On My Own

I could see the anger in Matt’s eyes again, but I didn’t back away. Instead, I decided to keep talking. “I wanted to be dead. I was sick of all the constant arguing in my house. I was tired of being yelled at. I wanted to just get away forever. I went and got some pills, lied and said that they were for different people and I stole two my brother’s airplane vodkas. I forced one down and then took the pills and drank the other. I lied down on my bed and finally felt happy because I was going to die.

“So, when I woke up I was even more depressed and knew that killing myself wasn’t going to do anything because God wouldn’t let me fucking die. I decided I had to run away and for a few weeks, I got my parents to give me money. I told them I was shopping when I was really just at my friends’ homes. I wish I could’ve just stayed with them, but my parents would’ve eventually found me, which is why I came here,” I explained.

“Zacky, why don’t you take Stephanie home?” Matt suggest quietly. “I want to talk to Adeline alone for a while.”

“Ade, you okay?” Stephanie asked me. I nodded and kept my eyes on Matt as she left with Zacky.

“Do you realize what could’ve happened to you?” Matt asked me. “What if I hadn’t met you in the liquor store? What if some other guy had grabbed you and ran?”

“It would’ve been better than being at my house,” I mumbled. “I got lucky when I met you. I was lucky that entire first week. I was staying at Super 8 until I was robbed two weeks ago.” Matt pulled me onto his lap and I straddled it. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt his arms go around my body. “I lost almost all my money. I was tired and hungry all week and barely ate. I never fell fully asleep because I was scared to. I used McDonald’s to change and took showers every gym class.

“Then Stephanie got me a job at her work a week later and I wrote down Super 8 address. She confronted me about it and that’s when I told her that I was Brittany Perkins. She convinced her dad to let me move in and the past week has been the most amazing since I’ve been here.”

I didn’t know what else to say and Matt was being quiet. I relaxed more against him and rested my hands on his shoulders. He ran one hand through my hair and let out a loud sigh. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me,” Matt finally said. “You could’ve stayed here. You could’ve asked me for money for a hotel. You could’ve just come to me and I would’ve helped you out, Adeline.”

“I only gave Stephanie the general picture of what happened. I only told her I drank. I didn’t tell her that I was taking Ecstasy. I didn’t tell her about how bad the arguments were. I wanted you to know everything when I told you,” I whispered. “But, I never felt ready to because I hated my life in Los Angeles. I don’t think anyone will understand how upset I was that I didn’t die.”

“Adeline, don’t be ashamed of anything you’ve done,” Matt said, lifting my chin so we were looking at each other. “Nobody can blame you for drinking or wanting to die.” Matt held me a little tighter as he talked.” The ones’ who should be ashamed is everyone in your family who yelled at you and near you.” Matt’s lips pressed against my forehead and I closed my eyes. “It’s their fault, not yours.”

“They didn’t make me drink or take the pills,” I argued.

“They drove you to that point though,” Matt told me. “You may have taken them but they made you need to escape.” I rested my head against Matt’s shoulder again and closed my eyes.

“Why can’t I be the one at fault?” I asked.

“Because I won’t let you,” Matt chuckled. “But, there is a serious thing we have to talk about.” I groaned and turned myself so I was lying across his lap. “You’re going to have to eventually let authorities know that you’re the missing runaway.” I frowned. “They could spend a long time looking for a person when they could be looking for an innocent puppy that wandered away from home.

“Speaking of puppies, where’s Bella?” I asked him.

“She’s outside if you want to let her in after we’re done talking,” Matt explained. “There’s one other thing you’re going to have to do. You need to legally change you name to Adeline Armstrong, otherwise you can get into some serious trouble.” I nodded and sighed.

“I’ll look into that tomorrow,” I promised. “Matt, since I’m now a legal adult, what happens with the authorities?”

“I don’t know,” Matt sighed. I got off of Matt and went into the kitchen. I let Bella into the house and grabbed myself a Pepsi from the fridge. I went back and curled up on Matt’s lap. I took my glasses off and set them on the table. Bella jumped up on the couch next to us and wagged her tail.

“Those were fake the whole time?” Matt asked.

“Yup. I have amazing vision. Those were just to add to the whole ‘new-identity’ thing,” I laughed. “Plus, I always secretly wanted glasses.” Matt chuckled and stole my Pepsi. He took a sip. I yawned in reply and took my soda back. I sipped it and set it on the table. Matt pushed my hair back and looked at my face. “Yes?”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice the resemblance,” Matt said. “When your hair and glasses are out of the way, it’s easy to see that you just dyed your hair and cut it.” Matt moved his hands so one was in my hair and the other was resting on my knee. “Promise me something.”

“Yes, Matt?” I asked, looking up at him.

“No more secrets and if you ever need anything, you’ll come to me,” Matt told me.

“I promise.”