Baby, I'm a Lightweight

“I’m so glad that we have an actual day off today,” I yawned as I sat down at our table in the front lounge. Lyric was picking at her cereal, cause she was half asleep, and Colton was chugging his coffee like someone might steal it if he were to sit it down.
“Me too,” Colton agreed between gulps.
“I just want to be able to actually hang out with my husband,” Lyric huffed.
“Today is a good day for that. I think that we’re going to the beach?” I questioned. I’m glad that the first couple of shows have been in our home-state of California. It’s been nice to just feel at home. Don’t get me wrong, Texas is definitely my home now, but California is where I’m from. It was home to me long before Texas ever was. “We should go there.”
“Sounds like fun,” Colton shrugged. “We can have a bon fire on the beach and everything,”
“I like that idea!” Lyric nearly shouted. “It’s perfect. Austin and I can stare gaze!”
“I thought so too,” I winked playfully. “Colt, where did you get that coffee?”
“Starbucks,” He replied. “There’s one right down the street if you really want to go get some,”
I nodded my head.
“I really want to go get some,”
“Get dressed,” He sighed but I knew that he would gladly point out where it is for me. I smiled and slipped out of the booth. I grabbed my bathing suite, shorts, and a over-shirt. I changed in the bathroom quickly. I just ran my fingers threw my long hair, and slipped on some Vans to wear today. When I walked back out of the bathroom, Lyric was no where to be found, and Colton and Skye were in the room arguing.
“You guys might want to chill it.” I stated, walking in. The tension got even more noticeable now that I was standing there. “What’s….going on here?”
“Skye and I are just being stupid.” Colton sighed, looking over at Skye.
He rolled his eyes and looked at me.
“Are you going to get coffee?”
“Yeah…” I trailed off, still looking between the two of them.
“Can you please get me some?” He asked me, wrapped me in a hug. “Please?”
“Yes, I will,” I giggled, and wrapped my arms back around him. “Someone is suddenly in a good mood.”
“You’re getting coffee. That’s reason enough for being in a good mood.” He stated before he let me go. “We’ll all be up and ready by the time you get back. I swear.”
“Fine, I’m going to make the official coffee run,” I rolled my eyes. I waved to the two guitar players, and I hopped off the bus. I looked over the hotel parking lot that we were staying in. Once everyone is up, we’re all going to go check in. I started past FTSK’s bus, and I wanted to run. I still feel really awkward near them…and this is just their bus.
“Karma!”
I turned and squinted toward the voice. Kyle came jogging over toward me with a not so happy looking Jonathan trailing behind him.
“Hey guys,” I tried my best to smile. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much. What are you up too?”
“I’m going on a coffee run,” I replied. I tried my best to avoid Jonathan’s green eyes. “Wanna come?”
“We’d love too!” Kyle laughed. “Right, Jonathan?”
Jonathan rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, whatever,” He answered. “I’m not really up for anything.”
“We’re going to the beach today,” I announced. “You guys are joining us, right?”
“Psh.”
“Yeah, I think the entire band is,” Kyle ignored Jonathan’s protest, as did I. “We’ve seriously been needing a day off.”
I stretched my arms above my head.
“Tell me about it. I’m so tired,”
“How’s Elena doing?” Kyle asked with a small smile.
Jonathan was trying not to look interested, but I could tell that he was. He loved Elena just like she was his own. It’s sweet, and sometimes I wish that she was his. I wish that she wasn’t John’s sometimes, but that’s just the way things go. They can’t all work out. Life’s not fair like that.
“She’s doing good. John sends me updates and pictures of her almost every day. She says she misses me…she misses us, all.”
“All of us, really?” Kyle asked, perking up. “Even Mr. Grumpy over here?”
Jonathan rolled his eyes, but he looked right at me.
“Of course she misses him,” I nearly laughed. “What kind of question is that?”
“Just wondering….” Kyle replied in a sing-song voice. I rolled my eyes at the drummer, and looked right ahead. We were headed toward the Starbucks which was only a block or so away from where we were standing. “Any new men in your life?”
“No,” I laughed. “Definitely not,”
“What about Colton? You guys seem really close,” Kyle stated.
“We’re just best friends,”
“Just friends,” Jonathan scoffed.
I stopped walking.
“Yeah, just friends. Colton and I have a long, weird relationship, but we aren’t together. We haven’t been for a really long time,” I stated.
“So what are you saying? Do you and Colton have some weird past thing to I never knew about?”
I crossed my arms.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Jonathan.” I stated.
“I guess you can add that to your bullshit bucket.” He retorted.
“Colton is like a brother now,”
“A brother that you kiss?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “So what? It’s a stage kiss. If I ever felt like that toward Colton again, I’d probably say something to him about it, and we would figure it out from there. He’s been in my life since I was a kid, Jonathan. You can’t throw away a friendship like that,”
“Yeah, Friendship,”
“You know what, asshole, I’m fucking sick and tired of you! You’re making my life hell right now, and I know that I must not be making it easier for you. If you really wanted to know the story between Colton and I, all you had to do was fucking ask. Instead, you decided to be a douche. I was actually trying to be civil here,”
“By ignoring me? Yeah, real civil, Karma.”
“I’m sorry, Jonathan! What more do you want? I’m trying.” I felt my tears start to build up. “I’m trying to be nice, and I’m trying to avoid you. I’m trying to forgive you, and I’m definitely trying to forget you. You’re making this worse than it has to be. You don’t have to lash out at me every time we speak to each other. What happened to that Jonathan that I met three and a half years ago? What happened to the man that I fell in love with? What fucking happened to the man that always stayed so calm and collected? What fucking happened to the guy who said that he wouldn’t give up? Huh? Riddle me that,” I knew that was full on crying by now. I shook my head, and looked away from him. “What happened to you? What made you so…mean?”
“You,” He replied while he crossed his arms.
I looked down at my feet, and took a breath.
“I guess I deserve that,”
“No you don’t,” Kyle spoke up. His voice cracked lightly. “Jonathan, stop being a asshole. Karma’s actually trying, even after you turned into a jackass.”
Jonathan looked over at his best friend and then me. He shook his head and started walking away.
“Let’s get some coffee,” He stated.

