C'est La Vie

She had the words etched into her skin. A permanent reminder of how worse things could be given any situation. She could make light out of any predicament which sometimes bothered everyone around her. To put it lightly, Torie Hince was an optimist, much to the annoyance of her friends.

Torie did things most of the time without much of a second thought. She didn't think things through or weigh out the repercussions. So that's why it wasn't necessarily a shock when she ended up in tricky situations. Her excuse was always "it is what it is" to go with the tiny script on her forearm. The tattoo came long after the phrase, though.

The way Torie acted might have made her seem self-centered, but that wasn't the case at all. Everyone who truly knew her, knew she was one of the most kind-hearted girls that would ever walk the earth. But there were those moments when everyone wanted to kill her and her cheery attitude.

Her biggest mistake, even though she would never admit that she thought it a mistake, was letting him walk out of her life. A mistake indeed it was watching the boy who ever really understood her walk away with nothing more than an angry, hurt cloud following him. "It is what it is" She said when people asked why she wasn't sad. Deep down that's not what she was feeling at all. Deep down, she wanted to hide out in her room, in the dark, under her covers, listening to "For Emma: Forever Ago" by Bon Iver on repeat, hating herself and the world around her for what she did. But she didn't.

Instead, she got up the next morning and went on with her life like nothing even happened. And he was gone on a three month long tour, never to be heard from again. The way she acted gave everyone the impression that she never truly loved him, but they were never more wrong in an assumption. She loved him with all of her heart. She just couldn't show it the way she wanted to. She was stubborn, and he was tired.

The tattoo came after their breakup. It was a reminder to her that "it is what it is" and there was nothing she could do about it now, no matter the second, third, or fourth doubts in her mind. Things were getting hard and it seemed like she had the saying running through her mind constantly. It was only a year and a half years later, but she still had to remind herself. Never had she been so uncertain of a decision in her life. But no one knew that because she was so great at playing the optimist.

Torie Hince met John O'Callaghan through mutual friends. One of her childhood friends she hadn't seen in years invited her to a small get together after they hung out all day. Her friend, Lex, was dating one of his best friends. She agreed to go because she had nothing else to do on that particular Thursday. When Lex introduced Torie to her boyfriend of nine months, Loren, she paid no attention to the tall, lanky boy standing next to him, nursing the neck of a Budweiser between his long, piano fingers. All of his attention was on her, though. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. There was something intriguing about her.

Her brown hair was falling freely over her shoulders and the outfit she chose consisted of a three/fourths length sleeved black shirt and a plain black jersey skirt. It was plain but she made it look so much more. Her smile was wide and bright, lighting up her whole face. He was infatuated from the start.

When no one made a move to introduce him, John took it into his own hands. He'd never been so bold. "Hi, I'm John." He introduced himself, sticking his hand out for her to shake.

Torie seemed shocked at the new voice, like she hadn't even seen him there. "Oh, hi John." She said as she grasped his hand. Her hands were small in contrast to his. They were a lost softer, too.

"I'm one of Loren's best friends." He explained with a smile.

It was then she realized how attractive he was. He had great bone structure and the prettiest green eyes. She just couldn't see it at first through his long hair.

Both Lex and Loren saw exactly what he was trying to do and were all for it. Lex knew both of them and knew how well of a match they would end up being. She was reckless and so was he to a certain extent.

"Hey, John, why don't you take Torie around and introduce her to everyone since you know them a lot more than I do?" Lex suggested. Torie looked at her with with confused eyes. The reason why she came out that night was to hang out with her.

"Yeah, John, introduce her to your band." Loren said, trying to make him sound more appealing.

John's brow furrowed in confusion as he looked at the blonde couple in front of him. Loren gave him a look and John immediately understood. "Yeah, Torie, I'll take you around to meet everyone. That way these two can have alone time since they haven't seen each other all day."

Torie rolled her eyes but agreed anyways, "I guess we can give the happy couple some time alone."

They got to know each other that night. To John, Torie was the happiest person he'd ever met, but she usually had that effect on everyone she talked to. To Torie, John was the shy, sweet guy that had a cocky side to him. He liked to have a good time just like she did. He seemed to almost have the same mentality she did. It is what it is.

