Arrangements

I tore the dress off, kicked my heels away, and slipped on some sweats and a t-shirt. I washed the makeup off and got sober enough to head to the liquor store to get some cigarettes. I dug my hands on my sweats and walked down the streets of LA.

I liked it here. There were starving artist everywhere. No one was friendly, and I liked that. At least no one was sneaky and played; they were upfront, blunt assholes to you. It was my own paradise, my home.

I grabbed a lollipop, cigarettes and a bic lighter, and headed back to the suite. Along the way, I grabbed a newspaper to look for listings. I was coming home, to stay, no matter what.

I got back to my suite, and immediately began looking for any free apartments or homes in the village. And, you know what else, I was going to fuck Alex. Just to spite Gerard, do what he suspects I've been doing. I really didn't give a fuck anymore. It felt good to say fuck it.


I arrived back in Jersey a week later, and I was still looking for a place in LA. Not a single place was empty; one that would be empty in a few weeks, but I hadn't even seen it. 

"I'm Stormy...Way, I called about the duplex," I hung around the outside of my sister's house, "...How many rooms is it exactly? You didn't specify...that's great! Oh, when...Five weeks? Ok, I'll call you back, thanks." I hung up my phone.

"What're you doing?" I jumped at the sound of Astrid's voice.

I turned, "Hey, uh that was--"

"Duplexes?"

"Yeah, can I come in? My feet hurt."

Astrid rolled her eyes and let me in. I took my bag and set it on her couch and sat down. She went to the swinger, taking Danny out and balancing him, "Whats up? You look flushed."

"I'm fine, let me hold my nephew."

She gave me a look and handed baby Danny over. He had Frank's child like features and Astrid's light brown hair. He gazed up at me with grey eyes, "Hey Danny."

"So what's going on? You haven't called me in days and I need to know when you're taking Sylvester, because he's starting to act weird."

I cradled Danny and sought for Sylvester; he was sitting under the table. He turned his head and looked at me, "I'm sorry, I'm taking him today."

"How was the exhibit?"

"Great, I made a lot of great connections, and I sold a lot of pieces." I didn't want to look at her, I pretended to be interested in Danny's hair.

"Was Gerard there?"

"No."

"What a dick." She grumbled, "I'm sorry--"

I cut her off, "It's okay. We're...through, again."

She rolled her eyes, "Typical."

"No, this time I mean it, Astrid," I felt my stomach knot, "I did something that I shouldn't have and he just berated me after I was honest with him."

Her eyes grew wide, "You slept with Alex?"

"No, we made out, that's it." I told her, "And I told Gerard, and he called me a whore."

Astrid frowned, "What a prick! After all the times he's cheated on you? This should just...fix everything between you two!"

"No," I shook my head, "He never fought to keep me, he just saw me as his possession. Gerard...he doesn't love me like a person; he loves me like I'm a pet or something."

"Stormy, I'm sorry--"

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything." I cradled Danny again, "I appreciate that you care and you feel sorry for me, but I think I'm gonna be okay. I'm going to stay in LA for a while...I'm looking for a new place, I miss it."

"I don't want you to go." She frowned still.

"I'm sorry, but I don't wanna be here."

"Don't leave just yet," she begged slightly, "Stay with me until Frank returns."

"I have five weeks to waste."


Two weeks didn't go by before another thing happened. 

I was in Astrid's kitchen, making popcorn, when I filled up Sylvester's bowl with water. He had been looking tired lately, and I knew his hearing was getting worse. I saw him waddle in as I set the bowl down, and I crouched to pet him.

He got some water and then went to the back door and pressed his paw to it. I opened it, letting him walk out; I watched him circle around the yard, and then he stopped. My stomach tightened when he laid there...he didn't come when I whistled or when I said his name. I knew that he had died, I just didn't want to believe it.

I walked out the door and went to him. I knelt down, his belly was still moving, slowly up and down until it stopped completely. I started to cry, I fell on my ass, pulled my knees up and started to sob on them.

"Storm! Stormy, what're you doing?" I heard Astrid come over to me, her hands took hold of my shoulders, "Oh...oh man."

