The Thrill Is Gone

To be honest, Paulina wasn’t all that insulted by News of the World’s attempt at bribery. That was how large companies operated. Whenever they got into trouble, they rallied their lawyers, got in touch with the accounts, figured out how much they could afford to spend, and then made their offer. That was how they worked, how they’d always worked and it was undoubtedly, how they would continue to operate for the rest of human history.

What bothered her was the fact that it was the second time in 2009 that someone had thought they could buy her. What was wrong with her? Was there something in her appearance, in her behavior that made her seem like she hungered for money? Or did they just not respect her enough to think that maybe, just maybe, being wealthy wasn’t a priority for her? Then again, it could’ve had nothing to do with her personally, and just with the way they viewed people in general. Maybe the Queen and News of the World thought everyone had a price, and that for the right sum, they could be swayed to do whatever they desired.

Whatever it was, Paulina didn’t like it. She just wanted to be left alone, to be treated like a responsible adult. She was twenty-three, nearly twenty-four! She was responsible. Yes. She drank, and before things went public with Harry, she had a love for smoking, but she never let that get in the way of her studies and responsibilities. She made a conscious effort to live her life in a manner that would reflect well on her. That would make her parents proud, and open the door of opportunity. But that didn’t seem to matter much to the outside world.

They viewed her as nothing more than a child that could eventually be convinced to do what they liked. She was young, her mind was surely moldable, and at some point, she’d come around. That seemed, at least to Paulina, to be how she was viewed. And it drove her mad! More than once, she’d spent the night lying awake, contemplating her disastrous meeting with the Queen. Oh how she hated that woman. And the fact that her damn faced was plastered on the money just made it harder to get through the day. In fact, once, when she particularly angry, she’d torn in half a twenty pound note because according to her, the Queen’s face was mocking her, staring at her with that stupid little smile that seemed to say, I'm better than you.

She’d been furious that night, and when her anger passed, she was left with the task of taping up the money again, because twenty pounds couldn’t just be wasted like that. And more than that, it was impractical to take her anger out against the currency. If she did, she’d be left penniless. So she actively forced herself to only look at the value on the pounds, but never the actual thing, she could do without seeing the Queen’s face every time she needed to pay for groceries or a coffee on her way to class.

Harry was, of course, ignorant of his girlfriend’s feud with the currency. Not that he was around enough to take much notice of the peculiar manner with which she handled it. Lately, well since the beginning of his training, he’d been spending most of his time immersed at the Defense Helicopter Flying School. It was a difficult transition, but he was passionate about flying, about doing his bit, and the fact that there he was just Harry Wales made everything better. There was no distinction, well not much of it, and he really appreciated that. He thrived in that environment.

Despite all the happiness that training brought him, there was a downside. He hated not being able to spend as much time with Paulina. In the months that they’d been together, he’d gotten used to driving over to her flat often and spending their weekends together, but now that he was going to flight school and having to attend to his royal duties, he found it difficult to spend the same amount of time with her. There was much to do, and he just couldn’t make it. So they tried to make up for it with the internet. Almost daily, they spoke on Skype to keep in touch, but it wasn’t the same. Her smile wasn’t as brilliant, her gaze wasn’t as loving. He wanted nothing more than be there with her, but sacrifices had to be made if he wanted to advance in his career as a pilot. He had to work around a schedule that only allowed him a weekend or two out of the month to properly be with her.

The decrease in the time they spent together, led to Paulina having more time to hang out with her friends, and to her not having to stress out as much about her assignments. She’d felt horrible about the fact that she hadn’t been able to really spend quality time with her friends in the previous term. They spent a few hours during the weekdays together, that was a given, but the weekends were very much Harry’s, and she felt guilty for that. But now that he was doing his training, she was able to go out to dinner with Olivia and Alfred on Sunday nights, and go out to the pub with her rugby mates on Saturdays. It was a nice balance, she knew it was, but she hated not being able to wake up to her favorite gingery face on the weekends. She’d gotten used to him fidgeting while he slept, and complaining that the heater was on to high. He was very much a part of her, he had engrained himself deep into her heart, and sometimes . . . sometimes she was afraid of what it would be like if she were to follow through on attending Harvard or any other law school in America. Would she be able to manage being so far from him? She wanted to believe she could. That it’d be a fairly manageable task, which would leave her with all the time in the world to dedicate herself to her studies and landing an internship and doing volunteer work at a local nonprofit. She’d be able to do everything without having to worry about whether or not she was neglecting him.

She knew she it’d be good for her from an academic standpoint, it would leave most of her weekends opened, except for those few days when they’d be able to meet up each month, but the thing was, despite all the benefits, she didn’t want to be without him. She didn’t want to have to go months without seeing him. Two weeks was hard enough, let alone an entire month or two.

