Not Your Every Razorblade Romance...

You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?
What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?
What's the point in saying you love me like a friend?
What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?

You're to proud to say that you've made a mistake
You're a coward to the end
I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit
No, I'm not the type that you like
Why don't we just pretend?

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh
I can't let you go, can't let you go oh
I just want it to be perfect
To believe it's all been worth the fight
Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

You only ever touch me in the dark
Only if we're drinking can you see my spark
And only in the evening that you give yourself to me
Cause the night is your woman, and she'll set you free

You're to proud to say that you've made a mistake
You're a coward to the end
I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit
No, I'm not the type that you like
Why don't we just pretend?

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh
I can't let you go, can't let you go oh
I just want it to be perfect
To believe it's all been worth the fight
Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh...Marina and the Diamonds/Lies.

I watched Ville walk out the door and I quickly went to my liquor cabinet and consumed half a bottle of vodka. I knew it was self-destructive but I wasn’t doing too good with not doing that.
The next morning I awoke with a pounding headache. I dragged myself from bed, took a hot long shower, got dressed slowly and went downstairs to make coffee. I shivered at the sound of the coffee maker and I ate a apple while I reflected on last night. I shook my head at myself and realized just how stupid I was for kissing him. However, I couldn’t bring myself to completely regret it. It was the best kiss I had ever had and just remembering it sent chills down my spine. I wanted him so badly, I wanted to hold him again and kiss him and… “Woah…hold it there. You don’t need to get so worked up before work…”
I finished my coffee, put on my makeup and headed for work. I nodded to Aurora as I walked down the hall to Janne’s office. I nodded on the door and waited for him to ask me to come in. I entered after hearing him call me in.
“Hello and good morning Miriah, please come in and have a seat.” Janne gestured to the chair in front of his desk. I sat down and gave him a smile.
“I’m not my best but I’m ready to work, what’s on for today?”
“Hm, well first I would like to hear what’s wrong.” Janne looked genuinely concerned.
“Well,” I started and looked down at my hands, “I’m…really depressed because I’m good friends with someone and we have…physical feelings for each other…but he- I mean, this friend…is engaged to someone they have fallen out of love with.” Janne made an ‘hm’, noise and leaned back in his chair.
“I see now…It seems like…your ‘Friend’, is…um, confused. They need to decide what to do. They need to make it right. It’s not your fault, you’re human, you’ll fall in love with no say in the matter at all. Yet it seems like if he- I mean, your ‘Friend’, was already with someone they would make a decision one way or the other. I hope you can forgive yourself, and ask yourself, deep, deep, down if it’s worth it. If it is, then make him chose.”
“Thanks, that’s good advice.”

I finished work early and walked home thinking about what Janne said. It had made me feel a little better. I got home and took off my shoes and started to make some tea. It hadn’t been but three minutes since I walked in the door did my cell phone ring.
It was Ville.
“Hello?” I answered the phone, my fingers shaking as I held the phone.
“Hey, how was your day?” “you mean, ‘did you think about me?’ oh I bet.”
“It was okay…” I waited; I didn’t know how to answer without telling him how I felt.
“I was hoping that I could see you…I really need to talk to you…Joanna came back last night and she knew I was with you, she was sure I had cheated on her…she admitted to cheating on me, can you believe that? I just…” He stopped and sighed. I stood in shock as I held the phone.
“Oh Ville, I’m so sorry…You can come over.”
“Thanks, I’ll be there a minute…”

We hung up and I sat on the couch and waited. Ville knocked and I took my time answering. Ville entered and closed the door. I hugged him and we walked over to the sofa.
“Miriah…” He whispered my name and touched my lips. I felt my heart ache seeing the tears and pain in his eyes. “…please don’t…” Fresh tears welled in his eyes.
“What’s wrong? Please what?” He buried his face in my neck and sobbed. I held him and stroked his hair.
“Please don’t…leave me,” I squeezed him and kissed his head, I pulled him back and looked in his eyes.
“I won’t, I’m not going anywhere…I’m right here.” He kissed me then, hard and deep. I knew there was no stopping this overwhelming feeling.
His hands went to the edge of my shirt and I let him lift it over my head. He kissed my neck and cupped my breasts. His kisses were hot and they sent waves of pleasure through my body.
“Do…” I licked my lips, “Do you want to go-go-go to the b-bedroom?” Ville looked at me, he held my face and rose to his feet, bringing me with him.
I didn’t know what I was doing as I lead us upstairs. I laid down the bed when we entered my room. I removed my skirt and stockings. Ville took odd his shirt, revealing his tattooed and slim torso. He smiled at me before unzipping his jeans and sliding them down his legs.
His hands ran over my bare skin, his touch making my skin become hot. He caressed my legs and sent kisses up my thighs. I tried to just breath and relax, but when I felt his breath on my sex, I jumped and moaned. Ville kissed my stomach and made his way to my lips.
His fingers danced along my skin and un-hooked my bra, lifting me up off the bed to remove it. I laid back, blushing as I felt so defenseless against him. His hands rubbed my thighs and they gripped the sides of my panties and slid them down my legs. I shivered as my hot flesh hit the cool air.
“Do you really want this?” Ville asked his voice deep and rough. His hands were still rubbing my thighs; he opened them and kissed the tender skin inside. I gasped and felt more liquid gather between my folds.
“Yes…yes…please…” I begged. His fingers softly draw circles around my sex, before allowing his finger-tip to brush against my clit. I moaned and moved my hips up, wanting him to touch me again. He pressed firmly on my clit and moved it in slow circles. The pleasure hit me like a tidal wave, I gasped and tightened my walls. Ville thrusted his finger inside me suddenly and closed my eyes against the feeling.
Then he stopped, and he was positioning himself over me, I moved my hands over his bare skin down to his member. He let me stroke him a few times before moving my hands to his shoulders…I looked into his eyes as I felt the tip of him brush against my sex.
“This is my first time,” I admitted,
“What? Really? First ever?” Ville stopped and sat up. I didn’t know why that was a problem. I sat up and touched his shoulder.
“What’s wrong? Why does me being a virgin make this different?” Ville shook his head.
“Because you deserve better than this…for your first time. I… didn’t break up with Joanna yet.” My eyes widened and I got and started to get dressed.
“Okay, I understand now.” I felt completely grounded now. From cloud nine straight back to earth.
“Miriah… I’m sorry.” He started to get dressed as well and I walked downstairs when I was done. Ville fallowed me and watched me get the vodka bottle and finished it with a few gulps.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry Miriah…I love-“ I turned around and cut him off.
“No! Don’t you dare say that to me…Just go and before you ever call me again…You need to decide who you want to be with…”

Ville left without another word. I couldn’t believe what had happened. The extreme difference in emotions…from when he got here and when he left…

I couldn’t take this shit anymore.