I Should Have Known

Monday bloody Monday. We all hate it, nobody ever fell in love on a Monday, nobody ever marched down the aisle on a Monday and nobody ever woke up with a smile on a Monday. This Monday was no different except for the fact that it crashed an entire family, tore its pillars apart and brought a whole industry to its knees.

“Calm down. Okay – Brian, where are you?”

It was hard to gasp for air and breathing became secondary as Brian Jr. kept tugging at Jimmy’s clothes, trying to wake him from the sleep he has slipped into.

“Brian – damnit Brian, listen to me. Where the fuck are you?”

Tears started rolling down his cheeks and he was unable to form any coherent words to his father who was impatiently waiting on the other side of the phone call. His mind was empty, everything was empty but the same old song was still playing in the background. But he couldn’t focus and the only words that he managed to roll off his tongue were a mere whisper.

“Dad – I’m at his place. I’m at Jimmy’s I – ”

“Stay there. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

Brian simply nodded before the phone gently slipped out of his hand down on the floor. It probably broke by the way it hit against the cold wooden floor but this was the least of his worries right now. Why Jimmy? Why Jimmy among everyone else who could have died on this god forsaken day? Things stopped making sense in his head and suddenly he completely zooned out.

“The fuck – Jimmy what the fuck. The fuck is this mess? What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

The tight grip on Jimmy’s shirt soon transformed into Brian punching against Jimmy’s chest, unable to grasp that his best friend has passed away, probably just minutes before he reached his home, expecting everything else but this.

With each passing minute, Jimmy’s face started to lose its original color, slowly getting replaced with all shades of grey. Brian found a comfortable position by just sitting on the floor, his back against the sofa and Jimmy’s upper body resting against his lap. The Marlboro tattooed fingers were now resting on top of the chest that simply wouldn’t accept any air anymore, on top of that heart that stopped beating in the most pathetic way. Overdosed on medication and alcohol? Every time that thought crossed Brian’s mind, he simply shook his head as more tears just rolled down his face.

“Remember when –”

Brian’s shaking; almost crackling voice broke the silence that filled up the room. The guitarist tried to force a smile on his face, looking down at his best friend. It was the most morbidly twisted situation he could have thought of – talking to a dead person and actually enjoying it, knowing well that this is among the last moments he’ll get to share with Jimmy. He continued talking in a whisper, his eyes filling up with new tears that seemed like a never ending stream of waterfalls by now.

“Remember when we met – back in the days, and it was like, yeah – it was almost like love at first sight, love at first day. You were this crazy kid, with amazing drum skills and so much more. I seriously found my soulmate in you. And what now?”

He stopped talking for a moment as he leaned his head back, taking a deep breath and staring at the ceiling for a few moments. As he closed his eyes, the only thing his ears could up was that song that was playing on repeat in the background. It was one of those songs that Jimmy probably listened to when he was alone and lonely, because it was nowhere close to Pantera or Dream Theater – it was this, beautiful melody by a rock band named Foo Fighters. Brian’s lips slowly moved along with the lyrics, his words mere whispers, dancing along with the lonesome guitar that was taking the lead part in the song.



It was impossible to hold the tears back as his Marlboro tattooed figures moved gently up Jimmy’s shirt all the way to his chin and gently intertwined with his raven black hair that became browner with the passing months.

“Now I’m here – alone. What the fuck Jimmy … why the fuck did you have to do this to me. You know we love you. We love you more than anything. Why couldn’t you just wait for me? Wait for a few more minutes. If I was here sooner – I could have. I could have saved you, I know…”

Before he could say anything else, he caught the sound of his father’s footsteps rushing down the hallway through the kitchen and to the living room, where the boys were sitting on the cold wooden floor. Brian simply looked up at his dad with the most heartbreaking look on his face and his father wasn’t far away from sharing the same look. To see someone who was always so full of energy, so obnoxiously loud, happy and always with that smile on his face, to just lay on the floor like that, with no color at all on his face – it was heartbreaking to say the least.

