Everywhere Everything

I had never been to a party like this. The parties in Seattle had nothing on parties in Arizona. I’d seen more drugs, booze and sex walking through the backyard than I had ever seen in my entire life. Everyone seemed to gravitate towards Brayden, who hadn’t let go of my hand since we arrived, which I was very grateful for. He had introduced me to some of his friends, who couldn’t keep their eyes above my chest, which I couldn’t understand. I was wearing a shirt that covered everything it should have. Brayden noticed and lead me away from his creepy friends rather quickly.

“They don’t talk to females that often,” he shrugged with a laugh. “But I’m going to get a drink. Are you sure you don’t want one?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m positive,” I sighed. I really did want to drink; this was a party after all. I couldn’t allow myself that pleasure though. I did NOT want a repeat of events that happened at Austin’s house. Besides… I didn’t know what the plans were and I wanted to be ready in case I had to drive us back to Brayden’s. “Maybe a water though?”

“Of course,” he nodded and made his way towards the kitchen. For someone whose idea of a perfect Friday night consisted of a good book and a blanket, this was certainly something. After about five minutes of Brayden being gone, it must have seemed like I was here by myself, which apparently made me look like easy prey.

He wasn’t ugly, by any means. He had a strong jaw, well defined muscles and intense hazel eyes.

“Hi,” he said with a smile.

“Hi,” I replied, tucking my hair behind my ear, looking around for Brayden.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at any of these parties, have I?”

“Um- no, you haven’t. I’m not from here.” I shrugged.

“Where are you from?” he asked, actually looking interested in our dull conversation.

“Seattle.”

“Ah, Seattle,” he nodded, bringing his drink to his lips and taking a sip. “I’m Brandon.”

“I’m -”

“Go away, Brandon,” Brayden said, stepping next to me and wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

“You’re with him?” Brandon asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

“She’s definitely not leaving with you,” Brayden said through gritted teeth. I sensed some tension.

“Well, it was nice to meet you, Seattle,” he said, his face almost looking sad.

“You too,” I shrugged, looking over at Brayden who was seething with fury.

“Fucking asshole,” he murmured under his breath, shaking his head.

“He seemed harmless to me.”

“Remember when we were at the park and I told you about my ex girlfriend?” he asked, his eyes finding mine. I nodded and then it seemed to click.

“He was the guy, wasn’t he? Your friend that she cheated on you with?” He simply nodded and brought the red cup up to his lips for a sip. I bit my lip and felt bad for him. He had to sit here and watch the guy who stole his girlfriend try to get it in with other girls. I guess their relationship didn’t last.

“Oh, here,” he said, lifting his other hand and handing me my bottle of water.

“Thank you,” I smiled, unscrewing the cap and taking a sip. “And thank you from saving me from the asshole.”

“My pleasure,” he winked, grabbing my hand and leading me further into the party. When I said that everyone was drawn to Brayden, I meant it. He seemed to be the life of the party, the guy that everyone wanted to be around. That was cool and all, but that meant that I got pushed to the side. He kept shooting apologetic looks, but I shrugged it off. It really didn’t bother me. This was his high school graduation party, after all. I decided to go outside to get some air that wasn’t clouded with illegal substances. Nobody bothered me out there, and for that I was grateful. I sipped at my water and looked up at the stars, loving how clear the night sky was here.

I heard the ruffling of clothes and somebody sit down on the porch railing next to me. I smiled and looked over, expecting it to be Brayden, but it wasn’t. She was tall, had the most gorgeous face I had ever seen in person and looked as if she had zero percent body fat. I felt inadequate just sitting next to. She looked over at me and smiled shyly.

“He’s a good guy,” she nodded, looking back up at the sky.

“What?”

“Brayden. He’s a good guy. You’re lucky to have him.”

“Oh, we’re not dating,” I shrugged, still looking at her.

“Not yet,” she grinned, taking a sip out of her red cup. “I’m Jordan,” she said, offering her hand. That explained it. She was his ex girlfriend.

