Not Your Every Razorblade Romance...

“I took a knife and cut out her eye
I took it home and watched it wither and die
Well, she's lucky that I didn't slip her a smile
That's why she sleeps with one eye open
That's the price she paid

I said, hey, girl with one eye
Get your filthy fingers out of my pie
I said, hey, girl with one eye
I'll cut your little heart out cause you made me cry

I slipped my hand under her skirt
I said don't worry, it's not gonna hurt
Oh, my reputation's kinda clouded with dirt
That's why you sleep with one eye open
That's the price you paid....” Girl With One Eye/Florence + the Machine

I felt increasingly uncomfortable as the night worn on. We took our places around the table and Joanna served us something that I assumed was casserole. It smelled good enough and I took a bite, it tasted like salt and garlic with a hint of basil. It was pretty good, I would have used more herbs and less salt but to me too much salt was better than not enough. Ville filled our glasses with a thick, fruity smelling, red wine. Our eyes met as he poured the wine, I took the glass and raised it to my lips and inhaled the scent before taking a sip. I savored the layered taste of the bittersweet drink. It had a cherry start and a tart apple cinder finish, I liked it.

“Do you like it?” Joanna asked as she raised her own glass to her mouth and took a drink. I nodded and placed the glass on the table. I turned my gaze to my food and realized I should say more, “This is a lovely dinner, thank you for having me.” There was a flash of something across Joanna's relaxed face, it seemed like surprise or regret? ”Maybe she's as much of a victim in this love triangle as me and Ville...” I felt the tension with what I was holding myself start to loosen as I began to feel less stressed and worried.

“Thank you for being such a pleasant guest,” It seemed almost too nice of a remark, but I could tell by the way she had relaxed a little that she was starting to trust me. ”It's good somebody trusts me...You can't even trust yourself anymore...” I took another bite off my fork so my mouth would have an excuse not to talk. My mind was burning with what Ville was doing, what he was thinking, but I dared not sneak a glance at him.

“Joanna, why don't you tell Miriah about your work. You've interviewed lots of authors, you could give her some tips.” Ville offered this, hoping to start a peaceful dialogue and if Joanna was busy explaining something we'd have a better chance at stealing a glance at one another.

“Oh but I'd love to share what I've learned...” Joanna went on and ranted about this and that and some of the information actually suck with me, but as she went off track and started to tell a story about how she met and embarrassed herself in front of a famous thriller writer. I jumped slightly when feeling a hand pressed on top on mine. Tingles ran up my arm and spread all over my body, giving me goose bumps. I smiled and laced our fingers, giving his hand a gentle squeeze under the table. I risked looking a him from the corner of my eye-he was staring directly at me with such intensity I quickly turned my head and drew my hand away. My cheeks heated up and I kept my gaze down as I felt over whelming conflicting emotions about the situation. I heard Ville sigh and felt his gaze turn to Joanna, who was still talking thankfully so I had time to make some sense of what she was saying to prepare the proper response.

“-...and I ran into the bathroom and tried to rinse it out of my hair, but it was too late...the glue had dried and I now looked like a complete idiot. I tried everything and I ended up making a appointment at the salon to have it cut out. They did a good job in covering it up, but there was still that interview and I ended up getting in a lot of trouble for not finishing it...” She giggled and I fallowed suite, “Oh Ville do you remember that? After Antio chewed me out I called you crying and it was three am in the morning where you were.” She laughed again and Ville frowned as he tried to recall it.

“Oh yeah, that was years ago...” Ville spoke for one of the first times that night. I didn't realize how much I missed hearing his husky voice caress my senses.

“Three years actually,” Joanna's voice and eyes seemed distant as she said this. I could almost see the memory replaying in her eyes. I saw a similar expression on Ville's face. ” They loved each other at one point...” I broke the silence by coughing slightly and rising to my feet. I took my plate and empty glass with me as I rose from my seat.

“Where should I put theses?” I asked holding up the plate and glass. Joanna raised an eyebrow as the spell over both of them was broken.

“Um, are you leaving already?” She asked, again she was surprised. It was than that I realized any ill feelings towards her, despite her having every right to hate me, she was being generally nice to me and I think we like each other.

“No, I just want to help clean up and I'm done eating. It was delicious, thank you again.” Joanna rose as well and grabbed the remaining dishes, Ville had finished his plate but she had only nibbled on hers. I fallowed her into the door on the other side of the dinning room and through it was the kitchen. She sat the dishes in the sink and stepped aside for me to do the same. I turned on the water and grabbed the sponge and began to wash them.

“Oh no, I'll do those later...” Joanna tried to protest but I was set on my job.

“No, really, I always clean up when I'm a guest in someones home, especially if they feed me, I don't feel an obligation, I just want to show I appreciate it.” She stood back and shook her head.

“Well, that is really nice of you, Miriah...” I looked back to the dishes but she stepped closer and I moved aside as she began to rinse and dry the clean dishes I placed in the other sink. I felt her wanting to ask me something, and I thought I knew what it was. “Miriah, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I know we just met and all and I'm sure Ville has told you we're going through a rough patch right now...-” “Does she really believe that?” - “I want to be frank and honest about this...and since Ville's not here I want to ask...” She paused and leaded her weight against the counter. She turned her face towards me, she looked drained. “Does Ville love you?” I came out as a broken whisper, but I understood what she said because even though I was surprised that was what she wanted to know, it was the same question that had been pledging my mind. I sighed and looked her in the eye.

“I'm sorry Joanna, I really don't know how exactly he feels about me....but I can tell you that I think I may love him and it makes me feel dirty and like I'm a bad person for wanting him so bad, but I can't help it. He was and still is kinda my only friend here and he's the first man I have ever considered loving...I don't want to hurt you, I don't want Ville if he's with you. I just want to still be able to see him even if I can never have him the way I really want. Please believe me when I say I am not a home-wrecker, I don't get off on this at all. It makes me sick, and if you decide to kick me out and call me a whore I wouldn't blame you.” Joanna's sad expression deepened as I saw tears well in her eyes. I felt like an asshole. “Great! I made her cry!”

“I believe you...it's not your fault...” She snuffled and rubbed her eyes, “It's mine and his...I'm sorry you got dragged in the middle of our last stand off...I just can't let him go...every time it gets bad, when we both have hurt each other and we could swear we hated the other...I remember when we first met, when we were still in love and I...just can't let it go, even if it's a shadow... an illusion. As along as Ville still wants me I'll stay....I just hope that if he does love you he tells me sooner rather than later. I've already been hurt enough by his bullshit.” I padded her on the back and hoped she didn't take the jester the wrong way, she didn't. She took a deep breathe before wiping her face again and continuing to rinse and dry the clean dishes.

~*~

“I wonder what evil those two are planning..” Ville thought after he finished the bottle of wine and heard the girls talking and cleaning up in the kitchen. He was almost more worried now they were friends- it meant Joanna would spill her side of the heartbreak. There was nothing wrong with that, and he should have been happy...although he liked the idea that he appeared mysterious and cool to Miriah. Just as he loved the innocence he saw in her he loved the way he could make her swoon and blush just by being himself.

“If it's meant to happen...it will, if not than it won't...”

Ville stood from the table and felt the world tilt with him. He wobbled his way into the kitchen and found them both laughing as they put the dishes away in the cabinets.

“You guys sound like you're getting along,” Ville commented from the doorway, he was careful not to slur. Joanna turned and looked back at him with ice in her stare.

“Why so surprised? It's you who's difficult.” That hurt Ville but he didn't let the pain show on his face. Miriah winced at the comment and met his eyes, only than did he let the hurt show a little. He sighed as he looked at her, why couldn't he feel this way looking at the beautiful women beside her? “You want her so badly...how long will this play out before one of these two amazing women get hurt because of you?” He shook his head and broke his gaze from Joanna.

~*~

“Thank you both again for a great dinner, it was great getting to know you Joanna, I hope to see you guys again soon.” I spoke as I gave each of them a hug, Joanna first and than Ville, who I was reluctant to let go of. Our gazes locked again for a moment.

“Thanks for coming, please don't be a stranger and I don't mind if you and Ville hang out if I'm not around...just tell me what you guys did so I don't feel left out.” Joanna was saying that she was okay with the friendship, but it had to stay that way. While they were still together I vowed to myself I would not give in to temptation.

“Good night sweetheart,” Ville purred, and I melted.

“Good night!” I replied before opening the door and heading home.

“See? Things worked out. This is going to be fine.”

I slept well that night with a grin spread across my lips.

I was in love.

Who cared if he wasn't mine?