Until the Tide Returns

“Deals a deal.” Landon said his bag making a thud the same time the door to our room closed. I sat the entire car ride trying to come up with a way to say it that wouldn’t cause me to blush or be awkward.

You can do this Beckett, it’s not a big deal. It’s just something your mother told you. You’re relaying the message. I had given myself this pep-talk for the past 15 minutes and it wasn’t helping.

“You told Loraine you would talk to her when we got here.” I countered. My avoidance skills had greatly advanced in these past few weeks. My confrontation skills not so much. Landon smiled and shook his head.

“You aren’t getting out of this one Beckett. But if you feel like saying it in front of Loraine will help then I’m ok with that.”

“Maybe I could just tell Loraine and she could tell you?” I really needed to stop being a chicken. I wondered what Billy would say if he saw me now. He would most likely find this hilarious. Landon sighed and walked over to me placing his hands on my shoulders, locking my eyes with his.

“You can tell me what it is.” He said gently. I really didn’t understand why I had to be the one to say this. Or why I was so freaked out by having to say it. I closed my eyes and focused really hard on my mother, well her voice.

“Mom?” I whispered. If anyone but Landon were standing in front of me they probably would have had me committed. I waited looking up at the ceiling for a moment. I had no reason to really expect anything from her but I figured she could at least give me some advice. There was complete silence. I even looked around for Landons phone which was now laying on top of the bed to see if she was calling. Nothing. I guess she really did decided to leave me alone.

“Is she talking to you?” I shook my head. “I really don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of it. It’s making me a bit worried.”

“It’s just really weird and it’s making me feel really awkward because apparently I have to be the one to tell you even though I didn’t get us into this situation. You did.” He stepped a bit closer to me.

“What situation? Is something going to happen while we’re driving?”

“No, it’s…” I pulled away from him and walked over to the bed sitting down. I pulled my feet up and brought my knees to my chest. “Apparently she’s been looking into my future and there’s some stuff she knows, and it involves you.” I rested my chin on my knees and looked up at him. Landon sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“You really aren’t making any sense, and you’ve never really had a problem saying what’s on your mind before. What changed?”

“You.” Did I really just say that? I missed the days of being locked up in my house. How was I supposed to tell the guy that was convinced he had to completely suppress any feelings for me, though he had been acting a little weird, that he didn’t have to? That he was in my life for good. As more than just a friend without him thinking I’m just making this up.

That’s what really worried me. Is that he wouldn’t believe me and he would think I was making all of this up. Then we would have to spend the next few days in the car with some serious tension between us. I closed my eyes and took in a breath trying to come up with something to say.

“Me?” He sounded hurt. “Did I do something?”

“No, yes, well it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know.” I opened my eyes and he looked back at me his face crumpled.

“Oh God. It was when I kissed you wasn’t it? I broke you or something didn’t I? Because of the whole protector Keeper thing. How could I be so stupid? Maya is going to kill me. My parents are going to kill me.” He sat on the edge of his bed his face buried in his hands.

I couldn’t let him go on like this. “You didn’t break me Landon.” I said softly worried he might fully crack at any moment. “If anything we’re supposed to make each other stronger. At least that’s what my mom says.” He raised his head and looked at me.

“What?”

“When she looked into my future you were there Landon. You’re a permanent fixture.” He stared at me confused. “We’re supposed to be together.” There. I said it. Whatever happens, happens. At least he didn’t look so miserable anymore. Now he just looked utterly confused. I waited for him to say something and after several minutes of silence I stood up. “I’m going to take a shower while you process this. Make sure my tanks are full and all that.” I picked up my bag and took it into the bathroom.

It didn’t take long for the water to warm up and I slipped inside relaxing as the warm water absorbed. It only took a few minutes for the water to start bouncing off of my skin. I sighed and plugged the drain switching the shower off and letting the water run from the faucet filling the tub. I figured Landon would need some time to sort out what I said, which was pretty much that he was stuck with me forever. I enjoyed soaking in the tub anyway. Once the water reached the brim I turned the faucet off.

I should probably call my dad, let him know everything is ok. I hadn’t talked to him in a few days and he was probably worried. Especially since I was driving across the country with a boy he had only met a couple of times. A boy who I apparently was supposed to spend my life with. How was I going to tell him that? We had never even broached the subject of boys. We never had to.