And her heart made a point of reminding her that whenever it had a chance. It made her worry about what it’d be like to be in a long distance relationship. In theory, it sounded simple enough. He’d be in England. She’d be in America. They’d speak regularly via Skype, and take turns visiting each other every month or so. It was easy in theory. But in practice, how would it be? How could she do without his warm embrace? That silly little smirk that he wore whenever he was overly pleased with himself? How would it be to not be within driving distance from him? She didn’t know. She didn’t know. Her mind whispered that it might be fine, nothing too hard, but her heart protested. It told her that it would be torn in two, and that half would remain in England with Harry, while the other traveled to America with her.

“I'm fucked,” she’d often whisper to herself whenever she found herself pondering that very thought “I'm so fucking fucked.”

Perhaps to another it may have sounded drastic to think her heart could split in two, but it sounded so very probable to her, a likely consequence. She didn’t want to be without Harry. She couldn’t imagine her future without him in it, and as absurd as it sounded, when she dreamt about being sworn into office, she always managed to imagine Harry standing beside her, gazing upon her in adoration. How that would work, she hadn’t the slightest clue, but he had to be in her future, her heart needed him in her future.

Paulina wished she could sit down with Luis and talk tings over with him, have a few beers between them and figure things out. He’d know what to do. Luis always knew exactly what to do. Not to mention, he was the only person in her family that truly understood just how much she loved Harry. He was the only one that wholeheartedly accepted her relationship with the young prince. And she needed his counsel, she needed it more than ever before, but he was in California, and he’d found himself forced to work longer hours than usual at the hospital, leaving him with little to no time to sit down and have a talk with her.

So in her brother’s absence, she kept things to herself, and carried on as best she could. There was nearly a month left before the decisions arrived. By then, she’d have a clearer idea of precisely what direction she wanted to take, of whether or not Harvard or Oxford suited her best. And also, there was a very real chance that she might get into one and not the other or just not get into either at all. She could be accepted into Harvard, but denied at Oxford, leaving her without the option of pursuing her degree in England. She just had to wait it out, see what happened. She had to do her best to not drive herself mad, especially since the trial against News of the World was set to commence on March 2nd, and her finals at Oxford, were scheduled for the week after that.

She had to keep sane.

That was her main priority. That was what she had to focus on. What she had to do.

And so she carried on about her business as best she could. She immersed herself in her studies, set aside plenty of time to spend with her friends, and indulged with Harry whenever the opportunity presented itself, although the opportunity didn’t present itself as often as they would’ve liked.

Paulina lived a simple life throughout the first few months of 2009, much to the dismay of the press that hungered for a scandal. She was saving up her energy for March, that was when it would most be needed, that was when she’d find herself tested and put on the stand to testify against News of the World.

“It’ll be alright, you know.” Alfred reassured in a soft voice. “There’s no need to fret. Not with all the evidence that’s been gathered.”

“Huh?” asked Paulina, absentmindedly. The trial was set to begin on the following day, and her thoughts were making certain to remind her of that. “What’d you say?”

He let out a little sigh. “You’re nervous?” it was meant to be a question, but the manner in which it was spoken made it very clear that Alfred already knew the answer. “You must be. You’ve been fidgeting about all day.”

“Have I?” Paulina hadn’t realized her nerves had been so obvious. “I didn’t realize that. Sorry. I'm just, well, you said it yourself. I'm nervous.” She laughed nervously to herself. “I’ve been like this all week. It’s starting to get on my damn nerves.”

“It’ll be over with soon enough.” He reassured. “My father says there’s no hope for News of the World. Not with the evidence that’s been unearthed. I still can’t believe one of their employee’s anonymously submitted evidence. Imagine how much they must hate their jobs to have done that? That’s like setting fire to a building. Hmm, on second thought, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s up there, not nearly on par with fire, but near enough.”

Paulina nodded in agreement. “I'm really grateful they did it though. I mean, we had a good case without their help, but having that email just really cemented the fact that News of the World wanted information on me no matter the cost. Who would’ve thought they were offering their reporters bonuses if they managed to tap my phone? I sure as hell didn’t.”

“Wasn’t it thirty thousand pounds?” asked Alfred.

“Thirty-five,” said Paulina. “And it’d be another thirty-five if they got my laptop info.”

“That’s mental. No wonder that bloke was so eager to get into your flat. No matter, he’ll do his time in prison. I'm quite certain of that. And the rest of the media will think twice before going after you.”

“I hope so.” Paulina could do with the press giving her a little more space. “But enough about that, how are you and Via? I heard you took her to the cottage last week.”

