Scream For Me

Dead; he was dead. Gone; he was gone. Forever; I'm not sure if I truly understand the meaning of forever.

Even after all that happened, all that he did to me, I still can't help the aching in my chest. The feelings of sadness and depression that slowly creep into my weak heart deep in the night.

I was beaten, raped, and everything in between.

I never minded much.

Alright that was a lie.

I was always scared shitless, always on the edge, downgrading myself constantly, but not many people understand: this is all I've ever known. This is my version of the "good life". This is the life that was given to me. Even if I ever have, my life has never been, well, better than this. This is all I remember and all I know.

He was all I remembered and all I knew. Now, he's gone.

He committed suicide.

That's what they say, the officers and doctors.

I guess anyone could say that since his neck had been sliced open by a kitchen knife, the same one that was found with him.

I still keep picturing him slumped over in a pool of his own dark red blood, eyes wide open, mouth open in slight shock or maybe the shock of the pain.

Mrs. Inglewood has taken custody over me for now, since they can't find any other relatives, and she apparently volunteered herself. She tried to talk to me about him last night, about what we - he'd do to me, what he made me do. I just blanked my face and stared at the framed photograph of a European countryside while she sat and stared, waiting for me to say anything. After some time, she huffed, tutted and left the room with a bang, literally. She slammed the door of the guest bedroom, my room, shut and stomped her way down the stairs.

A couple hours later, she came back into my room, not before knocking, and mentioned that the police station called and stated that two weeks had been long enough for me to be away from school and had already informed the head office at school.

I was tempted to toss the lamp at her.

I hate school. I hate school so much that I can honestly say, straight face and all, that his beatings and assaults were much more welcomed.