It was a week later when John heard that infamous phrase fall from her lips. They were sitting at a Starbucks on an afternoon date. He had asked her out the night before and she had agreed because she thought he was a nice, fun guy. She never figured he would mean so much to her.

Torie had spilled her caramel frap all over her white burnout shirt. The thin material made the iced drink seep through to her skin a lot faster than if she was wearing a normal t-shirt. If it had happened to anyone else they would have gotten upset, but all Torie did was laugh and say "it is what it is" followed by a shrug. John had stared at her in confusion before letting it go.

Their relationship bloomed from there. Every day they were together, joined at the hip. No doubt they moved too fast but they didn't care; they were crazy about each other. John followed her around like a lost puppy and thought the ground she walked on was made of gold. He was completely smitten by Torie, but he wasn't the only one in the relationship that felt that way.

Torie found everything John did fascinating. From the way he could make up songs right on the spot to how he hardly ever had a mean thing to say about anyone. Everything was fascinating. She was never one to wear her heart on her sleeve that much, so no one really knew how much she cared for him, but she did. She would have taken a bullet for him.

They just clicked. They fell in love. It was what it was. And it was love.

Torie and John were together for almost a year and a half. But for most of that time he was gone on tour. Right after they started dating, his band got picked up and they started touring nonstop. They had a few weeks here and there but for the most part, their relationship survived through phones and webcams. Torie was okay with this because she just wanted to see him succeed.

She was supportive of him and everything he did. He was grateful that she didn't give up on them before they could even get started. "A few more weeks" was the phrase they got used to saying. A few more weeks and we'll be together. A few more weeks until things will start to slow down.

Except things never slowed down. If anything, they sped up. Something would always come up. Another tour. Studio time. Radio shows. It is what it is.

By the time March 2009 came around, they had had a few months to themselves. But there was always another tour. This one happened to be a very big tour. The Maine were co-headlining the AP Tour from the middle of March until the end of May. There was an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach that just got bigger and bigger as the day grew nearer and nearer. It wasn't fair that he had to leave on another tour followed by another tour and another. Torie tried to think about her mantra. It is what it is. But she couldn't shake the empty feeling in her chest.

Their friends threw them a party two nights before they had to leave for Texas where the tour was starting. She really didn't want to go. She just wanted to stay home with him and just have the two of them under sheets. He didn't. He wanted to be with his friends. Which was understandable. So she got hammered instead.

"How are you going to handle not being with John for three months?" Of course the topic that she wanted to avoid was the one that kept getting brought up.

Torie shrugged, "It is what it is." The phrase repeated over and over in her head all night. And her hands kept pouring drink after drink after drink. Each cup saw more rum and less coke.

When they finally got back to her apartment after he figured she had enough, she burst on him. She didn't expect her emotions to come flying out of her mouth, but they did. She expected them to stay bottled up with all of her other emotions. But, there was nothing she could do about it.

"You know, John." She said as he tried to change her into her pajamas. She was falling all over the place. And when she was able to stand, she would sway. He'd never seen her so drunk.

"Hmm?" He asked as he tried to pull her tights down her legs. They ended up getting stretched out instead.

"I th-think you should st-stay home from tour." She slurred.

He chuckled, "I would if I could, Tor, but I can't."

"Yes, you can. Just quit that stupid band and stay home with me."

His heart tore the slightest bit at the fact that he called his band stupid. Didn't she believe in him? In his band? "I can't do that Torie." He said in a firmer voice. She was wiggling all over the place, making it hard for him to pull the stretchy fabric off.

"Yes, you can." She repeated then fell back on the bed causing him to groan impatiently.

"For fuck's sake, Torie, stop moving."

Quickly she sat up, "I don't need your help." She spat.

He let go and stood up, "You know what? Fine. Try and do it yourself. I don't give a shit anymore."

She was too drunk to understand how angry he was. But that didn't stop her from getting angry herself. "I bet you don't! I bet you don't even give a shit about me all together!"

He stared at her. No emotion, just staring. He was shocked that she would even think such a thing. How could she think such a thing? His mind couldn't wrap itself around the situation he was in. He had no idea that's what she had been feeling.

"If you gave a shit about me, you wouldn't be gone on tour for ten months out of the year." Her eyes were filling with tears and she couldn't stop them. Never had he seen her so broken.

"Torie, I do this because I love you!" He was doing it because he loved it, but also so he could provide a more stable living in the future.

