honestly can’t say, but you’ve no other choice.”

William watched as his brother’s bottom lip began to tremble, and before Harry could burst into tears, William took him into a strong embrace. Harry buried his face into his brother’s shoulder and wept like a small child. He clung to his brother for dear life. He needed to feel loved. So he stood there crying until all his tears were spent, and when he finished, he sat himself down and buried his face in his hands.

He remained there for hours, completely oblivious to those around him. Had he been aware, he would’ve watched as Lord and Lady Fellowes were admitted into Paulina’s company, then he would’ve seen them emerge a little while later, both visibly shaken by what they’d seen, but he wasn’t aware, his misery was the only thing that concerned him. It wasn’t until he heard his name called out in a distinct Spanish accent that he came to. His head instantly turned in the direction of the sound, and when it did, it was met by the sight of Irmelinda Balcázar. He’d expected to either be ignored by her or told off, those were the only two scenarios he’d thought possible, but there she was, practically running towards him with a look of concern that only a mother could wear.

“Mi niño (my dear boy)!” she exclaimed, rushing towards him.

Harry stood up, uncertain of what to do or say. He just looked lost, and that was enough for Irmelinda to burst into tears. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, and despite the fact that he towered over her, he buried his face into the crook of her neck and cried as she rubbed his back. They stood locked in their embrace until Irmelinda composed herself enough to pull away. Her heart broke when she saw his bloodshot eyes, he could see the misery in them, the agony.

“Nos ha tocado vivir una mendiga pesadilla. Nunca pero nunca pensé yo que le iba a pasar esto a mi niña linda, pero ese mendigo desgraciado infeliz, la atropello. (We’ve been forced to live a fucking nightmare. Never in my life did I think this would happen to my beautiful little girl, but that fucking asshole ran her over.)” Her eyes darted to the sling his right arm was in. “Y te lastimo a ti también. ¿Hasta cuando estos perros van a perseguirlos? ¿Qué no ven cuanto te han quitado y lastimado? Pero te juro que los voy a cuidar a los dos. Te voy a llevar para Azusa porque aquí no está seguro. Yo sé que yo no tengo seguridad ni chingaderas de esas, pero a ti a mi niña, los cuido. Me los llevo a la casa y allí ninguno de estos perros me los toca. Porque si los tocan, les pongo una putisa. (And they hurt you as well. For fucks sake, how long are they going to follow you two? Don’t they know how much they’ve already taken from you? How much they’ve hurt you? But I promise that I’m gonna take care of you both. I’m going to take you to Azusa, because it’s not safe here. And I know that I don’t have security or any of that, but regardless, I’m gonna take care of you and my little girl. No one’s going to hurt you over there, and if anyone tries, I’ll fuck them up).”

While Irmelinda had her moment with Harry, Luis and Ricardo watched on in silence. Luis didn’t have the heart to tell his parents what happened. Not because he hadn’t been tempted to, but because he didn’t know what his sister wanted them to think, so he kept the pregnancy to himself, he kept quiet about Harry’s cowardice and his hatred towards him, but as he watched his mother hug and fuss over the ginger, he wanted nothing more than to take a swing at him.

Thankfully his parents didn’t notice the hatred in his eyes. His mother was far too busy fussing over Harry, and while his father had remained at his side for a few minutes, he eventually joined his wife and hugged the young prince. Luis wanted nothing more than to scream at his parents that Harry was a fucking pathetic excuse for a man. He wanted his parents to be as offended and pissed off as he was, but he didn’t lose his temper like that, not in front of his parents at least, because just as his emotions were beginning to get the best of him, Alfred stepped outside.

“Luis!” he exclaimed, his face brightening at the sight of him. “You’re here. You’re actually here! When I read your text, I couldn’t believe it. I thought for certain you wouldn’t be in until later, but thank the heavens you’re here. And your parents?” he asked. “Where are they?”

“Making fools of themselves,” replied Luis, bitterly.

“What do you? Oh.” It was then that he noticed Irmelinda and Ricardo fussing over Harry. “Do they not know?”

“Didn’t have the heart to tell them,” he replied. “I’m waiting for my sister to tell me what she wants them to think. But enough of that bullshit, how is she?”

“She’s awake now.”

“Is she?” Luis smiled for the first time since he heard about the accident. “Gracias mi Virgencita (Thank you, Virgin of Guadalupe).” He did the sign of the cross and when he finished, he couldn’t help but take Alfred into a strong hug. The two men embraced much longer than they normally would have and when they pulled away, Luis kissed Alfred’s cheek like he would his brothers. Alfred was taken aback by it, but before he could say anything, Luis hugged him one last time. “Thank you so fucking much Alfred. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for us. I don’t think I would’ve managed if you wouldn’t have been here, but you’ve looked after her. And she’s awake now!”

“And talking,” added Alfred. “She tires after ten or so minutes, and then she has to put the breathing mask back on, but she’s out of danger. The doctors have been very attentive and they’ve assured me that she’ll be quite alright.”

“I’m so happy to hear that.”

“So was I, believe me.” Alfred smiled. “Now, should I take you to her? I’ll have to take your parents first, then when I return with Olivia and Professor Warren, I’ll escort you inside and then you to yourselves.”

