I'm Not Dead, Just Floating

Danny put the last of his t-shirts in his small suitcase, ticking them off his list. Today was the day he was leaving for another 4 month tour with All Time Low, his best friends. He hadn’t seen the majority of them for the two months they’d been off since the last tour (apart from Ian but that’s because Ian’s a stubborn bastard), so he was definitely looking forward to hanging out with them all again. Parental Flyzik and Collusy, always making sure everything and everyone were where they were meant to be. Closet couple Evan and Jeff, constantly discussing all sorts of nerdy things in their own adorable way. Partiers Grieco, Vinny and Ian, always doing crazy things and dragging Danny into them. Brooding Zack, quiet and serious, and completely in love with an oblivious Alex. Level-headed Rian, the one who kept the fun from being dangerous, especially when it came to his boyfriend Grieco getting hurt. And crazy Alex and Jack, always getting in trouble but never getting down.

Oh Jack. If Danny was looking forward to seeing one person in particular, it was Jack. Being Jack’s particular guitar tech, they’d become especially close over the years, something which Danny cherished. Even when Danny was upset about something his boyfriend had done, or when he just wasn’t feeling up for a party, Jack always found a way to cheer him up. It didn’t help that Danny had fallen in love with Jack pretty much as soon as they’d met. There was something about how care-free and happy Jack always was that made Danny happy too. Danny just wished Jack would feel the same.

But he never would. And Danny had to accept that.

Instead Danny had met his boyfriend Chris a year ago in a bar, initially only agreeing to date him to get over Jack, but eventually falling for him. The thing is, Danny was starting to feel like his life was losing its purpose. Like he was just floating along, not really doing anything. Chris started to help with that, helping give Danny a new spark, but Chris had shown his true colours soon enough.

“So you’re leaving me for another 4 months, huh?”

Danny looked to the doorway of his bedroom and sighed. There stood his boyfriend Chris, arms folded over his chest and an unimpressed look on his face.

“This is my job, Chris. You know this,” Danny murmured, zipping up his suitcase.

“You could work locally doing whatever it is that you do. You don’t need to fumble around the country with some stupid pop-punk band,” Chris retorted.

Danny clenched his fists, gritting his teeth. It was one thing for Chris to insult him, but to insult his friends? To insult Jack? No, that wasn’t happening.

“You can like it or hate it, you’re not changing my job,” Danny said angrily.

Chris rolled his eyes and walked closer to Danny. To people who didn’t know Chris that well, he was an ideal guy. Smart – he worked with computers, and could fix any problem anyone could think of with technology. Sociable – he had more friends that Danny could name. Attractive – with messy blonde hair, toned body, piercings and tattoos, he could seduce anyone he set his eyes on. But it was his personality that lacked a few things.

Like trust, for example. Chris didn’t trust any of Danny’s friends (Jack and Ian especially), and didn’t trust Danny around them. Not that Danny would ever cheat. He wasn’t that kind of guy, but Chris didn’t care. Jealousy wasn’t something Chris could control either, and along with that came a nasty temper. Danny had been on the end of a few of Chris’ angry outbursts, with bruises to prove it. Not anything horrific, but the occasional slap and shove here and there, but enough to mark Danny’s flesh.

Enough to make Danny consider leaving the man he once loved. But he never could. Danny always held onto the hope that the smart, fun-loving guy he once knew would come back, come back and show Danny that he was mad for staying. So far, that hadn’t happened.

“I don’t want to hear of you even talking to any guys that aren’t me,” Chris snarled.

“That’ll be hard seeing as I work with all guys and they happen to be my best friends,” Danny muttered.

Big mistake. Chris raised his hand and sharply back-handed Danny across the face, his head snapping to the side with the force of it. Tears sprung to Danny’s eyes as he turned to look at his boyfriend, almost disbelieving that Chris had just hit him. Again.

“Look what you made me do,” Chris said angrily.

“S-Sorry,” Danny spluttered, his hand rising to his face, his skin burning.

