Arrangements

I was worried when my mother didn't show up for dinner, and didn't answer her phone. It started to snow heavily, and I was worrying as the minutes passed. We were almost snowed in, so we stayed the night at the Way's. Gerard and I slept in his room, Astrid and Frank took the pullout sofa, and Mikey and Allie were in Mikey's room.

I laid beside Gerard, smelling his familiar scent surround me, and I was growing anxious still. I had left the bed several times to call her home phone. The electricity finally surged out, and my anxiety grew.

"Sugar, come here," Gerard whispered to me, "get in bed."

"My mother." I told him. I wrapped my arms around myself.

"I'm sure she's fine," He got up from the bed, tiredly making his way to me, "You're freezing." He hugged me tight, warming me up, and rubbing my back.

"I'm worried." I stressed, pressing my cheek to his chest.

"I know, but freezing won't help anyone. I'm sure she's at the church, snowed in just like us."

I sighed softly, nodding, "I hope you're right."


It was Mrs. Way who came and woke us up. She and Astrid, stood down at the basement steps, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. I already knew. 

It's almost as if hurt, drama and pain rides on my back. It's as if one moment I'm on top of the world and the next, something knocks me off. I can't seem to catch a little break, can't get a teeny bit of happiness.

I was stirring from my sleep when I got the news, and it seemed that my world was shattered. It was ear shattering, I'm still deaf. The words and the actual truth can't -no, won't form in my brain. The pain is so immense, I was numb almost. I couldn't move.

Gerard had come over to me, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist as I gave a shrill cry. It poured from my throat, and the tears spilled from my eyes. I felt the actual pain in that moment. My body expelled the pain I knew could have happened and was forced in the back of my mind.

I didn't move for a while, and it took Gerard carrying me bridal style, to get me to the car and home. Sylvester laid in my lap, licking at my gloved palms and whined softly. More tears billowed my eyes, my head pounded and Gerard kept looking over at me.

I didn't speak to him -no one honestly- when I got into the house. I just crawled into our bed, pulled the covers over myself and cried even more.


I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to be around anyone, and I didn't care about anyone. I wanted to be alone, and that's what they gave me, except my dog. He snuggled with me, nudging his wet nose against my cheek as I cried. 

I don't know how long I was in bed, but it felt like hours upon hours. It felt as if days had past, and still I didn't want to move. Gerard had come in four separate times to ask if I was hungry, but I refused, and then Astrid came in and sat with me, then she crawled beside Sylvester.

"Storm?" She called to me softly, "Is it okay if I hide with you?"

My stomach knotted and more tears swelled. I nodded, she kicked her shoes off and slipped under the sheets with me. She sniffled and laid her head beside's Sylvester's.

"I want to die, Astrid." I said quietly, "I don't want to live anymore."

"Don't say that."

"Why is life so cruel? What did mama do so bad?"

She gave a defeated sigh, "She was a saint, Storm, you know that. The good die young."

I shook my head, "I hate life."

"We all hate life, but we gotta get through it."

"It's too hard..." I murmured into my pillow, "why did they have to die?" I sobbed and Astrid reached over and hugged my shoulders.

Astrid cradled me until Gerard knocked on the door. We didn't move, he came in, "Sugar?" He called to me.

I sat up, letting go of Astrid, and watched him come over. He sat beside me and reached over, wrapping his arms around me and let me cry on his shoulder. He held me tight, letting me wet his shirt with my uncontrollable crying. He kissed at my temple and cooed to me, squeezing me tight. I was more than happy to be in his arms, even under the circumstance.