Arrangements

I didn't want to sit in on the radio interview. I wanted to run as far away as possible. I can't take the emotions, they were killing me.

Gerard is like a fucking animal. A confused, bipolar animal. So indecisive about everything. Or maybe he was just playing with me. Yeah...he was fucking with me.

When the interview was over, and my cheeks were flushed, I saw the guys walk out. They all smiled at me, and I followed them out, and Gerard stood in the back with me. He took my hand, squeezing it, but not saying anything.

"What's this?" I asked finally; we were in the van now, in the back. We weren't alone, and I really didn't care that the guys were there.

"What's what?" he asked.

I held out hands up, "This!"

He slipped his hand from mine, "So much for trying to be a good guy."

I rolled my eyes, "That's a laugh." I scooted away from him.

"Fuck's that suppose to mean?" he finally snapped.

"Good guy? When the fuck are you a good guy?!"

He was silent. Hell, everyone was silent. Even the fucking car seemed to be tuned into our argument and stopped treading.

"We'll talk about this later--"

I cut him off, "No, we will not! These are your friends, so what if they know? You already like to brag that you fuck me and you're marrying me every damn chance you get!"

He kept silent, no glares or looks at me. He bit at his lip, and then released, "I'm trying to be gentle with you."

"After last night?" I asked harshly, "Gentle, huh? Do you feel bad after yanking me out my bunk the way you did?" I kept the other part to myself.

"Yeah, maybe I am feeling bad." He said calmly.

"You should." I crossed my arms and scooted further from him.

No one said a thing until we got back to the venue. The guys went to get ready for the meet ad greet, while I went off. I needed to clear my head, get away for a moment.

I went towards this wooded area, and saw a picnic table. I sat down, crossed my arms and laid my forehead on my arm. I held my breath before exhaling. 

I really hate myself for feeling this way. I mean, why do I have to be the weak minded, romantic? Why did I have to be born into this idiotic religion? Why did I have to meet Gerard Way? Why does my dad have to have this marriage as a last request?

Nothing seemed fair, I mean, I've been through so much, and I never got a break. I've done well, I've been a good person, but it never seemed to come back to me. I had a shit boyfriend, shit fiancée and my insecurities were through the roof.

My sat alone so long, I didn't hear Mikey come over to me. I could smell him when he sat; he smells like his brother -coffee, cigarettes and Way sweat- but a little more sweeter. I turned my head and looked at him.

"Mikey." I greeted.

"What's going on with you guys?" he asked softly. He put his arms crossed, like my own, and rested his head like me.

"I hate the way he treats me. I'm not a whore. Not his whore." I spat quickly, "I'm hurting."

Mikey stared at me through his funny glasses, "All I can say is I apologize."

"I can't seem to do anything right for him. I...I don't know what to do anymore."

"No one does. My parents thought this would be good. My Grandma use to beg them to find the girl...you. They thought she was crazy, until Gerard started to ask."

"Ask?"

"He asked my parents to get in contact with you, but your parents said you didn't practice anymore and you moved to LA."

"Then my dad just so happen to get cancer." I mumbled.

"Fate works in mysterious ways." Mikey noted, "I know that this shit is hard, but it will get better."

"It's the process...but..." I swallowed thickly, "he hurts me so bad, Mikey. He fucks other girls and he yells and uses me." I confessed.

He sighed, "I didn't know that."

"I just don't know how long I can take it."

Mikey patted my back, "You'll be stronger."

"So you say."

He gave me a warm smile, "It's true. You'll be able to handle the world even better once you're through with Gee."

"I hope you're right."

-

The show went on without a hitch, and then the drinks came out. Backstage, Gerard and some other band guys got the girls and the booze and went wild. I sat with Frank, pretending not to notice, but it was hard. Mikey kept trying to make Gerard stop himself, but nothing worked. I finally got tired of it and left; well, I went back to the bus.

I sat in the front lounge and kicked off my shoes, and pulled my knees up and rested slightly. I was tired, and my thoughts were weighing heavy on me. I was near sleep, when the bus door opened, I looked up with heavy, tired eyes.

"Gerard?" He looked over at me.

