I Woke Up in a Car

Over the next couple of days I spent visiting between the hospital, the hotel, and my parents' house. My old room had been given to Danielle, but my things remained in the closet. I had been home and went through them. I found many of my old school things, old pictures, old books, and more importantly an old journal.

My fingers ran over the front of it. It was a black composition journal. I remember the assignment, our ninth grade English teacher challenged us to write in it every day. It sounded silly but she had taken a page right out of that movie that MTV made called, “Freedom Writers”. I opened the book, the pages we as I had left them. Some with pointless dribble, most of it about how I hated school or how I got an 'A' on this test or that assignment.

I took it back to the hotel with me, I sat reading it for what seemed like hours. An entry detailed the first annivarsary of my dad's death, the trial, how everything was. My mom dating Gene and when he started beating her and then trying to come after me. I realized how miserable, how incredibly lonely I had been. I was so anti-social, so nerdy, so... I don't even know how to describe it. After the last written on entry, there was a page ripped out; The note I'd left when I ran away.

Everything hit me all at once. I wasn't the same person I had been. I didn't know if I was better or worse. All I knew is that, I was different. I had been places, seen things, experienced things that, I'm afraid, had I stayed, perhaps I wouldn't have experienced.

Eric left, much to my dismay, the day that my mother went home from her treatments. I went home with her, to help take care of her. To help watch over my sister. As much as I wanted to go, to work, to keep living my own life, I felt like my family needed me, at least, temporarily. I would be back, it wouldn't be forever. I texted Eric almost daily, asking about his day and how the snow was, how his friends were. I missed him. I missed John too, we texted, he was still shredding.

However, what turned into a week, or two, soon turned in to a month-- through the holidays. I stayed on my parents' couch and went out, exploring the city. I had even run into some people that had stayed behind from school. They had all thought I was dead for sure. No one ran away for more than three months, anything beyond that and they assumed you were dead. I survived for two years. I was happy, I was having a life.

Things couldn't be better as I stayed for the Christmas and New Year's holiday. I honestly could say that we were a family. Something I hadn't even considered, let alone thought of all of us, since my dad died. I couldn't believe he'd been gone for so long. I visited his grave on Christmas, left some flowers, told him what I had been up to, I even showed him a picture of Eric and John, both good guys by all accounts.

Despite my parents being grateful to have me home, it was so extremely hard to watch my mother go through her treatments week in and week out as she fought this disease that was ravaging her body. She was tired a lot of the time and sometimes she was so weak, I would brush her hair for her; It scared me when it would just come out in clumps in my hands. I'd help bathe her, help dress her. I was terrified of losing her, not just for me, but for Danielle too.

While I kept in touch with Eric almost daily, he let me know that he would be coming to town for business. He put me down on the list to the movie premiere. I was excited to go to be honest. Excited for the distraction from the stress of my mother's illness and the pressure I felt like I was under (“Are you gonna get your GED?”) from gene and my other family.

I dressed myself up in A pink strapless dress, black heels and clutch, with diamond and ruby accessories. I hopped on the subway and headed downtown to meet Eric. I left my red hair down with a bit of curl in it. Me being excited to see Eric was an understatement. I hadn't seen him in over a month and I was really looking forward to him being here. Maybe he could stay an extra day at least.

I told the gentleman at the door to check the list for my name. He checked the list and gave me a wristband that had, 'V.I.P' in big black letters written on it. He let me through the velvet rope and I headed inside the party. I looked down a little, feeling a few heads turn as I entered VIP. Some of the faces were familiar friends of Eric and John's who came over to greet me immediately.

It was nice to catch up with some of them, find out how their seasons were going, how their riding and filming escapades were going. One of his friends in particular, Shaun (Not White), had me in stitches the whole time, recounting a story about filming in the back-country and how he'd just run right into a tree. He swore it came out of nowhere.

After they finished I headed to go get a drink and find Eric. No sooner had I texted Eric, I saw him sitting on a couch with a brunette, taking a drink. The brunette next to him engaged in conversation with two other young women. Eric spotted me and jumped off the couch so fast, I thought he was going to spill his drink. “Ari!” He shouted over the loud music.

