Everywhere Everything

By the time Brayden pulled me away from the Kanitz’s house, it was close to midnight. Joel had amazing stories of my mom and well, I was eager to soak every word in.

As Brayden held the door open for me to climb into his truck, I embraced him in a tight hug. He relaxed into it and wrapped his arms around me.

“Thank you, again, for coming with me.”

“It was my pleasure. Maybe…” he started, taking a deep breath and pulling back from the hug to look at me. “Maybe I could start coming, you know? Put you at ease since I’ve grown up knowing these people. I’ll be-“

“My official awkwardness barrier,” I finished for him with a smile.

“Exactly. Plus,” he lightly squeezed my arms for emphasis, “I really like hearing your mom’s story. I know I haven’t heard the first few installments, but maybe you can fill me in.”

I smiled and nodded, climbing my way into the old pick-up truck. I watched as he made his way to the driver’s side. He was carrying Gerald, whom I hadn’t realized I had missed for sixteen years. He handed him to me as soon as he climbed in. I placed him on my lap and silently vowed to myself that I would never let anything else happen to him.

“Cybill handed me your next envelope, and I am supposed to pass it along,” he informed me once we reached the main road. He held it out to me and I groaned.

“How many houses am I going to visit before I meet my dad? Or am I even going to meet him?” It was driving me absolutely crazy. I had no idea how many days I would be here or how many people’s lives I would impose on. Brayden boldly reached over and grabbed my hand.

“She cares enough about you to set all of this up.”

“I know,” I nodded, swallowing the giant lump in my throat at the sudden contact Brayden and I had. “I’ve just gone eighteen years without him. My mother never spoke about him unless it was just a passing comment. He doesn’t even know that I exist!” I felt Brayden’s hand lightly squeeze mine.

“Don’t worry about it. She knew what she was doing. Put your faith in her. And even if we have one house left or 100 houses left, I will be with you.”

I nodded and opened the envelope with my free hand. I didn’t want him to let go of my other one just yet, but he noticed the hard time I was having and let it go. I inwardly sighed and pulled the contents of the envelope out. A loose piece of paper flew out and before I could reach for it, Brayden grabbed my hand again.

“It’s- well… It’s-“ he was stalling. I just kept quiet and enjoyed the feeling of his hand gripping mine.

“Well, It’s – uh… I – I snooped. When Cybill handed me the envelope while you and Joel were saying goodbye, I peaked. I wanted to see who was next.”

“Did you now?” I asked, gazing over at him, trying not to laugh at how nervous he was.

“Yeah, I – shit… well-” he paused to take a deep breath. “The address, well it’s mine.”

I nodded and waited for him to continue. “I figured that since you would be spending tomorrow at my house with my family that maybe you would like to come to my graduation.”

“Wow,” I smiled, glancing down at the piece of paper that fell onto the floorboard. “Of course. I would love to go.”

He let go of the breath that he was holding and retracted his hand. “There’s going to be a party afterwards, if you wanted to go and maybe meet some of my friends?”

I nodded and picked up the ticket to his graduation. “Just promise me that you won’t let me drink.”

“Deal.”

//\\//\\//\\

“Why am I even paying for a hotel?” I asked when we arrived back at his house. He just shrugged with a smile. That smile….

I kicked my sandals off and enjoyed the feeling of my toes sinking into the soft grass. Not a single blade was out place. Every house that I had been to so far had a very meticulous yard that I could assume was made possible by Brayden.

“You know, when I pictured Arizona, I always pictured dirt and sand. Not grass.”

“Well,” he said, kicking his TOMS off and digging his toes in the ground. “It takes a lot of effort to keep these yards up.”

I nodded and found myself sitting down on the soft grass. “What’s Seattle like?” I heard him asking as he plopped down next to me. “I picture it all wet and rainy. All of the time, you know, like London.”
“Well, it does rain a lot,” I shrugged. “But it’s more of a constant drizzle.”

“I don’t know how I would do with so much moisture. I’ve only ever lived here. For eighteen years, this house, this neighborhood. This is it.”

“Tell me what it was like to grow up here.” I pleaded, laying my head down on the soft grass and looking up at the stars. So he did. He told me everything. He told me what it was like to grow up with a close knit group of people. What it was like to have both of his parents there for him whenever he needed, and even when he didn’t. He told me how his older brother was his hero, and how much he aspired to be like him. I was so enamored, just listening to him speak so highly of all of the individuals he got to call his family and his friends. I hope I had that one day.

