So Damn Cold

It was so weird to come back to Dulaney as an alumnus at the homecoming football game. There were so many new teachers now, and the few that I recognized, I didn’t even really talk to… I talked to my home girls on the cheerleading squad, though. It was good to see them. They were all so grown up…it was insane.

They couldn’t have picked a better game or night for Homecoming. It was Dulaney’s big game against Towson, so everyone came out to support their teams. It was a little on the chilly side, but there were so many people in the bleachers, it was actually pretty warm. I’d never seen so much school spirit.

I was really enjoying the game – we were in the lead by two touchdowns nearing the end of the second quarter – when two familiar heads of brown hair caught my eyes. My eyes didn’t deceive me, and I wished I could just lop those little heads off. Rachel Abernathy and Derek Healy were the biggest assholes at school. Well, they were such assholes to me…

And what killed me was that Rachel used to be my best friend.

I pulled my beanie down over my ears, breathing onto my fingers to warm them up. I was only wearing a thin cardigan, a v-neck shirt, skinny jeans, boots, a beanie, and a scarf… Not very good attire for a football game near the end of October, what with the temperature dropping as the night carried on. I excused myself to get out of the bleachers. I was just trying to get down to the concession stand for some hot chocolate, but…no such luck. “Wow…is that you, Leah? Leah Novak?”

I scowled and turned around to chew out whoever addressed me by my whole name, but when I did, I only saw Jack Barakat. As in, Jack Barakat, the boy I had an obsession with throughout high school. And all I could say to him after all these years was, “H-Hey.”

Jack grinned and took my acknowledgement as an a-ok to hug me. Oh my god. “Damn, girl, you look great!” he laughed, holding me at arm’s length to look me over.

“How do you even remember me?” I asked, blushing hard, I could feel it.

“I had a lot of classes with your sister.”

“My sister?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Yeah! Reese or…or Reagan…or…”

“Rachel Abernathy is not my sister.”

Jack was taken aback by my tone. “But, aren’t you guys, like, best friends, then, or something?” I laughed bitterly and pushed past him towards the concession stand. Yeah, it was Jack Barakat, but he mentioned Rachel Abernathy… I didn’t want him to see me all riled up about her.

“Leah, hold on! I’m sorry I brought her up,” Jack told me once he’d grabbed my wrist and pulled me to a stop. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you guys weren’t friends anymore,” he continued to apologize while I continued to tromp towards the line of the concession stand. Jack sighed and let me go, but stayed close.

“One hot chocolate, please,” I told the cashier with a smile, rummaging through my purse for my wallet.

“Make that two,” Jack piped up, sliding a five over to the cashier before I could find my wallet.

I frowned at him, but he simply shoved his hands in his pockets, smiling sheepishly at me as he rocked back and forth a bit on his heels. “Apology accepted,” I sighed once I took a sip of that hot chocolate.

"So…tell me about it,” Jack said as we walked over to the soccer field together. We would still be able to see the scoreboard from there, and no one was there, so we could hear each other talk. “Why aren’t you guys friends anymore?”

We sat down on the grass together, the hot chocolate keeping me warm. “It’s a long story.”

Jack squinted at the scoreboard. “Hmm, it’s two minutes into the second quarter…we’ve got time,” Jack told me encouragingly. I was still just shocked that he knew and remembered me, and that he wanted to hear this story.

“It was just…just a bunch of little things that built up over time, I think. But it all started when Rachel actually started dating Derek…”

Jack nodded in understanding. “Ah, I see. I know, it’s like your friends just aren’t your friends once they have… a significant other.”

“I know, I know! I mean, I understand that. That’s kind of supposed to happen, but this – this was some fuckery, Jack,” I sighed, sipping up some hot chocolate again. “Like, ok, there was this one time…”

Rachel came over to my house for the weekend. We were just going to hang out at my house, because she pointed out that we really don’t get to hang out with each other as much as we used to. By this time, Rachel had been dating Derek for around a month. I was ok with the occasional, “Oh, Derek has plans for us. Oh, Derek’s taking me out tonight. Oh, me and Derek are busy that day.” But, this was all the fucking time. It wasn’t fair.

