Arrangements

Gerard was a lot more quiet around me, but it was a nice quiet. He was sweet, and didn't jump down my throat. He didn't even drink, the following night, and even after the following show. He would clean up and come sit with me on the couch and lie in the bunk with me. I didn't ask what was wrong, because usually he would say something that bother him, and then he would quiet himself again, and wrap his arms around me.

I liked this, I truly did, but I feared that this would all blow up in my face. I waited for the worse, anticipating something horrible, but nothing ever came up. Gerard stayed the same; he even held my hand when Frank attempted to take my stitches out. And, he was the one to call the medic to get them out for me.

I was happy to be around him, our attitudes had changed dramatically. And, my folks and Astrid were happy that I was happy. Things were good, and it scared me.

On the last night of tour, everyone seemed to buzz with excitement. I kept my distance as they got hyped up for the show. Frank was his usual crazy self, Mikey played his bass, while Ray and Bob did jumping jacks to ready themselves. Gerard was at the vanity, and beckoned me to sit in the counter beside him.

"Last show." Gerard said softly, putting away his make up.

"Yeah...It's gonna be great." I told him softly.

"And in 9 days we'll be married." he added quietly.

"I think this show will be longer than our ceremony." I joked.

He chuckled, "I bet."

"Are you going straight to Jersey tomorrow?" he asked.

"No. I have to check some thing's out in LA and then I'm gonna fly there."

"What're you gonna do?" Gerard leaned between my legs.

"I have to talk to Dave about my upcoming showing, and fixate this deal about going to Paris."

Gerard furrowed his brows, "Paris?"

"Dave talked to me the other day about this fashion company wanting me to design some of their ads and back drops." I had barely thought about the deal myself.

"Oh..."

"It's not a big deal. I'll do it after the wedding...I know you guys will be on the road again." I gave a lazy shrug.

Gerard's whole body stiffened, "Yeah."

I felt scared at the feeling. I wondered what he was gonna do or say. I held my breath for a moment, and his body relaxed and he wrapped his arms around me.

"You're on!" Worm burst in a second later.

Gerard let me go reluctantly, and took hold of my hand. He helped me off the counter and we followed the guys out towards the stage. Frank entered, then Bob, Mikey, and Ray. The crowd erupted, and Gerard was still side stage with me. He squeezed my hand and looked at me; I could barely make him out in the dark. Without warning I felt his lips against mine, a quick, loving kiss.

He let me go and pranced in stage. I was almost in a trance, and leaned against a speaker to watch them. 



After the show, everyone happily got a drink, but myself. I was hoping to get Gerard alone, but I couldn't find him, so I retreated to the bus.

When I climbed on, I found him there. I smiled to myself, feeling the small tension in his body. Though he had, had a rushed shower, he still looked tense.

"Gee." I said softly.

"C'mere." he used that voice.

I followed in towards him, again, like a trance. I stopped at his foot, he looked up at me and nodded for me to sit next to him. He turned to me, his eyes scanning mine, and his hands suddenly taking place on my neck. His fingers were gentle as he pulled me closer to him, to kiss me. I didn't stop him, I didn't want to; he had been so gentle, and this was a big show of it.

When we finally parted, the kiss wasn't anything heated, he stared at me. I could see the green shine from his eyes, I tugged at my lip, waiting for him to say something.

"I don't want you to leave tomorrow." 

I raised my brow, "Why not?" my voice had gone...it was barely a whisper.

"Because I need you. We have a benefit show in St. Louis the day after tomorrow...I want you there."

I wanted to ease Gerard down with a no, "I have other obligations." I spoke slow and cautiously, not to upset him.

"I really want you there." He gave a soft laugh, "Am I pathetic?"

I shook my head, "Never."

Gerard got closer, his lips were against my cheek, "Why are you so good to me?"

I smiled against his own cheek, "Because I like you."

I felt his lips turn down, "You shouldn't like me."

I pulled away and looked at him, "Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm a monster." he looked down.

