Experimental

I blinked a few times, raising my shaking body from the bed. I couldn't believe what I had just done. Had I really just slept with him? Was I really a slut? I shuddered at the thought. God no, not sweet little Stephanie. She wouldn't have done something that terrible.

Alan looked uncomfortable as he sat up in bed, "Yeah, well, that was like, nice." I nodded, refusing to look at him. I couldn't speak, my throat was sore from all the 'speaking' I had been doing a moment ago.

"I'm gonna, like, get a beer." I didn't respond to him that time, as he got his boxers on and left. Shit. If my step-brother found him he'd be pissed off. If he knew I'd been sleeping with other guys he'd be pissed off. Screw that, I was pissed off. Well, maybe not pissed off, but I was sure as hell going to get pissed.

I struggled to push the straps of my bra together, and once my undies were on I didn't bother with the rest. I slunk down the stairs, walking as best I could with my aching 'Love pocket'. I walked into the kitchen to find Alan singing 'Karma Karma Karma Chameleon," How was he not gay?

I opened the fridge, ignoring his protests, grabbed a beer throwing half of it down my throat before he could take it off me, "Err, Hun, you do know that's, like, illegal."
I glared at him, "Yeah, you do, like, know this is my house." I drank the last of it before taking another. If I had to sleep with another man, I would not do it sober.

I finished the second beer, beginning to feel quite tipsy. Alan simply laughed at me by the time I was on my third, strolling around the room rambling about how there weren’t enough birds for the amount of pillows there were in the world.

I know what you’re wandering – where in god’s name where my parents, right? Yeah, well a girl like me wasn’t really that lucky. My dad left me when I was too young to remember, and from what I’ve heard, it was a good thing he did. My mom on the other hand, had stayed around for a succession of sleazy boyfriends, before settling for a sleazy husband with an even sleazier son. My life was made of sleaze.

But long story short, with the money my dad sent me, they were touring Europe, while I was stuck at home with Derek. The sleazy, good for nothing bastard. If he were to drop down dead, I would surely rip a pillow with my teeth in celebration. Oh my god, I must have been drunk.

I toured the room once before falling into Alan’s arms. He chuckled to himself, “You’re like, so totally high.”
I pushed a finger down his face, “You can only be high on drugs, and I’m drunk.” My words were slurred and disconnected.

He kissed me, with a rough fury he hadn’t had before. I couldn’t help but feel that he was trying to prove something. Something that wasn’t really there. But I kissed him back; I was too out of it to care.

He pulled my hair with force and yanked on my undies. I let him, and he continued. I was naked by the time he got to remove his own boxers. I won’t go into details, but after that, let’s just say my ‘Love pocket’ was in aching agony.

Alan kissed me on the head and left. He may have acted gay, but in the end, all he wanted was one thing. Like every guy I knew. But I was drunk, and it had been too quick, and it hadn’t been as good for him as the first time, I could tell.

I began to wonder if he had just lost his virginity, but I decided against it. As nice as he was, he was also on the football team, and I didn’t know any footballer who didn’t cheat on his girlfriend. And I knew them all too well.

I stretched out my legs across the sofa. Great, I was naked and drunk. Just what I knew somebody would want. And speak of the devil, he appeared.

Derek’s brown eyes were in front of me before I could think. He was on top of me before I could think. I screamed before I could think. He hit me, hard, before I could think to stop him.

I tugged on his blonde curls, pulling his head back with a humiliating lack of force. He laughed before striking me once more. “I don’t want to fucking fuck you, you fucking fucker!” I screamed, cramming as many fucks as I could into that sentence.

He chuckled to himself, before forcing himself upon me one more time. I suppose this seems horrible, but it’s been happening for as long as I could remember.

Truthfully, only the day before had he ever used me in ‘this’ way. But he had been making me do things since I was fourteen. Kissing him at first, then worse, until it finally came down to this. My mom hadn’t cared, although she hadn’t really known. My step-father probably did know, but would only have been proud of his son. My brother would have beaten the living crap out of Derek, had he not been dead.

But I could hardly complain, could I? This was my lot. I was going to have to deal with it whether I liked it or not. At least I wasn’t starving, and at least I had a boyfriend, and at least this wasn’t rape, right? It could only be rape is it was a stranger on the streets, right? This couldn’t be rape, oh god please say it wasn’t rape!

I didn’t want my life to come to that.

I lay there, naked and worried.