♥
“Thank you, Jesus!” Emmie stated, looking up at the sky. “I love the beach.”
“Now remember that we can’t stay out here all night. We’ve got to pick up the bonfire afterward,” Lyle informed us. “We may get a day off, but we all really do have to clean up after ourselves.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Relax, we’ll pick it all up. You know that we will, and if we forget you’ll remind us,”
Lyle nodded.
“Yeah, but still. I don’t want to forget all about it.”
“We know this.” Lyric sighed. “Lyle, just go enjoy the beach, okay? It’s not everyday that we get a chance like this,”
“Fine,” He mumbled before he moved off with the other guys from this tour.
It was silent as Cassadee, Emmie, Lyric, and myself laid out on our towels. My sunglasses shielded the sun from my eyes, and the sunscreen protected my body from getting burnt. My mind was running wild with what had happened earlier. I seriously lashed out on Jonathan. Part of me thought that maybe I went a little over-bored, but I felt like it needed to be said. He’s been making me feel like shit for way too long now and I don’t think that I can deal with it anymore.
I didn’t tell anyone about what had happened. I didn’t feel it was needed. They all were having a good time on tour. It was a pretty good vibe except between Jonathan and I. I don’t want anyone else to be drug into it without wanting to know what exactly happened. It wouldn’t exactly be right to him.
“So…Karma…any new guy in your life?” Cassadee asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
“What is up with everyone wanting to know that?” I laughed, because the girl looked silly wiggling her eyebrows like that at me. “No, I have no boyfriend, fuck buddy, or anything else like that.”
“I knew that,” Emmie rolled her eyes. “Anyone that you’ve got your eye on?”
I rolled my eyes at my best friend.
“No, not exactly.”
“But you do like someone!” Lyric pointed an accusing finger in my direction. “Spill, Jelly bean.”
“Really? It’s just a stupid kind of crush…” I trailed off, looking down at my pick and black bathing suite bottom. “He probably doesn’t even know that I exist. It’s kind of pointless to have a small crush on him.”
“Who is it?” Cassadee begged. “Please tell us?” She pouted.
“Guys, seriously, stop!” I giggled. “I feel like a little talking about this.”
“Just tell us and the argument will be over.” Lyric sighed, but she was still smiling. I knew that she found this just as amusing as the other two girls did.
I buried my face in my hand, and I mumbled his name.
“Pardon, I didn’t quite catch that,” Emmie teased.
I groaned and I looked at them.
“His name is Andy…Biersack.” I mumbled.
“HOLY FUCK!” Emmie nearly yelled. “Seriously?”
I pouted.
“What’s wrong with that?” I crossed my arms.
“He’s just…wow…not your type.”
I rolled my eyes at Emmie.
“Thanks Em.”
“I just…he’s so….bad ass,” Lyric giggled.
“He wears makeup,” Cassadee added with a giggle.
I shook my head at them.
“I’m aware of this, guys,” I retorted. “He’s just…cute…and I like his eyes. His voice is pretty sexy too.”
“Oh my gosh!” Emmie giggled. She stood up, and started running toward the water. “KARMA HAS A COUGAR CRUSH!”
“EMMIE!” I yelled, feeling my face turn as red as a tomato.
“It’s okay, baby doll.” Cassadee stated. “Just ignore it.”
I huffed, and looked around the beach. Emmie was still running around, yelling about my ‘cougar crush’ on someone. Thank God that she didn’t tell anyone who that was…yet. I know how Emmie is and the second that she finds a good opportunity to spill the beans, she will. She’ll say it, no matter how embarrassed I’ll be about it. It can get annoying, but I love her anyway.
“It’s so hard when she’s running around yelling it,” I replied. I felt even more drained than I did this morning. “I have to go write.”
“What?” Lyric furrowed her brows.
“I need to write.” I stated, standing up. “I’ve got to find Colton.”
“Okay…” Cassadee trailed off.
I started toward the water where Emmie was now perched on Kyle’s back, and the guys were just kind of waiting in the water. Skye was standing between Jonathan and Colton.
“Colt!” I nearly yelled.
“Hey girl,” He replied, wrapping an arm around me. “Sup?”
“I’m inspired.” I gave him a look.
“What in the fuck are we still doing in the water? Let’s go!” He replied. Colton turned from being a lazy guy on the beach to the secretly genius musician that he is.
“That’s what I’m saying!” I nearly yelled. “Come on,”
“Where are you going?” Caleb chuckled.
“To have sex,” Colton called over his shoulder.
I lightly elbowed him.
“He’s joking!” I yelled back. “Ah!” I yelled the second that I was scooped off of the ground by him, and he started running. “Put me down!” I giggled and laughed.
To any on-looker, I’m sure we looked like a couple. I mean, I would believe that we were too if I were to see us. We walked past Cassadee and Lyric. They both gave me a confused look, considering that I was still in Colton’s arms.
“We’re going to write a song now.” He stated. Colton continued to hold me bridal style until we stopped at our destination. He sat me down once we were outside of the bus in the hotel parking lot. “I’ll get the guitars, okay?”
I nodded my head, and I walked onto the bus to get my notebook. I grabbed it out, and turned it toward an un-finished song. I started to scribble down the words that were swirling around my head. Colton came up, and smiled at me. Together we worked on finishing the song that I had wanted. Colton worked on the guitar part while I sang. After we perfected the lyrics, I grabbed my guitar and I learned the song. The process took a few hours longer than we had expected. I smiled at him widely when we were done. We sat the guitar aside, and I hugged him tightly.
“Thank you!” I gushed.
“You’re welcome, doll.” He smiled widely at me. “Are you feeling okay after this morning?”
I shrugged.
“This is definitely making me feel better, thanks,” I replied.
“No problem.” He replied. “So I heard that you have a cougar crush?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah…I do. I wish that Em could keep her mouth shut.”
“Me and you both.” Colton laughed. “I’m glad that I have this time to spend with you, because I really have something that I want to tell you…”
“Okay…” I trailed off.
“Karma…I…”
“Are you guys almost done?!” Lyle’s voice stopped whatever Colton was about to say. “We’re starting the bon fire.”
“We were writing a song,” I called.
Lyle opened the bus door.
“Good. Come play it for all of us,” He smiled.
I looked over at Colton and he just nodded. We grabbed out guitars, and walked out toward where the bon fire was set up. All of the bands and the crew from tour were all gathered around. Colton and I slipped into two empty chairs that were side by side. I leaned the guitar that I had against my chair until we needed them. I watched all of my friends laughing together, and eating marshmellows. Of course there was no shortage of beer going around our circle. I even drank a little, but I figured that my body couldn’t take drinking every night. That’s just unhealthy.
“Karma and I just wrote a new song!” Colton announced. “Well, she did the lyrics. I did the music. Cause I’m awesome,”
I laughed.
“Whatever, Colt. WE just thought that we could play it for you guys before we decide if it goes on as a song we want to play or not.” I added. I scooped up my guitar into my lap. “1-2-3-4.” I counted before he started playing.