Somewhere during his stories, I found he had laid down beside me, his intense blue eyes staring right into my dull brown ones.

“Tell me about growing up in Seattle.”

My story was far less interesting than his. No siblings to speak of, or really close friends. I told him about my grandmother and her condescending ways. I told him how my mother did everything in her power to give me everything that I ever needed. Somewhere along my trip down memory lane, Brayden’s head rested on my stomach, my fingers very lightly playing with his brown hair. We knew it had to have been way past 3 AM, but neither of us made an attempt to move.

“It’s cold at night,” I shivered, earning a chuckle from Brayden.

“Do you want to go in?”

“No. I don’t ever want to move,” I confessed with a smile. I felt him nod his head in agreement.

“God. I can’t believe I’m graduating today.”

“Trust me. It get’s even weirder as the days go by.”

“How so?” he asked, gazing up at me.

“Like, I’ve spent the past however many years waiting until I was done with high school, you know, waiting for college. Those people you see every day, that have been with you for 12 years of school, they aren’t a big part of your life anymore. You see them less and less. You have to start relying on yourself and less on others. I’ve only just graduated a few weeks ago, but I can just tell. Nothing will be the same. You get thrown out of your comfort zone.”

“Well, you definitely did,” he grinned. “You got thrown so far out of your comfort zone, didn’t you?”

I laughed and nodded in agreement. “Definitely. I’m meeting all of these people and I’m so awkward that it’s really not even funny. Getting thrust into growing up, that’s – god. It’s scary.” It was so silent that I swear I could hear our collective heartbeats.

“When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be there,” he said, reaching up to find my hand with his.

“I know,” I sighed. I didn’t let myself cry over my mother. Everything happened for a reason, or so I believed.

Brayden started to hum something vaguely familiar. Before I could ask aobut it, I was fast asleep under a blanket of Arizona stars and a boy who made me beat at an unbearable pace.

//\\//\\

My mom and I were walking hand in hand out of our favorite Italian restaurant in Tacoma. It had started to rain since we’d been inside.

“On your mark,” she started.

“No mom! It’s raining a ridiculous amount. Can’t we just let it die down?”

“Get set,” she continued.

“GO!” I screamed, running as fast as my bird legs could carry me.

“Carolina!” I heard her shout from behind me, but it fell quiet compared to my maniacal giggling. I was soaked and had never felt more free.

“Carolina!” I heard again, this time accompanied with a light shake. “Carolina wake up!” I heard him laughing. My eyes shot open and they were instantly filled with water. No, not tears. Actual water from the sprinklers. The next thing I felt was a shoulder going into my rib as Brayden threw me over his shoulder. I held my arms out to my sides and let the cold water wake me up. As soon as we were in the clear of the water, Brayden sat me down and shook his head to get all of the hair out of his face. “Oh man,” he laughed as he looked over at me. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” I replied with a laugh, shaking my long hair off of my face, getting Brayden even more soaked in the process, if that was possible. We were absolutely drenched.

“What kind of a person doesn’t wake up from sprinklers?” he gasped, trying to catch his breath. I’m sure carrying me and running was not the morning exercise he had planned. I shrugged and smiled.

“I was dreaming. It was raining in my dream. Hey, yard boy. Wouldn’t you have known if the sprinklers were set?” I questioned, ringing out my shirt.

“Yeah. They weren’t supposed to go off. The only person who knows how to run them is Will. He must be home.” I was suddenly nervous. I heard how fond he talked of Will, of all of his family really. Brayden tugged on my hand and led me to the garage.

“You bastard!” Brayden said, picking up a soccer ball with his free hand and throwing it at a boy who looked nothing like Brayden. The boy had dark green eyes and jet black hair. Where Brayden was a mere 5’8’’, this guy was well over 6 feet. He had very attractive freckles and a more muscular build.

“So, you must be Carolina,” he smiled, extending his hand for me to shake.

“And you must be Will,” I nodded with a smile.

“Ah, she’s doing it,” Will said to Brayden, who nodded.

“She’s definitely doing it,” he agreed. I let go of Will’s hand and was suddenly very self-conscious. I had no idea what I was “doing.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“You’re sitting there comparing us. You’re wondering why we don’t look that much alike.”

“Oh,” I breathed, nodding. “I am in fact doing that.”

“We have different dads,” Will said with a smirk. I wondered why Brayden hadn’t mentioned that.

“Mom was a bit of a slut,” Brayden shrugged.

“Well, I was just coming out to make sure everything was okay, but screw you guys,” Julia, Brayden’s mom, laughed, carrying two towels. She must have known what happened.