“Professor Warren?” repeated Luis.

Alfred nodded. “She’s been here for quite some time now.”

“I thought she was in Washington.”

“Paulina thought so as well, but to quote the Professor, your sister is more important than any bill. Now shall we?”

“Yeah, let me just get my parents.” He started walking towards them. “Mama, dad!” he called out and they almost instantly turned around. “Alfred said we can go see chunky butt now.”

“Vente mijo (come with us, dear boy),” Irmelinda told Harry and she took his hand.

“Only three people are allowed in the room.” Luis quickly said. “If he goes, then one of you is going to have to wait outside because I have to talk to her doctor.”

Irmelinda turned to Harry, and before she could say anything, he spoke.

“Esta bien (it’s okay),” he told her. “I’ve already seen her.”

“Que muchacho tan amable eres, pero no te preocupes porque le voy a preguntar a la enfermera si nos deja estar los cuarto allí adentro porque yo sé que eso le gustaría mucho a Paulina (You’re such a sweet your man, but don’t you worry about staying out here because as soon as I get in there, I’m going to ask the nurse if she’ll let four of us be in the room because I know Paulina would love that).”

“Sounds brilliant,” he told her. “But before you go, could I have another hug?” he felt childish asking for it, but a hug was precisely what he needed, and Irmelinda was only too happy to give him one.

He closed his eyes during the hug, wanting to remember what it felt like, because he knew that once they went inside, Paulina would tell them what happened. She might leave out the pregnancy, but she knew that she would speak badly of him, and while her parents were kind to him, they would always be on their daughter’s side. So he relished in that hug, and when he pulled away there were tears in his eyes.

With his vision blurred he watched as Irmelinda and Ricardo were led inside by Alfred. His heart filled with dread when they disappeared behind the door. How much longer would they think well of him for? Not much longer, not much at all. Harry knew that the relationship he shared with the Balcázars would soon cease. He knew that if Paulina miraculously gave him another chance, that it would be an uphill battle to gain their trust again, but he would be up to it, because he wanted to be a part of their family. And wanting to mend things, he reached out to Luis. He thought that since Luis had always been nice to him that he would somehow be understanding, but when Harry walked over to him, Luis didn’t hesitate in telling him to fuck off.

“Just because my parents were nice to you, that doesn’t mean I will.” Luis spoke in a deathly low voice, and he kept his gaze fixed firmly on the door out of fear that if he looked Harry, his emotions would get the best of him and he’d cause a scene. “Unlike them, I know what happened. I know you turned your back on my little sister. I know you’re a fucking coward, so leave me alone.”

“Luis, I –”

“Don’t talk to me.” Luis said through gritted teeth. “Just fuck off.”

“Like hell I will. You’re daft if you think I’m just going to stand about and let you insult me, when all I want to do is talk.” Harry stepped right in front of Luis. “Now let’s talk.”

There was a very good chance that Luis was going to punch Harry. He had been fantasizing about doing so ever since Alfred told him what happened, he’d spent the entire flight over imagining how he was going to beat the crap out of him, but then he saw Harry’s arm was in a sling, and he couldn’t bring himself to go through with it. Because what kind of person hits someone that can’t defend themselves? No honorable person would ever do that, which was why Luis walked away. He needed to put distance between himself and Harry, otherwise he’s forget himself. So he walked off towards a deserted corner in the waiting room, but Harry was stubborn. He wanted to talk to Luis, he wanted to convince him that he’d wanted the baby, but that there’d been a misunderstanding. He wanted Luis to hear him out, but Luis wasn’t having it.

“What part of I don’t want to talk to you, aren’t you understanding?” Luis snapped. “Because I’ve been up front with you. I told you from the start that I wanted nothing to do with you, and I’ve been trying to get away from you, but for some reason that I don’t understand, you keep following me because you want to talk. But guess what? I don’t want to hear a thing you have to say! If you want to talk to someone so bad, then talk to your brother! I’m sure he’d be more than happy to be here for you, but just leave me alone because I don’t have time to humor cowards.”

“I am not a coward!” Harry roared.

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Luis turned to leave, but with his good hand, Harry grabbed Luis’ shoulder. That was a stupid move on Harry’s part, Luis had been actively keeping himself from fighting, but the moment Harry put hands on him, he lost it, but he was conscious enough not to lose it completely, because instead of punching Harry in the face like he’d been fantasizing, he merely shoved him forcefully.

“I’m not trying to fight you,” said a visibly strained Luis. “I don’t mess with people that can’t defend themselves. So just leave me alone. Please, leave me alone, because if you keep coming at me, I won’t be able to control myself.” His hands balled into fists at his sides. “Just leave, man. You don’t belong here.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Harry struggled to straighten himself up. “I love your sister, and I intend to see her when she’ll have me.”

“Is one of you gonna take him away or what?” Luis asked the security details. “Because if this puto keeps running his mouth, I’m gonna lose it.”

“You think you’re the only one that’s hurting, but you’re not.” Harry didn’t care if he got punched. He walked straight up to Luis, and looked him right in the eyes. “I love your sister. Do you hear me? I bloody well love her! And I’m absolutely gutted by what’s happened. You’ve no idea how furious I am with myself.”