“Carolina,” I offered, giving her a hand a firm shake.

“You’re probably sitting there judging me, or silently hating me, and that’s okay. I deserve it.”

“I’m not, I promise. I’m not that kind of person,” I said, being as honest as I could be. I wanted to sit here and judge her, but what would that accomplish? She let Brayden go, and for the life of me, I could not figure out why.

“Well, what kind of person are you then?” she asked with a smile.

“The kind who is wondering how you could ever let him go.” I voiced my previous thoughts.

“Ah, that kind,” she said, bringing her drink to her lips, tipping back her head to finish it off. “Well,” she started, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m young, stupid and impressionable. Brayden was my first serious boyfriend. My first everything, really, but everything was safe with him. He’s almost too good of a guy.”

“Is there such a thing?” I laughed, shaking my head lightly. She smiled and shrugged.

“For me, there is. I got drunk at a party and Brandon was definitely not safe. I didn’t even remember it when I woke up the next morning. Sober, I would never ever go for Brandon. He and Brayden used to be best friends, but I ruined that.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t just you. Brandon had a hand in it too.”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighed. “I just, I’m going to college in Virginia in a few months. I guess now I don’t have to worry about Brayden. I watched him earlier and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as happy as he is when he’s around you.”

“I-” I started, but was cut off with the sound of a throat clearing. We both turned around to see Brayden awkwardly standing with his hands in his pockets.

“How long have you been there?” Jordan asked, her face turning a slight shade of red.

“Long enough,” he shrugged.

“Can we talk?” she asked, hopping down off of the railing, looking hopeful. I watched Brayden as he shook his head from side to side.

“We have nothing to talk about,” he informed her, running his hand through his hair. “As far as I’m concerned, nothing would make this any better, Jordan.”

She pushed herself away from the rail with a nod and looked back at me with a half-smile. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” I smiled with a nod. She started to walk back into the house but stopped in front of Brayden on the way.

“I’m sorry,” she said, it was merely a whisper. I shot him a look when he glanced at me for a second and he sighed.

“Jordan, wait,” he called out right before she entered the house. He glanced at me one last time with a smile and a shake of the head before he followed her into the house. They needed to talk, and if it took me shooting him dirty looks to get him to realize it, then so be it. I liked Jordan. Even if we had just met, I could tell that she had a good heart and that her head must have been in the wrong place when she slept with Brandon.

It didn’t take long until I was targeted again.

“So Seattle, you come to a party thousands of miles away to sit outside and drink water?” he asked, sitting down next to me on the porch railing.

“Ah, Brandon,” I sighed, trying not to sound too unenthusiastic. “I threw all of my adventure up on a complete strangers deck. So, I’m trying not to have a repeat, if that’s alright.” He chuckled to himself and nodded.

“Wow, you’re one of those girls who actually has a sense of self worth, aren’t you?”

I just shrugged. “Something like that.”

“You’re like a unicorn or some shit.”

I just laughed at his drunken comparison. “What?”

“Ah shit,” he stuttered. “You know, like something rare.”

I shook my head with a smile. “You know, if I were drunk, I might actually find you charming.”

“Then I say we get you drunk!” he joked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Now, now… with all of these other ladies here, why are you sitting out here with me? You are wasting that charm!”

He threw his arm around me and clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Maybe I’m right where I want to be.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and push against his falling frame to stabilize him a bit.

“How much have you had to drink?”

He just shrugged at my question and finished off the contents of his cup. I looked over at him to find he was already looking at me.

“God, you have the most beautiful blue eyes,” he said, peering right into them.

“Yeah, well, they’re brown,” I said, grabbing the arm around my shoulder before he plummeted off of the porch.

The next thing I knew his lips were on mine. I let go of his arm and gave him a slight push, watching him fall off of the porch. He grunted in pain and rolled over. I hopped down into the grass and knelt down next to him.