“Well, it’s true mom.”

“That is actually not true,” she shook her head, handing me one of the towels. “Will’s dad, his name was Cameron, well, he was an asshat. It didn’t work out.”
“It didn’t work out because technically it never even started,” Will chuckled.

“Plus, Mr. Leahy is now a washed up pothead. So good choice picking dad.” Brayden chimed in.

Julia looked at me and rolled her eyes. “Well, I trust you can find your own towel son,” she smiled at him, grabbing onto my hand and pulling me behind her. I looked back at Brayden and saw him wink at me. I thought his smile made me go crazy.

“Sometimes I really have to convince myself that they love me,” she informed me with a laugh. “I’ve got something you can change into if you want to get dry.”

“Please,” I nodded, trying to make my teeth stop chattering.

After I changed and ate breakfast with Will and Brayden, it was time for the letter.

“I’m sorry my husband isn’t home yet. He had to go to his brothers house early this morning, but he should be back soon,” she said, glancing down at her Ryan Adams watch. I had the same watch. My mom left it for me.

“It’s no problem. I’m actually looking forward to meeting him.”

“Really? You’re looking forward to meeting someone?” Brayden teased, tossing and M&M into his mouth. “It’s just my dad. He’s not that cool.”

“Oh, but he used to be,” Julia sighed with a smile. “Anyway, the letter is on the coffee table. Come on Brayden, give her some privacy.”

“No, it’s okay mom. She’s reading them to me.”

“Is she now?” she asked, one of her eyebrows raised in question. “I see. Well. Carry on.”

I smiled at Brayden as I slid the contents out of the package. He lounged back on the couch and, once again, patted the seat next to his. I plopped down and his arm went around my shoulder, pulling me into his body.
-

My Sweet Carolina,

No words of wisdom this time.

-

Brayden chuckled at this and I rolled my eyes.

-
It was here. Christmas eve. The day that loomed in on me and weighed down my every thought. Rosie was moving in with Rusty that day. And of course, I got roped into helping since it was a weekend and most of our friends were on tour. Lucky me.
I wanted to hate her. I really did, but she had this way about her that made it impossible. Unlike most girls I knew, she actually helped moved things and didn’t care if she got sweaty or broke a nail.

We were on our 3rd trip of moving boxes. We hadn’t even gotten to the heavy stuff yet.

“Hey, can you bring Ben’s Jeep around?” Rusty asked, looking manly carrying three boxes at once. “We’re running out of room.”

“Of course,” I nodded, retrieving the keys from my back pocket. Ben, unfortunately, had band practice that he couldn’t get out of. His band was going on tour with Rusty’s, and that was a big deal for him. Unfortunately, that left me with nobody to talk to whenever I looked over at Rusty and Rosie, who made me sick with their newfound love.

Yes. They loved each other. And I was the first to hear about it. Rusty showed up at my door at 3 in the morning, as drunk as I had ever seen him, slurring his words and stumbling over his feet like a newborn baby deer.

“She loves me!” he exclaimed, his arms shooting straight into the sky. “She loves me. She loves me. She fucking loves me!” he shouted into the darkness of the night.

“Jesus Christ, Rusty. Why don’t you just wake up all of our neighbors.”

“Good. I hope they wake up so that I can tell them that SHE LOVES ME.”

“Come inside, loverboy. You are not driving anymore tonight,” I sighed, tugging his jacket and pulling him through the front door.

I would be lying if I said it didn’t kill me.

So now, I had to watch her love him first hand, right in front of me. I wanted to run her over with the Jeep. She would merely be a speed bump for the Wrangler.

But as soon as I stepped out of the Jeep, she came up to me and thanked me and gave me a hug.

I had a really, really hard time hating her.

//\\//\\//\\

“To new beginnings and new love.” Rusty said, holding his beer up in the air. We were going around the table toasting the happy occasion. One that I didn’t want to be a part of.

“To finally getting all of my clothes to fit in your closet,” Rosie said, raising her glass with a wink.

“To hoping that one day, Lena will leave Ben and move in with me,” Halvo said, wiggling his eyebrows. I scoffed and shook my head.

“Fat chance, buddy.”

“To hoping that you guys find the kind of happiness that I get to experience every single day,” Ben said, squeezing my hand under the table. I sighed, because now, of course, I felt guilty. I had happiness. I had love. I had everything I could want.

Everyone was staring at me expectantly.