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you now?” Luis questioned, gruffly. “Because I don’t. If anything, I’m disgusted. And you know why? Because you’re a pathetic excuse of a man. I always thought that Princes were a cut above the rest of us. I believed that you’d been raised to be honorable and chivalrous, but I was so fucking wrong about that. The only thing that matters to you is saving your own neck, that’s why you turned your back on my sister, and don’t even fucking say otherwise because if you’d been supportive of her, she wouldn’t have called Alfred in the middle of the night, begging him to pick her up. If you’d been supportive, she wouldn’t be lying in that hospital room right now, but you weren’t supportive. You were a cowardly little boy, and now, now that she’s undoubtedly miscarried,” Luis didn’t know for certain, but if the accident was as bad as he’d been led to believe, then he knew there was no chance of his niece making it, “You want to take care of her. You want to look after her and tell her you love her and make her feel that you are just so sorry for being fucking spineless, but you should save yourself the trouble and spare her the heartache, because she’ll never forgive you. She’s got too much of the Balcázar pride to do that. So leave. Just leave.”

But he didn’t.

During her week long sting in the hospital, he remained. He was the only one other than her family members that was there day in, day out. Professor Warren went back to America after two days, she felt comfortable in knowing that Paulina was well looked after, Olivia stayed until Sunday afternoon, but then she left for work. She was there when she could be, visiting twice during the week, but she never stayed the entire day, only for a few hours. For his part, Alfred was regularly there. It didn’t matter if it was only for ten minutes, he always stopped by with coffee or something to eat, and he would stay at her side until he had to go to work, but he didn’t spend hours on end in that infernal waiting room. Harry did. He hadn’t left the hospital since she’d been admitted. It was Alistair who brought him a clean change of clothes every day and he showered in the facilities reserved for doctors. He was afraid of leaving because he held onto the hope that she would ask to see him, but she never did.

Not even when Prince Charles paid her a visit, did she ask to see Harry. She just sort of lay there and told him what the doctors had said, and when he told her that he’d be delighted to have her recover at Highgrove House, she told him she was grateful for his kindness, but that she didn’t think it’d be right. He left with as heavy a heart as William, and when he went outside, it pained him to tell his son that she hadn’t asked for him, and that when he’d brought up Harry in conversation, she had simply inquired about how Camilla was doing.

It was a difficult time for Harry. One made more trying by the coldness with which her family treated him. Luis looked at him with disgust, Ricardo’s eyes held disappointment, but Irmelinda’s held pity. She felt bad for the young man. It wasn’t like he’d done anything horrible, not according to what Paulina had told them. Paulina had said that she couldn’t put up with being his girlfriend anymore, that his partying and the media circus pushed her to a breaking point, and that she’d gone to England to break up with him in person. That’s what she told her parents. She didn’t think it right to mention the pregnancy, because then her father would lose his temper. So she told them that Harry didn’t take the news well, that he begged her not to leave, that if she gave him another chance everything would be better, but she was tired, she told her parents that she’d had enough and wanted nothing more than to go back to the way things were before she became his girlfriend. She then told them that she left the house and stood outside waiting for Alfred to pick her up, but that while she was waiting, Harry came out to try to reason with her. She told them that she was so overwhelmed, that she couldn’t stand to look at him, so she went to cross the street, and when she did that, she got hit.

That was the lie she told her parents.

That would be the official version that she would tell Adrian and Raphael when the time came. It was a bunch of bullshit, and although it was enough to harden Ricardo’s heart, it wasn’t enough to do the same to his wife. She pitied Harry. She felt bad that he’d lost her daughter, because she couldn’t put up with the pressures and demands of his life. And she told him.

“I know you love her,” she spoke in English, thinking it best to say those words in his native tongue. “I see it in your eyes, mi niño.” She gently touched the side of his face. “You more in love now that when you visit Azusa. I feel it, I see it, but mi niña is tired. She was not raised for your world. She tried very hard, because she loves you so much, but she is not meant for it.”

“I could give it up though,” he told her. “Tell her I said that, please. Tell her that if she’ll have me, I’ll go to America with her and follow her wherever she goes.”

“It’s not so easy. You are Prince.”

“I don’t have to be.”

“Your family needs you.”

“And I need her.” He whispered, his voice welling with emotion. “You understand that, don’t you? You know.”

She nodded. “But she does not want you.”

“I could change her mind.”

“Not right now,” she said. “She is tired. She needs peace. Maybe in future, you can try, but no today.”

“But she’s leaving tomorrow!” he exclaimed. “You’ve said it yourself, she’ll be discharged in the morning. And no one will tell me where she’s going, not even you.”

“She made me promise not to.”

“I love her though.”

“I know.” She hugged him, and he cried into her shoulder. “But you have to live your life.”

Their moment was interrupted by Her Majesty’s personal protection officers entering the waiting room. She had wanted to visit earlier in the week, but prior engagement had kept her occupied. So she decided that her visit would take place during her last evening at the hospital. Word had been given to the staff so as to not catch them by surprise, and now that Her Majesty was on the way up, her final security elements fell into place.

Shortly thereafter, The Queen entered the room accompanied by her protection officers. By then, Harry was standing, although his eyes were still bloodshot and his lack of shaving had him looking unkempt. The Queen dared not comment on his appearance, she understood his pain, and so she greeted him with a warm.

