Stay With Him Tonight

ALLIE P.O.V.

There was really no way to explain how I felt at the moment. There was no way to circumvent it, or change the facts, or even pretend that it never happened. It was simple: I had given up my virginity. To a boy I was really in love with. I had no regrets, no second thoughts, no nothing.

Honestly, I was never this cool and collected. I accepted it had happened, like saying “Oh, it’s raining.” It was as simple as that. I was a junior in high school, and so didn’t think it was early for my generation. I was going steady with the boy, and we had known each other for upwards of eight years.

Tyler was a simple guy. He was good-natured, charismatic, attractive (to say the least) and mine. He was nineteen, a few years older than me. Surprisingly my parents were totally okay with this—I believed it was for two simple reasons. One, they had known Tyler since he was a baby. Two, Tyler was about the most well-mannered boy I had ever met. He charmed my parents with his personality. It also might’ve helped that he was my best friend’s older brother.

I knew the walls in this room were blue. From the view now, they looked gray. The only light entering the room was that from the window, and it was just the pale light of a nearly-gone moon. The bed was queen and soft, with blankets piled high. Both Tyler and I were the type of people that loved to be huddled under five layers of covers. I had helped pick out the latest addition, a deep blue comforter that was several shades darker than the walls. I shifted closer to Tyler for warmth and he pulled the dark blue blanket over us farther. My cheek rested in the dimple between his shoulder and chest, and his arm wrapped easily around me. With his free arm he played with my hair.

Now that “the act” was over with, I felt a bit of nervousness returning. After all, the only people I had been naked in front of recently (and by that I mean since the age of six) were my best friends and a boyfriend in my freshman year, who I had considered going all the way for. Yet here I was, cuddling in my birthday suit. I wasn’t normally self-conscious but I still had to concentrate to get my mind off of it.

“You OK?” Tyler asked. He must have noticed my fidgeting.

“Yeah.” I closed my eyes and took his free hand, beginning to blindly play with his fingers. I don’t know what was so fascinating about it, but since the early stages of our relationship I had always played with his fingers. Come to think of it, I had done that with almost every relationship. There was something pleasing in comparing the different hands, and of being connected to someone else physically. A bond, surely breakable, but something that showed you were attached in some way.

Long before, I had a crush on Tyler. Tall, blonde and blue-eyed, he had always smiled in a way that made me smile back. I had once confessed to him (it had gone horribly—I was his best friend’s sister and also twelve to his fifteen). Four years after my own confession came his, which was the beginning of our current relationship. He had called me down in the middle of the night to ask me out. It was very fairy-tale-ish. I was astonished that I couldn’t simply wake up and realize it was all a dream.

“Regrets?” he asked simply. I laughed.

“I don’t think anybody would ever regret you, Ty.” He didn’t reply. “No. I don’t regret anything.” I answered seriously. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

“What about you? Regrets?” I barely made out his face as it turned towards me in the gray light.

“My only regret is that I’ll only have the use of one arm once your dad finds out. You just better hope it’s the hand you’re not always holding,” he joked. I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed and kissed me sweetly.

“Hey!” I objected in the middle of a happy giggle. “No surprise kiss-attacks!” I held up my hand in no defense. I suddenly wasn’t very tired.

“No?” he asked disbelievingly, leaning closer. He was teasing me.

“No!” I kissed him back anyway. He gave a small “aha” of triumph. I leaned on my elbow to reach him better. My nakedness forgotten, I spent the next while enjoying his company.

*****

I was dreaming. I was tired, and the dream was so deep I received only vague impressions of everything. A skewed, fantastical perspective of images paraded across my imagination. I recognized the setting as the local zoo, where Ty and I had had our first date. It had taken place the day he asked me out, and I remembered it vividly. The colors were as pure and bright as highlighters, the trees looking like things out of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. A frog, bigger than my hand splayed out, hopped into my path. It was a deep, dark green but had a pattern of pretty brown splotches. The sun (which was coming from below us, oddly enough) reflected off of the shiny skin and made tiny golden speckles play across the green. All at once, the colors struck me as familiar, and I nearly woke up at the burst of recognition. The exact explanation of it evaded me though, and the dream changed into a new one.

