Until the Tide Returns

Agitation still clung to Landons face two hours after the incident at the hotel. He tried to act like it wasn’t there so I pretended that he was hiding it well. I had kept my mouth shut about whatever it is my uncle decided to talk to him about but I felt now would be a good time. There was a break in the music on the radio so I wouldn’t be breaking his concentration on the road. I closed my crossword book around my pen and set it in my lap.

“What was it that Tyler wanted to talk to you about?”

“He just had a few questions about you.” The smirk playing on his lips told me otherwise.

“Then why didn’t he ask me? He knows I’ll answer.” I watched Landons face as he searched for an answer. “If you don’t want to tell me just let me know. I’ll drop it… for now.”

Landon laughed lightly as he switched lanes speeding the car up. “At least you’re honest about it. Loraine claims she will and picks it back up five minutes later.” His phone began to ring in the cup holder.

“Does an alarm go off in her head when someone says her name?” Landon laughed at this and picked up his phone.

“Beckett or Landon?” She asked voice filling the car. It took me a moment to realize it was on speaker and that she was not screaming into the phone as she had been earlier.

“Both.” Landon said. “So what do you want?” He kept his voice light though his agitation still showed through.

“I want the low down on the bro down.” Landon groaned and Loraine laughed. “What happened? Did Mr. Sounds-Like-A-Hottie hit on Beckett and send you into a jealous fit of rage and knock him the fuck out?”

“He splashed me, and I ended up throwing up all over the pool deck.” I said. “But Landon did punch him.” Landon snorted. “You were on the phone, you knew that he splashed me.”

“True, but you know my version sounds way better.” I could hear a door shut behind her, and then moments later music began playing in the background.

“Ever the one for dramatics.” Landon sighed.

“Hey! I am not the one who in 6th grade spent three days putting together a plot to ask Tammy Rawlins to the dance only to be rejected and then spend the next week diving behind anything you could hide your scrawny ass behind to avoid her seeing you. Which by the way Land-o. She did.” She turned the page to something. “But then you got all dark and mysterious and what some would consider hot. Which I have trouble seeing since you’re more of a brother to me than Simon is, but whatever. And now Tammy is regretting saying no. Trust me. She’s told me. And she totally asked about you at the Senior Picnic today, which by the way you missed. Though it’s not like you don’t have a good reason. And then she asked who Beckett was because she saw her leaving with you, so I told her that the two of you had run off to Vegas to elope.”

“Well that should explain my absence for the foreseeable future.”

“What do you mean ‘the foreseeable future’?” Loraine took on a tone meant to mimic Landons. She didn’t come anywhere near close. It was almost comical. Almost.

“Beckett and I are moving to Maryland. You knew this was going to happen.” There was complete silence in the car as we waited for Loraine to say something. Landon looked over at me and smiled softly.

“I’m gonna go.” She sounded like I did when I cried. “Just Skype me or whatever when you get to the next hotel. You have your laptop right?”

“Of course. I’ll call you when we get to the hotel.”

“By Land-o.” And then silence. The screen lit up informing us the call had ended. Loraine was going to lose her best friend and it was all because of me. I knew some people considered their senior year of high school really important, looking to make many memories with their friends. Waiting to do stuff only seniors could do. Loraine struck me as one of those people and now she wouldn’t have her best friend at her side. It was my fault.

A lump rose in my throat and tears welled in my eyes. Loraine was the only reason I had any friends at all, the only reason Landon had found me and this was how I thanked her. I am such a horrible person. I turned my head to look out the window and brought a hand to my eyes trying to wipe away the brimming tears inconspicuously.

“What’s wrong?” So much for that. I shook my head and continued staring out the window. A bull was mounting a cow. Not something I wanted to see at the moment. Or ever.

“I’m going to take a nap if that’s ok with you.” I said softly so he wouldn’t hear how upset I was with myself.

“Of course.” I closed my eyes drifting into sleep with surprising ease.

A large field of green grass spread out in front of me, a stream running through it. Beneath my bare feet the grass felt soft. Plush.

“Darling daughter.” A voice whispered surrounding me as if it were the wind. It could have been, a breeze lifted my hair. “Listen to me Beckett, there is something I wish to tell you.”

“Who are you?” I whispered to the breeze. It let out a warm laugh, the air near my cheek warming as well.

“You know me. That is not the thing I wish to tell you though. Darling daughter the boy is yours forever. Do not fight it. Do not let him fight it.” The breeze carried me to the stream. I hovered over the clear water.

“What is that supposed to mean?” The breeze dropped me to the shockingly cold water.

I was no longer in the field. I was in the car shivering violently. “Beckett?” The car slowed down as Landon pulled to the side of the road. “What’s wrong? Why are you shaking?”

“The dream, she dropped me into the water.” Why had I labeled the breeze as a she? In my dream I couldn’t determine a gender. “It was freezing.” Landon reached into the backseat and produced a blanket. Maybe if I had paid more attention to what was in the car I would have noticed it before now. I pulled it to me as best I could.

“Does that help?” I nodded, it did a little. “Tell me about the dream.”

“Will you start driving if I do?” Right now I wanted to be curled up in a bath tub letting warm water seep into my skin. Landon signaled and merged back onto the road. “I was in a field, there was a breeze, it spoke to me and then lifted me up and dropped me into the water.”