“Oh my gosh, I miss him so much,” Rachel sighed the second we set foot inside my house. I was excited for tonight, too. I had planned out that perfect teenage girl slumber party, with scary movies and popcorn and nail polish and facial masks and all that shit.

“Let’s go up to my room, Rachel,” I said as cheerfully as I could manage. She complained about her boyfriend too damn much. I regretted ever hooking them up.

“Hey…do you get internet on your laptop?” Rachel asked, instantly gravitating towards my Macbook. I bought it with my own money for when I went to college.

“Why?” I asked with a frown, grabbing the stack of DVDs from my armoire.

“Can I please, please skype Derek?!”

“But today was kind of supposed to be our day,” I huffed, arms folded across my chest.

“I just want to skype him for a little bit,” Rachel pleaded, hands clasped together as if in prayer.

“Alright,” I sighed, opening up my laptop and logging in as a guest. I sat on my bed for a while as she got skype going, sifting through my DVDs. What to watch first…Zoolander? Mystery Men? The Fifth Element? I focused on choosing a movie while Rachel got all giggly and cutesy with Derek on Skype. I was bored after fifteen minutes, but then Rachel asked me a rather shocking question.

“Hey, Leah…could you, um, leave the room?”

“Yeah, could you leave the room?” Derek echoed her from my laptop.

…Wait just a fucking minute. Wow, they’re gonna ask me to leave my room, in my house? I don't know why I decided to be such a pushover about it, but I think at the time I thought I was just being a good friend. "Ok," I sighed, sliding off my lofty bed and taking the movies with me. "I'll wait for you in the living room, then..."

"Ok, ok!" Derek sighed in exasperation. "Bye, Leah," he said loudly, while Rachel turned her back to the screen and gave me this face that screamed "Please get out."

When I left, I was down in the living room alone for so long that I just fell asleep already...

Jack frowned. "Wow...in your own house? That's messed up."

"That was just one of the things...trust me, it gets worse, but...I don't want to talk about it."

"I remember now," Jack said thoughtfully, finishing his hot chocolate. "He was really mean to you at homecoming or something, wasn't he? Tell me about that."

I laughed and cradled my head in my hands. I knew exactly what Jack was talking about, and it wasn't the most pleasant of memories for me...

"Rachel, babe! Limo's here!" Derek's voice floated up to Rachel's window as he repeatedly tossed rocks at it.

I sighed when Rachel rushed to the window while I was trying to curl her hair. I didn't want to go to homecoming and be forced to see Jack with his date, Riley Carruthers, but Rachel convinced me otherwise. She begged and pleaded me to come because she wouldn't know any of Derek's lacrosse buddies' girls...or so she claimed. "Derek's here!" She squealed, running back to the chair she had been sitting in. "Leah, could you finish curling my hair?" She asked impatiently.

I did as she asked, even though she rushed out of the house without me. I had to smile when she ran and hugged Derek, though. They were so cute, all matching and shit with her purple dress and his purple tie. "Do you wanna take pictures?" I asked them when I got closer, and the both of them gave me these matching, like, glares of hate. What the fuck?

"Did you really have to bring this fat, ugly bitch along?" I could've sworn I heard Derek whisper to Rachel.

"Let's go to the limo, Leah," Rachel ignored Derek, forcing a smile and gesturing to the limo with her free hand because Derek was putting the corsage on her wrist.

The limo ride was all sorts of awkward. There were two other couples with us. I was the only girl without a date, so I just sat there awkwardly while they were all cuddly and coupley. That's what sucks about being single, cute couples are just everywhere. Rachel wouldn't really talk to me, and I didn't know anyone else in the limo.

