Arrangements

By the time Gerard showed up, I had been at their place for a good hour an a half, and we were settling to watch Astrid's favorite movie (Cry Baby). He stood awkwardly at the entry of the living room and I didn't know whether or not to beckon him over or go to him. Frank came beside him and smiled nicely at me.

"Hubby is here," Frank gestured.

I smirked and stood, "I see."

"If you're leaving, tell me before you just disappear, Storm." Astrid warned me.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to Gerard; he looked tired, rather nervous. He had those worried lines in his forehead, and he smelt of coffee and cigarettes. I dug that scent so much, it was like the feeling of familiarity...love. Still, I was upset with him. The man could coax with me without a word.

"Let's go to the kitchen," he told me softly.

I nodded and followed him. He sat at the counter and I stood beside him. I didn't want to sit, I was waiting to hear what he had to say.

"Are you going to sit down?" He asked me.

I crossed my arms at my chest, "No."

"Why not?"

"Do you want me to sit down?"

"Kind of."

I gave a low sigh and sat down beside him. There was a clap of thunder outside and I jumped out of surprise. Gerard put his arm around me, pulling me closer to him, and I felt a little uncomfortable with this. Why? Because I was upset with him.

"I know saying sorry wont ever make you feel better, Storm."

"No, it won't." I agreed, pulling away from him.

He gave a frustrated sigh, "I have no excuse for bringing that woman into our home...if you hadn't of shown up when you did, things would have gone farther and I deserve any kind of punishment or hate you throw at me."

I felt like he was throwing it in my face. I glared at him, "This isn't about punishment. This is about my feelings and how you feel towards me, Gerard."

"I love you." He pressed angrily.

"I hear it." I stood, "I hear it, the problem is, I don't feel it."

He hung his head, "I show you how much I love you with the gifts--"

"I told you last night, I don't want gifts."

"I know that now. And, I do give you me, all the time. Especially when your pop died."

I swallowed thickly, "I needed you last night...I could have used your distraction from everyone asking me about you, and the judgmental stares. Where were you?"

Gerard knew of my crowd anxiety. I shared this with him. I just wish he remembered last night.

"I'm sorry." I rubbed his hands together, "I was...I wanted to come, I had the choice to, and I fucked up."

"Why didn't you?" I asked desperately, "I feel pathetic for asking."

"Because...I get jealous, and I was drinking and those two don't mix. I didn't want to fuck up your art showing."

I was feeling slightly confused, "How?"

"You looked beautiful last night...like a movie star," he chuckled, but didn't look at me, "I knew guys would be staring at you, looking at you, talking to you and admiring your work." He finally gazed at me, "You aren't the only one who's insecure, Stormy."

As if on cue, another clap of thunder hit overhead.

"You're insecure?" I asked not truly believing him.

"You're beautiful...talented. You can have any fuckin' guy in this town -any town- and all they have to do is show you how much better they are than me." He kept his eyes on me, "I could lose you, and rather than go and have that possibility weigh on me, with drinks in my system, I drank some more and flirted with the first chick to hit on me."

I just stared at Gerard, unsure of what to say. I swallowed again, "I...I wouldn't leave you, Gee." I felt the tears and lame emotions build, "To be perfectly and utterly honest with you, I don't want anyone but you."

Gerard had gave me a small smile, he blushed too, and I bit at my lip, letting stray tears fall. 

"Don't cry," he put his hand up to my cheek and wiped away the tears, "Y'know, Stormy, you make me feel different..." He stood from his chair, his hand took hold of my wrist, "I don't think I've ever been completely happy with a girlfriend or female companion before."

"That's why you're afraid to lose me? Lose your happiness?"

He nodded, "Yeah...I don't want to go into that deep dark place I was before." I felt his arms snake quickly around my waist, "You're really the first woman I wanted...and not just physically."

I wrapped my arms around his back, resting my palms back up on his shoulders, "Believe me, it's the same for me too."