“What did the breeze say?”

“Something about..” Could it have meant him? Probably. Though I wouldn’t be surprised. The entire thing was generated by my subconscious. But then why was I shivering?

“Beckett, you need to tell me. It wasn’t just some dream, it was your mother speaking to you.”

“My mom?” Why wouldn’t she say so then?

“Yeah, she does it to me from time to time. Though when she drops me in I just wake up. I don’t actually feel it after that.”

“She’s never said a word to me and now she decides to just pop into my head while I’m asleep to tell me not to fight it. Not to let you fight it?” Wait. She never said it was him. I was now assuming it was. And I just said way too much.

“Fight what?” Heat rushed to my cheeks and I cast my eyes down.

“Nothing.” I mumbled moving my finger beneath the blanket watching as the bump moved.

“It could be important Beckett.”

“I’m really not sure what she was even talking about and I’m really not sure she was even talking about you.” I looked at the clock. I had slept for two hours, we had two and half to go. Maybe I could take another nap. I shivered. Nope, not going to happen.

“What did she say?” I could tell he was amused. No way was I going to tell him. Not a chance in hell.

“I am so not repeating it. It probably isn’t even important anyway.”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?” I shook my head and searched around for my crossword book. “Are you worried I’m going to judge you?” I shook my head again. “You’re not messing with me are you?” Aha! I shook my head and opened to the pen saved page. “If I guess will you tell me?”

“Why don’t you tell me what questions Tyler had about me that he apparently couldn’t ask me himself.” I filled in the word chronicle.

“You tell me first. What she had to say is much more important than what Tyler did.”

“I really think the importance of each of them is equal. She was just telling me something about a boy.” Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut? Seriously.

“She was talking about a boy, one you seem to assume is me.” I could hear the amusement in his voice. “And why is that?” I shook my head and continued to work on my puzzle. I was being childish and I knew it, but this would be too awkward to talk to him about.

“You’re only making things harder on the two of you. Tell him.” I screamed. Her voice was there in my ear and I was not sleeping. I looked around half expecting to find her in the car. “You will make each other stronger.”

“Did you hear that?” I asked him.

“No?” He raised a brow. “What was it?”

“My mom.” Once I had fully assessed the car and made sure we were the only occupants in the car I settled down. “She says nothing to me my entire life and now she chooses not to shut up.” I stared at the ceiling. “Stop it!” I hissed not knowing if she could hear me, fairly certain Landon would think I’ve become completely unhinged. “It’s creepy as hell.”

“Beckett?”

“I was talking to my mom.” I sighed. His phone began ringing in the cup holder. The name Maya flashed onto the screen. “Don’t answer it.” I commanded. “Just don’t answer it.”

“It could be something important.” He reached for the phone but I beat him to it. I tossed it into the backseat. “Beckett what are you doing?”

“She isn’t trying to warn us of our impending doom or anything. She’s just… I don’t know, trying to push something.” The ringing stopped.

“Push what?”

“Can we not talk about it?” He made it clear we couldn’t be anything more than friends, which was getting hard to believe with some of his actions. But I had accepted that even though it sucked.

“We need to.” He took his hand off of the wheel and grabbed my hand rubbing his thumb in circles across the back. I was starting to calm down just as his phone began ringing again. “I think she’s trying to talk to you.” He said softly.

“And?” I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms tightly. “She spent 17 years not doing it, no need to start now.” The phone stopped ringing.

“That’s not fair Beckett, I did it for you.”

“Would you stop?” Landon looked at me raising a brow again. “Not you.” I told him.

“Answer the phone and I will leave you alone if that is what you want.” The phone began ringing in the backseat. I unbuckled my seat belt and turned around to retrieve the phone. This would a really bad time for Landon to crash. I picked the phone up and returned to my seat buckling up before answering.

“Fine, I answered. What do you want?” I had expected the first time I talk to my mother be anything but filled with complete irritation. Definitely not like it was now.

“Beckett, I know you are angry with me and you have every right to be. I never told Landon where to find you because he was to do it on his own. He needed to know you before he knew who you are. I have seen your future darling daughter and he is in it always. As more than just a friend. Your love for each other makes the two of you stronger.”

“What?” Now I know where I got my crazy from. I liked him a lot, sure. But I wasn’t in love with him.

“I’ve already said too much. Just please Beckett, do not fight your feelings for each other. It is meant to be.” Then she hung up. I placed the phone back in the cup holder trying to process what she said.

“What did she say?” He said it softly, hesitantly. Like saying it would break me or something.

“Um…” How was I going to explain this to him? Loraine knew him best, she could tell me how to say it. Then again I had a feeling she didn’t want to talk to me. I was taking away her best friend. I took in a breath. “She mentioned something about my future and why she never told you where I was.”

“And the reason being?” I desperately wanted to fully hide under the blanket but I knew I couldn’t.

“I’m really not sure how to say it.” I admitted.

“Don’t think, just do.”

“I really don’t want to make things awkward, so could we just wait until we stop for the night?” This would at least give me some time to figure out how to say it.

“You know this is going to drive me crazy right?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”