“Dearest Harry, how is our girl?”

He then bowed and spoke, “From what Mrs. Balcázar has told me, she is altogether well. The doctors expect to discharge her tomorrow morning. Isn’t that right, Mrs. Balcázar?”

“Yes,” she spoke, unsure as to what to do. “They say she can leave.”

“I am certain you are quite pleased by that news.” The Queen commented. “Just as I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Harry’s grandmother, Elizabeth.” She knew she couldn’t expect the woman to curtsy or follow traditions, so she held out her hand for her to shake. “And I am glad of your daughter’s recovery. Miss Balcázar is an exceptional woman. You must be exceedingly proud of her.”

“Gracias,” said Irmelinda, touched by the Queen’s word. “Thank you. I am glad to hear my daughter was appreciated.”

“Rest assured she always shall be,” spoke the Queen.

“Do you want to see her?” asked Irmelinda.

“I would very much like that, indeed.”

“Then give me minute. My husband and Luis are with her, so I have to get them out, but I be back.” Irmelinda hurried away, leaving behind the Queen and Harry.

“What a lovely woman,” the Queen commented. “It is clear where Paulina gets her charm from. Now tell me, have you been allowed to see her yet?”

He shook his head.

“An entire week here, and you’ve not been allowed in,” she mused aloud, “My God, Harry. What did you do?”

He didn’t answer that.

“Is there any possibility of reconciliation?” was her follow up question.

“Her mum seems to think so.”

“Very well then, I’ll see what can be done.”

It wasn’t long before the Balcázars emerged into the waiting room. Luis and Ricardo didn’t think it necessary for them to leave, it wasn’t like Royalty meant anything to them anymore, but Irmelinda insisted and they had no choice but to cave. So they went outside and sat their asses down, and Irmelinda escorted the Queen and the protection officers to her daughter’s room. It was there that she left them, her daughter had asked for privacy with the Queen and Irmelinda would honor that request.

“Shall we accompany you inside, Ma’am?” asked her senior protection officer.

“That’s quite unnecessary,” she told him. “Stand guard out here.”

The officer nodded and then opened the door for her to step inside, and once she was in, he closed it behind her.

Paulina looked infinitely better than she had in the early days. The swelling had gone down entirely, there was still a bit of bruising left, but it wasn’t as overwhelming as on the day of the accident. Her cuts had for the most part healed, it was only the gash above her right eyebrow that was still on the mend. Her arm had been taken out of the splint and put into a proper cast, the ventilator mask had been removed and she was now able to sit up in bed. She was a far cry from the bruised and bloodied woman that had been rushed into the hospital, but despite that, her eyes wore no look of joy. They were every bit as miserable as the moment she had learnt of her miscarriage, she had not smiled since then, she had not laughed, and she did not think herself capable of ever doing so again.

“I didn’t believe it when they told me.” Paulina spoke first, forgetting proper etiquette. “I thought for sure the sleep deprivation had finally gotten to my mom.”

“Don’t be silly. If your mother could manage raising four children without a nanny, then surely she can manage a week of sleepless nights.” She lingered at the foot of the bed. “And a mother is only too happy to look after child, regardless of the expense to herself.”

The comment was not meant to agitate, it was a simple observation, but it made Paulina think of Thea. It made her remember how she’d cradled her womb in an attempt to spare the growing fetus discomfort. Her effort had been in vain, but the broken arm was a reminder that for a brief moment in time, she knew what the Queen was talking about.

“Have I said something wrong?” The Queen noticed the tears in the young woman’s eyes. “Or is it the pain? Do you need medication? I can have a doctor fetched.”

“Don’t bother yourself with that,” replied Paulina, her voice hoarse. “I’m fine, really. It’s just that I don’t take the medication that I should. I’m on Panadol when I should be on something stronger.”

“Panadol?” the Queen scoffed. “How on earth is that what they’ve given you? These incompetent fools! I explicitly told them that they were to care for you with the upmost –”

“How could you?” Paulina blurted out. “Don’t you know you can’t do stuff like that? You can’t be nice to me, not anymore.”

“That’s the most ridiculous I’ve ever heard.” The Queen declared. “I am at liberty to do as I wish.”

“But you shouldn’t be nice to me,” Paulina argued, almost frantically. “Haven’t you heard what happened?”

“If you are referring to the termination of your relationship with my grandson, then yes, I am quite aware.”
“Then why are you here?”

“Believe it or not, I am quite fond of you.” The Queen abandoned her place at the food of the bed, and took the empty chair on the left. “And despite the fact that your relationship with my grandson came to an end, I continue to have a high regard for you. As such, I thought it only right that I reach out to the medical professionals in charge of your care. Do not be worried, no confidential information was given to me. I respect you far too much for that. I merely told them that I expected them to look after you as they would myself.”

“Ma’am –”

“And you can rest assured that more effective pain management medication will be administered to your person. I refuse to have you suffer.”

“I’ve chosen to.”

“Pardon?” Her Majesty arched her brow.

“The Panadol, it’s the only medicine I agreed to take,” she explained. “They wanted to give me morphine to keep me from feeling, but I refused it.”

“Whatever for?” she inquired.

