Catch Me
1/1
I’d often thought about how I’d have liked my life to turn out. I’d dreamt of leaving this place, of going to college, getting a good – respectable – job, having a family. But dreams like that, in places like this, didn’t last long. And they certainly didn’t come true. And now I was stuck. I couldn’t leave, even though I desperately wanted to. There was nothing tying me here anymore, but, more than ever, I felt chained down. I couldn’t very well leave the place where I’d spent my childhood. This very mechanics’ shop was an endless memory. Alejandro and I had both taken our first steps in this old place. Sure, a garage probably wasn’t the safest place for babies to learn to walk. But that hadn’t stopped my dad from bringing us in here. After all, my mum had run off and he had to feed us somehow. He couldn’t very well stay at home and look after us, and nor could he afford to pay a sitter. So it was take us to work, or not work at all. And he couldn’t afford not to work.
I smiled softly at the thought of my dad. Only 4 months ago, he’d been my idol, my role model – my older brother coming in a close second. I’d thought the very highest of my dad, of both of them. And then…my opinion of them changed in one night. Well, it was really just one phone call.
--
“Is this Carlos Rodriguez?” a voice came through the store’s phone and I blinked.
“Um, yes,” I said hesitantly.
“This is Constable West,” the man said and I suddenly had a horrible sinking feeling in my chest. I sat heavily on the stool that was at the till.
“Is everything okay? Has something happened?” I whispered, already dreading his answer.
“There was an incident about an hour ago,” he said and I closed my eyes. “Your brother and father have been the unfortunate victims of gang violence.”
--
Those two words echoed through my mind for the following months – and years. I’d never thought my dad or my brother would get mixed up in something like that. He knew what sort of trouble people around here got into for associating with certain gangs. We didn’t exactly live in a nice area of Nottingham, which was one of the worst cities in England anyway.
I inherited the garage from my dad when he died, and I couldn’t just sell it and leave. I owed my dad to continue on running his business, didn’t I?
As I was staring into space, a light jingle from a bell jolted me out of my thoughts and I turned to the newest customer. When my eyes landed on the group of 6 or 7 guys, my heart sank all the way to my shoes. “Carlos,” Juan said, a smile on his face that was anything but nice.
“Juan,” I nodded back, acknowledging. I’d learnt the hard way what happened to people when they ignored – and so disrespected – Juan or any of his gang.
“We have a proposition for you,” Juan said, coming to crowd in front of me, his gang surrounding him. I took a nervous step backwards, intimidated just as they wanted, and hit the till counter. “Just a little thing, little Carlos,” he jeered at me.
“Not interested,” I said, proud of myself for not sounding as scared as I felt.
“I don’t think I asked you if you were interested,” he laughed, but there wasn’t anything funny about this at all. “It’s just a temporary job,” he continued, even though I knew that was a lie. “Filling in for your brother. I’m having trouble to find someone as good as he was. The guys that have replaced him so far keep getting arrested.” His tone sounded close to disgusted, as though he was appalled at the idea of someone being arrested for committing a crime.
“I’m not interested,” I said, slightly more firmly.
“Your brother would be so disappointed,” he said bitterly, stepping forward once again.
And then the bell over the door jangled and I turned towards it desperately. And there, in the doorway, was a police officer. Sure, these guys probably all had a gun shoved down their baggy jeans, but they could see the police car sitting outside my shop, with another officer inside it. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Problem?” the man asked, his voice low and smooth. I recognised it.
“Not at all,” Juan smiled sweetly, reaching up to ruffle my short hair. “We don’t have a problem, do we Carlos?”
“No,” I said after a moment of hesitation, staring into his dark, dangerous eyes.
“Move along, then,” the police officer said, holding the store door open, so Juan and the rest of his gang could file out.
Once they were gone, I found that my knees could no longer hold me up. I leant back against the counter and then eventually sank down to the floor. Fear was coursing through my veins, fear I hadn’t acknowledged until now. Juan could sense fear – he was alike an animal, a predator, in that way – and I didn’t want to give him any sense of satisfaction. Sure, it wasn’t wholly his fault that my brother and father were shot, but I could blame him if I wanted. “You okay?” I looked up suddenly, shocked that there was still someone in the room. My eyes travelled up the black trousers with the perfect crease at the front, up the black bullet proof vest, which had white shirt sleeves and a collar poking through, and finally up to the officer’s face. “Kid, you okay?” he asked again, crouching down in front of me. I just nodded.
“I know you,” I said softly, half to myself. The officer smiled.
“Constable West,” he said, crouching down in front of me. “Are you okay?” he asked again, more firmly this time.
“Yeah, I’m…I’m okay,” I nodded, using his words because I couldn’t think of my own. I gazed into his deep, dark brown eyes and found myself falling. It felt like I was falling endlessly into those warm brown orbs and I nearly lost balance and fell towards him, but I controlled myself at the last minute. “You were…you were the officer that phoned me when…when my dad and brother…”
“I remember,” he said softly, placing a hand on my knee. “I’m sorry about what happened.” I smiled weakly but otherwise didn’t say anything. “Is Juan giving you trouble?” he asked and I bit my lip.
