Arrangements

Everything was off my mind and shoulders as soon as I landed in Paris. I didn't think about Gerard or about our marriage the entire WAY there. And when I got to my rented loft, I felt so much better.

I painted and constructed my ass off. I made things, put up so many designs and stayed up all night putting things together. I was happy to do it, it felt right and I was actually smiling and having a good time. 

I met a lot of nice people, foreign and American; they were great to me. I loved the fashion, and the food and the music and the culture. It was a breath of fresh air. Everyone made me feel welcomed. It was the first time I felt at home.

I got to see a lot of art shows, fashion shows, and have conversations that made me feel cultured. The punk culture reminded me of Astrid, and of course I missed her. We talked everyday and everyday I missed her; she was the only thing I missed about the States.

"I can't wait to see you! You should see my hair!" Astrid gushed, "We're gonna have a freakin' party and then you're gonna tell me everything."

I giggled, "I talked to you everyday! You know everything."

"But Frankie doesn't! And Mikey and Allie and Ray and Bob are gonna be here! You have to tell us all about it."

I smiled, "Maybe. I kind of don't want to leave."

"You like it there that much?"

"Yes! The sights are fucking priceless...ugh, the food," I bragged happily, "I don't wanna leave."

"We can take a trip back there, y'know. Me and Frankie can come with you."

"I already can't wait."

Once I was to leave, I felt high anxiety. I didn't want to leave, even though I knew I had to. I thought about moving here...that's how much I loved it.

I saw my sister with a a short bob that was dyed blond, and Frankie with black bedhead. Astrid ran to me when I arrived from my gate. She hugged me tightly, cheering to herself.

"I missed you, big sis!" I hugged her back.

"Iron grip, Trid." I murmured.

She let me go and smiled at me, "Sorry. How was it? You're glowing!"

"It was sad leaving, but it was awesome." I saw Frank walking over, "Hey Frank."

"Hey Storm." He hugged me next, "You look good."

"Thanks. Can we go? Kinda starved."

"Sure thing. We're meeting everyone at this diner in a few."

After getting my luggage, I followed Astrid and Frank out the airport and to the car. I sat in the back, talking to Frank about my trip. I could sense that there was something he wanted to say. It was like a thick tension.

"Gerard is joining us. I bet he'll be happy to see you," Astrid said after we arrived home, "He wasn't gonna come, but Mikey told him about you coming home today."

I had nearly forgotten, "Oh...that sounds cool."

We were up in my room now, while Frank went to go meet up with the guys.

"Is there still some resentment about your feelings?" Astrid sat crossed legged on my bed.

I hung up some of my new clothes and put away most of my laundry, "Not really...I didn't really think about it while I was there. It was just what I needed."

Astrid looked at me worryingly, "Are you sure he didn't say or do something?"

I coursed my hair, and closed my closet door, "He did...but, y'know, it's nothing I didn't expect to hear."

I swallowed thickly, "You still love him?"

"No. I don't love anyone but you, mama and papa." I smiled, "And I'm okay with that. If I die alone, I die alone."

Astrid frowned, "Don't say all that."

"Okay. I may get a French boy toy when I head back."

Astrid laughed, "Don't you have to go to Germany or something soon?"

I shook my head, "No, they moved the interview and photo shoot here, so I'm all good."

I sat with Astrid on the bed, and she played with the loose fabric on her jeans. I felt that there was something on her mind; heavily.

"What's up?" I asked her softly, "Something wrong?"

She bit at her lip, "I may be pregnant, Stormy."

My eyes bulged, "No way."

"I don't know if I am. I'm late and...I'm scared to take a test."

"Have you told Frank?"

She shook her head, "No...I don't want to upset him."

"Oh...do you want to take one?"

She shrugged, "I'm afraid. And...if I am, I don't...know what I might do. I don't want a baby." Her voice was shaking a bit.

"Whoa." Was all I could say.

"After dinner, will you come with me?"

"Yeah, sure, Trid."

She shook her head, "I sort of wish you were pregnant so we could do it together."

I frowned, "Excuse me?"

"Like...raise our babies together. I'm afraid to do this alone, y'know, of I am."

I gave her a reassuring smile, "You aren't gonna be alone. It's me and Frankie, mama and papa, too."

"I know, but I wish you could go through it all with me."

"Well, I'm sorry to say, that I am not late, I just finished."

She grimaced, "TMI."

I rolled my eyes, "Grow up."

"Never!"

Me and Astrid didn't talk about her possible pregnancy after that. I had rested up and then we went out to the new diner that she was raving about.

I was dressed in a nice floral, chiffon dress that I bought right before I left. I actually felt like I looked good, though I wasn't trying to impress anyone.

When we got to the diner, I spotted Bob immediately, and then Ray, Allie and Mikey. I didn't see Gerard and I was mentally doing a happy dance. 

"Look at you," Bob wolf whistled at me, "Damn."

I rolled my eyes, "Suck it Bob."

"When and where?" he smirked when I say beside him.

"Ha, ha." 

"How was your trip?" Allie asked, she was seated across from me at the table, "Astrid hasn't bragged yet."

Astrid slugged her playfully, "Oh, hush it."

"Um...it was nice. I really loved it there. I can't wait to come back." I told them genuinely.

"What about the men?" She asked now, winking.

"Hey!" Mikey frowned.

I smiled, so did Allie, "I was asking for her."

Everyone seemed to tense when she said that. I looked around and just smiled, "They were all stuck up and most of them were gay."

Ray and Bob both started to laugh. A second later, Gerard showed up. I looked at him, have a fake smile and turned back to Bob.

"How was everything else?" Mikey asked.

"Very nice. The food is great, the weather is nice and the art is pretty nice. I didn't really go to any galleries, but I did spend a lot of time in this small part of town where all the general punk shows and music is. A lot of them looked like Astrid and Allie."

"Sounds like my kind of place," Frank grinned before he kissed Astrid.

"I think I'm gonna move there." I said happily, "I just love it so much."

Everyone was silent again. Mikey looked at me, then and Gerard. 

"Damn. You can't leave me." Astrid said with an eased giggle, "Dobbie and Doobie will miss you!"

"Hey, I'm not going now," I told her, easing the tension, "I was thinking about it."

The rest of the conversation was easy, with only a few more questions about my trip. Everyone else went on to tell me about the tour. I could see a lot of times they avoided talk about Gerard, and he didn't say much, if he did talk it was only to tell Mikey to, jokingly, shut up.

I wondered what had gone on while I was away. Even though, I knew Gerard didn't care about me, I wondered if he thought of me.