*

In this dream, there was a horde of people. As the dream focused like adjusting the scope on binoculars, masks and wings and hats and fangs became clear. The members of this crowd were all dressed in their Halloween best, but the costumes seemed extremely weird. One red fairy danced around people, sometimes moving into the air on her wispy-thin wings. I found myself watching her as she twirled ever closer. Her hair was literally a mass of fire that moved as she did. She gracefully made her way closer. On the last turn before she reached me, I stared with growing horror at her back. At the two places her wings attached to her back, there were stitches. My brain told me that her wings were sewn on, and I numbly accepted the conclusion. She came to a stop in front of me, grinning to reveal sharp little teeth. Her eyes were bright and evil, and I fought to remember where I knew her from. She was so familiar in a strange way. I thought back, wondering if I had passed her in the street or seen her at work, but again I couldn’t recall what it was. Her hair licked at her shoulders, crackling slightly, before she turned abruptly. Her hair waved an inch from my nose and I felt the heat of it. She trailed her fingers across the people she passed, and one person in particular turned. Gleaming black metal reflected the dim, crimson light around us. There was a slash of black across his mask where nothing but shadows escaped. I felt his eyes watching me.

“Allie,” he said, although he didn’t move an inch. He stayed immobile, his hidden eyes raising tiny hairs on my skin. “Allie.” Everything blurred.

*

“What?” I asked plaintively, burying my face into the pillow. A cold hand shocked the skin of my neck, and I felt goose bumps prickle me. I heard a chuckle when I pulled the blanket over my head.

“Allie. Get up. C’mon.” I heard a clink of a plate and opened my eyes. The blanket I had pulled over me moved and Tyler climbed in next to me. “I made you food,” he persuaded. He climbed in next to me.

My shy side had won out last night and I had put on a tank top and underwear. Tyler had done the same but we had slept close the whole night. Or I assumed so. Tyler always woke up earlier than I did. I rolled over to face him and he looked at me expectantly.

“Feed me?” I asked sleepily. He grinned and took two plates off of the bedside table. He handed one to me, along with a fork. His entire plate was red with hot sauce. Mine looked much more edible. I was amazed I hadn’t woken right up as soon as I smelled it.

“It’s eggs. And sausage and bacon, because the hash browns didn’t work out,” Tyler explained.

“Aww,” I gladly picked up my fork and took a bite. It was edible and not half bad, and I told Tyler so. He looked relieved.

“I would have eaten it anyway, Ty,” I assured him.

“I wouldn’t let you. It might poison you or something.” I rolled my eyes.

“You’re not a bad cook, you just have no confidence,” I told him honestly. He shrugged, smiling and looking unconvinced. I was always the one who cooked our meals.

I dug into the sausage on my plate and took a bite. It was slightly charred, but I thought this was endearing. He had gone through so much trouble to feed me. I smooshed some sausage with the eggs and ate it that way. Halfway through the sausage I noticed the center was pink. I bit my lip and didn’t say anything, just pushed it to the edge of the plate. I had already eaten most of it, but I didn’t want to take chances. I ate all of the two eggs and two pieces of bacon.

After I was done I leaned over and put my plate on the table. Tyler was already done, so I just pulled him into a laying position and pulled the cover over us. It was still dark out, so I had some time before school. And I really couldn’t care less if I had to go in late.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m alright,” I said after a moment of internal inspection. I felt a little sore, but it was just like I had run a long time and there was a dull ache in my lower regions. I snuggled up really close to Tyler, hoping to get some heat back into my fingers. The blankets were still warm.

“Shit,” he said to himself. “What about your parents? Did you tell them you were . . . here?” I laughed at his apprehensive tone. I guess he wasn’t completely joking when he said he was worried about my dad.

“Nope. They think I’m at your sister’s working on a project. Technically there is a project, but we already finished it. Nobody knows but you and me,” I said happily. Normally I wouldn’t be able to keep something like this from my best friend, but both of us had been preoccupied by our respective boyfriends for a while.