“Oh shit, Brandon. I’m so sorry.” I said, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back. “I think your lips must have accidentally landed on mine, because I know you didn’t just try to kiss me.” He groaned and muttered something under his breath. I let him go and stood up. When I turned around, Brayden was standing there with a grin on his face.

“I now have a real life hero,” he said, placing his hand over his heart. I just smiled and started making my way towards him. “Are you ready to leave?”

“Yeah, I’ll drive,” I said, grabbing the keys that were dangling from his right hand.

“I can drive,” he informed me, but as he started walking, we both noticed the drunken steps he was taking.

“Yeah, no. It’s okay,” I said as he leaned on me for balance.

After loading him into the old pick up, I climbed into the drivers side. “Oh my god,” I groaned, looking at the extra pedal and the gearshift. “It’s a stick!”

“It’s easy,” he slurred a bit. “Okay, put your foot on the clutch.”

I just stared at him. He laughed loudly and shook his head.

“Put your left foot on that extra pedal.” I did as I was told and then looked at him to see what came next. “Okay, now. Put the gear shift in neutral.” I looked at it and then looked back at him, a look of pure confusion painting my face. “Put it in the middle, completely out of gear.” I did as I was instructed again. “Okay, now start the car, make sure your foot is still on the clutch. Don’t take it off until I tell you.”

As soon as I brought the old truck to life, I looked at him expectantly.

“First gear,” he said, grabbing my hand and placing on the shifter. “That’s right here,” he said, helping me put the car into gear.

“God, you’re a very efficient teacher even when you’re drunk,” I said and we both laughed.

“I’m not overwhelmingly drunk,” he informed me, directing his hazy eyes towards me. “Okay, now you’re going to take your foot off of the clutch and step on the gas simultaneously.”

I took a deep breath and let off of the clutch a tiny bit and the car jerked forward and cut off.

“That’s okay, it’s fine,” he said, patting my shoulder like I was a small child. “Start it back up.”

I did as I was told and looked over at him again.

“Okay,” he lifted both of his arms up. “This is the clutch,” he said, lifting his left hand up, “and this is the gas,” he said, lifting the right one. “This is what needs to happen,” he said, moving the left one up and he moved the right one down. “When you let off of this one, this one needs to pushed just as much.”

I nodded and took my foot off a tiny bit and pushed forward on the gas a little and then I killed it again. Frustrated, I threw my hands in the air. I never had trouble learning new things. He was trying not to laugh. I tried it over and over again until finally the car started to roll forwards without cutting off. I started celebrating after I had made it a few feet and killed it again.

“Well,” Brayden started, grabbing a blanket out of the backseat, “Before we murder my transmission…”

I sighed and took the keys out of the ignition. He hopped out of the truck and walked towards him. Instead of switching sides, I watched as he climbed his way onto the bed of the old truck. He laid the blanket down and turned around to offer me his hand. I smiled and took a hold of it, climbing in behind him. He laid down and patted the blanket beside him. I joined him and thought about just how eventful my life had been since I’d had the pleasure of meeting him. He pushed me more and more each day to see things in a different light and to accept that I would be constantly pushed out of my comfort zone. In Seattle, I didn’t really do anything. After my mother died, I just used that as an excuse to say in my house, sheltered from the world. Brayden was showing me just how much I had been missing. I looked over at him to find that he was already looking at me.

“God, you have the most beautiful blue eyes,” he said, keeping a straight face. I busted out laughing and shoved his chest.

“Shut up!”

“God, the way you manhandled him, wow. Definitely in my top 5 favorite moments.”

I shook my head and smiled. “That kind of stuff doesn’t sit well with me.”

“I’m glad. I’m glad you’re not the type of girl that lets people walk all over them. It’s refreshing.”

We were silent for a while, just staring at the stars.

“So,” I said, breaking the silence. “Did you and Jordan get things sorted?” I asked, looking over at him.

“Uh, yeah. Sorted,” he said with a slight nod of his head.