He held me close, "We both have some major shit that we needed to clear up, didn't we?"

I hummed softly, "Yeah."

A second after I let him go, Astrid came in, "Well...you two made up?"

"There was nothing to make up," Gerard almost spat at her.

Astrid glared at him, "Of course there was! You hurt my sister," she crossed her arms, "too often, I might add."

I stepped to Astrid, "Trid, please, don't--"

"You know what Astrid, why don't you mind your own fucking business?" Gerard's voice dripped with venom.

Astrid's brows shot up, "Mind my business? My sister is my goddamn business! I'm not going to let another asshole think he can treat her any way." I could see the fury and veins popping in her neck.

I put my hands gently on her forearms, "Astrid, calm down, you're pregnant."

She exhaled, I hadn't felt Gerard move behind me, she looked at me, "Stay here with me."

I furrowed my brows, slightly confused by what she meant, "Huh?"

"Don't go home with that jerk off."

"Fuck you!" Gerard growled.

I snapped back at him, "Don't talk to my sister like that!"

"I am, because this is between me and you!" 

I shook my head, seeing Frank come in, "Gee, man, don't talk like that to my wife."

I let go of Astrid and turned to Gerard, "She started it." he said to Frank, above my head.

"It doesn't matter who started it," I said quickly, "I love you guys, and I don't want to see you two fight." I exhaled heavily and turned to my sister, "If I need you, I'll come back, okay?"

She frowned, "I'd rather prevent that."

Gerard was tense when I put my palm to his chest, "Prevent what?" he snapped again.

"Never mind it." I spoke quick again, "Let's go home." I was trying to calm him down and defuse he and Astrid from fighting.

Astrid exasperated, "I apologize, but you know how much my sister means to me? Toby was a fuckin' jerk--"

Gerard stopped her, "I know. I hate that fucking asshole. I just fucked up last night."

Astrid gave a reluctant smile, "You don't take care of my sister, you know I will fuckin' kill you."

The two seemed to relax, making the atmosphere less tense. I smiled at them both, hugging Gee, "I know you will." He answered.

"We really have to talk more about this...we can do it later," Astrid told him.

"Yeah, okay." He seemed to warm up to that.

"See? Was that so hard?" Frank hugged Astrid.

"No." She and Gerard said in unison.


Even with Gerard and Astrid on okay terms, I was still dreading going home. I wasn't looking forward to seeing the couch, just because it hurt that he was there with a pretty girl than with me. I still questioned my sanity at how calm I was, and I took it as me being numb.

Numb to all Gerard has done, because I knew him, somewhat. I wasn't surprised at some of the things he chose to do with and without me, because he was up front about it with me from the beginning. I never opted to change him, because I love him so much, but at the same time, a lot of the things he says and does hurts my feelings.

"Stormy, I am sorry about fucking up," he said when he caught me staring at the couch from the doorway, "I'll fucking throw that couch out of you want me to."

I smiled at him, breaking my trance, "I think that's what I want for Christmas."

"A new couch?" He asked helping me take my coat off.

"Yeah...something more comfy, y'know?" I pulled the sleeves up on the pullover.

"We can go online shopping, have it delivered tomorrow or whenever. Sound good?"

I nodded, "Yes."

I loved how sweet he was being, almost cooperating with me. It seemed genuine, but I couldn't be too sure, sometimes he hid his feelings do well. I turned and wrapped my arms around him, "You're a great man, Gerard."

"I'm just trying to please my woman." He smirked against my cheek.

"Its working." I smirked back.

Gerard picked me up slightly and carried me to the room. He kissed my jaw and laid me on the bed, hovering above me. My hands cupped his jaw, he stared down at me and kissed my lips, "I'm sorry, Stormy. Do you forgive me?"

I nodded, not wanting to speak. I didn't really know what to say that I forgave him, because in a way, I didn't really forgive him fully.