“Sneaky, sneaky,” Tyler chided in response to me not telling anybody. He wrapped his arms around me and I sighed happily.

“I love you.” I said out of the blue. I looked up to see that he was smiling at me.

“Me too,” he said. “I love you.” He kissed me.

*

“Ready?” he asked from the doorway. I finished with the mascara and collected my things. I pushed them all to one side of the counter, knowing I would be over later anyway.

“Ready,” I confirmed. We walked out of Tyler’s two-bedroom apartment. He had had a roommate before who had moved out, and his dad helped pick up part of the rent while Tyler went to school. It was mostly temporary, until Tyler got another roommate.

He took my hand as we walked down the hallway of the building, and I swung our hands together. I realized I was incredibly giddy. I couldn’t believe it had happened, much less with Tyler. There was one time that I hoped to never see Tyler again after her rejected me. Now I was very glad he was here.

*

When we pulled up to the school I caught Tyler in one of those surprise kiss-attacks. We were already forty minutes too late for my first period, and I would probably head straight to my second. Tyler and I said our goodbyes and I got out of the car, waving as he drove off. I then turned and hurriedly ran up the steps to the one-building school. It was relatively small, only a few hundred kids attending, and it was an athletic school. Because of this, in recent years I heard the school had been growing drastically. The student population was expanding every year, and the limit of kids accepted was increasing. Many of the kids came for the sports education, and despite our population size we had some of the toughest teams in the state.

I personally did little in way of physical education. I was okay walking, but if I tried to do much else I would fail miserably. I came to this school for my best friend, and also because we moved across our small town of Belvidere, Illinois.

Kelly was Tyler’s younger sister and my best friend since I was tiny. She had encouraged me to come to this school. My parents surprised me with a move the summer before my junior year, and we found the perfect house just down the street from Kelly. She had helped with the entire moving process and we were both ecstatic to be living so close. That was in the beginning of August, and it was now October, only a week away from Halloween.

I headed down to the main office, humming to myself. The desk lady accepted my last-second excuse and told me I would just have to start at second period. I chatted with her for the ten minutes before the next class. When the students began flooding the hallways I said goodbye and walked to US History. It was already like trying to swim upstream in a river full of fish, and progress was slow moving through the hall.

My stomach was acting up. I knew it was probably the lack of oxygen in the small area or slight claustrophobia, so I didn’t worry much about it. I concentrated on pushing past the people standing in the middle of my way, although I did try to resist being rude. I almost jumped out of my skin when someone suddenly covered my eyes from behind, giving the usual “guess who!” I recognized the voice.

“Rachel?” I asked. I heard her laugh and she let go of my eyes. I pushed into my classroom, Rachel following after me. I had met her just this year and we had become acquainted. She had once left me and the group of people we hung out with for her previous (horrible) group of friends. Luckily she had returned to her senses and come back to us. She was now dating Greg, who was also my friend. The group I hung out with now which comprised of seven main people didn’t exist at all four months ago. Kelly and I had really just stolen people from different groups and assimilated them into ours.

Rachel was slight with dark brown hair (which was her natural color- luckily she had dyed it back to brown after having it blonde for a long time) and brown-eyed. She was popular, but also serious about school. She did cheerleading and was a math genius, although she would never admit it. Greg followed in after her. Greg was on the football team with Ryan, but Rachel said he was thinking of switching to soccer. He had black hair and gray eyes. He and Rachel also got together at much the same time Tyler and I did. I guess September was a lucky month that year. Greg and Rachel were very similar and so they had lovers’ spats frequently, but I think they really loved each other. They were devoted, anyway.

As much as I loved those two, I was having a hard time focusing on them. My stomach was still acting weird. It was churning unpleasantly, and I tried not to complain about it.

“I said,” Rachel caught my attention in a singsong voice. “Someone had a late start this morning, hm? Kelly didn’t know where you were! That’s a first,” she said sarcastically. It was in the friendly way instead of malicious. Once Rachel knew your name she could talk to you for hours. It was that automatic.