Why was he apologising?! He was the one that had been hit!

“Good. Just remember whose apartment this is, who pays pretty much all the bills, yeah? You do want somewhere to come back to, don’t you?” Chris said softly, his eyes drilling into Danny’s.

“Of course I do,” Danny nodded, biting his bottom lip.

“Then don’t do anything stupid while you’re gone. I don’t want to regret letting you go,” Chris said firmly.

Letting him go? But Danny just bit his tongue, nodding once more. He had learnt over the past year to just let Chris talk without interrupting. It was a lot less trouble that way.

“What time are you leaving?” Chris asked, resting his hands on Danny’s waist and tugging their bodies together.

Danny couldn’t help but squirm as their crotches pressed together. Danny really didn’t want to encourage Chris sexually right now. Chris was far too rough and demanding in bed, and rarely made Danny reach his climax without Danny having to jerk off. Not that Chris was bad in bed – he just didn’t care about Danny’s experience.

“Any time now,” Danny mumbled.

Chris’ mouth pressed into a thin line but he nodded, his thumb swiping over the red mark on Danny’s cheek. Danny winced as the pain flared again, just staying still as Chris pressed a harsh kiss to his lips, before watching Chris leave the room without another word. Every day Danny wondered why he put up with Chris’ shit, and why he didn’t just leave – but then he remembered that he didn’t have anywhere else to go.

And that only made him worry about the tour more.

“DANNY! THAT FUCKING BUS IS HERE!”

Danny broke out of his thoughts at Chris’ yell and rolled his eyes before picking up his suitcase. The sooner he got out of here, the better. Chris was waiting by the front door, glaring out at the tour bus sitting outside. Danny sighed and picked up his leather jacket, standing next to his boyfriend as he put it on.

“I guess this is goodbye for a while then,” Danny murmured.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Chris grunted.

Danny sighed but nodded, leaning his head up and pressing a soft kiss to Chris’ lips. Out of habit, if nothing else. Chris immediately looped his hand around to the back of Danny’s head, deepening the kiss enough to make Danny’s head spin. Danny jumped as the bus horn blared, Chris breaking the kiss with a scowl.

“Looks like they can’t bear to be without you,” Chris muttered.

“Please don’t be mad,” Danny pleaded.

Chris didn’t say anything but pressed a chaste kiss to Danny’s lips before walking back into the apartment. Danny chewed his bottom lip but picked up his suitcase and left the apartment, shutting the door behind him before heading down to the tour bus.

“DANNY!” Vinny and Grieco hollered out the window.

“Assholes! I have neighbours!” Danny hissed.

His friends just burst into laughter as Danny entered the bus. Fuck them. There were going to be two buses on the tour, one for the band and Flyzik, and one for the crew, but for now everyone was mixing up while they all got to the first venue. Danny knew that Alex, Jack, Flyzik, Grieco and Vinny would be on his bus, while Ian, Evan, Jeff, Collusy, Zack and Rian would be on the other one. For now, anyway.

Danny had barely put down his suitcase before something collided with him.

“Danny!” a voice squealed.

Make that someone. Jack.

“Jack, I’m gonna fall,” Danny warned, laughing.

Jack pouted but stood on his own feet, but still held on tightly to Danny.

“Jack hasn’t stopped talking about picking you up all morning,” Alex teased.

Jack blushed. Uh, what? “I missed my stage humping buddy!” Jack defended.

Oh yeah, Jack had decided on the last tour that he liked to hump Danny’s face while Danny came on to adjust the battery pack on Jack’s jeans. Much to Danny’s love dislike.

“Sure you did,” Danny chuckled.

Then Jack frowned, looking at Danny strangely. What?

“Why is your left cheek red?” Jack asked, confused.

Danny felt all the eyes of his friends staring at him, scrutinising and accusing. They all knew. How could they not? Danny had too many bruises sometimes to put it down to an accident. But he could never admit what Chris did. Not because he was scared of Chris, but because he didn’t want his friends getting involved in his business. Chris was his to deal with, not theirs.