“Okay – I called the rest of the guys. They’ll be here in ten minutes or so but you – ”

Papa Gates as he was known around the family, he was at loss of words as well. As they shared a few more silent moments and tears, the older Brian finally helped his son stand up and gave him a well needed embrace. The whole vibe of the room was just off, it didn’t feel real and they weren’t the only ones who felt like that.

Eventually the rest of the guys walked into the house, one after another – the first one to arrive was Zacky since he lived the closest to Jimmy, close behind were Matt and Johnny who arrived in the same car. One after another they broke down, sitting around Jimmy and not knowing what to do. At one point, Johnny went on a rampage and just threw all the empty and not empty bottles of champagne around the kitchen. It took Matt and Gates both to stop the little one from doing any more damage. As the police and other important figures filled the room, the rest of the gang just walked to the backyard, smoking their probably 100th cigarette since they found out about the incident. When your mind is racing from A to B and you can’t keep yourself from pacing left and right around the room, that’s when you can say for sure that your world is crumbling apart and you have zero control over it.

Matt was completely pale along with Zacky, Brian was in his own little world while Johnny had so much anger and rage inside him that he was boiling, even outside. He was constantly throwing things around and smashing them apart, but neither of the guys was really in the right mindset to stop the bassist.

“What the fuck, man …”

Matt finally broke the silence as he looked up at Brian and Zacky who were simultaneously smoking probably the 110th cigarette by now. They were all shocked; you couldn’t have put it any other way. All you could hear Zacky say was “fuck” under his breath and he repeated several times that he was sick and tired of this game and how many friends they’ve already lost because of it. Brian on the other side was just smoking his cigarettes away, pack after pack, keeping himself from making any eye contact because it was hard enough to not cry without seeing all the brokenhearted faces staring right back at him.

“Okay, guys, you should all go home. This is going to take longer than we anticipated and –”

Papa Gates was cut short by Johnny shouting “fuck this” across the backyard, throwing rocks and whatnot at random objects that he found especially irritating. The older man just sighed and nodded several times before he padded his son’s shoulder along with Matt’s, gesturing them that it’s time to go home since there’s little they can do around here now.

“Or go my place. Make yourself comfortable and I’ll join you guys soon.”

A few more moments were spent just standing there, Papa Gates gripping their shoulders tighter this time – they were like sons to him, all of them; not knowing what else he could have said or done for the little gang of best friends, better known as a group called Avenged Sevenfold. Finishing his current cigarette, Brian let it fall down on the floor before he killed it off by stepping on it – he simply hugged his dad and held him really tight for what seemed like an eternity, unable to form a proper “thank you”, but this was his way of thanking his father for the support. Zacky placed his hand on Brian’s back as he slowly let go of his father, Matt tried to force a little smile on his face, trying to thank Papa Gates for the enormous help.

“Drive safe and call me when you guys get there, okay?”

That was the only request Papa Gates had for them, as they all left walking from the backyard in the most monotone and sorrow driven way. It was breaking his heart to see his son like this and more than anything, it broke his heart to see a star so bright as Jimmy, die like this. You know how they all say that those who burn bright, burn the fastest? I guess there’s a little truth in all of these sayings.

It took them maybe a good ride of thirty or forty minutes before they reached Papa Gates’ house, which was empty at that moment since everyone was either at Jimmy’s place or trying to do errands so the boys wouldn’t have to worry about that as well right now. They didn’t speak a word the entire ride and it was a miracle that Matt was even able to concentrate and focus enough to drive, without driving the car against the next best tree. Because trust me, right now they all wanted to die. They just found out that their best friend has died. This all seemed like one bad dream – like a nightmare.

With Matt driving, Johnny was keeping him company on the front seat, meaning that Zacky and Gates were sitting in the back. All of them looking out of their windows, in their own little world, replaying their favorite memories of Jimmy and the times they spent with him – when all of the sudden, that song came on the radio and the last chorus hit home with them more than anything.