“Oh right, my turn.” I sighed, wracking my brains. “To hoping that you guys learn how to live with another person. It’s harder than it looks,” I laughed, squeezing Ben’s hand back to make sure he knew I meant it in the best way. He rolled his eyes and grinned at me, knowing how hard it was for us to live with each other at first.

“So Ben, how’s the practice going?” Rusty asked, trying to make small talk during dinner.

“It’s going really well. Thank you again for letting us tag along with you.”

“It’s no problem. I’m sure Lena and Rosie will become close when we’re gone.” Rusty winked at me. I smiled politely and looked over at Rosie, who was beaming at the idea.

Not likely.

“Excuse me,” I said, scooting my chair back and folding my napkin down on the table. I grabbed my jacket and made my way to my car. It was the only place I could smoke without receiving death glares from Ben.

Two cigarettes in and I heard my passenger door open. I knew who it was, I didn’t even have to look. I knew just how he smelled.

“Want one?” I asked, holding my open pack of cigarettes out for him.

“Rosie’s trying to get me to stop,” he sighed. “But fuck it,” he said, grabbing one.

“Butt fuck it,” I chuckled, taking a long drag.

“I didn’t mean to leave during dinner, I just really had to get out of there. It’s like a million degrees in your house, bro. It feels like my grandmothers house.”

“I know. The air is broken.”

“It’s December. Open a window.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, crashing his shoulder into mine and shoving.

“I just don’t want things to change. You’re my best friend.”

“I’ve been dating Rosie for a few months. Nothing’s changed yet, has it?”

“A little,” I sighed, answering truthfully. “I don’t want to sound like an asshole or a whiny bitch, or whatever. I just…I love you, Rusty. I am so glad that you are happy, I really am.”

“Lenny, things won’t change. I promise. We’ll still have Thursday night dinners and game nights. We’ll still call each other at 3 AM when we can’t sleep and play Call of Duty. The only thing that is different is that I have Rosie here. That’s all that has changed.”

I nodded and looked over at him. His hair was cut short and he had stubble growing on his chin. It was just the way I liked it.

“I love you too, Lenny. There’s something I’ve actually wanted to talk to you about for a while.”

“What is it?” I asked, lighting up my third cigarette.

“I need for you to tell me that you’re happy with Ben.”

I choked on the smoke of my cigarette and gasped for air. “W-what?”

“Are you?”

“Why?”

“Because, Lenny. You were only supposed to be here for the summer. You were supposed to go back to school last fall. Here it is, Christmas Eve, and you’re still here. I’m not complaining, god I love having you here. I just want you to get everything you can out of your life. School is something that you’ve always wanted. What are you doing?”

“Well… I-“ I stopped and thought about it. I hadn’t thought about school in months. I ignored all of the calls from my mom and my uncle. I left that part of my life behind because I didn’t want it anymore. My life here meant more to me than anything Seattle had to offer.

“I’m home here. You, and Ben and the guys, Peyton and Julia and god, just everyone. They are my family now.”

“What about school?”

“Well. ASU has a good English program.” I shrugged. “Honestly, Rusty, I’ve been so caught up in everything that school just took a backseat.”

“But you’re going to go back, right? You’re going to become some famous writer and write awesome books about my band, right?”

“Of course,” I laughed along with him.

“We should probably get back inside.”

“Wait. Before we go back in, I have your Christmas present.”

“How funny. I have yours as well,” he winked, reaching in his coat pocket.

“You first,” I grinned, reaching into the back seat and grabbing the package, thrusting it into his grasp.

“Wow,” he said, spinning the package in his hand. “Feels like a record.”

“Oh does it now?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s probably because it is a record.” I rolled my eyes.

I watched his face as he ripped the paper off. His eyes went wide as he stared at it.

“How did you afford this?” he asked, in awe.

“I had my room-mate in Seattle ship me some of my old vinyl. There was a lot that I didn’t listen to anymore. I traded them in.”

“God, I love you,” he said, pulling me in for a hug.

“I love you too,” I sighed into his shoulder.

“Love is Hell on vinyl. God, I’m the luckiest person alive.”

“You are,” I agreed. “You have no idea how much I wanted to keep it for myself.”

“You can come and listen to it anytime you want, Lenny.”
“Works for me. I just thought of that morning after that party where we first met, how we just listened to Ryan Adams and cooked.”

“Thank you, Lena. Seriously. Thank you.”

“You are very welcome.”

“Okay, now I have to follow that up. God.”

“Oh hush. I’ll love whatever it is, I’m almost positive.”

He handed over the package and I shook it.

