I Woke Up in a Car

As John and I settled in the next morning from our trip from Alaska, arranging our affirs. Eric and I remained at a sort of strained distance. It was almost like we were back in that awkward stage where we had once started. I looked down and felt like we had grown apart a bit, however as i understood it to be, that happened as a common occurrence when you spend three months away from someone.

I was just heading upstairs to the spare room where Eric as well as myself was staying. I opened the door, seeing him on the phone. "Oops. Sorry!" i said backing up, closing the door just enough to leave a gap. I knew, I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help myself.

"Rachel, relax." Eric said into the phone, "I'm just here for a couple days. I'm not missin—" Eric paused, "Rachel, I set my schedule." Eric said frustrated in to the phone. "That was a one time th—" Eric paused, "You fucking tricked me." Pause. "No." Pause. "No. And you won't either." Pause. "No, she's my girlfriend. No. I'm not telling her and you're not telling her. End of Discussion."

I wasn't terribly sure how to handle something I wasn't meant to hear. From what I could gather Eric had made a mistake. A mistake that I wasn't ready for. I trusted him while he was gone. I spent three months away, in the Alaskan wilderness surrounded by guys with guns and sleds and no cell phone service. He couldn't even write to tell me.

Once the conversation was over, I pushed the door open lightly. I didn't really know what I was doing. The only thing I knew, was that I was not going to be someone's doormat to walk all over. I wasn't going to be this girl, this person who turned a blind eye to a person's infidelities. I knew, some day, I'd forgive him but it wasn't going to be right now.

Eric's face changed as he threw the phone on the bed, he went from a look of complete and utter disgust and disdain to a smile. A smile that a part of me, the same part of me that was hating him right now, wanted to slap off his face. "Hey."

The sides of my mouth twitched just a little. I couldn't pretend to be happy after what I had just heard. My hands shook as I reached to take the gold chain from around my neck, lifting it over my head gently, "I think.. I think this belongs to you." Eric looked confused as I pulled out his hand, put the chain inside, and closed his hand around it.

Eric sighed and shook his head, "I told you, you're my girlfriend, I want you to wear this on the road." His blue eyes were dark, deep, his face suddenly filling with hurt. It wwas a face I wish I could have erased from my memory, one I had never seen.

I shook my head, "No. I'm not." I whispered, "Eric, I heard the conversation." I said, looking up at him. My brows were pushed together, my shorter stature didn't exactly make me menacing, "I'm not a doormat." I paused, "I just want to know why you felt like you couldn't tell me." I said, looking at him as though I was looking for him to tell me something, anything, I wanted to hear.

Eric ran a hand over his face and turned. Like he couldn't bear to look at me, to bother to explain himself to me. "Because it was a mistake. A one-night drunken mistake." Eric said as he turned back to me, the chain dangling from his fingers. "One that I swear I won't make again."

I shook my head, "Eric. Really. I.. I can't." I slowly started to back away and to the door. The honest brutal truth was, with Rachel still controlling nearly every aspect of Eric and his career, I couldn't trust him. We spent too much time apart with me on the road with John. My mind would constantly wonder if Eric was 'Behaving' himself.

I couldn't ask him to stop going out, stop doing events (Most of these seemed to happen at bars regardless of the age of the riders), and stop working. It wasn't fair to either of us to ask that of one another, "We're better off apart. Please leave it as that." I said, turning and leaving the room.

Eric still stood there still holding the chain in his fingers. Staring at it. I am sure he was as hurt as I was. We both cared so much about each other but with Rachel, his one-night drunken mistake, our being on the road, and being apart from each other it was bound to take a toll on us.

Why force something to work that is doomed to fail from the start?