“I fell asleep in the sun lying on my side and I got sunburnt,” Danny shrugged.

“Sun burnt,” Flyzik said dryly.

“Yeah, sun burnt,” Danny lied, nodding, “pretty stupid of me really,”

“You’re so silly Danny,” Jack snickered.

Danny froze as Jack jerked forward and pressed a kiss to the sensitive skin, but couldn’t stop the blush rising to his other cheek, making his whole face red. Everyone laughed at this, lightening the mood slightly, and then they all went back to their previous conversations. Danny breathed a sigh of relief, smiling weakly at Jack, who just beamed brightly back at him, before dragging his suitcase down to the bunks to claim one for his own.

“When you’re ready Danny, come and sit next to me on the sofa!” Jack called out.

Danny poked his head out to look at them all. Sure enough, there was a gap between Jack and Alex on the sofa, everyone else piled on the floor and the other seats. Zack was sitting as close to Alex on the floor as possible, clearly wanting to sit next to Alex on the sofa, but Danny knew he never would. Zack would never take the courage to tell Alex how he felt, even though everyone else could see it. Kind of like how Danny would never tell Jack how he felt, except that no-one knew about Danny's feelings. It was better that way.

“We’re watching The Hills Have Eyes!” Alex added, just as excited.

Great. Jack was a complete wimp when it came to horror movies and he always snuggled up to the closest person, who it appeared would be Danny this time. Just great.

Danny wasn’t just worrying about the tour now. He was dreading it.

*

One month into the tour, and Danny wasn’t acting like his usual self. So much so that everyone was starting to worry about him. He wasn’t partying as much as he did on previous tours. He didn’t stay up past midnight just hanging out. He didn’t even laugh when Jack humped his face on stage. No-one knew what to think about it at all. Jack especially was finding it hard to understand why Danny was acting the way he was. He just couldn’t figure out what had made Danny change so drastically. But seeing as Danny barely spoke to anyone, no-one could get an answer.

The reason for all this? Chris had been phoning Danny every night. Phoning to check that Danny wasn’t doing anything stupid. Phoning to check that Danny was behaving himself. Phoning to check that Danny wasn’t cheating on him. Phoning to check that Danny wasn’t cheating on him with Jack.

Danny just couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t deal with the hassle, so he just decided to keep to himself to himself, to stop Chris accusing him of anything. He hated that he was closing off from his friends, that he was missing out on tour, that he was missing out on the thing he loved most. Touring was the what he lived for, and now because of Chris, he couldn’t do it.

And Jack…Danny knew Jack was really worried, maybe more than everyone else. But what could Danny do? Could he really risk Chris getting mad and acting out on his anger? No. So this was his best option. He wished there was something he could do.

“Danny? Can we talk?”

“Hold on. Let me put this down first,” Danny grunted.

Danny carried the heavy box of cables towards a table and put it down before turning to face Jack. Danny’s insides twisted at how nervous Jack looked, hands clutching at his hoodie sleeves and biting his bottom lip. Damn.

“What’s up, Jack?” Danny asked as calmly as he could.

“What’s going on with you, Danny? And don’t bullshit me,” Jack mumbled.

Danny swallowed heavily. Trust Jack to be blunt.

“Nothing Jack,” Danny murmured.

“I said don’t bullshit me! We all know something’s up, so stop acting like it’s not!” Jack exasperated.

“But…”

“It’s Chris, isn’t it?” Jack interrupted softly.

Danny couldn’t stop the whimper slipping from his lips. How the hell did Jack figure that out? Jack just sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before looking back at Danny.

“You really think we haven’t noticed how you’ve changed since you’ve been dating him? And especially recently, this tour. He’s got a hold over you that isn’t healthy, Danny,” Jack said sadly.

Danny wanted to confess it all, he really did. But he couldn’t. Not to Jack. He couldn’t expose all his weakness to Jack.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Danny said quietly.

“Danny…” Jack whispered.