“Are you guys going to try again?” I asked and then instantly regretted it. What if he said yes? Would I be able to handle it? I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t developed feelings for him.

“Why would I want that?” he asked. I could feel his warm breath hitting my cheek and it made me realize how close were. “She cheated on me. I mean, I kind of forgave her, but forgiveness and trust are two totally different things.”

We were quiet for what seemed like forever. His voice finally pulled me out of my own head. “It’s funny how you can think everything is perfect, you know? Not even know how completely oblivious you really are.” He paused to take a deep breath. “I thought I was going to marry her. I know how stupid that must seem. I’m only 18, but everyday for the past 3 years, she was all I wanted. I thought we were going to get married, have a family and grown old together. I guess she didn’t have the same vision I did.”

I looked over at him, but he was looking up at the stars. “Have you ever had someone like that?”

“Well,” I sighed, “I’ve never really had time to date. My mom got sick a few years ago and everything else sort of took a back seat.” He reached over and grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. Just that action alone let me know that he truly was here for me, and I allowed myself to show emotions for the first time in two months. I allowed myself to cry. At first the tears felt foreign and unwelcome, but once I started crying and I couldn’t stop. Brayden scooped me up in his arms and whispered sweet nothings into my ears, but I’d been holding this in for so long. Then I realized that I was almost relieved to feel the hot tears rolling down my cheeks. It meant that I was still capable of feeling; that I hadn’t completely shut down all of my emotions.

“I’m sorry,” I finally choked out. I was sure Brayden hadn’t anticipated me crying all over his shirt on his graduation night.

“You have nothing to be sorry about” he said, running his thumb lightly over my hip to try to calm me down. I think I felt him kiss the top of my head, but I wasn’t positive. “To be honest, I was wondering if all of this getting to be too much. The letters from your mom, and the stares from all of her old friends, it would drive me completely crazy. I love my mom to death and if I ever lost her, I would never be as calm and collected as you’ve been. I would be the biggest mess to walk the earth. Let it all go.”

“Oh my god,” I started to laugh, wiping my eyes and pulling back to look at him. “You’re the most thoughtful drunk ever.”

“I sobered up a little while ago,” he confessed. “I just liked being here, with you. I didn’t want to drive home just yet.”

I smiled and nodded, wiping the rest of my tears away and taking a deep breath to try to stop crying.

“We’ve both been through hell, not that I’m comparing mine to yours, but I just feel like we were meant to help each other through it. Does that sound crazy?” he asked.

I shook my head from side to side. “Not crazy at all.”

And it didn’t sound crazy to me. It was what I had been thinking since I met him. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He laid back and pulled me with him. We fell asleep outside for the second night in a row beneath the Arizona stars.

//\\//\\//\\

After running by my hotel so that I could shower and change, we made our way to my next house.

“Anything I should know before I go in?” I asked, unbuckling my seatbelt and looking at the charming one story house.

“Hmmm,” he thought to himself, doing the same. “Nope. They’re regular people.”

“Aw, I was hoping for some crazies,” I joked, jumping out of the truck. Brayden walked around the front of the old pick up and took my hand, leading me towards the door.

“Nope, they’re normal, their doorbell isn’t broken, they won’t force-feed you lasagna, they aren’t scatterbrained or sex crazed and they won’t get you drunk,” he joked, talking about some of the previous houses I had been to. I told him all about the visits that had happened before he had started coming with me. He found most of the stories to be hilarious and even felt the need to apologize on their behalf.

For the first time I didn’t feel the least bit nervous, which was definitely something. The door opened and my focus was drawn to a beard.

“Hi,” I spoke up, smiling at the older gentleman.

“Hello, Carolina,” he said, sticking out his hand. “I’m Andrew.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” I said, shaking his hand and stepping inside of the house after he gestured for me to.

“Ah, Brayden,” he nodded towards him and gave him a bro hug. “Congratulations on that whole graduating thing.”