"You aren't a monster." I told him.

He brought his hand up and brushed my hair from the side of my face. His fingers brushed against the scab/scar, "I hurt you."

I pressed my hand against his, "I'm alive, Gee, so don't worry."

He took my hand, "I don't understand how you have the patience with me. You are a saint."

"I told you, I like you Gee."

He got even closer, his lips pressed to mine again, and he pushed me gently on the couch. He was on top of me, holding himself up, his tongue swept across my bottom lip and I gladly opened my mouth for him. I surrendered to Gerard, letting him take me, and I can't say I didn't love one minute of it.

"We gotta...back lounge." He had broken the kiss, and I nodded.

Without warning, Gerard picked me up, bridal style and carried me to the back. I had giggled and showered his neck with kisses. He kicked the door closed behind us and sat me on the couch; he knelt in front of me and began to unbutton my blouse and run his hands up the hem of my denim skirt before. I watched him, letting myself become lost in the passion and the lust I ached for Gerard. His fingers finished off my blouse and ran down my chest to my belly button.

"You have the softest skin...so beautiful." I blushed like a mad woman.

"Thank you." I murmured.

He pulled the blouse from my shoulders and worked on my bra, letting it fall on my lap. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my sternum, leaving sloppy, open mouth kisses up to my neck. He got close to my lips and kissed me gently, innocent...loving.

I watched him pull away and pull his shirt over his head and quickly remove his jeans. Gerard touched my thighs again, only this time he pulled my skirt down, I lifted my hips, and let him. We were both in our underwear now; "I gotta get a condom." Gerard stood and walked out and returned a few seconds later, locking the door behind him.

Gerard stood in front of me, kneeling on the couch this time, kissed me. Our heated kiss led to him on top of me, pulling at our underwear and touching soft, sensitive skin. Gerard stopped kissing me to tear the condom open, his hands fumbled between our nude bodies, and he got it on. He nudged my legs apart and positioned himself between them, he looked down at me. He opened his mouth to say something, but didn't; I was slightly confused, but didn't bother it.

He forced my legs on his hips, his fingers trailed up and down my thighs, he swallowed thickly, as if it were his first time. I wrapped my arms around his back, my own fingertips brushed his back gently, "Gerard, are you okay?" 

He looked at me and nodded, "I'm fine, Sugar."

He entered me slowly, gazing my reaction, and all I could do was shut my eyes. He didn't wait, he began with a heavy, forceful thrust, and a then a slow rhythm. I tighten my legs around his waist, my fingernails dug to his back as he leaned down and bit at my neck. 

I bit down on my lip to keep from yelping out, he was thrusting harder, his teeth were nipping harder and sheeting my skin with his saliva. I loved every moment of it, and I didn't know how to express it without freaking him out.

"Say it for me." He sputtered in a heavy breath.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Gerard. He looked desperate, "What Gee?"

"Say it. Tell me you love me."

Without a care, only letting the desire of him fill me, "I love you." I sputtered too, "I love you Gerard."

He looked down, tugging at his own lip. I knew then that he believed me. I knew that it was some kind of emotion that was taking him over, and not just the building of his orgasm. He wanted to say it, but demons wouldn't let him. Even sexual and blinding pleasure couldn't break this force field.

"I do love you Gerard." I stammered truthfully.

My orgasm was washing over me just as I say it. I cried out, shutting my eyes, and Gerard kept going. He groaned, growling and burying his face in my neck. He grew limp and moved beside me, tugging me on top of him. He let me lie my head on his chest; we both began to catch our breaths and grew drowsy.

"Mean it, right?" Gerard spoke a minute later.

"Yes. I mean it."

His hands rolled up and down my back, "I...I'll mean it one day." he murmured, "Just sleep."

I didn't expect Gerard to tell me he loved me. But...I never expected him to say that. That he'll mean it one day..meaning he'll say it to me. That scared me. It was slightly frightening, and I didn't know why.