Status: Updates every four days.
We Way? Three Way!
The Before Time
I may never sleep tonight. As long as you’re still burning bright. I sang in a whisper as the plane took off. Jillian was asleep next to me, Becca and they rest of the guys snoring to my right. Well, I don’t think Becca snores, but whatever…
If I could trade mistakes for sheep, count me away before you sleep.
‘Shouldn’t I be tired…?’ I thought to myself. It was two AM… But I wasn’t, so I continued to whisper-sing.
I’ll stay awake til I trade my mistakes, so they fade away…
After a while, I did fall asleep, and I had a dream. Everything was kinda fuzzy, though. I saw a little kid, five, maybe, on a small bay colored horse. She was smiling excitedly, trotting circles in a metal ring. There was a woman off to the side, leaning over the ring rail, beaming. There was a another young girl, a senior in high school, maybe, standing in the middle of the ring, also smiling, relaying silent instructions to the little girl.
Weird.
Back in Bellville, eleven hours later, Ray was making lunch. Of all the guys, he could cook the best. I’m pretty sure I found blood in Gerard’s cooking one time…I don’t let him near the stove anymore.
“Hey Ray, can we go riding sometime?”
“What, like bike riding? I thought you hated two wheeled vehicles…?”
“Yeah…I do…but that’s not what I meant. Like, horseback riding, y’know?”
“Of all the ways you’ve managed to think up of calling yourself clumsy and uncoordinated, you want me
to put you on a wild animal with a mind of its own, several feet off the ground.”
“Yes. Yes I do.”
“Mmkay.”
After Ray’s yummy sandwiches had been consumed,
“Alright. In the car.”
“The f*ck, Ray?” Mikey said.
“Natalie wants to go horseback riding. In the car.”
“Becca has to get on a HORSE?!”
“Yes. Bring your inhaler.”
“How am I supposed to fit all this hair under a helmet?? Mikey, help me!” Dear God, Ray...
Gerard…oh, that neon pink helmet…it suited him very, very well.
The trail leader person dude came over then.
“Ok, anybody know how to tack?”
“What’s that…?” Becca tilted her head to the side.
“Putting the saddle on the horse. Bridle, too.”
“How the…?”
“Wait, I said that…?” I’m pretty sure I didn’t know that five minutes ago…And so the confusion began.
The instructor went on.
“Ok, well you start by tucking the girth strap under the buckle, and-“
Something clicked in my mind. “
Wait, I think I do know this. Can I try?” This was getting freaking weird…
“Umm, sure. This is Bie, he’s sweet, but he’s old, so don’t pull too hard.”
“Got it.”
In thirty seconds, Bie was saddled.
“Did I screw up…?”
“Umm…no, actually…Where’d you learn that?”
“I swear, I have no clue.”
“Anyone ever trotted before?” Everyone shook their heads. She turned to me.
“Are you sure?”
“No, actually, I’m not…”
An hour later, we hopped back to the ground, Becca and Jill walking bow-legged, and the guys holding their crotches.
“Lesson to Natalie. Trotting? NOT suitable for people of the male gender. Therefore, this was the first and LAST time, we will EVER go riding with you.” Frank seemed to be in the most pain.
“Oh, get over it. That was awesome! Becca didn’t fall down!”
“Becca, you enjoyed it?” Gerard said, surprised.
“No. Becca’s just trying to be nice…But she didn’t fall, and that part she enjoyed very very much.”
I may never sleep tonight.
I didn’t get it! Stuff like this doesn’t just happen…
If I could trade mistakes for sheep,
Generally, knowledge doesn’t just pop out of nowhere…
The song in my head switched.
Oh memories, where’d you go?
I went to bed early, still trying to figure it all out.
You’re all I’ve ever known.
SHIT. That’s it. The dream…it wasn’t a dream. It was a memory. I had a real mother at some point, for a while, actually…but I’d just…forced myself to forget everything about her, everything about my life before the orphanage. But the memories came flooding back. I was five, we were driving somewhere that wasn’t home. I’d had a father, too. He was tall and bald. Mommy was short, that’s where I got it from. She was pretty. Long, dark hair, brown eyes. Like me. But prettier. And she had a really quiet voice, but sometimes I’d hear her singing and I remember it made me feel safe. And I saw horses out the window.
“Mommy! Look! So pretty…” And it all went from there. After that, I’d learned to ride because I just wouldn’t leave Mommy alone. I was good at it, for my age, at least. And every time I rode I forgot that Mommy and Daddy had problems that they wouldn’t tell me about. And I forgot that things were starting to change. And that’s what Mommy wanted. And when I got put in the orphanage, I wanted to forget about her. I thought she didn’t love me anymore. Now I know that’s probably not true. I want to see her again.
