Not Your Every Razorblade Romance...

I died
So many years ago
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so
And why you come to be with me
I think I finally know
mmm-mmm

You're scared
Ashamed of what you feel
And you can't tell the ones you love
You know they couldn't deal
Whisper in a dead man's ear
It doesn't make it real
That's great

But I don't wanna play
'Cause being with you touches me
More than I can say
And since I’m only dead to you
I’m saying stay away and
Let me rest in peace

You know,
You got a willing slave
And You just love to play the thought
That you might misbehave
But Till you do,
I'm telling you
Stop visiting my grave
Let me rest in peace

I know I should go
But I follow you like a man possessed
There's a traitor here beneath my breast
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest
but I can see you're unimpressed
So leave me be and

Let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
Im a hole 6-foot deep
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release
Let me rest in peace
Why won't you
Let me rest in peace? Once More With Feeling: The Buffy Musical/Rest In Peace.

It had been weeks since Ville called me. I had to accept that he hadn’t picked me. I should have been relieved that I didn’t have to feel so torn anymore. Although with the passing time, my heart did not heal. I was just over my depression stage and was moving into the emotionless shell stage.
On my way to work my eye was caught by a glossy cover, I had been seeing his face in newspaper stands, the headlines talking about Joanna and how rocky the relationship was. That wasn’t news to me- but this was.
“How much for this?” I asked in broken Finnish. The older man running the stand held up two fingers and I paid him before burying my face in between the pages of the magazine.


“HIM is gearing up for a new heart-breaking album. Lead singer, Ville Valo has been in the papers a lot lately due to rumors he and his Fiancé’ journalist/model Joanna Nygren were spotted in intimate situations with other people. Joanna had been caught repeatedly with different men in the entertainment business, in embraces, kisses and worse. However recently reporters have found the victimized Ville fighting back. Last month he was seen with a mystery woman with long auburn hair and a striking style.-“

“Well, at least they said I had style…” I thought to myself before continuing.

“The woman was described as pretty but no one has been able to place her as a celebrity. Apparently she is a normal woman, but what normal women could turn Valo’s head? No one at our office has been able to find the answers. If you have any information on who this woman is please contact our office during business hours. (Our contact information is on the bottom of the back page.)
The couple are still claiming to be together and when we tried to confront them about their separate love lives they refused to answer. This leaves us with many questions, but the one question that has been answered is that yes, HIM will be recording their fifth studio album in L.A. They were due to leave for the states last Monday morning. The album will come out next spring along with a world tour.”

There was some quotes from other interviews from Ville and Joanna about their relationship but again, all of it was nothing new. The fact that Ville had left Finland was surprising.
“Why shouldn’t it be? Why would he call you to tell you he was leaving if he’s never going to see you again anyway?”

I sighed to myself and threw the magazine away in a bin on my way to the office. Today was going to be a long day.

Janne brightened my day by giving me a raise and giving me my own little desk and chair in the nook in the wall right before his office. There used to be a bench and a potted plant there instead. He moved the bench to the lobby right by the door and the potted plant in front of my desk in the corner. I was going to handle only his personal calls and run his errands. Aurora would be filtering his calls and arranging his meetings still, but I would be making both their jobs much easier and most of the time I ran out of things to do half way through the week anyway.
I loved my new desk. I hung up a photo of the ocean from back home and sat up my desk with my laptop, pen holder which was a gothic goblet, and my Jack Skeltington doll. I spun around in my chair and giggled to myself as I picked up my phone and pretend to be answering a call.

“Hell-ooo…this is Miriah, Janne is in a meeting at the mooooment….please wait after the Moooooo…”

“Miriah?” I jumped backwards and ended up falling out of my chair and onto the floor. I groaned and rubbed my head as I got up slowly. I wondered if I was going crazy or if that was Ville’s voice on the other line. I picked up the phone and carefully raised it to my ear and spoke into it calmly…

“Speaking?”

“It’s Ville,” He paused and I tried not to fall over again.

“Oh…yes, of course…I knew it was you…” I narrowed my eyes, “That was why I answered the phone like that…it was a joke….yes, ha, ha, ha.” Ville paused again before answering.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long since we talked. I…still have a lot of shit to deal with…but I just had to hear your voice and know how you were doing…” I wished that I could have believed him.

“Ville, I hear you say: “I’m sorry,” so much. Ville, seriously how the hell would we ever be able to have a relationship if you lie this much to me now?” There was silence and then I heard sniffling.
“Lovely, he’s crying…”

“I’m really trying my best here. I don’t want to hurt you, or Joanna…I’m gonna break up with her, I promise…it’s just…she refuses to talk to me right now. It’s maddening! She knows what I’m going to say so she’s avoiding me!” I didn’t bring up the fact that he was doing the same thing to her before, a few weeks ago.

“She has to talk to you sometime…until she does don’t call me…and you know what? I might not just jump into a relationship with you right away. You need to get yourself straight, Ville.” I wasn’t meaning the drinking, but he thought I did.

“You can’t tell me what to do! And what the hell do you mean? I love you, you stupid woman!” I nearly dropped the phone as tears welled in my eyes.

“I can’t believe that was the first time you’ve said that…and it was using those words.” My voice was flat and although tears were rolling down my cheeks I kept my face blank and then slowly hung up the phone. Like a robot I fixed my chair and sat down to finish licking the envelopes.