“Thanks,” he smiled, placing his hand on the small of my back and leading me further into Andrew’s house.

A woman with reddish-brown hair was sitting in the living room with a bowl of popcorn on her lap. She quickly shoved it to the side and stood up, shooting a smile our way.

“Carolina, this is my wife, Rosie.”

I froze and Brayden chuckled. I shot him a look and he understood it. He nodded his head, telling me that it was, in fact, the same Rosie. I finally looked back at her and gave a small wave. “It’s nice to meet you,” I said, politely. “Will you guys excuse us for just a second?” I asked, grabbing Brayden’s hand and dragging him behind me. When we reached a spot in the house deemed far enough away, I laid into him.

“How could you not have warned me? You know her?” I asked, dropping his hand with such force, he stared at me like I was crazy. “I mean, is he… is Andrew… is he my dad? Did my mom make him cheat on Rosie?” I started pacing the hardwood floor. “Was my mom the other woman? Is that why he doesn’t know about me? I mean, did my mom get pregnant and not tell him because he was already married?”

“Calm down,” he said, stepping in front of me to stop my pacing. “To be honest, I don’t now who your dad is. My mom wouldn’t tell me. So I can’t answer any of those questions, but I know Rosie. She would never let Andrew live if she found out he cheated on her. She also probably wouldn’t be too keen on having you here if you were Andrew’s kid.”

“Well, why would she be keen on having me here anyway? She dated Rusty and my mom obviously got in the way. If Andrew is Rusty, or even if he’s not, I’m sure she doesn’t want me here to remind her.”

“You don’t know how Andrew and Rosie are. They were supposed to be together, I promise you. They have been together for as long as I can remember. Also, you told me that your dad doesn’t know about you. When we walked in, Andrew knew who you were; he was expecting you. So I think you are freaking out over nothing. What do I always tell you every single time you freak out?”

I sighed and pushed my bangs out of my face. “That my mom knows what she is doing and I need to trust her.”

“So trust her,” he said, placing his hands on my shoulders and spinning me around. He started to push me back into the room where Andrew and Rosie were standing awkwardly, talking in hushed tones.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “I really didn’t meant to be rude.”

“You’re perfectly fine,” she said, smiling at me again. “We were getting worried.”

“So,” Andrew said, clapping his hands together really loudly, “Brayden, we weren’t expecting you to come.”

“We’re kind of a packaged deal these days,” he said, slinging his arm over my shoulders.

I was watching Rosie. She didn’t look the least bit weirded out by me being here. She was laughing and joking with Brayden and Andrew and I decided that I understood why my mom had a hard time hating her. She was gorgeous and polite and funny. When she handed me my letter, she gave me a thumbs up and told me to come to the backyard when we were done.

“I really like her,” I told Brayden as we fell down onto the couch.

“Yeah, she has that effect on people.”
“Okay mom, what do you have in store for me today?” I said under my breath as I opened the envelope.

-

My Sweet Carolina,

Handy Andy, as like to call him, is not your father. I am sure you jumped to conclusions because you saw whom he was married to. When you read this story and you see all of the drama unfolding, just remember that some people did get happy endings. Your father and I just weren’t those people.

-

Months had passed and we were now entering the brunt of summer. I had been in Arizona for almost a year, which pissed your grandmother off to no end. I had started taking summer classes at ASU, which was occupying most of my time. Ben had been touring nonstop ever since he got off of that tour with Rusty’s band. They seemed to be steadily growing a fan base, and I don’t think I had ever seen him so happy. A lot had happened in those 6 months, but no news as important as the fact that Rusty had asked me to go with him to pick out an engagement ring. “It’s not for this moment in time,” he told me; trying to convince me that it was the right decision. “It’s for the near future. I want to be with her, Len.”

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I couldn’t wrap my head around anything because my head was a very scattered and dangerous place. On the one hand, I had Ben, who made me happy. He loved me, and I loved him, but I often had to convince myself. I remember talking to Rusty about it one day and it is a conversation that I still remember word for word.