She shook her head vigorously, "Bull fucking shit. You do this so you can get away from me!"

His mouth dropped. This was definitely not how he saw the night going. He thought they were going to spend his last few nights enjoying themselves. Instead, ge could feel her slipping out of his fingertips. She wasn't there anymore.

"You're out of your damn mind, Torie."

"You keep me around for your benefit. I'm just something to come home to that will take care of you. Well guess what?! I'm sick of it! When you get home from tour don't bother coming here because I won't take care of you." John felt his chest tighten. What was happening? Was she breaking up with him?

"You can't be serious right now. Torie, I love you." He tried to reason with her, but she wasn't having it.

She shook her head, finally getting up from the bed. Her legs were still twisted in her tights, though and her drunkenness didn't help that fact. She tumbled to the ground in a heap of skinny limbs and long dark hair. He always loved how long her hair was. He loved running his fingers through it.

He moved to help her. His hands went under her armpits to lift her up, but she rejected his kindness and concern, swatting him away. "I don't need your damn help!" She yelled. "Get away from me."

"Torie," He began as he backed away from the only girl he could see himself having a future with. She looked up at him through her glossy brown eyes. Even in her wrecked state, he still thought she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "What are you saying? Is this it?"

"It is what it is, John."

That was the last time she saw or spoke to John O'Callaghan. She thought she was making the right choice, ending a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. Anytime anyone asked what happened, her life motto would spill passed her lips. It was what it was. And it was heart breaking.

Torie avoided running into him at all cost for a year and a half. She was too ashamed to ever see him again. But then the unavoidable came to be. Her old friend Lex was getting married to one of his best friends. And she was asked to attend.

She dressed in a long sleeved coral lace dress and wore her black Jeffrey Campbell wedges. Her hair was longer and more layered but she managed to pull it over her shoulder in a loose fishtail braid. She wanted to look her best when she came face to face with the best thing she ever came in contact with.

It was only a year and a half since they broke up, and it was cliché to still be in love with your ex after such a long time, but she couldn't help it. Their breakup turned out to be not what she wanted and just a moment of weakness. But she would never tell that to anyone.

His hair was a lot shorter than the last time they spoke. He was somehow skinnier, too. He seemed taller as well. Maybe it was because she hadn't seen him in such a long time, or at least long for her. He looked good in his black slacks and white button down shirt that tied in with being a groomsman. He looked happy, but the light didn't reach his eyes. Torie knew when John was truly happy. She couldn't take her eyes off him, nonetheless.

He was on the groom's side for obvious reasons. She was on the bride's. At one point, he turned to scan the crowd and their eyes locked. He seemed emotionless, but offered her a small smile when she grinned softly at him. She didn't want to push her luck too far.

When the reception began after the couple were announced as husband and wife, she knew she had to talk to him. They left things in such a weird funk and she just needed closure. It wasn't until after the food was served did she come up with the courage to find him. Just as she was getting out of her chair, she ran into someone. This someone happened to be holding a full glass of strawberry slush. The drink spilled all down her dress, freezing her to the core. Not until the drink sunk into the fabric did she smell the tequila.

"Oh my god! Torie, I am so sorry!" It was the bride and Torie couldn't exactly get mad at her since it was her day to shine and be happy.

"It's fine, Lex."

"I have clothes inside you can change into. Come on." She tugged on her arm and rushed her inside the house of the backyard they were using.

The outfit was a pair of jeans and a plain white vneck. As she slipped out of her alcohol smelling dress, Lex apologized profusely. Each time she did, Torie brushed it off.

"So, how is it seeing John after all this time?" She quietly asked once Torie was changed into the new, clean clothes.

"It's" Torie struggled for the word, "scary. We have a lot of unfinished business and I just want to settle it with him."

Lex nodded, "Well, from what I hear, he wants to talk to you." Torie's heart hadn't beat that fast since she realized the mistake she made the year before.

People were giving her weird looks at her new attire. It was a casual wedding, but that didn't mean jeans and a t-shirt casual.

"He's over there with Trey and Kennedy." Lex gave her an encouraging smile before slipping away to find her new husband.

Great.

With a shaky breath, Torie began making her way over to the group of three tall boys by one of the many trees in the yard. Kennedy spotted her first. Which then made everyone curious as to what he was staring at. When John finally looked at her, she felt so many different emotions rush over her at once. Sadness. Regret. Fright.

