Be(lie)ve.

and to have the strength to carry on when you’re nervous and scared and you can’t just handle the truth even though it’s all you want to hear and to seek that acceptance that feels like it’ll never come because you think that the moment you turn your back someone’s talking about you because you’re that self-absorbed and at that point of insecurity and the pressure you, your parents, and teachers put on you feels like a physical weight because disappointing them is not an option or else you’ll feel like a failure and hideous

and seeing that one girl that everyone knows and loves because she’s so perfect and pretty and you don’t even think she’s real, she can’t be nice, she has to be fake so you hate her because she’s what you want to be and what you’ll never be even though your parents might say that you’re perfect and there’s nothing that’s wrong with you when everything’s wrong and everything’s the matter

and just maybe you need to let off yourself a little but you don’t know how and we’re back to it feeling like a weight crushing hyaline cartilage and ribs who have just healed from the last collapse and your organs can only take so many hits before they’re punctured and ruined and nothing’s okay because you want to break down but you can’t or you’ll feel like a fools and that’s just how it goes

and maybe it might feel productive to write these words but all it shows is failure and weakness, but once it’s gone it’ll be gone and everything will be better as you let yourself lose track of days and you so simply just go with the flow and allow it to pull you along until it’s crunch time and you’re not ready and the cycle repeats, your mind eating away, acid to Teflon to simply destroy and melt

and make you nothing more than a sniveling fool that who can’t sleep through the night because of the monster you are and hold in your heart and hide under your bed and you wish you had a superhero who could flick on the lights and peek under the bed skirt to show you that there aren’t any threats you should fee, there aren’t those fears you’ve created in your mind and that you’re fine and dandy and even though you aren’t you want to believe you are but there isn’t anyone to chase away the monster on the inside because you’re on your own

and that’s how things are sometimes because nothing can be perfect for anyone and think of that girl you hate and how maybe she thinks like you and hates herself and maybe she doesn’t, just, maybe she’s okay and you’re jealous, but that’s human and normal say the psychologist and it’s how a teen’s mind works and maybe that’s why I’m writing this so in fifty odd years when I’m successful or a no one or trying to understand how I got where I was, I can see this and realize that the insecurities I have now are the ones I see in my life in fifty years because there are new complications and twisted relation(ship)s but I’ll be able to handle it because I am Teflon, I am strong,

and even if I crack and am ruined, you can get a new one, just go to the store and buy more and if I was Teflon, it would be a rebirth because you can always have the strength at this late night minute I think I have it and I’m almost sure that I an handle it because yes, I am Teflon and that’s what I’ve always told myself and been told and it’s as stable as writing, that saying, and as sturdy and unlimited as the universe because there is no end to me until death

and teachers and peers might see my name one day in a paper under an obituary or a headline and who knows, maybe my name will be merely a ghost but dammit, I’ll be a solid ghost and did you know that you lose your skin once a month, that today you won’t ever be the exact same as you were a year ago or a month ahead and just think about it, you can say you never change, but you always are and pathogens are your friends fighting you, the red blood cell, the white blood cell, you have to remain strong and absorb their taunts and backstabbing

and look, you’re insecure and scared again and you think they’re against you and maybe they’re not and you’re just over sensitive and hyper-thinking and judging everyone who says a kind thing; are they lying, are they telling the truth and their opinion, do they even really care, I know it’s hard but you’ve got to take a leap of faith sometimes even if it’s terrifying because that’s how you grow, that’s how you shed your skin, by scratching off your dead tears

and allowing new confidence to grow, new fears to flourish because you’ll never not be scared, you’ll always have something under your bed, always be a monster in your head of fear and how come it has to be hard, so many people ask, why do you have to focus on all this stupid shit your friends say and obsess and it’s because you don’t have anything else, you have to focus on something so you don’t go mad with boredom

and did you know that you have a button, so to speak, in your back that when you rest it against a chair you grow tired; maybe that’s why we all get tired of the same old thing because you have your back against your wall of values or lies or morals that sometimes collapses when someone throws too many stones because nothing can last forever without a few chips and holes here and there.