“Because I want to remember the pain,” replied Paulina. “So that if I’m ever tempted to take your grandson back, I’ll be able to remember what I’ve been through.”

“Do not say such things, child.” The grandmotherly side of her was coming out, and she reached out for her hand. “Do not force yourself to suffer when there is no need to.”

“But there is,” argued Paulina with tears in her eyes.

“Why must you always be so stubborn?” she questioned. “Why can’t you allow yourself a bit of relief?”

“It doesn’t matter what they give me,” she said, curtly. “They can load me up on morphine, but the pain’s not going away, not the one that counts.”

“Oh,” whispered Her Majesty. “It’s the heart that troubles you most.”

“We shouldn’t talk about that.” Paulina told her. “I don’t want to badmouth your grandson to you.”

“What did he do that was so dreadful? He told me that he’d acted cowardly and that he was ashamed, but he refused to tell me what caused your separation. Will you?”

“If he hasn’t told you then it’s not my place to say,” she answered. “The only thing that anyone needs to know is that it’s over.”

“Was there an indiscretion with a young woman?” Her Majesty pressed.

“If only it had been,” said Paulina. “I could’ve probably forgiven that. Not this though. Definitely, not this.” She sniffled. “I lost all respect for him, and there’s no coming from that, which is why I’m flying back to California as soon as the doctors give me the go ahead. They’re trying to tell me that I shouldn’t leave until next week.”

“Then you should listen to them.” The Queen said, firmly.

“No offense to you, Ma’am, but I can’t be in England anymore. I don’t even want to think about how things are gonna go once I’m discharged. The hospital is literally surrounded on all sides by photographers, and it’s terrifying.”

“Do you know where you are to stay once you have been discharged?”

“At my friend’s cottage,” replied Paulina. “It’s about four hours from here, but it’s okay because at least I’ll be able to have some privacy.”

“I do not believe it prudent for you to travel such a distance. Surely if you cannot be approved for a flight, then a lengthy drive should also be out of the question.”

“It’s the only place I can stay,” she said. “Alfred offered us his house in London, but he’s already done so much for us. He deserves a little peace. And it’s not like he’s not helping us, it’s his cottage we’re going to.”

“You’re wrong,” said the Queen. “There is somewhere else you can stay.” She locked eyes with her. “I have had rooms made up for you and your family, at Windsor Castle.”

Paulina was at a loss for words. She stared at the Queen in disbelief.

“I have informed my housekeeper and butler that you are too be attentively looked after and that you are not to want for anything. So rest assured that you and your family will be properly looked after and that you will be afforded the privacy you so desperately need at this time.”

“Ma’am –”

“Do not concern yourself with transportation, for I have seen to that already. On of my chauffeurs will escort your family, then, when you see fit to leave, merely inform him of your desire and he shall drive you to whatever airport you wish.” She smiled warmly. “I intend to have you well looked after.”

Tears sprang from her eyes and overcome by emotion, she lifted the Queen’s hand and kissed it. She lost count of how many times she kissed it, but she kissed it in the same way that she had kissed her Grandmother Eva’s hand when she’d been living.

“Dearest child, there is no need for these tears.” She freed her hand from Paulina, and wiped the tears away. “Come now. Let’s get our wits about us, that way we can discuss your stay at –”

“I can’t accept your offer.” Paulina managed to say. “I-I really am grateful, but I can’t stay there.”

“But of course you can.”

“That’s just gonna make things harder for me.” Paulina told her. “If I go to Windsor then I’m going to spend every moment being reminded of him, and I don’t want that! I can’t put myself through that.” With her right hand, she covered her eyes as she wept. “I just want to go to California. I just want to forget everything and be normal again.”

“That isn’t how things work. You will forevermore be associated with the monarchy. You will always be –”

“Let me pretend I can,” begged Paulina. “Let me think that I can forget him, and be forgotten.”

“I can say with great certainty that he will never forget you. Nor will you. You know that, don’t you? You know that you two are meant to be.”

“I don’t care!” she snapped. “I don’t want to be with a coward like him. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t have the guts to stand at my side when I need him most. I’d rather be alone.”

“Then you will be miserable.”

“So will he,” said Paulina. “And I can live with that.”

“You do not mean that.”

“I do,” she declared. “I’m perfectly fine with being miserable if he’s every bit as miserable as I am. And you know why? It’s because I can’t do this anymore. I’m exhausted. I once thought that enduring all this was worth it if I got to have Harry, but it’s not – he’s not worth the effort.”

“You once took me on so that you could be with him.” Her Majesty reminded. “You stood against News of the World, you conquered your fear of horses, you have played the part of a princess better than countless princesses that I know, and you have done it all for him. You have conquered fears and immersed yourself in a new world so that you could be at his side. After all you’ve done, how can you possibly walk away from him? How can you leave when you’ve done so much to be with him?” She waited for Paulina to say something, but the young woman remained silent. “I understand that your anger towards him. He broke your heart by acting cowardly, but you owe it to everything you’ve been through to give him time. Let him make amends.”

“No,” whispered Paulina.

“Allow him to call on you,” Her Majesty urged. “If you did, I am quite certain you would change your mind, because regardless of what happened, you still love him.”

“Once upon a time, I did, but I know better now.”