Then there was the thing with my mother. That I had actually spoken to her. Heard her voice. It was what I had always wanted, and now that I had it I wasn’t so sure about it. How was I supposed to tell Dad that? Everything was so messed up.

I made a silent vow not to sneak out anymore. It only resulted in complications.

“I figured it was a lot more than I should, but now… I don’t know.” That was Landon’s voice. I could hear him through the bathroom wall. Another voice followed, it was Loraine’s I could tell that much but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. “Of course I do.” Loraine said something to him. I wondered what they were talking about, “In the bathroom.” Me. Of course they were. “Because one I’m not you, and two I didn’t really say anything after she told me. Finding out that -I swear I will end this if you laugh at me- the girl of your dreams, the most beautiful girl you have ever seen, is not only the Keeper but the girl you’re supposed to spend your life with is a bit much to process, you know? At least now I don’t feel so guilty about last night.” I could hear Loraine perfectly, she said the only word that was on my mind.

“What!?”

“We ended up with a room with only one bed and I offered to sleep on the floor. Beckett is too nice though and wouldn’t let me. So we shared the bed. And then after she fell asleep I kind of moved next to her and pulled her into my arms. That sounds so creepy now that I say it out loud, but I just wanted to old her at least once. How was I supposed to know that it was ok for us to be more than friends?” I probably should be at least a bit freaked out by what he said but the truth is I’m not. I was finding it incredibly sweet. “I am though. I really am.” Loraine spoke to him for awhile and though I tried to make out what she was saying I couldn’t pick up any actual words. “For once Loraine, you’ve had a good idea. I’ll talk to you later.” I heard something snap shut and then some shuffling. A moment later I could hear a door open and close. I waited a few minutes before moving and unplugging the drain.

The room, as I had suspected, was empty when I came out of the bathroom. I sat on the bed and began combing out my hair. I missed the days when my hair would dry itself, it was more convenient. When I finished I braided it into one solid piece and slung it over my shoulder so it wouldn’t be in my way and hopefully remain tame. Landon was till gone so I grabbed the remote from the night stand and turned the tv on flipping through the channels until I found something worth watching.

An hour later and Landon still hadn’t come back. I started to worry. If I knew his number I could call him, but I didn’t. Loraine was right, I needed a cell phone. I could at least make sure his car was still there. Card key in hand I left the room and made my way to where we left the car. It wasn’t there.

Stay calm. I ordered myself. He wouldn’t just leave me here would he? No. I knew that, but still. He left without a word or a note. I stared at the empty parking space trying to figure out what to do. I could go back to the room and wait there, or I could go to the front office and see if they had taken down his phone number.

The office was empty. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my mother. “Mom?” I whispered.

“Go back to the room Beckett, he will be back soon.” I was simply going to ask for his phone number but that helped even though it still creeped me out a bit. I picked my way through the elevators and hallways until I made it back to the room.

“Where were you?” Landon said rushing to the door as I stepped over the threshold. He looked slightly panicked.

“I was looking for you.” I said shutting the door behind me. “You could have called my mom, she knew where I was.” There was a red and white checkered blanket spread out on top of my bed. “What’s that?” Landon smiled and grabbed my hands in his pulling me towards the bed.

“I was out looking for a place to have a picnic, but I couldn’t find one. So I thought we could have one here.” Did I miss something?

“Picnic?”

Landons smile grew. “Yeah, I called your dad what you liked to eat. There’s some croissants and Nutella in a bag on the other side of the bed.” Nutella? I really wasn’t sure how he was handling the news I had given him but I could wait to ask him. He let go of my hands and gestured for me to sit on the bed. I rested my back against the headboard and watched as he produced a box of croissants, a jar of Nutella, a small stack of paper plates and napkins, as well as two plastic knives. He handed me a plate, napkin, and knife and opened the croissants. “Dig in.”

I wasted no time making myself a nutella sandwich and biting into it. Heaven in my mouth. Landon looked over at me amused. “What?”

“Your dad was not kidding when he said you had ‘an intense love for Nutella’ you made that in like five seconds flat.” I shrugged and took another bite. “He wants you to call him by the way.”

I should do it soon but suddenly I didn’t feel like it. “Can I do it tomorrow?”

“If you want, make sure he knows I told you today though.” Landon sat next to me leaning against the headboard. “So we have some stuff to discuss.” His voice was quiet, almost like he was afraid to say it.