“What else did you hear?” he asked, curious as to what Olivia had told their friend.

“Can’t say,” she replied, knowing very well that would annoy him. “But it was all good, very favorable to you, if you must know.”

“Was it then?” He tried not to seem too pleased with himself, but the massive grin that swept across his bearded face gave him away. “I'm pleased to hear that.”

“Just pleased?” she arched her brow at him.

“Oh, alright, a bit more than pleased. Fine, massively more than pleased, but you know I had to at least give a go at not seeming too thrilled.”

She shook her head at him. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Am not,” he protested with a smile. “So what time are you meant to be in London?”

“Don’t change the subject on me,” she said quickly, a smile gracing her own lips. “You haven’t told me about the weekend,” she reminded.

“Ah, well, Via already told you favorable things. I'm sure her accounts better than mine.” He said as he buttered the toast.

“Alfie –” Paulina began to say.

He set down his toast, acting as if he really didn’t want to talk, when in reality he was bursting at the seams to tell her about their magical weekend in the cottage.

“If you must know, it was fantastic, truly brilliant.” His heart swelled at the thought of the three days he’d spend with Olivia. “And I don’t know, it just . . . it got me thinking a few things that I hadn’t quite thought about before, but that I know would be brilliant and –” he stopped himself just in time to not make himself look like an even greater hopeless romantic.

“And?” she pressed.

“Nothing,” he stated. “I got a bit carried away with myself. It was nothing though.”

“I’ve known you long enough to know that nothing means something.” Paulina set down her fork. “What’s running through that head of yours, Alfred? You know I won’t tell Olivia. I swear it.”

“I know you won’t.” He knew that despite her close friendship to his girlfriend, she’d never run and tell her things, not unless he was cheating, and the fact was that he’d never be capable of that. “It’s . . . well, like I said, I’d never thought of it before, and then, when we were there, just the two of us, I couldn’t help but think that I quite . . . well, that I quite enjoyed playing house with her.” His face warmed at the confession. “There was something, something very magical about waking at her side and having breakfast and lunch and spending the entire day with her. I can tire of the world, but never her. It seems, as mad as it sounds, that everything about her, I love. Her smile, the way her eyes twinkle in delight, the fact that when she gets cross with me, she speaks quickly and her French accent becomes more prominent. They’ve all a way with my heart, and I thought, that is to say, I think that one day, not now, but someday, I might . . .”

“Might be with her forever?” she spoke, softly, almost as if she were afraid that her words might do him grievous harm.

“It’s silly. Isn’t it?”

“Not at all,” she reassured. “I think it’s incredibly romantic. Truly suiting of Alfred Ferrars and his lovely future bride that will drive around in a barouche,” she couldn’t help herself; she had to make that joke.

“And there’s the teasing.” Alfred chuckled.

“It wouldn’t be brunch with me without some teasing,” she said as she poured syrup onto the waffles. “You know, I'm glad we made time for brunch today. It feels like forever since we had a meal like this.”

“That’s because you’re always off with Harry in the mornings.”

“And you’re always with Olivia.”

He smiled. “We can’t help it though, can we? Not with love the way it is.”

“We’re at its utter disposal.” Paulina agreed. “Hopefully it’ll be kind to us.”

“Hopefully,” he took a bite from his toast. “We’ll have to set time aside for a few more of these brunches before we graduate.”

“Don’t be a dick!” she grumbled. “We were having such a lovely little brunch and then you had to go and brig that up. Don’t you know I'm in the process of tricking myself into believing I’ll never have to leave here? That I can perpetually be twenty-three, and be like I am now, with everyone I love?”

“Honestly, Paulin. There’s no need to fret over the future. We all know you’ll be back often enough, and there might even come a time when you’ll be permanently settled.” He watched as she cocked her brow at him, questioningly. “Who knows, by then I suppose I’ll even have to curtsy to you, Your Royal –”

“Alfred!” she exclaimed, punching his shoulder lightly. “Don’t say things like that. If the press hears it, they’ll go crazy.”

“They’re already going crazy with it. There’s at least one story in every paper going on about how you’ll fit in with the royal family.”

“Bunch of nonsense . . .” she mumbled.

“Some have even speculated on what title you’ll hold.”

Paulina laughed and shook her head.

“What’s that laughing about?” inquired Alfred, curious as to what his dear friend thought about one day becoming a royal.

“The Queen hates me. So I think it’s safe to say that I’ll never be a part of the monarchy, and to be honest I . . . well, the only titles I want to hold are that of Representative and Senator, and maybe one day, if I earn it, President or Secretary of State. And I know for a fact that I can’t hold those if I'm royalty.”