“Dear child, if you would only –”

“I don’t want to talk about your grandson anymore.” Paulina wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “Talk to me about Balmoral or how Prince Philip is or your upcoming engagements. Talk to me about anything except for him.”

Had she been anyone else, the Queen would’ve told her that she would talk about what she damn well pleased to, but she indulged the young woman, and began to give her a detailed account of a wonderful morning ride she had had earlier that week. She sat there for over an hour, telling stories and asking questions, she didn’t want to leave to quickly because she felt that if she stayed there long enough the young woman would come to her senses and beg her to send for Harry, but Paulina never asked for Harry to be let in. She simply lay there, listening.

When the Queen felt that she had been there long enough, she got up. She stood there a moment, unsure as to what to say. These were to be her parting words after all, so they ought to be brilliant, but words eluded her at the moment. She felt an inexplicable sadness, a great deal of pity that this was to be their last meeting, and despite being the Queen who was always so composed and regal, she allowed herself a moment of impropriety and lowered her lips to Paulina’s forehead. They lingered there a moment, doing their duty in demonstrating the degree to which the Queen now cared for Paulina, and when her lips parted with the forehead, she composed herself and uttered a few words that she meant with all her heart.

“You will do well in life. Of that I am certain, but if you ever find yourself in need of assistance, do not hesitate to contact me.” And with that, she left.

When she exited the room, her head was held high. She was regal and composed, back to being the Queen that everyone expected her to. She walked down the hall with her protection officers at her side, she entered the waiting room and then gave her grandson a gentle squeeze of the hand before bidding farewell to the Balcázars. She left the hospital looking perfectly content, but she was sorely disappointed and in desperate need of Dubonnet and gin.

The rest of the day passed quietly at the hospital. Olivia and Alfred went to visit Paulina, and while they were there, the Balcázars drove over to Alfred’s so that they could shower. They had been sleeping at the hospital all week, in makeshift beds that they put together in the waiting room, and while it was terribly uncomfortable, it was the only thing they thought right to do. They didn’t want to leave her alone in the room and they didn’t want to leave her with just one of them in the room, because there might be an emergency and maybe she would need blood and maybe she would – the point is that they had all sorts of crazy and impractical scenarios in their minds for what could go wrong, and the only way they could feel at ease was if all three of them stayed there.

So they did just that. One of them stayed in the room with her, the others slept outside in the waiting room, and they showered at Alfred’s, got changed into clean clothes, and then went right back to the hospital. That was how their days were spent, except that this time they left Alfred’s home feeling better about things because on the following morning, Paulina was going to be discharged from the hospital. It was that thought that allowed them to get their first good night of sleep since arriving in London, but although the Balcázars were able to sleep peacefully, Harry was not. He knew that Paulina was going to be discharged, he knew that they wanted to take her to California, and he understood that that meant that he had a limited amount of time to try to convince her to give him a chance.

He had tried sneaking into her room, but that never quite worked out. There were a few instance in which he’d managed to get by the nurses, but with his bad luck, he always ended up running into Luis or Alfred when they were on their way out. They were the ones that kept him from seeing her, and he was angry, because he just needed a minute. He felt that if she only saw him, she would see how much he regretted everything and that her heart would silence her damn pride, but so far that opportunity hadn’t presented itself, but he was determined to make it happen. He just had to wait for the right moment.

And so when morning came, he showered and dressed before Luis and Ricardo woke. He had himself a cuppa and then sat there, waiting for the opportunity to present itself. He watched in silence as Ricardo and Luis disappeared behind the doors, and hours later, he watched as they reentered the waiting room, where Olivia and Alfred had joined them. He heard as Luis informed his sister’s friends that the Doctor had warned them about traveling. He had said that her being confined to a seat with limited space would aggravate her bruised ribs, but to that Luis told him that they were going to get her a first class ticket so that she could lay down during the flight. Under those circumstances, Dr. Elliot agreed that she could fly.
“Do you intend to leave today, then?” inquired Alfred. “Because I think it might be best if she could stay at my flat for at least a day. That way she can adjust to being outside the hospital before she’s put in an airplane.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind all of us being there?” Luis asked.

“Of course not.” Alfred assured. “I’ve plenty of space. You all know that. You’ve seen the bedrooms that I’ve urged you to stay at, but none of you ever bothered to spend the night. And now, I must insist that you do, otherwise I will be quite offended. No! Don’t you dare smile, I demand that you all sleep under my roof for at least one night. That way you can be somewhat rested when you leave for the airport.”

“Then we’ll stay.” Luis couldn’t help but smile. “But you better not complain about how my parents snore, because it’s your own fault for inviting us to stay.”

“I doubt he’ll hear them over his own snores.” Olivia teased. “Now tell us, what time are they discharging her?”

“In about an hour,” answered Luis. “My mom’s gonna get her ready to go outside. Once that’s done and the paperwork’s ready, we’ll head that.”

“Then I believe it’s time Alfred and I leave,” said Olivia. “That way we can have the flat ready and some waiting.”

“Don’t trouble yourselves with that. I’ll pick something up once we drop off my sister at your house.”

“That’s completely out of the question.” Alfred stated. “The moment you walk outside, the press is going to swarm you and they’re not going to give you any space. The cameras will be pressed right against you and forgive me, but takeaway is not worth enduring that.”