“I think I am going to break up with Ben,” I said, taking a sip of my strawberry smoothie. It was early May and Rusty and I had gone to the mall to get out of our respective houses. He just stared at me and shook his head.

“Haha, you’re hilarious,” he said, flipping through a random bin.

“No, I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not happy anymore.” I shrugged, hoping that he would leave it at that. Of course, he had to pry.

“Why not?”

“Does it matter? I’m just not happy. I’m twenty-two years old. I don’t want to waste my time on someone that doesn’t make me overwhelmingly happy.”

“You’re right. You deserve someone who makes you want to wake up happy every day.”

I had someone like that; he just wasn’t allowed to be mine.

“Ben makes me happy, but I don’t know. Forget it.”

So he did.

-

“What about this one?” he asked, pointing to a very large princess cut diamond ring.

“Will her finger even support that?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“You’ve had something negative to say about every ring I’ve picked out,” he whined.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to be here.

“What would you want?”

“None of these. I would want none of these. I would want a simple band. Diamonds aren’t needed to show someone that you fucking love them.”

“Jesus Christ Lena, what is wrong with you today?”

“Damn it, Rusty. Don’t you think you’re moving a little fast?”

“For the fiftieth time, I am not proposing to her today, okay? I’m just looking. I know I want to be with her.”

“Why? How do you know she’s the one?” I yelled, earning looks from annoyed sales people.

“I just know,” he yelled back with force. “Aren’t you supposed to be happy for your best friend when they tell you that they plan on getting engaged?”

“Yeah, sure,” I shrugged. “If they weren’t making a huge mistake.”

“Please, tell me how I am making a mistake?” he scoffed, crossing his arms and giving me a hateful look that he had never given me before.

“Can we do this somewhere else?” I asked, looking around at the scene we were causing.

“I don’t know if I want to go anywhere with you right now,” he said through gritted teeth. “Just because you’re not happy in your relationship, it doesn’t mean that you have to bring me down with you.”

“I’m so sorry,” I was practically fuming. “I won’t bring you down anymore.” I turned on my heel and started walking away from him. I heard him groan loudly.

“Lena, where are you going? I drove us here.”

“I’ll walk home, thank you very much,” I yelled out behind me.

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

//\\//\\//\\

I was sitting on my couch watching “He’s Just Not That Into You,” when my phone rang. I picked up on the first ring.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, pausing my movie.

“No, I’m sorry. Can I come over?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, like he could see me.

“Well, open your door, I’m already here.”

I chuckled and hung up the phone. The second I threw the door open, he embraced me in a hug.

“Let’s not ever fight again,” I said, pulling him tighter.

“Yeah, that really sucked.”

“I’m really sorry, Rusty. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.”

He shuffled us forward without breaking contact and kicked the door closed.

Then I realized that I had lied, and I did know what was wrong with me.
“I think I do,” he said, pulling back and looking into my eyes.

“You do?”

“Yeah. You’re worried you’re not going to find someone, aren’t you.”

“No,” I shook my head.

The lights were dim and he looked really good and my head kept screaming, “Kiss him,” but I ignored it. I wasn’t that kind of person.

“You can talk to me about anything Lenny. Anything at all.”

“I know,” I sighed, and let go of him. I forcefully brushed my bangs out of my face and groaned. “But it’s not that simple.”

“I’ll still love you no matter what,” he said, nudging me with his shoulder. I just stared up at him.

“The first night we met at the bar, why did you start talking to me?” I asked. He looked at me oddly and then shrugged.

“I don’t know. You looked lonely and I saw you had been staring at Ben. I thought you were pretty, so I talked to you.”

“You thought I was pretty?”

“I always think you’re gorgeous, but what does this have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, I just, I think about that night a lot and I wish I had done so many things differently.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Forget it.” I sighed, starting towards the living, but Rusty grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“What do you wish had been different?”