Dinner was carried out in the same fashion, with me in my own little world and all the little couples all cute and cuddly. It was terrible. I was starting to regret coming. Scratch that, I regretted the second I put on that red dress. Rachel thought I looked good in it, so I got it. I would be going home early tonight for sure.

When we finally got to the school, Rachel finally blew up at me...something about ruining her night with Derek, embarrassing her in front of his friends, and so many other straight up lies. Derek jumped in on that private little conversation outside of the school gym, but he basically called me a fat ugly piece of shit that no one wanted to see at the dance.

I walked home crying and that was the end of our friendship...

"You walked home from the dance?!" Jack asked incredulously.

I shrugged and patted my feet. "Zero dollars per gallon," I laughed bitterly.

"You could've come to me and Alex or something..."

"And be another...fourth wheel? No thanks!"

"Well, Riley danced with somebody else all night because she got all pissy because of me and Alex dancing together," Jack laughed, which got me laughing, too. Jack and Alex were the best of friends, but if you didn't know them, you'd think from the way they act with each other that they're gay, but that's just the way they've always been. "Lisa was at some concert that night, so Alex was just dancing with anything with two legs and a vagina...oh, and Rian didn't even go! Kara had strep, so he took care of her," Jack recalled, nodding to himself once he got all his facts straight. "Yeah, we could've hung out! Us losers being losers together," Jack joked, playfully punching my arm.

"Losers," I laughed as well, even though I always felt like one and it wasn't something I was necessarily proud of.

Jack looked at me sadly before clearing his throat and getting to his feet. "Walk with me, Leah. I could use another hot chocolate."

"Alright," I said with a small smile, walking back to the concession stand with him. We were just patiently waiting in line, when an unfortunately familiar voice reached my ears.

"Leah? Leah Novak?"

I gritted my teeth, but then Jack grabbed my hand. I looked up at him and he was smiling down at me, so I instantly smiled back. "Rachel," I acknowledged her. She looked the same, but...pregnant. Which I half expected. "Where's Derek?" I asked as civilly as possible.

"Um, he went to the bathroom, I think," Rachel muttered, and I saw her eyes zero in on our hands. "So, you guys are together, huh?"

"Why do you care?" I was surprised that Jack asked, and he sounded as harsh and unforgiving as I felt towards Rachel right now. It was awesome.

"Watch your tone," Rachel scoffed, wrapping her jacket around herself more tightly. "I was just trying to talk to my friend," she added with extra emphasis, smiling at me.

Jack squeezed my hand when he felt me trembling from my anger. "You have no right to call me that," I told her firmly.

Rachel looked so shocked that I finally stood up to her and opened her mouth to say something smart to me, but then Derek came up behind her. "Did you buy my nachos yet?"he asked her irritably, and I had to choke back a laugh. Derek was so androgynous and slight back in high school, but...well, let's just say the years weren't kind to him. He was a lot bigger than I remember, and he had these nasty gauges and snake bites and tattoos all over the place now. I could handle piercings and tattoos, but Derek went overboard with it. Not to mention he had this massive unattractive beard now and he was smoking. Smoking, around his pregnant...girlfriend, because neither of them were wearing rings yet.

Now Rachel seemed embarrassed to be seen with him.

Gotta love karma.

"Well, sweetie, there's obviously a line I'm standing in," Rachel laughed nervously. She didn't try to talk to me again. I didn't want hot chocolate anymore, I just wanted to leave. Jack wouldn't let go of my hand, though. It was kind of nice.

"Hey, Jack? I just...thanks for that back there," I mumbled, pulling down my beanie over my ears again as my teeth began to chatter. The game was almost over, so people were starting to go home. We killed Towson like always, anyways.

Jack smiled before taking his leather jacket off his thin frame and wrapping it around me. "Girl, it's so damn cold your lips are turning blue!"

I laughed, feeling warmer...and bolder in his jacket already. "Well...maybe you should warm them up..." Jack smirked and pulled me close, leaning down to kiss me hard.

...I love cold weather.