I’m having the day from hell,
It was all going so well,
Before you came.
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face,
Not again.
And not to mention,
The tears I shed.
But I should have kicked you,
Ass instead.
I need intervention,
Attention to stop temptation to scream,
‘Cause baby
Everything is F’ed up straight from the heart,
Tell me what do you do when it all falls apart.
Gotta pick myself up,
Where do I start
‘Cause I can’t turn to you when it all falls apart.
No.

Don't know where I parked my car,
Don't know who my real friends are, anymore,
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do,
When it rains it pours.
And not to mention ,
I drank too much,
I'm feeling hung over
And out of touch
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

'cause baby

Everything is F’ed up straight from the heart,
Tell me what do you do when it all falls apart.
Gotta pick myself up,
Where do I start
‘Cause I can’t turn to you when it all falls apart.

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
'Cause it just seems to go bad every time
Will I be mending?
Another one ending once again

Everything is F’ed up straight from the heart,
Tell me what do you do when it all falls apart.
Gotta pick myself up,
Where do I start
‘Cause I can’t turn to you when it all falls apart.
Everything is F’ed up straight from the heart,
Tell me what do you do when it all falls apart.
Gotta pick myself up,
Where do I start
‘Cause I can’t turn to you when it all falls apart.

Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up 'cause things are messed up

I finished, and I was huffing, almost like I was going to cry. I looked around the bonfire, and I saw the many looks from our friends.
“So what do you think?” Colton was the first to ask.
A lot of them gave feedback, but I was only looking at Jonathan, as usual. He looked mad, and he looked upset. He didn’t say anything, but he got up and left.
“Jonathan!” I called, walking after him. “Stop walking away.”
“Why? You certainly are good at it,” He replied before snatching his arm away from me.