Danny opened his mouth to reply, but his phone started ringing. He pulled it out from his pocket and winced. Chris. Perfect.

Danny: H-Hey Chris.
Chris: Where are you?
Danny: Excuse me?
Chris: You’re not on your bus. Where are you?
Danny: I’m in the venue setting up. Why?
Chris: Just come outside.

Chris then hung up. Danny’s blood ran cold as he realised what this meant. Chris was here. On tour. With Jack. Danny ran outside without another word to Jack, Jack following in confusion. Sure enough when Danny arrived outside, Chris was standing there, with Flyzik and Grieco standing behind him looking pissed off. Great, Chris is already irritating people and he hadn’t even been there long. Danny swallowed and forced a smile before walking over to Chris and pecking a kiss to his lips.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Danny said as cheerfully as he could.

“I thought I’d surprise you. Looks like you were already occupied enough though,” Chris sneered, narrowing his eyes at Jack.

“Jack was helping me with the cables,” Danny lied.

“Of course he was,” Chris said sarcastically.

Danny sighed and looked over Chris’ shoulder, where everyone else from the band and crew had decided to congregate. Great, just what he needed, an audience.

“Can we talk somewhere else? Somewhere less…public?” Danny murmured.

Chris looked over his shoulder and growled softly, but nodded. Danny muttered a quiet prayer of thanks before pulling Chris down the side of the venue, away from everyone’s eyes. Straight away, Chris shoved Danny against the wall, making Danny whimper. He hoped no-one heard that.

“I told you not to do anything stupid!” Chris hissed.

“But I haven’t! I haven’t even been partying or hanging out with everyone like I used to!” Danny insisted.

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” Chris spat, slamming his hands either side of Danny’s head.

Danny whimpered again.

“Look at you, you’re pathetic. You can’t even stay faithful for a month – and with that fairy beanpole Jack!” Chris mocked.

“I haven’t cheated on you, I swear! I never have and I never will!” Danny choked, his eyes filling with tears.

“I saw you with my own eyes. You ran out of that building with him right behind you – guilty as fuck,” Chris spat.

“You’re just jumping to conclusions, I never…”

Danny was cut off by Chris’ fist slamming into his stomach, knocking the wind out of his stomach in the most agonising way possible.

“HEY!”

Jack! No! Danny turned his head to the side to see Jack standing at the end of the sidepath with his expression in complete horror. Danny groaned as Chris let him go, doubling over in pain. Fuck. Jack had seen the truth. Fuck.

“You stupid home-wrecking fuck!” Chris yelled.

Danny barely had time to blink before Chris swung his fist at Jack, hitting him square in the jaw. It was when Jack fell to the ground that Danny saw red. No-one hurts Jack. No-one.

“That’s it, Chris. You’ve drawn the line. I can deal with you hitting me and shoving me, but Jack? No. You don’t hurt Jack. We’re done. We’re fucking done,” Danny said angrily.

“Like fuck we are,” Chris scoffed.

“WE’RE DONE!” Danny yelled.

Chris looked fit to burst but Danny just pushed past him and crouched down beside Jack.

“Jack? Jack, I’m so sorry,” Danny whispered, cupping Jack’s face.

“Are you okay?” Jack groaned.

“Me? You’re the one that got hit, Jack!” Danny exasperated.

“But you’re the one that’s been getting hit for months,” Jack replied softly.

Danny bit his bottom lip, lowering his head slightly, but Jack just smiled.

“I think you should probably make your ex leave before he explodes,” Jack whispered.

Danny looked over his shoulder to see Chris clenching his fists, but Danny didn’t get the usual shot of nervousness. Instead he felt defiant. He felt stronger.

“Leave. Now. You’re no longer in my life,” Danny said firmly.

“Bullshit. Where are you going to live? You have nothing without me,” Chris scoffed.

Danny knew what Chris said was true – he did have nowhere to live now. But he didn’t care. As long as Chris was out of his life, he didn’t care.

“You’re wrong. I have everything right here with my friends,” Danny retorted.

