Arrangements

I had stayed in my home, eating take out, with my dog, ignoring the world again. I didn't answer my phone when Astrid and Mrs. Way called. I only answered for Jacques and Alex Greenwald.

Work would clear my head.

I had worked on some things Jacques sent me, and I would be meeting Alex in New York in a few days. It seemed to distract me long enough. That is, until my sister showed up.

"You are so dead," Astrid gave me an angry glare, "What the hell?"

She had walked in without knocking. She had a spare key.

"What do you mean, what the hell?" I was lying on the floor in my living room.

"Mrs. Way is worried about you and you won't answer your phone! That's What the hell?"

I shrugged, "I had work."

"You're a liar." She spat, "I was worried about you! Mrs. Way said you were crying, and then we both had to yell at that pathetic excuse of a man, and she made me come see you!"

I didn't look at her, "I'm fine."

"What did he say?" She took her jacket off and sat on the couch.

"What did he tell you?" I countered.

"He said that it was none of our business. Now, what did he say?"

I shook my head, "Just leave it alone." I mumbled.

"Just tell me." She kicked my side gently.

I exhaled, "Fuck...it's so...depressing." I groaned.

"Start from the beginning, because I know you've been keeping a lot from me."

"Start from where?" I looked up at her.

"When Gerard pushed you."

I raised my brow, "Who told you about that?"

"Frankie and Mikey."

"Jesus Christ."

"They care about you too, and they care about Gerard, but your relationship is very turbulent. Tell me everything."

I looked up at the ceiling and opened my mouth. I began to spill my and Gerard's secrets. I told her about him grabbing me and pushing me. I told her about the coke and the cheating. I told her how much I was in love with him, and how I had refused to sign the annulment papers.

I cried like a baby, telling my little sister about how much I loved a selfish man. A man who hurt me countless times, and still I wanted to be with him. I ranted about how I wanted babies, and I wanted to be with Gerard until the end of the world. I felt like such a teenager, like I was talking about a crush who had found a new love. I cried until I couldn't breathe and Astrid had to help me up and hug me.

Astrid comforted me, telling me that I was alright. She went on about how she was going to castrate Gerard. Then, she and I put on some movies and relaxed on the couch. This was before Astrid called Mrs. Way and told her I was fine.

"She says she's going to kill Gerard." Astrid smiled funnily at me.

"God, I feel embarrassed."

"Why?"

I raised my brow, "Why? Because, I spilled all of our secrets. I love Gerard, Astrid, I do, and I think I've betrayed him."

"Exactly, you love him, but you didn't betray him, you're helping him."

I coursed my hair, "I'll never hear the end of it..."

"This small break will do you guys some good, alright? Next week, the guys will be leaving and you can come stay at my house and we'll buy some more baby stuff."

I gave her a nod, not wanting to speak. I was more than jealous of my little sister, she got all the luck. She was with a wonderful guy, she was having a baby boy, and she could easily pick up and freaking instrument and play like a fucking God. She got the pretty, modern, good looks and the sense of humor. She had the independent streak and didn't need me.

I was nothing compared to Astrid and I slightly resented her. I had a chubby body, the dark brown hair, the dark brown eyes, and I was nothing to get excited about, no wonder Gerard cheated on me. My mother had said I had those beautiful, classic movie star looks, as did Astrid, but I didn't see it. I worked hard to become mediocre in my art and I was so damn shy in college. Astrid took care of me, she was the grown up, I was the baby sister in the weird fucking relationship. Even though our careers let us see the world, and we both enjoyed it, I believe my sister always had more fun than I did.

I hated myself for being jealous of her. I didn't want to be jealous, I wanted to be happy for her, but all I could think was how unfair life was to me. I wanted out of this rut, but I knew that we needed to part and clear our heads.


I finally called Mrs. Way back, and she was up in arms about me not answering.

"I had a good talking to Gerard," She told me, "He should be coming by to apologize."

I rolled my eyes, "Mrs. Way, he doesn't need--"

"Yes he does! I won't let him walk all over you, Stormy." She exclaimed, "I'm not going to butt into your relationship -your marriage- any longer, because Gerard told me to stop, but you are my daughter-in-law and I love you just like I love Mikey and Gerard."

I felt like crying then, but I stopped myself, I mean, I had cried enough for a day.

"Thank you, Mrs. Way, you're too kind," I spoke softly.

"I just want what's best for you." 

I opened my mouth to respond, but at that exact moment, Gerard walked in the room. He closed the front door behind him and glared at me. I had been pacing around the couch the entire time I was talking to Mrs. Way.

"Thank you, again." I said looking away.

"You're welcome, Stormy."

"I'll talk to you later, Mrs. Way."

"Come visit, honey."

"I will."

"Goodnight."

"'Night." I closed my phone and put it in my pocket.

I turned around and faced Gerard, he was still at the door, but he looked angrier than before. I sighed, waiting to hear him yell at me. "Go ahead." I murmured.

"Go ahead? Shit between us gotten so bad that you know exactly what I'm going to do?" He crossed over to enter the living room.

I shook my head, "I just know you, Gerard." 

He licked his lips, "Why'd you tell my mom?"

"I didn't tell her anything, she figured, whatever she told you, out on her own. I mean, we yelled at each other, she must've overheard us." I leaned against the couch, awaiting for more verbal assault.

"But you told your sister."

"No, I didn't. Your mom called her. I told you, Gerard, I wouldn't tell Astrid." I crossed my arms.

Gerard tweaked his lips, "I can't wait to leave," he turned his heel, "all you and my mom do is bitch at me." He started down the hall; I knew he was expecting me to follow him, but I didn't. 

I slipped down into the couch instead of following him. I turned on my TV and called out to my dog, who waddled his way to the couch and hopped up, with my help, and settled beside me. I could hear Gerard shuffling around the bedroom, throwing stuff around.

"Don't make a goddamn mess! I just fuckin' cleaned in there!" 

I could hear him curse at me, but nothing more. I rolled my eyes, continuing to watch TV until he decided to stomp out towards the living room. He faced me, I looked up at him, he looked so livid, it was almost hair raising.

"This shit isn't fucking fair," he growled at me, "I'm so damn tired of being the bad guy."

"Then you shouldn't do bad things." I mocked him, and his demeanor change with a flick of the wrist.

"I don't do bad shit! I only fucked up once!"

"Yeah, and you keep hiding yourself from me, you're holding back. Do you think I want people to see us fighting, especially our family?" His jaw slacked, he ran a hand through his hair, "I love you, and nothing you can say or do will make me change how I feel."

"I told you, I'm selfish." He growled.

"Yeah, I know!" I sighed, rubbing my neck, "Talk to me, I'm here, I'm not here to judge--"

"You sound like a goddamn therapist."

"I'm not, I'm your wife, like it or not." I crossed my arms again; I was I was in desperate need of a cigarette.

Gerard rubbed his jaw with his right hand, then he sighed, "I'm staying with Mikey." He turned to leave.

"That's it?" I asked, turning my head towards him.

"Yeah," he put a hand up to wave me off, "I'll see you in two months."