“Then what about Harry?” he found himself asking. “What happens there?”

“You’re gonna laugh when I tell you what I want to happen there.” She was already feeling foolish.

“What is it? What do you dream of happening there?”

“I, uh, I dream of him being a stay at home spouse. I know it sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. He’d get out of the line of succession, do his thing in the American Air Force, and then I’d take care of him later on. I know that’s not what girls are supposed to say, not when they’re with a prince and have a reasonable enough shot at being a princess, but I don’t know . . . I imagine a normal life for us. Well, not all that normal, because I’d be in politics and all, but a normal-er life. If that makes any sense,” she added. “That’s not to say we wouldn’t have a house in England. We would and he’d be so close to his family, as close as ever, but we’d be based in America, and . . . I sound insane. Don’t I? Talking about things like I know we’ll be together a decade or two from now, but it’s just . . .”

“Love,” Alfred said knowingly.

She nodded. “The damn thing has me going crazy. Whenever I think of the future, I can’t imagine it without him being in it. The other day I had a dream that I was elected President, and it was just the greatest dream I’ve ever had, and when I was being sworn in, I remember looking to the side and seeing Harry there. He was the most vivid part of that dream. His hair was gray, and there were wrinkles on his face, but he’d never looked more handsome. And there were kids there, that I think were ours, and I remember waking up and being so happy, but then I remembered it wasn’t real. And I don’t know. I’m just worried about what’ll happen down the line.”

“Don’t be.” He reached out across the table and placed his hand atop hers. “It’ll be alright.”

“Will it?” she wasn’t sure it would. “Because I'm terrified it won’t. I'm living a fairytale, and this is the real world and I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. And the thought of not having him in my life is just . . . unfathomable. He is the star to this wandering bark of mine.”

Alfred couldn’t help it. He began to laugh. “Did you really just quote Shakespeare?” he asked through his laughter. “What happened to teasing me for quoting him like mad?”

“Oh God,” she whispered, covering her face with her hands. “I'm as hopeless as you are.”

“You’ve always been as hopeless a romantic as me. You just didn’t have an object of affection to direct the hopelessness towards.” He said, very matter-of-factly. There was a short pause, and then he continued. “I know you’re worried, which is understandable given the nature of your situation, but everything will be alright. These things, when love’s involved, always have a way of working themselves out. Only don’t . . . don’t dwell on it too much. Over thinking won’t do you any favors.”

“It won’t,” she agreed. “But I can’t help it. I'm used to analyzing everything regarding my future.”

“Of course you are, but you at least have to try not to, at least not with Harry. Or else you’ll be so caught up in worrying about what could be that you won’t even enjoy what is.”

“You know Alfred, sometimes, you’re really wise.”

“I'm always wise, thank you very much.” He took a drink of his tea. “What time are you meant to be in London? The hearing’s tomorrow. Isn’t it?”

“It is,” she said. “The trial starts at 8 am, and I'm supposed to be in London by four to check into the hotel so the lawyers can brief me on whatever they have to.”

“You do know there’s no need to stay in a hotel. I’ve a perfectly available flat you can stay in. Much more comfortable than a hotel,” he reminded.

“Thanks Alfie, but Gloria said I have to stay in the hotel with her. She says she needs me there so that in case there are any developments, we can discuss them face to face, instead of on the phone.”

“So you’ll be sharing a room with her?”

“Not a room, more like a suite. She picked it out with the other lawyers, and then later on, they told me about it. I think it’ll be a little weird living with them, but it’ll be exciting to see the trial process they go through, it’ll be a learning experience.” She took a bite from the waffles. “I hope the trial will be over soon. We’ve got finals next week, and there’s no way in hell I can miss those.”

“Didn’t you talk to the professors about it?”

“Yeah, and they said there was no way in hell I could miss them.” She drank some orange juice. “They said the only reason they’d let me take the test later was if I was grievously ill. So the case has to end soon or else, I’ll be a little fucked.”

“I'm sure it’ll end soon. A couple of days should do the trick to hear all the evidence. And then when you come back, and exams are done with, we’ll have a party!”

“You want to throw party?” That, she couldn’t believe.

“Alright, not so much a party but more along the lines of us and Via and Harry, if he can make it.”

“That sounds great, but I'm not sure if Harry will be able to make it. Training has him really busy at the moment.”

“Will he at least attend the trial?”

She shook her head. “He wasn’t able to get the day off.”

“Would you . . . would you like me to go then? I could very well be there, for support and all.”

“Thanks Alfred, but I’ll be alright. I’ve got three badass lawyers with me, so I’ll be good. Thank you though.”

“Well, alright, but if you need me or Via, or the both of us, just give us a ring. And we’ll be there.”