This only seemed to make Chris angrier, but it was then that shadows fell over the group.

“I believe Danny’s told you to leave a few times now. I think you should listen to him,”

Danny lifted his head to see Zack, Jeff and Colussy standing behind them, arms folded and mean looks on their faces. Zack was the one that had spoken. Of course, the band and crew and assembled the tallest and strongest-looking guys in the group to come over. Typical.

It seemed to work though because Chris spat at Danny’s feet before starting to walk away.

“You will miss me, Danny! You’ll regret this! Don’t expect to come crawling back to me when you change your mind!” Chris yelled as he got into his car.

Danny breathed a sigh of relief as Chris’ car drove away, a real sense of weight lifting from his shoulders. He was free. He was finally free. And fuck did it feel good.

“I can’t fucking take it anymore,”

Danny frowned at Alex’s voice (where did he come from?!) before his jaw dropped as Alex launched himself at Zack and crashed their lips together. Zack froze for a second, but only for a second. His hands went to Alex’s hips and he immediately started kissing back, and everyone started hollering and cheering. And there Danny was thinking Alex was oblivious to how Zack felt…

“Uh, I think we should give them some space,” Jack chuckled.

Huh, true. Well, no-one wants to watch Alex’s hands groping Zack’s ass, do they? Danny blushed as Jack held out his hand for help up, but Danny willingly gave his hand to Jack. Anything for Jack.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Jack asked softly.

Jeff and Colussy took the hint and started walking back to the buses ahead of them. Danny didn’t need to ask what Jack was talking about.

“I didn’t want you…guys to think I was weak. Chris was my problem, not yours,” Danny shrugged.

“You’re one of our best friends, Danny! How could you not think that we would care?!” Jack whispered, pulling Danny to a stop.

Danny swallowed heavily and looked into Jack’s dark eyes. They were filled with concern, fear and…warmth? Why warmth? Unless…no, Jack couldn’t like Danny like Danny liked him, could he? That was a mouthful in itself, let alone to think about it. But what if…

“Jack…I couldn’t tell you because…”

Danny trailed off, looking down at his feet. But Jack tilted his head up with a finger, so their eyes connected once more.

“Why, Danny?” Jack asked softly.

Danny frowned, his mind taking a different route. Why was Jack acting like this now? Why was he acting like he cared so much?

“What do you want from me, Jack?” Danny asked.

Jack barely even hesitated before he answered.

“I want to have the chance to show you how you should be loved, in the way you deserve. I want you, Danny,” Jack said honestly.

Danny’s jaw dropped. B-But…

Jack licked his bottom lip before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Danny’s, making the shorter man gasp but immediately kiss back. Jack groaned and clutched at Danny’s face, Danny gripping Jack’s t-shirt in his hands, kissing like this would be the last time he would get the chance. Because who knew? This might actually be Danny’s last chance. With that thought in mind, Danny kissed Jack even more desperately, a bruising, hungry kiss that made his blood swirl and his skin tingle. Danny didn’t even know how long they were kissing for before he ran out of air and had to pull away, gasping desperately but unable to stop the grin that spread across his lips.

“So you’re not just playing around?” Danny murmured.

“No, I’m not. I know I piss about all the time, humping your face on stage, partying drunk all the time, but I have always liked you. You’re such a strong person, inside and out, and you have this adorable smile that you get one dimple with, and when you really laugh your chest rumbles slightly, and your arms are so sexy that I just want them wrapped around me all the time. I’m serious about you, Danny,” Jack said softly.

Danny’s grin only got wider, making Jack giggle.

“So will you be my boy?” Jack asked.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you ask that. Fuck yes,” Danny murmured.

Jack whooped and crashed his lips back down on Danny’s.

“ALRIGHT JACK! SOMEONE’S GETTING LAID TONIGHT!”

Thanks, Vinny, really. Danny just stuck up his middle finger before threading that hand through Jack’s hair. Finally, he wasn’t just floating through life – he had a purpose. He had Jack.