“Like why you wanted to have a picnic? Not that I’m not ok with this,” I held up my beautiful horribly unhealthy sandwich, “because it is quite possibly the most amazing thing ever. Billy once sent me an entire case of Nutella. It was crazy, I was in complete heaven and my dad was flipping out because it’s not exactly healthy. It’s probably a good thing my metabolism is so fast, otherwise I wouldn’t have fit into any of my clothes. Though, Dad did take a couple of jars with him to work and gave a few to Maggie. There were a lot though, and I managed to hide a bunch before he started giving them away. I guess being cooped up in the house constantly was a blessing because I knew where all the hiding spots were. Which floorboards were loose, where in the hall closet there was a secret panel.” I was rambling and really needed to stop. “Anyway, I was asking why the picnic?”

“I figured something other than a restaurant or take out would be nice for a change.” He shrugged.

“Oh.” I guess that made sense.

“Secret panel huh?” I nodded and bit into my sandwich.

“I also learned how to walk super quietly. He knew I had hidden them and asked Maggie to figure out where. So when one jar was getting low I would wait till he was asleep and retrieve one.”

“That’s some serious dedication.” he smiled.

“Yeah well, my dad rarely let me have junk food and when he did buy it, it would usually be completely gone the next day. And Nutella is my favorite, so I made sure it didn’t all disappear. Holding on to what you have while you can, you know?”

“Completely. I always knew one day I would have to leave Arizona so I made sure to have good friends around me. That way I would have good memories when I left.”

“Like diving behind trash cans?” He laughed lightly.

“Among other things.”

“I’m really sorry.” I said softly locking my eyes on my feet.

“For what? You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“You have to leave your family and your friends because of me. It’s not right, and I’m this horrible person that took away her first friends best friend away from her and now she’s going to be all alone and it’s not fair to her. Or to you. You didn’t ask for any of this. And on top of that there’s the other bomb that my mother decided to drop which isn’t fair to you either since now you’re stuck with me. It freaked me out, so it’s probably freaking you out too. I mean who wants to actually know who they’re going to be with for the rest of their life at 17? It’s one to think you’re going to know and hope for the best, which I’m just assuming because I have absolutely no clue, but it’s logical to assume right? But to have someone say ’Nope, you’re set. Have fun.’ before anything has actually happened is kind of terrifying. Ok, well, there was that night at the school, but still. We’ve known each other for what? A few weeks? And now my mom’s invading my mental space and saying things to me telling me… well you know. It’s just crazy. And now I have all this guilt because you’re having to leave everyone behind and you probably feel obligated to be with me since my mother demanded I tell you what she saw and it’s just… crazy.”

“Beckett I don’t-”

“Oh man.” I groaned cutting him off. “How am I going to explain this to my dad? It’s not like we’ve ever had to talk about anything like this before. Not that anything is even going to happen because you just want to be friends. Which you know, I’m ok with. The future isn’t set in stone, or at least that’s what I’m told. And when we get to Maryland if you meet some girl feel free to ask her out because I really don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me or anything. You have to train me or whatever and we’ll be together a lot so I don’t want any animosity towards me even though it would be totally justifiable. I really need to call Loraine and apologize. She probably hates me.” I buried my face in my hands and took a few breaths.

“Is it my turn?” He asked softly. I nodded. “Can you look at me?” I lowered my hands and turned my head to face him. “First of all, you are not a horrible person. Loraine understands and isn’t mad at you. She’s even going to come and visit during winter break if that’s ok with you. Secondly and more importantly when you first told me what Maya told you I was a little freaked out at first. But I got over it. I’m not going to find some other girl in Maryland that I want to be with. I don’t see it as being ‘stuck’ with you or obligated or anything else like that. I know it won’t always be easy, I’m sure there will be times when we’re ready to call it quits or want to kill each other, but I want to be with you Beckett. Knowing that I no longer have to fight my feelings for you, that we can be together, is one of the most amazing things I’ve heard. I know we haven’t known each other for long. I know that we’re young. But that’s ok. We both know how it’s going to turn out and it’s a blessing. It means we don’t have to worry about losing each other. We can take things as slow as you want.” Landon held my chin gently and leaned in bringing his lips to mine. He kissed me slowly, as if we had all the time in the world.

I guess in a way we did.