"He died, Astrid." I sobbed, "He died."

She sighed, kneeling beside me, "Dammit."

"Is it stupid that I'm crying?" I asked her through my tears.

She hugged me, "No, Stormy, you love Sylvester. I'm sorry."

"Can this year get any worse?" I mumbled.

"Stormy, don't cry. We'll bury him, ok? He's all better now; he's in doggy heaven, and he isn't sick anymore."

I wiped my eyes and smiled, "I feel like an idiot."

"You aren't an idiot. We've had him since we were kids, since he was baby, of course you're gonna cry."

I exhaled heavily, "I'm gonna miss him."

"Me too, Stormy."

I ran my hand on his head and back before I stood and went back in the house, with Astrid, to get a sheet to bury him in.

I actually thought live couldn't get any worse. When you hit bottom, there's nowhere to go but up.

Gerard didn't call me and I didn't call him. Frank had told me that Gerard was drinking heavily, and I didn't really care anymore. I had done all I could, and I didn't want to do it anymore. Frank was sort of pissed that I refused to help, and it caused a tiny riff between us. He didn't like me around.

Since he's my sister's husband and my nephew's father, I did what I had to; I left. I went back to LA and didn't really call Astrid like I used to. I didn't come around much anymore. I was like a ghost, almost.

Mrs. Way had been the one to call me and asked me what had happened, and all I told her was that I was done being treated the way I was. I didn't get into details or tell her much, but she was upset. She said for me to still come around and see her, and I lied and promised I would.

Now that I was back in LA, I did a lot of drinking, and smoking, and painting. I had gotten a lot of work, and my first few weeks, I went to Europe for an art convention. I didn't like it as much as France, but it was pretty nice there. 

I spent my 26th birthday, drinking like a fish, in France with a couple of my "art" friends. The models and the painters, really, who understood what I liked. I didn't complain, I was far from where I wasn't wanted, and no one bothered me.

When I went back to the US, I got offers to do a graphic novel, and I declined. I got an offer to showcase my art in books, and I thought maybe that would work. I spent a lot of time lost in my work, and in my head, blocking out negative thoughts. The only thing that I constantly missed was my sister and my dog. The loneliness is something you can't really block out.

Before I knew it, 5 months had blown by me, and I had my sister calling me. She wanted to know when I would be coming home; I had missed Halloween with her, and Thanksgiving was coming up. I had lied and told her that I was busy, when I wasn't. I was going to spend Thanksgiving messing around with Alex.

After everything, it was Alex who I ran to. He was my lover, in a way. He was my unofficial boyfriend, who didn't like going home for the holidays either. He was my way of getting back at Gerard, but I liked having him around. He was really, really sweet to me.

"You have to come home for Thanksgiving," Astrid had sounded sad.

"You mean your house. I don't have a home there."

Astrid sighed, "Gerard isn't going to be here..."

"I don't care. I have work to do with this book."

"Stormy, you can't put it off for a week? You can see how big Danny is now."

"Sorry, I can't."

I knew I was being such a bitch, but Frank didn't want me there, and I didn't want to step on his toes.

"Is this how it's going to be? You won't come to Jersey until...when, exactly?" Astrid snapped at me.

"Christmas, geez! I'll be there for Christmas."

"Holy fuck, like it'll kill you!" She spat.

"If you're gonna yell at me, then don't call me." I closed my phone, fuming, and pushed it away from me.

I hadn't ever hung up on Astrid before, and it shocked me. I mean, we had been so close, and since this whole mess with Gerard, I had lost sight of how civil I used to be. I was being so petty and bitchy, I hated myself.

I made myself call her back, but she didn't answer, "Astrid, I'm sorry," I left a voicemail, "I'll try and come for Thanksgiving...if you don't want me to come, then just tell me..."

I hung up again, and awaited for her to call, but she didn't. Astrid didn't call me for weeks. Even Christmas had passed, and she didn't call me. I had mailed Danny's gifts to her house, and I was surprised that Astrid didn't send them back; she would do that. And still, she didn't call.