“Yeah, Allie. You weren’t in chem. last hour.” Greg mentioned. Although Greg was a senior, he had done poorly in chem. last year and had to retake it. Rachel and Greg were both seniors. Kelly and I, along with another girl were actually the only juniors in our group.

“I woke up late, is all.” I defended, looking towards the front to hide the blush on my cheeks. Rachel didn’t notice, or chose not to say anything.

“Aw, that’s not interesting.” I glanced at her. She was smiling. I noticed her hand was linked with Greg’s under the table and almost “awed” myself.

The teacher called the class together and began his lecture. Obviously some people didn’t get the memo- in front of me, three girls continued to talk. They weren’t even quiet about it. They were the type of girls to fawn over the sports teams; they were thin with no muscle like cheerleaders had, with a surplus of makeup on each of their faces and hair twirled, straightened, and bumped to the max. I rolled my eyes as they continued their conversation like the rest of us weren’t there.

“They’re together again? That’s horrible!”

“He’s too hot to have a girlfriend.”

“I knew they were going to get together again.”

“Wait, how do we even know they’re really going out?”

“I told you! Bekah said she saw them kissing behind the J building the other day!”

“They’ve been broken up for months!”

I wanted to smack them all. Who cared who hooked up or broke up or who was kissing? I was being irritable because of my stomach issues, and wondered briefly if I should head to the bathroom. I discounted the idea on the grounds that the teacher wouldn’t let me anyway. My phone gave a tiny buzz as I received a text. Already knowing who it was, I waited until the teacher was looking away to take it out. As I predicted, it was Tyler.

Hey beautiful, he said. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

Hello yourself ;) R u txtg in class? Rebel! I sent it and put my phone in my lap. My stomach gurgled loudly and I felt sick. I tried to think why it would do that. I had eaten break—my mind stumbled upon the events of this morning. I thought of the pink sausage, but that was only a few hours before. Could food poisoning work that fast?

Ice skating? I read when my phone again buzzed.

HELL yes. When? Where? You got it. I was eager to test myself at ice skating. Last time, I had nearly died. Not literally. But I had managed to bring four other people to the ground with me one time I fell. Ice skating was not my forte, although I really liked it.

My last class was cancelled. How does 3 sound? R u ok?

Yay! 3 sounds awesome. I’m fine. Kind of. Gotta go tho, nothing to worry about. Love you. I didn’t think about the “kind of” until after I sent the text, but I realized Ty might think it was because of that. It wasn’t. It might’ve been his sausage though. My phone made the slightest click as I slid it closed. The teacher looked my way. There was no way he could have heard that. Then I realized he was looking at the girls in front of me.

“Something exciting going on, girls?” he asked with an edge to his tone. The idiots in front of me had continued to blab while I was texting Tyler.

“Actually, yes,” one of the girls answered sassily. The teacher raised an eyebrow at her. He wasn’t amused.

“I don’t want to hear it. I can reassign seats for you girls or you can shut up and listen to the lesson.” He turned back to the rest of the class, keeping an eye on the trio in front of me.

“I heard he kissed her first,” one girl said out of the corner of her mouth.

“No way! I thought she came at that some party a while ago, and he was drunk and they wound up having sex!”

“I would love to have sex with him,” one girl said in a voice like she was already imagining it. “Val said it was amazing, and she’s still obsessed with him!” By this time I was extremely grossed out. Who would want to date a guy who’s slept with every girl?

“Would you like to actually pay attention in my class, or would you like to go down to the office? This is my third and final warning. I hear one more peep out of any of you and I’m writing you up for detention!” the teacher yelled. I knew he could be heard from other classes; he was infamous for having a loud voice anyway, especially when he was angry. One of the girls glared defiantly back at him, like he was insulting her by trying to teach her something. The other two were both showing respect on the lower end of the scale, showing varying degrees of disinterest in the lecture. The teacher looked them over and decided to make it easier on himself.

“Fine. You two go sit outside, on the opposite sides of the open door. You,” he pointed to the girl glaring back at him. These girls had never been so much trouble. Their gossip must have been something good. “You go down to the office,” he told the glaring girl. She angrily shoved her chair back, muttering.

“Jason is still hot,” I caught. The teacher looked ready to explode.

