"Your Lies Keep You Alive.."

Ronnie

I remember being in a different dream.Stepping over something only to plunge down into this black abyss.
I can't make out my hands from my legs.

But I can hear.

"Roooooooonnniiiiiiiieeeee....Ooooh Roooonnnnniiieeee.."

Chills run up my spine.

"Come out,come out,wherever you are?".

Footsteps echoe all around me.

Who's there?Who are you?Why can't I speak?!

"There you are.."

I swallow and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up,I don't turn around.

"Remember Ronnie?".

Her hands land softly on my shoulders,her lips so close to my ear.

I recognize her voice and yet that doesn't calm my nerves.

"Mmmm..",is all I can make out.

"Remember what I told you?".

You told me so many things.

I shake my head.

"No?Then let me..REMIND YOU!",she shoves me into an invisible wall and traps my hands behind my back.

I'm so caught off guard I can barely feel the pain or the blood running down my lip.

"I told you to stay away from him Ronnie.I told you he was bad!".

I want to struggle but I can't.

"And you went after him anyway!",her yells tear into my eardrums.

Her fingers slide into my hair and pull at it viciously,"Like a stupid puppy!You followed and you became a filthy little addict!You became PATHETIC!".

My silent screams would fill the air.

"You became all the things we hated..I hated..you..".She drops her hands like they burn.

Do I dare turn around.

"Why did you lie to me?.."

I do.

Her voice is so low,"Why did you leave me?..",so hurt.

I can make out the hopelessness in her eyes and the tear stains on her cheeks.

I want to reach out to her,tell her I'm sorry,tell her so many things but she's right.

"I could've remembered you..I could've..".

I take a step forward and she slides back.

"Iih..ih iih..iim".

I'm a bumbling idiot who's lost all use of his vocal cords.

"You left me..so I forgot".

The more she speaks the farther away she is from me.

I've never heard the silence so loudly,that is until she screams.

"RONNIE!"

I jump and it takes me a while to realize she's gone.She is swallowed by the everlasting darkness.Her screams shaking the ground,pounding into my skull.

"Don't let them take me!Don't let them touch me!...RONNIE!DON'T LEAVE ME!.."

Her screams eat at me.Her screams fuel my guilt.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

I woke up in a coldsweat,my bandmates all standing around me probably not attempting to touch me because I might start throwing punches.

Good heads on their shoulders.

By the time I make it out of bed,they've all retreated back to the kitchen where I can hear them throwing shit at each other and laughing about it.

"Yeh go' it bahd?".

Leave it to Jacky to be the one to bother me.

I shove all the hair out of my face and splash cold water on my face,"What? Do you want me to deny it?".

His reflection shrugs,"Tha' all depenhs on yeh.Wha' happen'd between yeh guys?".

Like it's any of his bussiness.I hate holding back on my bandmates but this isn't my free story to tell.

"We kno' yeh both wer' in a tragehdy buh we don' kno' wha' relly happen'd.An I kno' yeh probly thinkin' is none o' mah bussiness buh yeh mah mate."

"It's not that easy".

"Wha'?".

I roll my shoulders and sigh absentmindedly,"I promised her so many things.Things I could've done quick as a blink and one little lie spiralled out of control and the last thing I told her when she was awake was a huge lie!".

My fist slammed down on the porcelain sink.

"I fuck-".

"AYE!",Ryan popped into the room making Jacky jump in his place,"We're gonna be late!Hurry the fuck up!".

I flipped him off and smiled for the first time today.Something about the way he was always popping up scaring the shit out of Jacky made me laugh.

Jacky pushed Ryan out of my room and returned my smile,"Yeh go' 5 mins teh get yeh shi' togethu".

I grabbed clean pants,a black vneck,my leather jacket and shoved my boots on.

We'd been on a tight schedule (shoots,recording,promo parties,music events) ever since I had gotten out of prison,I didn't know whether it was all for legit music purposes or just so that I didn't have free time.

These idiots thinking I'd screw my life all over again.

No point in arguing.

I slammed the door as loud as possible,"Let's go fuckheads!".

"But we're not fashionably late yet!",Ryan whined.

"You can't be fashionably late if you're not even late yet!",Derek countered.

"Why the fuck would we want to be late?!",Mika argued.

And like a band of men we all are,they took to wrestling to solve the problem.

Jacky walked past me and out the door,"Idiots wanna beh la'e let'em beh la'e".

I laughed.

Let them be late.

When we finally got to the Epitath building,it was a whirlwind of paper and people and screams?

"HOLY FUCK!!IT'S HER!".

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!".

"TAKE YOUR PLACES PEOPLE".

"SHE'S REALLY HERE!".

"IS EVERYONE READY?WHERE'S THE BA-",the coordinater woman saw us and waved us over,"I GOT THEM".

She was yelling into her headset trying to keep her voice from melting into the commotion of everyone else.

People were running around like it was the fucking apocolypse.

One loud, ear popping whistle froze them all in place.

"Listen up!I want two groups of people.Those who are working with me today and those who are not".

The crowd parted like the ocean in the bible.

Wait,no! Like a Wall Of Death starter scene at a show.

And I saw her.