"Stormy...I need you." He said softly. I could smell booze on him, but he didn't look as drunk.

"What's going on?" I asked confused.

"I need you." he said again.

I put my knees down as he walked over, the stench of booze was overpowering; beer and tequila and pure alcohol.

"What's--" I stopped when I noticed the darkened stain on his dark button up, "You got booze on you?"

"I dropped it." He said softly, his eyes were hard, dark and confused.

"Let's clean you up," I muttered, taking his hand.

I felt the need to care for him, no matter the circumstance of his attitude towards me. I've always been a lover than a fighter...always trying to help someone.

I took him to the back lounge and sat him down. He gave me a confused look, but I told him to sit; I went to his bag and grabbed a plain white shirt and set it beside him.

"Undress." I told him.

He gave a dumb nod, I went to the bathroom, grabbed a small towel and wet it in the sink. I returned to the back lounge and found Gerard sitting with his shirt and slacks off. I sat a huge hickey on his neck; mentally I was angry, but I couldn't let it show.

I went over to him, taking his hand and making him stand. I wiped his stomach and neck of the alcohol, and the saliva of the other girl, and then his face. His make up was smeared even more, so I rinsed the towel ad cleaned him up some more.

"I have make up wipes somewhere." he mumbled.

"It's too late." I waved it off, "Go brush your teeth."

He nodded, walking over to the bathroom and began to brush his teeth. He returned and I pulled the shirt over his head; you could see he was still confused by my actions, even when he wasn't drunk or acting demanding. 

"Alright, let's get you to your bunk." I took his hand again, but he stopped me.

"Storm, will you lie with me?" he looked nervous, his demeanor became vulnerable.

"You want me to?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah...please?" his crooked smirk made it easy to say yes.

I nodded, letting him lead me to his bunk. He climbed in first, and then I was next; he wrapped his arms around me, I laid my head on his chest, still the smell of booze lingered, but I had to deal. Gerard's hand squeezed at my waist, then began to massage my lower back.

"This girl threw her drink on me." He said softly, "She was sucking on my neck and I told her to stop."

"Why did you tell her to stop?" I didn't know why I asked.

"Because I didn't want to fuck her." He said bluntly, "She got mad and threw her drink on me."

"How come you came here? You needed me to clean you up?" my voice was gentle, caring -it was all real.

"No...maybe," he answered just as quietly, "I just wanted to be with you. I'm sorry for being a dick...I just...I can't stand to lose you." 

"Are you drunk?" I asked him.

His body tensed, "No. I've had two drinks, but I'm clear headed. Why?"

"Drunken minds speak sober thoughts." 

He relaxed, "I'm not drunk, and I mean this. I need you. I know that you'll be here, even if you're pissed at me."

"Yeah...I know."

"And, I wanted to be the first to say Happy Birthday." He kissed the crown of my head, "I may not love you...but I care, somewhat. I hope you don't hate me..."

"Gerard, I need to tell you something...we need rules."

He nodded, "Yeah. Give 'em."

"I don't want you to ever put your hands on me the way you did the other night, do you understand?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry. I lost my head."

"Good. I don't want you to be with anyone else when I am around. I think it's disrespectful." 

His body stiffened again, "Yeah...I'll try, promise." he stammered quietly.

"If you get upset, talk to me, alright? I won't judge you, I won't yell unless I need to."

He sighed, "What if I'm upset with someone--"

"I don't care, you talk to me before you go off the handle. I can help you. I can help you get over whatever is pissing you off."

"Okay. I'll try and find you."

I sighed, "For as long as we're married, I promise I will live by those vows. I believe in being a good person, and sticking to my word. I care about you, Gerard, even if you don't like me, I care."

"I know...you're too good to and for me, Stormy."

"No, I'm just a good person." I told him, "That's what I believe in."

"So, what can I do to make you feel better?" he asked, "Mikey said I was hurting you."

I chewed at my lip, "Just...just follow my rules, okay?"

Gerard gave a short nod, "I'll try."

"Thank you, that's all I ask."

Gerard gave another nod before we both grew silent and fell asleep soon after.