Arrangements

I met Marie at this small coffee shop; she looked excited to see me, even with the pile of make up on. I thought she looked very pretty, she could tone down the make up a bit. She wore a low cut top and the tightest jeans, some that made me think she couldn't breathe properly.

"Hey!" She grinned at me, showing off her pearly whites.

"Hi," I sat with her, "have you been waiting long?"

She shook her head, "No, I just got in a second ago."

"Did you want to order?" I say my bag on the seat beside me.

"Yeah sure."

Me and Marie both seemed to be almost in sync with each other. We both ordered chicken salads and cherry sodas. It was eerie.

"Thanks for meeting with me...Gerard wasn't all to happy with it." Marie said quickly.

"It's no problem," I murmured, "Did he do something?"

She shook her head, "No...I just..." she bit her lip, "I'm sort of a fan of yours and he doesn't like it."

I raised my brow, "You're a fan of mine?"

"Yeah, I love your art work, you whole Family Values piece...a friend from my company had bought it and I fell in love." 

I felt a little uncomfortable, "Oh...so, you know about Gerard and I?"

She gave me a sheepish grin, "Yes. Well, your sister told me that Gerard was off limits because he's married to you."

"Then why are you with him?"

Marie looked nervous, "Do you want me to be honest?"

"Please." I sat back, awaiting her answer.

"I thought it would get me to you faster." She spoke quickly, "Gerard likes attention and that's what I gave him. As soon as I met you, he knew..."

"So, you're using him?" I felt angry.

She gave a hollow laugh, "He's using me to. To make you jealous; his words, not mine."

I frowned, "The both of you are using each other to get to me?"

"Hey, please don't take it bad. You are an amazing person." Marie leaned forward as I crossed my arms, "You should see the way that man looks at you. And when we had sex," she shook her head, "he said your name...more than once. I took a big blow to my ego."

"This isn't alright," I told her, "you guys--"

She cut me off, "You're more than modest, Stormy. Why don't you ever eat up the love and admiration you're given?"

"Because..." I didn't have an answer. Not one I wanted to say, but, hell, I did, "Because, no one has ever praised me so openly before." I told her truthfully.

"What do you mean?" She furrowed her brows.

"I'm not a pretty girl, like yourself and my talents...people say they're good, but no one has ever came up to me and told me how great I am. I may sound...pathetic and spoiled, but it's nice to know that someone likes me."

She grinned, "I like you. Gerard," she exasperated funnily, "that man...ugh, he is in love with you."

I looked up at her, dropping my arms, "You believe so?"

She nodded, "Oh yeah. I've been in love before, and let me tell you, Gerard is head over heels. He gets all lovey eyed when you're near and when someone says your name, he looks away and smiles slightly, and it takes a whole lot to make him crack a small smirk."

I chuckled, "No shit."

"I'm telling you, he loves you, girl."

I smiled, "Can I tell you something?"

She nodded, "Sure."

"I love him, too."

Marie and I talked, and actually became friends. She's a sweet girl, and liked my creative ideas. She picked my brain for over two hours, and then we said our goodbyes. She was very understanding about my and Gerard's situation, and said she didn't expect to be with him long. Marie kind of influenced me changing my mind about Paris and my life with Gerard.

I got home after the lunch and found the loft was empty. Astrid texted me just as I got in, saying she wanted to have dinner, and I agreed. I called out to Dobbie and Doobie, they both curled off the couch and twirled around my legs.

I put out food for them, checked out mail and put my bag on the couch. I went upstairs to my room to change into shorts, instead of the warm, knit dress I had on.

I nearly had a fucking heart attack when I saw Gerard on my bed. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"What hell are you doing here?!" I screamed at him, "You scared me!"

"Again?" He sat up, his voice had a flat tone.

"Yes!" I put my hand to my chest, "I almost shit myself!"

He glared at me, "Why did you take it off?" He asked suddenly.

"God, you're speaking in riddles again. Take what off?"

He held up my wedding ring. I looked at my hand, then at him, "I went swimming, I didn't want to lose it, and I forgot to put it back on." 

He stood, "You remembered to put it in your jewelry box, though, right?" He sounded angrier as he closed in on me.

