Everywhere Everything

I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when Justin became my dad. Technically, it was when I was born, but that’s not what I mean. I mean, I didn’t know when he stopped being “Justin” and started being “dad.” It was a little awkward at first. We had to get to know each other. Awkward phone calls and visits were all that we had for the first few months.

After I finished my first semester at U of W, I moved to Arizona. I convinced my grandma that it was what was best for me. She told me she knew it was. She actually liked Justin, not as much as she liked Austin, but she was warming up. She was the reason they were able to easily find me a few months ago, which shocked the hell out of me.

I actually got my own apartment in Arizona too. I had grown used to living by myself and I wasn’t willing to give that up so soon. I guess technically, it was like I didn’t even live by myself at all. Brayden came over so often that I told him I was going to make him start paying rent.

Moving to Arizona was the best thing that I had ever decided to do in my life. I lived a few miles down the road from Justin. He stopped by sometimes just to bring me food, or a new vinyl or a mix tape he made. I suppose that’s how he became my dad. He cared. Somewhere along the way the conversations got less awkward and it wasn’t weird anymore. We were a family, him and me. In the coming years, he did more for me than I could have ever imagined. He accepted me into his life and dealt with my insane need to decorate his house for every holiday, even the ones nobody cared about. He dealt with the fact that I would never be a good cook, but I could peel a mean potato, which is more than I could say for my mom. I guess somewhere along the way, we learned to accept each other and learned how to mesh our lives together in a way that was comfortable for both of us. We had to learn how to give and take, how to accept and how to forgive. It wasn’t the easiest, but most things that are worth it in life aren’t always going to be easy.

We took many stupid road trips with no destinations where we did nothing but listen to bad music and ride with the windows down. We had a few family vacations now and then when I was on break from school, but it wasn’t just him and me. It was just about everyone. We were all a family. I didn’t just gain a dad; I gained uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents. I never missed out on anything because we did everything together. He was there for my college graduation, where both Brayden and I graduated Summa Cum Laude. He told me that there had never been a prouder moment of his life.

Justin, or dad as I have grown to call him, did walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I married the first and only boy that I would ever love. We still had many fights and bumped heads often, but I could never love anyone the way I loved Brayden. I guess I would never have to try.

Dad was always there for every major moment of my life. I often wondered what it would have been like to have had him in my life for the first eighteen years, but I always came to the same conclusion: I wouldn’t have been the same person. He would have more than likely quit the band and moved to Seattle. If that happened, I wouldn’t have met Brayden. Sure, maybe one day down the line I would have met Brayden, but maybe we wouldn’t have fallen in love. Who knows? My mom wouldn’t have raised me alone. I wouldn’t have had to go through my mom’s cancer alone, but I was glad that things worked out the way they did. I became a stronger person because of it. My life turned out the way I could have only ever dreamed about.

I did get a little surprise down the road, and I couldn’t help thinking that my mom was right the whole time. Ava Lena Nickelsen was born about two years after I marred Brayden and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I think Justin cried more than anyone when he first held her. This was what he missed with me, but he wasn’t going to miss it with Ava, I was going to make sure of that. I suppose one day I will turn this whole story into something Ava can read. She can pass it down to her kids and add her own story into the mix. I hope that I can be as good of a mom to her as my own mom was to me. My dad has already started to spoil Ava rotten, and I imagine that will only get worse with time, but I don’t think I have ever seen him happier.

For now, life is perfect.

You may hit some rough patches and you may feel like giving up but then you’ll miss the one moment where everything falls back into place. The one moment in which you see with such clarity that you wondered how you could have ever given up in the first place. Don’t underestimate what the universe has in store for you because you are destined for to be something extraordinary. Enjoy the time you have on this Earth, because in the words of Augustana, “We’re only here on borrowed time.” Make that time count for something.

This time is all the time you get.