Caligynephobia

"Karissa?"

I can't help it.
She makes me shiver with fear, my legs shake when she gets close.
I'm afraid she'll touch me, even come close to me.
Her voice is as bad as her touch.
I am frozen when she whispers my name, god forbid she says it loudly.
I love the fear...
The fear of closeness, the fear of her touch, her voice.
I'm addicted to her presence, how I feel when she's even in the same room.
But she scares me.
As much as I love her, I can't help but fear her.
She's so beautiful...
From her long legs, to her brown hair, she is lovely.
Her beauty is poison, hiding in my drink, only found when I have finished.
It's so painful, I can't speak.
She has paralyzed me with one word, her innocent brown eyes staring into my own green ones.
Ebony repeats it, letting my name leave her beautiful mouth for a second time.
"Y-yes?" I said, my voice small compared to Ebony's.
"I asked if I could borrow a pen...?" She whispered, hiding our conversation from the teacher.
"S-sure, Ebony..." At last, an excuse to say her name aloud.
"Thanks, Karissa." Ebony smiles.
I want to run away, to hide from her.
I have never been so scared, so stuck in place.
I want to say something more, to tell her that her hair looks beautiful today, but she has already turned around, and I am stuck imagining that she had stayed.
But the fear is back.
This time, I want to vomit, only from the back of her head.
I'm scared of talking to her a second time for when I need my pen back...
I feel woozy, as if I'm going to puke or faint or both.
I suddenly smell her perfume; the fan put at the front of the classroom has been turned on.
I get up and run to a trashcan, puking up what I had for breakfast.
"eww...." I hear some people say.
"Oh god, I'm gonna vomit unless I leave!" I hear Ebony say.
The sound of her voice makes me vomit a second time, only stomach acid, though.
My throat burns, and my head hurts.
She is gone, and I start to feel alright.
"Karissa! You need to go to the nurse!" I hear the teacher say, and I try to tell him I am fine, but he makes me go.
Worse, he makes Ebony take me.
She takes my arm and leads me down the hall.
"Are you okay? You puked twice!" Ebony exclaims, said eyebrows raising.
"G-get away..." I mumble uselessly. She doesn't know she's why I vomited.
She can't know...
"What? Did you say you were okay?" Ebony mistakes my fearful statement for an okay.
"Go..." I say, slightly stronger.
"Go? I'm trying to help you!" Ebony is taken aback.
She's beautiful no matter what she does...
I'm getting scared.
"You're making it worse... Please, I'll be fine once you go..."
The look on her face is not one of anger, or of annoyance.
It's a look of sadness.
"I'm sorry, Karissa... But I'm going to walk you to the nurse before I go." She says, her eyes filling up with tears like she's been wanting to talk to me for a while.
"Ebony... Leave." I say, about to puke.
She's taken aback, and just barely moves out of the way before I puke up more stomach acid.
Her face pales, and she takes a few steps back, breathing only from her mouth.
Somehow, even now, looking pale and slightly sweaty, she was still beautiful.
"Ebony... Your so pretty it hurts..." I mumbled.
"Karissa..." Ebony's eyes were wide, and she rushed forwards and hugged me.
It was painful, and I wanted more.
I wanted her to keep hugging me, even though I thought that I would have a heart attack.
"I'm sorry you're sick, we should get you to the nurse now."
I could hear how shocked I was that she had said that of all things.
My heart fell.
Then, so did I.