I laughed and held out my arms to Eric, “Eric!” I shouted in return as he wrapped his big, strong, arms around me. My own arms moved up around his neck as I pulled back to look up at him. He had quite the beard going, and he for sure needed a haircut, but his blue eyes were still the same. Intense as ever. “I missed you.” Though I was sure he didn't hear me over the loud music.

Eric just smiled, “Let's get you a drink.” He said, turning to the brunette and tapping on her shoulder. She turned to look at Eric as they exchanged words. He motioned to me and I looked at her with a smile and wave. She sized me up with her eyes. Oh. Were they an item now?

A thousand other thoughts ran through my head as Eric tugged my hand, pulling me down the stairs. Did Eric have a girl in every resort town? Was it some secret that every guy saw a different girl in every town? “Who was the brunette?” I shouted over the music.

Eric smiled a little, “She's my new assistant the company sent for me when you stayed behind.” Eric said watching me. I must have looked rigid, threatened, pissed off. Eric nudged me, “She's no you. I promise.” Eric said as he stood on the stair above me and pressed his lips to mine in a kiss.

I couldn't really tell if that was a good or a bad thing. Girls were ruthless. Well, at least coming from the point of view of 'Mean Girls', I knew how bad things could get. I also knew that girls, for whatever reason, practically threw themselves at anyone with even a little bit of money. It bothered me. Not just because it made it seem like girls like that were gold diggers... actually, no, that's the whole reason.

I looked up to see the brunette staring at me from the rail in VIP, no longer talking to the other women. Her eyes narrowed and I swore I saw her face twist into a snarl. Eric looked up and smirked, kissing my cheek. “Come on, don't worry about her. She's just jealous.” Eric said into my ear as he held me closer against him as we walked to the bar.

I couldn't help but smile some as Eric got me a drink, a beer to start. Open bar, no ID. The show was supposed to be 21+ but it was clear that some people with wristbands were not over 21. I thanked Eric as he handed me my drink and we headed off to a small hallway. It was quieter here, easier to talk.

Eric had me, back against the wall, hand resting on my hip, forehead against mine. “I miss you. It's not the same with you gone.” He said as I tipped the beer bottle to my lips to take a drink. His blue eyes were electrifying and the brown curls only made them seem more intense.

I felt like somehow I had failed as an assistant because of my situation but it was something I had to do. I chose my family over a career, “Oh yeah? How is it not the same?” I asked, smiling some.

Eric chuckled, “You screaming at me not to get killed is something I miss.” Eric grinned, “You're so.. naive to things.” Eric paused and pushed a hand through his hair and re-adjusted his hat.

I took the opportunity to take the hat from him. I gently put it on my head and moved to push my own hands through Eric's hair to smooth it, “You look better without the hat.” I said.

Eric shook his head and then took my hand, kissing the back of it, “God,” He paused as he looked at me, “That's what I love, what I miss about you. You're so.. innocent and child-like to some things. Your sense of wonder and amazement at everything is what I miss.”

I smiled up at him, “I would love to come back..” I said, pausing. It felt good to be wanted by someone, anyone. It made me feel like my time, my two years spent, wasn't a complete waste. Plus, Eric missed me, there was nothing more flattering than having someone miss you, miss your smile, your face, your presence and who you are.

Eric's face fell just slightly, “But. There's always a but.”

I nodded just slightly, “Eric, my mom is still really sick with the Cancer. I'm not sure she's going to get better.” I bit my lip and looked at my beer before guzzling the rest. “So many people to be strong for, so many things to do and so little time left.” I said, my voice wavering a little as I tried not to let on about how bad things were, that things weren't exactly getting better.

Eric nodded a little and rested his head against mine. I closed my eyes as the club quieted down and Eric put his hand on my cheek. It was comforting. He didn't even have to say anything to me. There was the same quality that John had; Just knowing what not to say but still able to, somehow, make things at least feel or seem okay.

Even if it was just for tonight, I didn't feel like I had the world on my shoulders. I could forget my mom's illness, I could forget about the worry of caring for my sister, finishing school, going back to work.

Just being with Eric had made it all fucking disappear.