“He’s right,” said Olivia. “What with everything that’s happened, the press is going to be ruthless and it’s best to avoid them.”

“But you guys are already giving us a place to stay, the least we can do is get food.”

“Worry about getting your sister home safely, we’ll take care of the rest.” Olivia smiled brightly. “And I’ll make sure to have her favorite food, because you and I both know that she needs to have a proper meal.”

“She does.” Alfred agreed. “By the look of her, I swear she’s lost at least a stone since she’d been here.”

“Not quite that,” said Luis. “About three pounds short of it, but still that’s way too much.” He was upset that his sister had lost eleven pounds. He had literally seen her wither before his eyes. “She’ll be alright though. Once we get her home, we’ll be able to make sure she eats right and that everything’s okay.”

It took everything Harry had to not interrupt the conversation. He wanted to yell at Luis for acting so nonchalant about her weight loss. It wasn’t right for her to drop so much after the accident, not right at all. They should’ve done a better job of looking after her. How could they have possibly neglected to feed her properly? Had he been there, she wouldn’t have lost a single pound. He would’ve made sure of that. If she’d refused normal meals, then he would’ve made sure that she ate small portions throughout the day, he would’ve been attentive, but he had been kept from her. He’d been forced to remain outside and now that he was hearing the state she was in, he wanted to tell them all off, but he kept himself from speaking out.

And so he sat there, waiting. From the corners of his eyes, he saw when Olivia and Alfred left, then he overhead Luis and his father discussing what was to be done. The plan was that ten minutes before the doctor officially discharged Paulina, Ricardo was going to go to the parking structure to fetch the vehicle that Alfred had provided the family, he would then drive up to the main entrance where he would await the arrival of his wife and children. Irmelinda was to be in charge of pushing the wheelchair, Luis would act as security, he would shield his mother from one side and according to what he’d been told, a member of the hospital security staff would assist them, that way both sides would be covered. In order for things to work, he wouldn’t be able to carry any luggage or bags that was why when Ricardo arrived with the car, Luis would make a trip downstairs to put their bags and purses away in the trunk.

When Harry heard that, he felt hope for the first time in weeks. Luis and Ricardo were both going to be several floors beneath him, there would be no Alfred to stand guard, the only person there was going to be Irmelinda, and he had a feeling that he might be able to convince her to let him in. He didn’t care if he had to beg to be let in, he was going to do it. He would do whatever it took to at least be able to talk to Paulina one last time. He needed her to know that he changed his mind. He needed her to know that he had spent the last week dreaming about what life with her and Thea would’ve been like.

As he waited, he thought of everything he would tell her. He would remind her of all those nights they’d spent making love, of their trips to Paris, of the birthday party she threw him in Torquay. He would remind her of their first date, of that ghastly wig and sideburns he used to wear to see her. He would remind her of the bike rides and picnics that they took in the early days of their relationship. He would do his best to remind her of how much he loved her, and if luck was on his side, then maybe just maybe, she would give him another go.

At ten minutes to eleven, Ricardo left to fetch the car. Seven minutes later, Luis carried out the oversized bag that had housed different outfits for Paulina along with makeup for her. It was then, when Luis left that Harry bolted into action. He asked a stranger to call for the nurse, the stranger was hesitant at first, but he knew he couldn’t resist the Prince. So he did as he was told. He rang for the nurse, claiming to want to know how his cousin was getting on, and while the nurse spoke to the teenager, Harry snuck in through the gap in the door and then made a run for it. He didn’t even try to sneak by the nurses’ station. He didn’t have time to be careful. He just ran right by them and when they called out for him to stop, he ran faster. He ran until he reached Paulina’s door, and when he did, he flung it wide open.

For a moment he stood motionless in the doorway, just staring at Paulina. She was in a floral print dress that hit just below the knees, on her feet there were Puma walking shoes, and on her face there were dark sunglasses. She looked well, infinitely better than she had on the day of the accident, and although she was on a wheelchair, he couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

“My darling,” he whispered, voice trembling with emotion.

She look away from him. She didn’t want to tell him to fuck off, she didn’t want to acknowledge his existence, so she arched her brows at her mother, and her mother sprang into action.

“I don’t want to be mean,” spoke Irmelinda. “But you cannot stay here. We leaving soon and mi niña no want to see you.”

“Please hear me out,” he addressed Paulina. “I know you hate me and if I were you, I would too, but –”

“You have to leave.” Irmelinda stated, but she lacked the conviction her daughter wanted to hear.

“Don’t throw me out,” he begged her. “Please don’t. I need to speak to your daughter.”

“She no want to talk to you.” Irmelinda told him. “She needs quiet so she can get ready to leave. Now go.” She approached him. “Come on, I take you outside and we talk.”

It was then, when Irmelinda took his hand to lead him out that he had a thought, she was going to go out first, she had to, in order for him to follow her, so he let her take his hand and he pretended to follow her, but when they were a few steps outside the room, Harry let go of her hand and then bolted right back in. He acted quickly and placed the lock on the door.

Finally, he was alone with her.

“This isn’t how I wanted to things to go,” he told her, as he slowly walked towards her. “I thought I could convince your mum to let me have a chat with you, but she wasn’t having it. Not that I’m angry at her or anything, I understand why she did what she did. She’s trying to do right by you, but I just had to see you, and this was the only way I could.” He paused, waiting for her to say something, but the only sound was of Irmelinda banging on the door and screaming for him to open it. “I was a massive prat to you. I shouldn’t have been such a fucking coward, but I was. And I’m so sorry for that.” There were tears in his eyes. “I should’ve supported you from the start. I should’ve told you how happy I was that we’d be having a little one of our own. I should’ve been glad that Thea was –”

“Shut the fuck up!” she snapped, no longer able to ignore him. “I don’t know where you get off showing up here like this, but can go fuck yourself.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said, calmly. “That’s only the anger talking, but if you –”

“What part of fuck off aren’t you getting?” she bellowed. “You need to open up that door and leave, because I have nothing to say to you. Do you hear me? On second thought, I lied. I do have something to say to you.” She cleared her throat. “I hate you. You hear that? I hate you more than I’ve ever hated anyone or anything in my entire life and I can’t wait to get out of this country so I never have to see you again. There! I’ve said that I had to say, now go.”

“But I can’t,” his voice was strained. “You can hate me all you like, but I can’t leave, not when I still love you. And you can say you hate me all you like, but that’s not true, that’s only the hurt talking.” He reached out to touch her, but she screamed at the top of her lungs, causing him to stumble back.

The scream came at the worst moment imaginable, because now the nurses had arrived and alongside Irmelinda, they were banging on the door and screaming for him to open up. Two of the nurses engaged in the incessant banging and screaming, but a third gave up after a few minutes and ran back to the desk, where they kept the universal key for the doors.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “I shouldn’t have tried to touch you. You want your space, I get that.”

“I don’t care if you get. I don’t need you to validate what I want!”

“Don’t be like this,” he begged her. “Just give me a moment. Hear me out, will you? I only need an opportunity to explain myself.”

“I don’t want an explanation,” she hissed. “I don’t want to hear you talk about how scare you were. Fuck that! Don’t you think I was scared? Because I was fucking terrified. I was scared shitless about how you were going to take the news, about how my family would react, about what yours would say, but despite all that, I never hesitated in owning up to Thea. Because she might not have been planned, but I loved her – I fucking love her.”

“So do I.” There it was, the tears fell freely.

“Then why did you try to throw me in the closet?”

“Because I was scared,” the shame he felt was apparent. “I thought that was how I had to go about things, but then I had a chat with Alistair, and I changed my mind. He made me see that nothing was as important as having a family with you. That was why I went into the garden looking for you. I planned on asking you to marry me, to start a life –”

“How dare you!” she cried out. “How can you fucking stand there and tell me that after you repeatedly told me that you didn’t want a bastard? Did you think I forgot what you told me that night? Because I haven’t. I fucking remember everything. I remember when you told me that we had to get rid of Thea because she would be a shame to the family, I remember when you told me that I had to get an abortion because you didn’t want to lose your inheritance. I remember every shady fucking thing you said, so don’t stand there and pretend that you wanted to marry me and that you wanted to have Thea, because you’re only saying that, because I lost her. You’re only saying that because it means nothing. There’s no baby to raise anymore, there’s no Thea to get disowned over. There’s only the memory of her and you want to use her to make me take you back, but I am never taking you back. Now get the hell out of here, because I have enough shit to deal with.”

“But darling –”

“Get out!” she cried. And overwhelmed by her anger and sorrow, she burst into tears that quickly developed into full on sobbing. “Just leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore, I just want to leave and forget that I ever loved you.”

“Don’t do that. Please, I’m begging you not to.” He implored, not giving a damn if he was making a spectacle of himself. “I’ll do anything, anything at all! Only don’t go, please don’t.” The tears slid down his face. “Do you want me to crawl? To get on my bloody knees?” he added, desperation dripping from his every word. “Because I will. I’ll fucking beg if it means you’ll stay.” And he dropped to his knees. Prince Harry of Wales got on his knees to beg and grabbed at her dress, clutching the fabric as he stared up at her, imploring her to change her mind. “Don’t fucking leave me, Paulin. I can’t stand being without you. I could go without anyone else in the world. I could probably go without myself if it meant you were at my side when I went, but not you, never you. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I’d be like that bloke from that novel you’re so keen on, I would fucking bleed inwardly if you left me. I would be my own demise.”

His words were sweet. In the past, they would’ve been enough for her to take him back, but unfortunately for him, she was a different person than she’d been a week earlier, and there was nothing he could say or do to tempt her to stay. It wouldn’t have been right, she thought. To stay with him would’ve been an insult to her person and to Thea, so her pride and her heart and her mind agreed that she’d had enough. It was time to put an end to it, and so she snatched the glasses off her face and uttered the words that would haunt him forever more.

“I don’t care what happens to you,” she spoke, looking directly into his eyes. She was a broken woman. There was no trace of the girl he’d fallen for all those years ago. “So leave me alone. Just let me have a chance at a normal life, because I love felt for you died the moment you turned your back on me. So don’t act like this is salvageable, because the passion, the love, the thrill you inspired within me, is gone, and there’s no bringing it back.”