What You Do to Me.

“ADDIE IS A NUT, SHE HAS A RUBBER BUTT. AND WHEN SHE TURNS AROUND IT GOES PUT, PUT, PUT.” Jack sung for the hundredth time that morning. I rolled my eyes at him. Jack had asked to hang out with me at the merch tent until they played, stupid me for agreeing to it. I had just finished setting up for the day when I spotted Kara heading over to us.

“KARA IS A NUT, SHE HAS A RUBBER BUTT. AND WHEN SHE TURNS AROUND IT GOES PUT, PUT, PUT.” Jack jumped up and ran over to her.

“Calm your tits, Barakat!” She smiled as he picked her up bridal style, and walked her over to me. “What the fuck are you smoking?”

“Pop tarts and Lucky Charms.” I grinned.

“No more sugar for this one.” Kara patted his hair, before sitting down. “So, how was last night?”

Of course she would have to ask me. The boys had been asleep by the time Dan had walked me back to the bus, so I couldn’t really talk to them about it. Dan and I ended up heading back at around midnight. Let me tell you, getting up this morning was hell. I needed my sleep. But all in all it was a good night. I had really missed him.

“It was nice.” I smiled at her. “Really nice.”

“Well, what happened?!” She asked. I placed the shirt I was folding, down on the merch table and took a seat in the chair next to her.

“We talked. A lot.” I replied. She looked unsatisfied with my response. “What?!”

“Oh come on!” She exclaimed. “I want full details!”

I threw my hands up in the air. “There are none! We went to the park, talked, ate dinner, talked, walked back to the busses while talking! That’s it!”

“Did he kiss you?” She asked.

“On the cheek as a goodnight!”

“Well then!” She grinned.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“You are fucking weird.” I laughed at her.

>>

The rest of the day went pretty fast. Having Jack at the merch tent was actually kind of fun. So many kids came to get pictures with him and I was constantly busy. Jack left for All Time Low’s set at around 4, leaving me with Vinny.

Apparently the boys were planning a party on the bus tonight and pretty much everyone was invited. After all the bands had finished playing and Vinny I had had packed up for the day, we headed back to the bus to get ready.

“After you.” Vinny smiled, opening the door for me.

“Why thank you kind gentlemen!” I grinned as we entered the bus. First thing we noticed walking on the bus was the table full of alcohol. The ATL boys tend to throw hectic parties, one thing that I learned touring with them for as long as I have. They got crazy.

“Holy shit.” Vinny exclaimed, seeing the table full of booze. “We are gonna be so fucked up tomorrow.”

“Oh god.” I laughed.

>>

Later on everyone started making their way over to All Time Low’s bus. The music was loud and everyone had started to drink. I grabbed my drink and headed outside to see if I could spot anyone I knew. Climbing of the bus, I looked around. It wasn’t long before I felt to hands cover my eyes.

“Guess who?” Dan’s British accent came from behind me. I smiled.

“I wonder.” I laughed as he released his hands from around my eyes and pulled me into a hug.

“You look nice!” He smiled down at me.

“Why thank you!” I blushed. “You look pretty good yourself!”

“Did you want a drink or anything?” He asked.

I lifted the bottle in my hand up. “I’m fine.”

“Ah, okay.” He smiled. “How was your day?”

We began to walk over to were a few seats had been set up outside and then sat down. “My day was good. What about you? How was your set?”

“Fun. I’ve defiantly missed being on tour.” He explained. “I’ve missed seeing you around, too.”

My heart pounded in my chest at the last part. After last night and realising how much I missed him, I also realised that I wasn’t fully over him. After months of not talking he still had the ability to make my stomach do flips.

“I. . .I missed you too.” I said shakily. I almost didn’t trust my voice to say it.

He must have noticed this, because the next thing I know he is grabbing my hand. “Are you okay?” He asked. His thumb rubbing circles on my hand. My stomach was doing flips again. Remembering everything. How good he was to me. How much I needed him.

I swallowed hard. “I’m. . .I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” Dan stated. “You forget that we were together for 3 years, Adds. I know pretty much everything about you.”

“Yeah, I forgot that.” I smiled lightly.

“And considering you aren’t exactly the most open person, I learned how to read you well.” He smiled. “I can see right through you now.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good thing.” I laughed.

He laughed lightly. “Honestly, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” I sighed. “I just. . .this is just so overwhelming you know? After months of not even talking were here and it feels strange.”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed, taking his hand off of mine. “I knew it would be too much, too fast.”

I pulled his hand back into mine. “No, that’s not it. It’s just, my feelings don’t know what they want.”

“What do you mean?”

“After so long of convincing myself that I was okay without you and that everything was okay, now that we are here, it’s making me second guess everything.” I sighed.

“Oh.” He sighed.

“Yeah. . .”

“Would it be bad if I said that I was happy with you second guessing it?” Dan asked me.

I looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Oh boy.” He breathed in quickly, then looked at me. “If you’re second guessing everything, that means there is some part of you that still loves me.”

I nodded.

“I want that. I want you too still miss me and love me and need me.” He sighed. “Because I really fucking need you.”

Without thinking. Without knowing what I was doing. Without anything but pure adrenaline running through my veins, I kissed him. And he kissed back. With so much need and so much want. The kiss made me feel bad for leaving him like I did.

“I need you.” Dan repeated, one we pulled away. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m so sorry.” I sobbed. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled me into him, kissing my forehead. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”