”Wonder what it could be.”

He grabbed the box back and sighed. “God, this is the dumbest thing in the world. I really should get you something else.”

“Stop it. I am sure it is perfect.”

He handed me the box back and held his breath as I opened it.

“A potato peeler?” I asked, scoffing as he started laughing.

“That morning, when we were cooking in the kitchen-“

“I didn’t know how to peel potatoes.”

“Right, I was making hash browns and you looked so confused.”

“I don’t cook!”

“Exactly. Now you can practice.”

“I love it,” I smiled, staring at the purple potato peeler.

“There’s one more thing,” he said, pointing to the box. I took out the blank cd he had in packed in there.

“All of the songs that make me think of you,” he answered the question I was about to ask. I grinned and popped it into the car stereo.

“They can wait a few more minutes, can’t they?” I asked, waiting for the stereo to read the cd.

“Of course they can,” he winked, leaning his chair back.

-

“Oh come on,” Brayden said, running his hand through his hair, leaving his hair standing up in all different directions.

“I know, I know. She always stops them at the worse times.”

It was then that we heard the click of the side door.

“Dad’s home,” he said, popping off of the couch.

“Mi familia,” the man said, looking around the kitchen.

“Hey dad,” Brayden said, dragging me behind me.

“Hey,” he nodded his head towards Brayden. “And hello to you.”

“Hi Mr. Nickelsen,” I said, holding out my hand. He swatted it away and pulled me in for a hug.

“It’s Garrett,” he corrected me, pulling away.

“Garrett,” I repeated with a nod.

“So Julia tells me you’ve been spending a lot of time with bonehead brother number two,” he said, pointing to Brayden.

“Should I not?” I asked, confused.

“He’s a good guy,” Garrett shrugged. “It’s just, Lucas is more attractive, in my opinion.”

Brayden punched his dad’s arm and rolled his eyes. “We’re going, dad,” he said, grabbing my hand.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you!”

“Aw no, I want to stay.”

“You have to go get ready for graduation,” Garrett winked, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “Carolina and I have some baby pictures to browse.”

“I’ll cause you bodily harm,” Brayden said, through gritted teeth.

“Aw, this is payback for calling your mother a slut,” Garrett winked. Julia entered the kitchen and pointed at Brayden shouting, “BURN.”

//\\//\\

After going through multiple baby books and 18 years of bad choices, we made it to Brayden’s high school. We parted ways when we got there as he went to join the rest of his class. I was soon met with a few familiar faces.

“Hey Carolina,” Gibbs said, kissing my cheek with that mustache.

“Hey Gibbs. Hey Halvo,” I said, kissing his cheek as I passed by his chair.

“Hello gorgeous,” he replied, with a wink.

We made small talk until the graduation festivities began. It wasn’t until the valedictorian speech that I paid close attention.

“I don’t really have a speech planned,” he said, looking around the room at the hundreds of people there. “I’m really bad at putting my thoughts down on paper. I’m of a ‘fly by the seat of your pants,’ guy. Anyways,” he sighed, looking nervous. “Anyways. Most of us have been together for the past 12 years of school. I remember walking into Mrs. Green’s class in pre-school, thinking I was the coolest kid there in my brother’s hand me down Star Wars shirt with my Chewbacca lunchbox.” Most of the kids laughed and I smiled, thinking of the very picture I saw earlier in the day. “I remember walking in thinking that all of the kids there, they were just as scared as I was. I feel more scared today, standing up here, looking at all of you that I have seen almost every day for the past 12 years. We have gotten each other through so much, you know. We’ve seen each other through a lot,” he paused to take a deep breath. That was when his blue eyes found mine. “An unexpected person has just come into my life,” he smiled at me, and I smiled back. Gibbs threw his arm around me and gave me a slight squeeze. “She’s unlike any other person I’ve ever met. She told me that life is going to change. Instead of fearing it, we should embrace it. We won’t see each other every day anymore. We are going to start growing up. Some of us are going to college, some are going into the military-“ He was cut off by some guys yelling “Hoo-Rah!” He laughed and shook his head. “Some of us don’t have a plan, and that’s okay. I just hope that wherever we go in life is where we want to go. Never forget where we grew up; never forget Arizona, or the people who make this place home.” He paused again, looking at his classmates. “I wish all of you luck in your future endeavors. Congratulations class of 2030. We made it!”

Cheers and claps were heard throughout the entire gymnasium. I had no idea he was the valedictorian, but I was excited to find out just hard the valedictorian partied.