"Hey." She greeted with a small smile. The only reaction she got out of them was a mass amount of confusion. "Uhm, John, can I talk to you for a minute?"

He looked at his two friends who were giving him the same look. Torie knew that look. They were telling him not to do it. She was thankful he didn't listen.

"Yeah." He said then followed her away from the crowds of people.

She didn't know where to begin. She should have thought what she was going to say more thoroughly. But at the moment all she could think of was the tiny script on her forearm. It is what it is.

"You weren't wearing this earlier." He stated. At least she wouldn't have to speak first.

"Lex spilled her margarita all over me and offered me the outfit she arrived in."

"That's why you smell like tequila. It's like that night all over again except you aren't falling all over the place." He was bitter, but she didn't blame him. She would have been just as bitter.

She cringed, "Thats what I wanted to talk to you about." She took in a breath, "I'm sorry for the way I acted that night. I was extremely drunk and my insecurities got the best of me."

He nodded, "Apology accepted." she thought he was done and that was it. She thought his standoffish attitude meant he didn't want to hear anymore. Just as she was about to say goodbye, he began talking again, "If that's what you were feeling you should have come to me with it, not wait until it was so bottled up and ready to eat you alive that you couldn't handle it anymore."

She didn't want to cry. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to, "I know. But I was always the one that rolled with the flow. It is what it is, right? I thought you wouldn't take me seriously because I've never been one to have doubts, let alone bring them up."

He was frowning. She hated it when he frowned. It meant he was disappointed. He was disappointed in her and she couldn't handle it. "Torie, I loved you. If you would have sat me down and explained to me that you were being one hundred percent serious, I would have taken you seriously. I would have taken you seriously anyways! When you're in a relationship you talk about your feelings. And if you were feeling like I didn't love you, or if the fact that I was touring too much was making you feel insecure, you should have talked to me."

She nodded, "I know. I realize that now. But it's too late right? This conversation we're having is a year and a half too late."

He was quiet. She folded her arms across her chest to keep herself as warm as she possibly could. "It is what it is." He said, referring to the words on her arm.

She looked down at her tattoo and shrugged, "I got it as a reminder that I couldn't take back my mistake." His brow furrowed, "Every time I think of you and how much of a mistake I made that night, I have to remind myself that there is nothing I can do. It is what it is."

His face contorted in anger. She was afraid she said the wrong thing. "You could have called me on that tour. I would have picked up. I was so madly in love with you, Torie, I would have taken you back with no questions asked."

She felt like her whole world was spinning. "You're better off without me, John. You don't want a girl as mentally fucked up as me. I might look like I just go with whatever's happening and have no worry, but that's not what's going on up here." She pointed to her head.

He smirked, "You think I don't already know that? You're not as mysterious as you think, Torie. Especially from someone that knew you the best. I always knew when you were hesitating. You did it a lot more than you let on. You're not as much of a free spirit as you'd like people to think. You might go with the flow most of the time with your “it is what it is” bullshit, but I know you worry about repercussions."

In that moment, Torie Hince felt like the last three years of her life were a lie. "Why didn't you tell me back then?"

He shrugged, "I wanted you to feel tough or however you feel when you say it."

Torie shook her head, "That phrase has lead me to a lot of good things, but it's also lead me to a few bad things. The worst was losing you."

"Torie, you need to let go of those stupid words and live your life."

She nodded, "I know I do." She sniffed, "Anyways, I know you're probably busy greeting everyone since you're a groomsman. So I just wanted to apologize for how I treated the end of our relationship. I was really angry that night and I didn't want to have to go through another six months by myself." John was watching her intently. "So I'll let you get back to your friends and I'll go home because I'm not having as much fun as I'd hoped."

She was just starting to walk away when he called her name again, "Torie," She turned and looked at him curiously. "Stay and dance with me. Then maybe tomorrow or the day after depending on my hangover, we can go to lunch and catch up, see if that spark is still there." Who was he kidding? That spark would always be there.

She looked at him in minor shock, "Why are you being so nice? You should hate me, John. What I did was pretty bad."

He shrugged and smirked, "It is what it is, Tor."

She smirked right back then retreated her steps and followed him to the dance floor.

It is what it is. And it would always be love.