She always did look beautiful in blue.

"The group that's with me,please proceed to the back of the building where we will be loading equipment into the trailer before jumping into the shuttle and going to the real shoot area.The group that isn't with me,please get back to work".

It was her take charge attitude and her overall mannerisms that got the people moving in the right direction.

The woman from earlier smiled at us,"You heard the lady".

We smiled back and followed behind the large crowd following Imani.

She hadn't seen me yet.

But the guys had seen her.

"Oh shit",Mika whispered,"Isn't that the gi-".

Jacky cut him off,"Yea".

A small girl rushed past Derek,shot him a smile,and ran up to Imani.

"WOAH!",Ryans arm jutted out in front of us,"What was that about?".

Derek tried not to make eye contact,"I know her,is all".

We walked a little faster,avoiding being shoved by the large crowd that wanted to be all around Imani.While I was just happy being this close to her.

Imani<=========================================>Me

(this close.)



Imani

The clicking of my heels was the only thing keeping me sane right now.

I had decided to come back to work on the one condition that I would not be bombarded with people.I guess everyone else had a different idea.

After getting rid of one set of people,I still had to sit with a whole other ton of them.

"Imani,I've got the boys ready.Want me to bring them in?".

I turned to look at Sassi,somehow forgetting that I was the one in control of all this ruckus.

"Yes,please".

She smiled and scampered off.A joyful little thing,she was.

I clapped my hands together,time to take control.

"Lights!",I called,"Reflectors.I need 'em now people!Where's the music?".

One teenage boy ran to the left of me and jumped behind a counter.In a second Blink-182 was blasting.

I loved playing music.It drowned out everyones voice and left me time to think.

Another teenage tech ran up to me and handed me my camera,she told me something about a missing lense,I reached behind me into a case I always carried and pulled out my favorite lense.
I shot her a reassuring smile,and sent her off to help set up the backdrop.

There were more people in this abandonded building than there should have been.

"Mani!!".

I turned to whoever had called me and saw Sassi walking in front of a large group of men.

Those men.

If the camera didn't have a strap..

If this was the moment I could scream..

If the Earth could plunge into the sun..

All the heat from every hot place on this planet was plainly bestowed on my face.

That was them.

I had made a giant spectacle of myself the 1st time for something I didn't know a damned thing about.

I panicked and ripped the cap off of some random man,apologized and tucked all my hair into it.An assitant to the light crew had sunglasses on and I took those from him aswell.

This was the best I could do.

Sad,I know.

Sassi called my name again,I ducked behind a few stray girls as they shuffled their way outside.

Sassi,however,managed to clock me and grabbed my hand.She pulled me in front of them.

"Uhh..Mani..",her eyebrows knit together,"I heard you liked pushing the boundaried but c'mon".

She took the hat and sunglasses away,giving me the feeling of being naked in front of all these people.

"Honestly,these kids and their schticks",she motioned towards the band,"These are the Falling in Reverse boys".

Someone coughed and Sassi rolled her eyes,"I'm sorry,men".

SHe walked up to them and signaled."Jacky,Derek,Ronnie..."

And I didn't hear the rest.

Ronnie was looking straight at me,right through me,into my soul.

I felt my lips part,I watched him watch me,and I felt something I couldn't explain.I felt something funny.

One of the boys stepped forward,he wore a giant smirk on his face,"Very.Very nice to meet you Miss..?".

I glared momentarily,"Imani Colt".

"Colt?",Ronnie shot out.

I took him in:he had shaggy dark hair that stuck up all over the place,curiosity filled his brown orbs outlined in black,his pants were ripped and tight in all the right places.Tattoos lined his entire being,like mine,peeking out from the black vneck and the leather jacket.He looked almost funny in his boots.

He looked familiar,so familiar it made me smile.

"Yes,Colt".

He tried to smile,but failed.

This wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be.I actually expected them all to run off,cursing at me from every angle,and black balling me in this bussiness for how I treated them.I had done wrong and I knew they deserved an apology.

I pulled the camera strap over my head and handed the thing to Sassi asking her if she'd clean my filter before we started.

She obliged and I ignored the tapping of her shoes.

Jacky walked over to one of the nameless men,I heard him say Ryan,and I caught the hint of them wanting to leave.

"Wait!",I spoke before I thought,"..uhh...I'm sorry".

They all simultaneously looked at me.I felt so small standing in front of them.

"I'm sorry I lashed out at you guys,especially you Ronnie back at the diner",I grabbed my arms behind my back,"I don't know what I was think-".

"You were protecting your sister",Ronnie said.

I looked right into his eyes,"She's all I have left".

Something about the way he looked back at me suggested that he knew.Like I was a diary he had broken into and learned all the deep dark secrets it hid.If only I could remember what I was talking about.

"Apology accepted",he smiled and they all smiled.

I smiled back at them,"I really am sorry.I felt like such a hypocrite,attacking you for having tattoos and look at me.I almost as covered as you".

Ryan rushed forward and lifted my arm,poking it in random spaces,"1...7...11..yeah more or less".

We laughed.

It felt good.Tension drifted off into the air and disappeared.

I clapped my hands again,"Alright,let's get this done".