"It was in my purse, I just put it there when I got home." I told him heatedly, "Don't you dare get angry at me--"

"I have every fucking right to get angry with you, Stormy!" He went to my desk, he pushed all of my things off of it, causing a loud crash.

"What are you doing?!" I screamed at him.

"I'm making a mess!" He yelled; he didn't look at me.

"Stop it!"

He went pushed my TV off it's stand, causing it to crash, blitz and static. He grabbed my desk lamp and threw it at my full length mirror.

And all I could do was watch. Tears surprisingly filled my eyes, I held myself. 

"Stop it!" I screamed again, he had Astrid and Frankie's gift in his hand, "Don't! Don't! It's for Astrid and Frank!"

He stopped. 

He snapped out of his anger. 

Gerard turned to me, his face flushed, his jaw clenched. He put the painting down in my bed, he hung his head.

"Please, Gee...stop." I said softly.

His chest fell and rose heavily, "I stopped."

"What's...what's wrong with you?" I questioned quietly; I wiped my eyes.

"I'm dying!" He growled, "I need alcohol! I need the coke!"

My body trembled at his outburst, "Gerard, you're stronger than--"

"Bullshit!" He picked up a book and threw it at the shattered mirror, "You don't get to say shit like that unless you've ever felt like this!"

"Okay! Okay!" I yelled, just to balance out the anxiety and fear in my head and veins, "I'm sorry!"

"I can't do this! I was alright, I was alright pretending, I can't do it anymore!" He swayed a bit, "I had these pills...they cut the edge, but fuck, I'm just trading one addiction for another."

I walked over the glass, to him and wrapped my arms around him, "I can help you."

"No. Don't."

"Don't what?" I asked.

"I did this because of you. You're the one addiction that I could ruin, instead of it ruining me." He leaned down to press his head against my shoulder. "You should've stayed away from me."

"I'm an idiot." I murmured.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Do you hate yourself?"

"Not for loving you." I kissed the spot behind his ear.

"Why, then?"

"Because I am an idiot and I can't do some things right."

He looked up, "That's no reason to hate yourself."

"Says you."

He pressed his forehead against mine, his arms wrapped around my middle, "I was using Marie."

"She told me. She was using you too."

"Because she gets hard for you." He chuckled.

"I know. We talked, we're fine. I'm not mad."

Gerard's eyes shut, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"Can I have you?"

I smiled, "Always, Gerard."

As usual, I cleaned up Gerard's mess, but he stayed. He didn't want to leave me, he clung to me like a security blanket. He kissed me, held me close, and touched me.

He had pinned me to the bed, he straddled my waist and looked down at me. I watched his movements, he watched me. He learned forward and kissed me, cautiously like he was worried about it, but he didn't stop himself from kissing me again.

"Live with me in Jersey?" Gerard asked quietly.

I nodded, "Yes."

He smiled, "I love you, Stormy, please know that."

"I know you do. I love you."

He kissed me again, "I can take care of you...I'm still weary of us, I...I want a life for us."

I could see some hesitance in his eyes, "I understand."

"I just want to be with you, I don't want to share you with anybody else." He kissed me again, but he kept his face close to mine, his lips brushed against my own, "You're mine."

My stomach twisted uneasily, making me blush like a loony. Gerard brought his hand up to my neck, rolling his fingers gently around the back of my jaw, cradling it, bringing me closer to his lips. 

Kissing Gerard made me feel like I was a kid. A teenager. Like I was having my first love kiss me and I want only him. Only, Gerard wasn't my boyfriend, he's my husband and we were tied down to each other. 

The only thought in my mind was that I was happy that to be tied down to Gerard. I wanted to be with him until the day I died. I didn't care what he did, as long as he was mine and I was his. This also scared me, because I didn't know if Gerard felt the same way, or if this was all just lust to him. I was afraid to ask, I was afraid of the answer.

Another thought crossed my mind as we both ripped each other's clothes off; would we ever be a family? Would we be like Frank and Astrid? I hate to compare us to my sister and friend, but it was hard not to. I wanted what she has, who wouldn't? It's the all American dream, right?