I took a deep breath and held it in as long as I could. I let it out with a rush of words. “I wish I would have left the bar with you and gone to the party with you and woke up next to you, not Ben.”

He let go of my arm as if it were on fire and stared at me with a dumbfounded look.

“What?” was all he could manage to say.

“I just mean…” I stopped and started to panic. “Nothing, I just mean you’re my best friend, you know, and if I had left with you, I wouldn’t have to hurt Ben.”

“You’re lying. That’s not what you mean,” he said after a minute or so of staring at each other. “Just tell me what you mean, Lenny.”

“I love you,” I said but it came out as merely a whisper. I didn’t even have time to register anything before his lips crashed into mine. The kiss was slow and testing, but it ended just as soon as it started.

“Fuck,” he whispered as he cautiously took a step away from me and wiped his mouth like I had the plague. “Damn it, Lena,” he said, closing his eyes. “I’ve had feelings for you since I saw you sitting alone at that bar, but you wanted Ben. So when you guys were shamelessly flirting in front of me, I started talking to Rosie. At first it was to distract myself from you, but I fell for her.”

He had feelings for me. Out of that whole speech, that was all that stuck out in my mind.

“And as much as I love you, Lenny, I can’t throw everything I have with her away.”

If my head wasn’t messed up before, it certainly was now. For the first time I could actually feel my heart getting heavy.

“Then go be with her,” I forced out, opening my front door.

“I’m so sorry, Lenny,” he said, planting a kiss to the top of my head. I looked up at him and instantly regretted ever telling him. How could I think that once I told him, everything would be okay?

He quietly shut the door behind him. That almost silent click of the door hurt more than if he would have just slammed it in my face.

“What have I done?” I asked nobody in particular as I slid my way down the wall. I didn’t know how long I sat there, going over that kiss in my head.

I may have just lost my best friend.

-

“Wow,” was all Brayden could say.

“That was depressing,” I said, still staring down at the last page.

“Your mom really does have the worst luck,” he said, pushing himself up off of the couch. He pulled me and started leading me to the backyard.

“It sounds like my mom was in the permanent friends zone.”

“Yeah, but at least you already know that somewhere down the line she moves out of the friends zone. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here,” he informed me with a smile.

“Ah there you kids are,” Andrew said, flipping whatever he was grilling.

That was one of the things I loved about meeting all of these people. They kept me fed.

“I laid a bathing suit out for you if you wanted to go swimming, Carolina,” Rosie said, shooting me a smile. “I bought it a long time ago and never wore it.”

“Thank you, but I don’t know if I’ll swim,” I shrugged.

“Hey Carolina, can I see your phone real quick?” Brayden asked, holding his hand out.

“Yeah,” I said, digging it out of my back pocket. “Why?”

He scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder again. “I didn’t want to get it wet when I threw you in the pool!”

“DON’T YOU DARE!”

He sat me down right next to the pool and started laughing.

“Wimp!” Andrew yelled with a laugh.

“I think she would kill me!” Brayden shot back. I saw what was coming next, so when he started to push me, I grabbed onto him with all that I could and took him with me.
//\\//\\

Andrew, I discovered, was one of the coolest people I had ever had the pleasure of meeting. I wanted to ask how he and Rosie ended up together so bad, but I knew that I couldn’t do that. Not yet. Not until I read the rest of my mom’s story. Brayden looked at ease as he talked to Rosie about her homemade macaroni and cheese. Andrew was talking to me about growing up in Massachusetts, and how he also had to adjust to the weather once he moved here.

I decided then and there that I needed people like these in my life. I needed people that I could rely on, and get to know. People that would be there for me no matter what.

“So do you have plans to go to college?” Rosie asked me, serving me a second helping of mac and cheese.

“I may look into ASU,” I said, looking over at Brayden, who was already smiling.

“You want to stay?” he asked.

“There’s nothing for me in Seattle,” I shrugged.

“You sound like your mom,” Andrew informed me.

“I have everything I could ever want here.”