“Allie? Are you okay? You’re looking kind of pale,” Rachel said. I hardly heard her. My mind revolved around the bits of conversation I had heard:

Drunk - sex - They’ve been broken up for months! - kissing behind the J building.

I tried to remember everything they had said. Something before I had gotten that text from Tyler.

Girlfriend - together again.

Jason? The only Jason I knew at the school was the one and only Jason Luce, who happened to be my next door neighbor. He was the fraternal twin of my best friend’s boyfriend. He was the boy who had been my enemy, turned sort-of friend, turned crush, turned enemy. In that order.

When I had first moved into my house in August, I had met him. My neighbor came over to ask me to babysit her three boys. I went expecting young boys, like the six-year-old boy I had met when she brought cookies over. Instead, I was faced with that one little boy and two guys a year older than I. They were fraternal twins, and complete opposites. While Ryan was nice and sweet and like a big brother, Jason was the opposite. I hated him from the first moment I saw him. He dismissed me, and later hit on me. He was a womanizer. I would have continued hating him, except I kind of learned to be friends with him. He was distrustful of outsiders, but cared for his youngest brother like a father might. We had kissed—twice. And that was the beginning of my crush on him.

My stomach churned as if in response to the thoughts. I was going to be sick.

What had broken our friendship was his blow-up the morning after Tyler asked me out. To this day, I still didn’t know what it was about. He just suddenly got very angry, and I got angry in response. I didn’t know how or why, but Jason always had a knack for making me angry. Part of it was my instinctive hate of playboys, but I had thought I had gotten rid of those thoughts. I had hoped that, at least around me, Jason had stopped womanizing. I was wrong, apparently.

“Allie? You’re not looking too good.” Greg’s voice broke through the haze. I looked at her and the motion was bad for the sickness. The teacher was looking at me, unsure of what was happening.

“I have to go,” I choked out before I ran out of the room. I heard Rachel excuse herself and run after me.

I escaped into the bathroom with the weird thoughts still going through my head. Jason. Ginger. Jason. I heaved. Lost the breakfast. The fairy and the knight, I realized. That’s why they were familiar. The frog was the color of his eyes. What the flip was going through my mind last night?!. My train of thought was lost as the next wave of nausea hit me, only to return as soon as my stomach emptied. I was vaguely aware of Rachel holding my hair back.

“Jason can’t love anyone else, you know.” I saw Ginger in front of me, in the store, and I knew this had actually happened. I was buying broccoli. I don’t know why I remembered that, but I remember the tree-like vegetable clamped in my hand. I saw her scoffing, flipping her auburn hair over her shoulder, a few freckles standing out prettily on her face. It was innocence in the midst of a horrible expression.

“He won’t love you, because he can’t get over me.” Spoken so confidently.

She was right. My heart beat dully on the inside of my skull. I blamed the food poisoning for the weird thoughts. By then I had figured that it was, indeed, food poisoning. It was the only way I could have gotten so sick so fast. Luckily the more I emptied my stomach the better I felt. I was a little shaky by the time I finished, but otherwise the stomachache had receded into the background.

“I think you need to go home,” Rachel informed me as I washed out my mouth with sink water. I almost rolled my eyes but still felt pretty crappy.

“Might as well.” I admitted.

“I’ll go get your bag,” she offered. “Head on up to the front office to get signed out and stuff; I’ll meet you up there.” I shrugged and walked out of the bathroom, taking my time. I went to the nurse to make sure I had the OK to go home. The older nurse gave me clearance and called my dad to come get me. He would have to take an early lunch, but said it was no problem. The nurse sent me to the front desk to wait. The woman at the front desk looked surprised to see me, and we spent a minute talking again before Rachel arrived with my stuff. She went back to class and I waited another fifteen minutes for my dad to drive over. I was mostly fine, and the nausea was just a peripheral pain in the butt.

“Hey kiddo,” my dad said by way of greeting. “Let’s get you signed out here and get you home.” He took my bag and signed me out, and we walked out into the lot. We were driving away when my phone buzzed. I took it out, but it was dark. My phone had died.