I Woke Up in a Car

After the party, things were slightly awkward with Eric. Then again, when were they not? He was nice, sure, but I always felt awkward around him. I didn't know what to say and I felt that now, more than ever, I was some kind of burden on him. I hated that feeling. This was what I'd been trying to avoid but it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, it was pointless. I was going to feel like a burden.

The mountains in Canada were getting a massive amount of snow so Eric decided that we would drive up, from California, to Whistler, British Columbia, Canada. That was a long drive, elongated by the fact that Eric had to stop by one of his favorite mountains, Mt. Baker in Washington. Eric had friends there who were willing to put us up for a couple of days.

One was photographer, one was filming, a few were pros. Then me. I felt like nothing more than a glorified babysitter. To be honest I had a hard time getting them to listen to me, mostly because I was younger than them and pretty wet behind the ears as to what exactly they did.

It wasn't until the guys had decided that they were going to try to hit the “infamous” Baker road gap. I was really confused but it was just like it sounded. A layout of the land that lent itself to the opportunity to jump over the highway that had been cleared of snow and that frequently had cars on it.

“You're all nuts!” I shouted as Eric and his friends headed to hike up to where the take-off point was.

The photographer looked at me and laughed as I was bundled in an extra jacket of Eric's, fucking cold weather. “You must be new.”

I rolled my eyes, “This is dangerous, they could be killed. What if they miscalculate and--” I was cut off when I heard a distinct 'WOOSH!' and looked up to see Eric over the gap in the road. I nearly had a heart attack as I watched him go out of my line of sight. I didn't see a large send-up of powder so he must have landed okay.

The photographer kept shooting as the other riders took their runs, each one going big over the gap. One even dared back-flip and I thought he was going to land on his head. I relaxed more as Eric came trotting up to us from above our heads at the edge of the snow.

I glared up at him as he handed me his board which I set against the wall of snow, reaching to help Eric down. “You guys could be killed! One wrong move, That's all it takes!” I said.

Eric lifted his goggles to look at me, “Woah! Easy tiger. I've done this a hundred times before.” Eric paused, “Really, it's okay. I know what I'm doing, we all do.” Eric turned his head to the photographer and led me away, up the road, out of earshot.

I sighed as I watched heads appear over the snowbank with their boards as well. I wrinkled my nose a little, “There are moving--” I paused as a car passed us by, spraying our jackets with water from the wet pavement, “cars. It's dangerous.”

Eric waited till the car went by, “Yeah, I know, but so is snowboarding in a half-pipe or on a course.” Eric paused, “Everything has risks. You, of all people, should know that. Living on the streets, you took a risk.”

He was right. Of all the people, the homeless girl should know that everything has some risk, “Yeah, but that's different.” I said, and to some degree, it was.

“Yeah? How is choosing to live on the streets any less of a risk than doing this?” Eric asked, hands motioning to the snow around us.

I bit my lip some as I tried to fight the anger rising up in my own throat, “I was forced into that decision. You know the risks and yet still you do it. There's a big difference.” I said.

Eric shook his head, “You still took the risk. Just as I do.”

I was on the verge of tears, I was angry. How could he be so non-chalant about my choice to live on the streets. “Yeah, because there's no doubt in my mind that I would've rather risked being beaten to a bloody pulp had I stayed where I was. I chose the lesser of two evils Eric.”

I turned, my back to Eric and headed back to the group, upset. I pulled the hood down over my face as I headed for Eric's truck which was parked along the road. I climbed into the passenger side and slammed the door closed, leaving them all standing there standing between the two of us.

The ride back was completely silent except for the radio that was playing. My head rested against the glass. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't even want to think about it. I hated that the pissing match was how I'd sort of told him but still not the full story. We arrived at his friend's house and I headed to walk the opposite direction, still in the snow jacket and gear. Anything to get away, just for a little while.

Twenty minutes later I found myself at a park. I was sitting on one of the two swing-sets, watching kids play. Some with other kids, some with parents. It made me miss my dad. I missed him a lot. I pushed at the ground a little with my feet. Thinking about my dad, I remembered the time we went to the shore and played in the sand. He helped me build my sandcastle and moat. I smiled some.

“Mind if I join you?” I heard a voice ask, looking up to see Eric standing there. He was also holding two cups, both steaming in the cool Washington air. Eric smiled when he followed my gaze, “Hot Chocolate?”

I nodded a little and reached out to take it from him as I moved a little, “Thanks.” My voice was quiet.

Eric sat in the swing next to mine, sipping on whatever hot drink he was drinking. He didn't say anything, but, I didn't want him to. I figured he was just seeing if I was okay. I wasn't.

I took a sip of my drink and let my fingers run around the lid edge. I took a deep breath and then let it out. “Sixteen.”

Eric blinked, turning to look at me, “Hm?”

I looked over at him, “I was Sixteen.” I repeated.

Eric's head tilted a little and then he nodded, “Oh. Young.”

I nodded, “Probably too young.” I sighed, looking out over the playground, “I was fourteen when my dad died. Wrong place, wrong time. Some kid who was knocking over a convenience store.”

Eric frowned, “Ari, I'm sorry. Really.” He said, reaching over to put a hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged, “All the 'I'm Sorry's in the world won't bring him back.” I bit my lip as I tried not to think about what I'd been doing that day. It was normal, well, until lunch-time.

Eric nodded a little, “So, why did you run away two years later?” Eric scratched at his beard.

I watched him quietly as he scratched. That beard was getting gross looking now. It had aged him so incredibly fast. “Gene.” I said, “My step-dad. He was abusive.” I stopped moving my swing. “That other scar on my eyebrow, the one you didn't notice before the party?” I asked.

Eric nodded, “That's from him?” Eric had stopped moving too and was now focused solely on me.

“Yeah.” I tucked a hand in the coat pocket, “It's why I freaked at the party. Same thing. Drunk. Broken bottle to the wall, only I was doing dishes that time.” I sighed, closing my eyes, “He came after me but I had a lock on my door, he couldn't get in.”

Eric nodded a little, “That's why you were afraid to let me in?”

I nodded some more, “It's not that I don't trust you but, I.. it still felt like it happened yesterday. I was re-living it a little and.. I don't know, I was scared.”

Eric frowned, sipping his drink, “I'm sorry.” He paused, “Your mom, do you ever talk to her?”

I shook my head, “Rarely. I call, or write, to let her know I'm okay, but I don't fill her in on the rest. I spoke to her for a while once after I first left. She told me she filed a police report stating that I was a runaway.” I shrugged, “But by then, I was long gone.” I cradled my cup and then sipped more.

“So just like that, in a snap, you were gone?” Eric asked, “There wasn't a friend's house you could stay with or another relative?” He asked.

“I didn't think about it really. Besides, I didn't want to be a burden on anyone. I still don't.” I said, looking over at him. “But thank you, for doing everything you've done for me.” I smiled some at Eric.

Eric smiled back at me, “I'm glad to help out.” He said. “Come on, let's head back.” He stood from the swing-set and stretched, yawning. “I'm sure dinner is ready and it's getting to be time for bed. Long travel day tomorrow, and customs.” Eric said.

I stood from the swing-set and started to walk next to Eric, the park had long-ago begun to clear out of families. The sun was setting and the temperature was dropping. Eric put his arm around my shoulders and I put my arm around his waist. I felt a little more relieved that I'd told Eric the whole story. Not exactly how I thought I'd tell him. Now, at least, that I'd told him, I felt like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders.