Red Scars Shimmer on Your China Skin

We stayed that way, sited with crossed legs until the sun disappeared behind the curtains of this place. The nurse called us for dinner. For I had to go. You began to remember, something, but not enough. They knew too less of us, of me, so I couldn’t take you home with me.
The heat in your fingers holed my hands. I feel them burning. And my chest burns, and my lungs.
I can’t sleep. I can’t close my eyes.
Gee, my Gerard, my beloved love, was it your flesh that I touched? Or are you a dream? Were those corpses meeting or the world is just one big lie? A pantomime of stupid bureaucracy and meaningless, turned feelings. A jumble of earth befouled with fairy tales and bitterness and dreams… and oh! How burns my head…. I can’t think… how can I? I spent the last five years finding a way to die and be ashamed because I couldn’t find the courage. I unearthed all my cowardice, my glowing love.
I discovered all my fears and rancour and obsessions. I found that I could breathe without you. And I am ashamed of it. But, Christ, how clean air is now that you are here again. How wonderful this body and this pain are.

I see the sky brightening.
The mattress is a pool of sweat. My eyes threaten to close and I let them. After a long time, after all my life I feel the peace on my lips. I am in peace. Now I know what it means to love, to lose, to win and get lost again.
There’s Xanax in my bag and you in that clinic.
Death or you will have my body before the end of this day.