Red Scars Shimmer on Your China Skin
Dream?
I open my eyes. I turn on my left side and I watch the alarm clock. 3.13 am. I squint, trying to get back to sleep. I can’t. I kick off the blankets, frustrated. I get up and go to pee. With a hand I lower my boxers, while I use the other to support me on this filthy motel tiles. I drove for almost 15 hours straight before waking up. Before start to think. And it took an entire bottle of whiskey and a fist fight with the door of my old Mercedes before calling Mickey and talking to him.
- What the fuck does it mean he saw him?- I yell at him, still drunk. I'm on the edge of a busy road, cars trumpet against me, trying not to invest me
-Frank ... - he replies, the voice disheveled by sleep
- What the fuck you said Mickey? -
- Frank he has called me for days, I had to promise him that I would send someone. But he knew about you then I thought…-
I start to sob again - Why me? For what fucking reason me? Fuck you, Mickey. Fuck you-
Oh, at least I tried. I sigh while I flush the toilet. I re-check the time. 3.14am. I could call him for information. Directions. Clarifications. I do a quick calculation of the time zones. He should be awake or, at least, is a decent time to wake him up.
I don’t wanna call him. I really don’t wanna hear his voice, so hopeless. It makes me feel like an idiot. I grab the phone and search his number. I try to breathe, to prepare my apologies, but his voice erases all my good intentions.
- What’s up?-
-Did I wake you up?-
-No- he answers, a suffocated yawn in his voice. I smile involuntarily. He’s always the same old Mickey.
-I’m sorry…- I start
- Look, I know it’s hard, but I have accepted it. I knew that you would have reacted this way. I knew and I wouldn't had call you- He pauses. We take breath together. He to continue his lecture, I to try to listen until the end.
- But this man has your number, he would have sought you and I thought it was better for you to know from me instead. Because I’m still part of your family, even though you refuse to see me-
- Actually, you are the only family I have. But it hurts too bad to see you, hear you. Since he died, I find in you even the weirdest things of him. You have the same smell, the same furrow there, just above the eyebrows.
I can’t, Mickey, I’m sorry.-
Gosh, I said it. Now he knows and here again this cold. Mickey I lost everything, and I'm scared, scared to death that this is just a dream, that sooner or later the alarm sounds and I have to wake up.
- Frank I'm sorry too. Even for this stupid thing that I'm throwing at you. If you don’t wanna go further, fuck Dawson, fuck his mental problems. I’ll call him and I’ll put an end to this stupid thing...-
-No, no. I’m fine to go. I remember this guy. I think they became friends. Maybe see me will do him good. It could even make me feel better…-
Liar. A smirk curls my lips. I still have to get that address.
- As you like- sighs my almost brother in law. He knows I’m lying. But too much time has passed and I’ve been too selfish with him to bother about me too much
-This clinic is located just outside Tucson, in Trachimbrod, St Peter 44. The clinic is called "Villa Serena". It's the only one in the area, you cannot miss it-
- “Villa Serena”?-
- Yup, the founder was an Italian lady. Villa with two "L" -
- Yeah, I got it right-
- So... goodbye Frank-
- I’ll call ya when…-
- Yeah, whatever man. Bye.- Mickey is a little brisk now. He doesn't’t like this affair. Neither do I.
I look at the horrible floral curtains of my single room.
Is that really you, Gerard?
- What the fuck does it mean he saw him?- I yell at him, still drunk. I'm on the edge of a busy road, cars trumpet against me, trying not to invest me
-Frank ... - he replies, the voice disheveled by sleep
- What the fuck you said Mickey? -
- Frank he has called me for days, I had to promise him that I would send someone. But he knew about you then I thought…-
I start to sob again - Why me? For what fucking reason me? Fuck you, Mickey. Fuck you-
Oh, at least I tried. I sigh while I flush the toilet. I re-check the time. 3.14am. I could call him for information. Directions. Clarifications. I do a quick calculation of the time zones. He should be awake or, at least, is a decent time to wake him up.
I don’t wanna call him. I really don’t wanna hear his voice, so hopeless. It makes me feel like an idiot. I grab the phone and search his number. I try to breathe, to prepare my apologies, but his voice erases all my good intentions.
- What’s up?-
-Did I wake you up?-
-No- he answers, a suffocated yawn in his voice. I smile involuntarily. He’s always the same old Mickey.
-I’m sorry…- I start
- Look, I know it’s hard, but I have accepted it. I knew that you would have reacted this way. I knew and I wouldn't had call you- He pauses. We take breath together. He to continue his lecture, I to try to listen until the end.
- But this man has your number, he would have sought you and I thought it was better for you to know from me instead. Because I’m still part of your family, even though you refuse to see me-
- Actually, you are the only family I have. But it hurts too bad to see you, hear you. Since he died, I find in you even the weirdest things of him. You have the same smell, the same furrow there, just above the eyebrows.
I can’t, Mickey, I’m sorry.-
Gosh, I said it. Now he knows and here again this cold. Mickey I lost everything, and I'm scared, scared to death that this is just a dream, that sooner or later the alarm sounds and I have to wake up.
- Frank I'm sorry too. Even for this stupid thing that I'm throwing at you. If you don’t wanna go further, fuck Dawson, fuck his mental problems. I’ll call him and I’ll put an end to this stupid thing...-
-No, no. I’m fine to go. I remember this guy. I think they became friends. Maybe see me will do him good. It could even make me feel better…-
Liar. A smirk curls my lips. I still have to get that address.
- As you like- sighs my almost brother in law. He knows I’m lying. But too much time has passed and I’ve been too selfish with him to bother about me too much
-This clinic is located just outside Tucson, in Trachimbrod, St Peter 44. The clinic is called "Villa Serena". It's the only one in the area, you cannot miss it-
- “Villa Serena”?-
- Yup, the founder was an Italian lady. Villa with two "L" -
- Yeah, I got it right-
- So... goodbye Frank-
- I’ll call ya when…-
- Yeah, whatever man. Bye.- Mickey is a little brisk now. He doesn't’t like this affair. Neither do I.
I look at the horrible floral curtains of my single room.
Is that really you, Gerard?
♠ ♠ ♠
Is the story became clearer, folks?Love G.
Ps: thanks ekfr for commenting <3