Jill and Becca were already there when I showed up, and I was afraid they wouldn’t be nice to me. That had happened before. Too often, even if I was only five. The stream of memories stopped, and I felt lonely. I walked across the hall.
“…Jill? Can I sleep here?”
If I could trade mistakes for sheep, count me away before you sleep.
‘Shouldn’t I be tired…?’ I thought to myself. It was two AM… But I wasn’t, so I continued to whisper-sing.
I’ll stay awake til I trade my mistakes, so they fade away…
After a while, I did fall asleep, and I had a dream. Everything was kinda fuzzy, though. I saw a little kid, five, maybe, on a small bay colored horse. She was smiling excitedly, trotting circles in a metal ring. There was a woman off to the side, leaning over the ring rail, beaming. There was a another young girl, a senior in high school, maybe, standing in the middle of the ring, also smiling, relaying silent instructions to the little girl.
Weird.
Back in Bellville, eleven hours later, Ray was making lunch. Of all the guys, he could cook the best. I’m pretty sure I found blood in Gerard’s cooking one time…I don’t let him near the stove anymore.
“Hey Ray, can we go riding sometime?”
“What, like bike riding? I thought you hated two wheeled vehicles…?”
“Yeah…I do…but that’s not what I meant. Like, horseback riding, y’know?”
“Of all the ways you’ve managed to think up of calling yourself clumsy and uncoordinated, you want me
to put you on a wild animal with a mind of its own, several feet off the ground.”
“Yes. Yes I do.”
“Mmkay.”
After Ray’s yummy sandwiches had been consumed,
“Alright. In the car.”
“The f*ck, Ray?” Mikey said.
“Natalie wants to go horseback riding. In the car.”
“Becca has to get on a HORSE?!”
“Yes. Bring your inhaler.”
“How am I supposed to fit all this hair under a helmet?? Mikey, help me!” Dear God, Ray...
Gerard…oh, that neon pink helmet…it suited him very, very well.
The trail leader person dude came over then.
“Ok, anybody know how to tack?”
“What’s that…?” Becca tilted her head to the side.
“Putting the saddle on the horse. Bridle, too.”
“How the…?”
“Wait, I said that…?” I’m pretty sure I didn’t know that five minutes ago…And so the confusion began.
The instructor went on.
“Ok, well you start by tucking the girth strap under the buckle, and-“
Something clicked in my mind. “
Wait, I think I do know this. Can I try?” This was getting freaking weird…
“Umm, sure. This is Bie, he’s sweet, but he’s old, so don’t pull too hard.”
“Got it.”
In thirty seconds, Bie was saddled.
“Did I screw up…?”
“Umm…no, actually…Where’d you learn that?”
“I swear, I have no clue.”
“Anyone ever trotted before?” Everyone shook their heads. She turned to me.
“Are you sure?”
“No, actually, I’m not…”
An hour later, we hopped back to the ground, Becca and Jill walking bow-legged, and the guys holding their crotches.
“Lesson to Natalie. Trotting? NOT suitable for people of the male gender. Therefore, this was the first and LAST time, we will EVER go riding with you.” Frank seemed to be in the most pain.
“Oh, get over it. That was awesome! Becca didn’t fall down!”
“Becca, you enjoyed it?” Gerard said, surprised.
“No. Becca’s just trying to be nice…But she didn’t fall, and that part she enjoyed very very much.”
I may never sleep tonight.
I didn’t get it! Stuff like this doesn’t just happen…
If I could trade mistakes for sheep,
Generally, knowledge doesn’t just pop out of nowhere…
The song in my head switched.
Oh memories, where’d you go?
I went to bed early, still trying to figure it all out.
You’re all I’ve ever known.
SHIT. That’s it. The dream…it wasn’t a dream. It was a memory. I had a real mother at some point, for a while, actually…but I’d just…forced myself to forget everything about her, everything about my life before the orphanage. But the memories came flooding back. I was five, we were driving somewhere that wasn’t home. I’d had a father, too. He was tall and bald. Mommy was short, that’s where I got it from. She was pretty. Long, dark hair, brown eyes. Like me. But prettier. And she had a really quiet voice, but sometimes I’d hear her singing and I remember it made me feel safe. And I saw horses out the window.
“Mommy! Look! So pretty…” And it all went from there. After that, I’d learned to ride because I just wouldn’t leave Mommy alone. I was good at it, for my age, at least. And every time I rode I forgot that Mommy and Daddy had problems that they wouldn’t tell me about. And I forgot that things were starting to change. And that’s what Mommy wanted. And when I got put in the orphanage, I wanted to forget about her. I thought she didn’t love me anymore. Now I know that’s probably not true. I want to see her again.
Jill and Becca were already there when I showed up, and I was afraid they wouldn’t be nice to me. That had happened before. Too often, even if I was only five. The stream of memories stopped, and I felt lonely. I walked across the hall.
“…Jill? Can I sleep here?”