I'm Not Kissing You Goodbye

I touched the scar that ran vertical on the left side of my lip, once before covering it up with red lipstick. I sighed and looked at my reflection. My dark red hair cascaded down my back in soft curls and my green eyes were outlined in silver eyeliner. The ring in my nose sparkled as the light hit it and I smiled at my reflection. Perfect. I shook out my hair and it tumbled across my shoulders before I ruffled it and walked out into the living room.
“Ta da” I grinned, presenting myself to my best friend, Manda. She jumped up and smirked, “Well, look who looks sexy”
To be honest she was the sexy one. Her dark hair fell in short layers down her back and the fringe that usually fell over her forehead was pinned back. Her own green eyes were surrounded with eyeliner and her lips were covered in the same red lipstick I had used.
She was gorgeous. I was jealous.
I just smiled at her compliment, “C’mon, let’s go before we’re late”
She grabbed her purse and followed me out of our apartment.
With Amanda driving, we were lucky to have gotten to the venue alive. I got out of the car and stood on my shaking legs. She just laughed and pulled me towards the doors. We showed our passes to the security and Amanda ran towards the dressing room, tugging me along with her. We burst through the doors and Amanda threw herself at her still half naked boyfriend.
Oliver emitted a small “Oof” sound as his girlfriend barreled into him. He smiled at me from over the top of her head, “Hey Lee”
I tipped my head his way and smiled lightly, “Oliver”
I collapsed on the small ragged couch next to Matt, who nudged me playfully, throwing a smile my way, “How was the trip here?”
I elbowed him in the ribs and he laughed, “That bad huh?”
I rolled my eyes, “You have no idea. It’s like she’s got a ton of bricks pressed onto the accelerator”
He chuckled, “At least your alive, love”
“Barely” I muttered to him as Amanda trailed back over to me.
“Ready?”
“Not really” I mentally winced.
I hated being in the mosh at one of the boy’s shows. The crowd was wild, but Amanda loved it. So naturally, what she wanted, she got. She took my hand and pulled me up. Oliver wrapped a heavily tattooed arm around my neck and pressed his lips to my temple, chuckling lightly, “You’ll be fine, love. Just punch back”
I elbowed him lightly but smiled, “Thanks Sykes”
He smiled in return before Amanda pulled me out the door.
“Your lucky, you know that right?” I told my cousin for the millionth time.
Oliver was like the big brother I’d always wanted but never had. Ever since we met, and he’d told me I reminded him of himself and I’d punched him, we’d been close friends. He knew everything about me, as did Amanda, and he never left my side. I loved him for that. I made sure Manda knew how lucky she was every chance I got.
She half turned to me and smiled.
“I know” she said softly, sadness filling her eyes as she saw my pain filled ones.
Her fingers tightened around my own and I squeezed back, “I’m fine, Manda”
She nodded lightly, “Remember what I told you...”
“I know, love, I know.” I half smiled at her concern.
She returned my smile and pulled me into the screaming crowd. I winced as a first made contact with my ribs. We settled in, pushing ourselves to the front. Amanda yelled something but the noise from the crowd was too loud, I couldn’t hear a thing. Soon enough, a guitar riff emitted throughout the stadium and the crowd screamed. Oliver ran on stage, screaming. He searched for us for a minute before spotting us, just to the left. He winked at Amanda and screamed again, “How the fuck are you Sheffield?”

I groaned as I collapsed on the couch. Amanda fell onto the one across from me and sighed, closing her tired eyes. Oliver chuckled at us and sat down, resting Amanda head on his lap. He twirled a piece of her hair around his fingers, “It wasn’t that bad”
I shot him a look, “You weren’t in the crowd. I had so many different people pushing, pulling, punching, and shoving”
I moaned as I turned and lay down on my sore ribs. Amanda yawned and closed her eyes, “I need a shower. I smell bad”
We all laughed and Oliver wrinkled his nose, “You really do, love”
She punched him lightly, “Fuck you Sykes.”
She managed to wrench herself from his grasp and stumble towards the bathroom.
I yawned tiredly, and Oliver collapsed next to me. He pushed a hand through his hair and looked down at me. I lifted my body and crawled over to him, resting my head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his head on mine.
“You alright, love?” he asked softly.
I shifted my weight and he pulled me onto his lap. He played with a curl that rested on my back and I sighed.
I looked down, tracing the tattoos on his fingers, “I don’t know Oli”
He twirled the lock of hair and sighed, “Lee, don’t beat yourself up. Stop thinking about it”
I closed my eyes and let a few tears slip, whispering quietly, “How do you say goodbye when you’ve hardly said hello?”
“The only way we know” he sung back, rocking back and forward.
That lyric hit hard for me. I knew it was about Manda, and always being on tour. But alone, the meaning held so much more.
I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep to Oliver’s body rocking back and forth.
I awoke soon after to Amanda’s whispering voice.
“She okay?”
I felt Oliver shrug, as he whispered back, “I’m worried about a relapse right now”
Amanda swore, “We’ve worked so hard”
“I know, love, I know”
I was heaved up and carried somewhere. I emitted a small sigh as I was layed down in my bed.
“She’ll be alright, wont she Oli?” came Amanda’s worried voice.
A pang of regret shot through my chest. She shouldn’t have to worry about me. I was the idiot and all she wanted was for me to be okay.
“She’ll be fine, love” was the last thing I heard before I tumbled into darkness.

I woke up the next morning, tangled in sweat soaked sheets. I groaned and buried my head in the pillows. There was a knock at my door that I ignored. I heard it creak open anyway. I heard Manda’s soft sigh, “I bought you some tea, love”
I rolled over and looked at her face, creased with a worried expression, “Thanks”
“You were screaming again last night. I called Tom” she told me, quietly.
I sighed, “You shouldn’t have”
They learnt quickly, that whenever I had a breakdown, Oliver’s little brother seemed to be the only one who could make me forget everything. Make me happy for a while. As much as I loved seeing him, I hated when they called him. It made me feel like I was too much for them. She set down the warm mug, and sat down next to me.
“I’m fine Manda” I told her, but the tired tone my voice took betrayed my lie.
There was another quiet knock at my door before it was pushed open.
A pair of sparkling blue eyes met mine and I smiled, “Hey there”
Tom smiled, “Hey there yourself.”
Manda stood up, smiled, and left the door. Tom jumped on my bed and lay down next to me. I chuckled and turned to face him.
He looked at me, “Long time, no see”
That was the thing about Tom. He never made me talk about how I was feeling. He always made me feel normal. I half smiled, “Well, you’ve been busy from what I’ve heard”
He mock gasped, “Sure, blame it on me”
I laughed, and nudged his ribs, “Well I’ve been in the same house for the last two years. You know where to find me”
He tilted his head in agreement, “Ah, you make a good point”
“I’ve been known to make a few of them in my time” I smirked.
He nudged my arm and chuckled, “Of course”
He went to say something else but the door creaked open. Manda’s face popped into my room. The frown that creased her features told me something was wrong.
“Manda?”
“Um. Love, there’s someone on the phone for you” was all she said.
I got up, frowned at Tom, before making my way to the living room. I grabbed the phone from her outstretched hand, the frown still on my face.
“Hello?”
“Leigha” came a familiar sigh, “It’s taken so long to find you”
It’s like time stopped. My whole body froze and my eyes went wide, staring at nothing. After so long, I’d nearly made it. Why! Why me! Why now!