“Um, a little,” I said, downplaying the truth. “You know him?” Constable West smiled but shook his head.
“We have our eye on him,” he said and I nodded. He regarded me for a second and then stood and pulled a white piece of card from his pocket. “We aren’t technically supposed to do this…” he said, fiddling with the paper in his hands. “But…I’m giving you my number. If you need me, at any time, I want you to call me, okay?” I bit my lip and looked up at him before nodding and then, the situation suddenly hit me. I was sitting curled up on the floor in my dad’s shop. Clearing my throat, I stood up, trying to reassemble what little dignity I had left.
“I don’t need your help,” I said. “I can handle it.” Constable West considered me for a moment before smiling gently, as though he could see through my façade.
“Okay, well, just in case,” he said, putting it down next to the till. “I’ll see you around.” I stood rooted to the spot, too in shock to move, and watched him leave. I breathed a sigh of relief once I was alone in the shop once again. My eyes were drawn to the little white card on the counter and my lip arched upwards as a smile fought its way onto my face.
--
A week passed and although Juan had pretty much left me alone, I was considering calling Constable West. Not because I was in any sort of danger, but because I just…I really wanted to hear his voice again. I was turning his card over and over in my fingers, seeing his name on ever full turn. ‘Constable Nathan West’. I stared at the card, as though that would help me to make a decision. I should just throw the card away, or at least stop staring at it.
Suddenly, there was a loud bang on the door to my flat. I jumped almost out of my skin and rose from the sofa. I was halfway to the door, about to see what had happened, when I realised something. It was more than likely Juan. I stepped lightly the rest of the way, up to the door and through the peep-hole. “Carlos!” Juan yelled, banging on the door once again. “I know you’re in there. Stop being a fucking pussy. You need me, you know you do. Your dad and Alejandro knew they needed my help and you know it to. Now stop being a fucking idiot and accept my offer before I change my mind.” I backed away from the door as quietly as I can. “I know you’re in there, you little fag. Other than running your dad’s garage, you don’t do anything. You have nowhere else you’d be and I’m not leaving until you agree to help me out. You help me, I help you. It’s not all as bad as you think it is.” I bit my lip. I was trapped. I moved into the living room. Juan had a gun, I was 100% sure of that, because he’d threatened me with it before, and I wasn’t going to stand behind my door in case he lost his thinly controlled temper and started shooting.
I looked around the room desperately, hoping to find something I could use to defend myself. And my eyes landed on the little slip of card that had fallen to the floor when I jumped up. I didn’t want to, but I had no choice. With Juan pounding on my door non-stop, I grabbed my phone and dialled Constable West’s mobile number. “West,” he answered only a moment later.
“Hello?” I whispered. “Um, it’s Carlos. Um, you gave me your card in case, um, and…” I trailed off, worried because Juan had stopped banging on the door.
“Carlos? Is everything okay?” he asked and I bit my lip.
“I…I don’t know,” I said as quietly as possible. I didn’t think my front door was that easy to hear through, but maybe it was. “Juan…he’s at my door and he’s not leaving and…I…I don’t know what to do and…I know he has a gun and I just…”
“What’s your address?” Constable West asked and I breathed a sigh of relief as I recited it. “I’ll be there in 2 minutes, I’m just round the corner.” I just nodded, my heart jumping into my throat as Juan starting banging on the door once again.
“Okay,” I whispered, hanging up and sitting down on my sofa, closing my eyes tightly and pretending like none of this was happening. Why did my dad and Alejandro have to get mixed up in all this? They should have known it would only end in them being killed. And Juan would never have let me just walk away. Sure, I knew we were kind of struggling to pay the bills and get food and everything, but joining a gang is the very last thing I would consider.
My eyes opened suddenly when it went silent outside my front door, and, straining my ears, I could hear low threatening voices. I stood nervously from my sofa and made my way to my front door once again. My hands were shaking slightly, but there was nothing I could do about it. I swallowed thickly as I leant forward to look through my peep-hole, but before I could, there was a knock on my door. A gentle knock. I quickly looked through the peep-hole and saw Constable West standing there with a gentle smile. “It’s me, Carlos,” he said and I smiled. I quickly unlocked and opened my door to him. I looked down the hallway and realised that Juan was nowhere around. “My partner took him away.” A large breath that I’d been holding was released and I closed my eyes. “Do you need anything? You look a bit shaken,” he said and I opened my eyes and met his concerned gaze.
“I’m fine,” I said, straightening once again and altering my expression to as neutral as possible. “I don’t need you taking care of me.” Constable West frowned.
“Sure, I just come and take rid of the criminal that’s pretty much been harassing you,” he said. He returned my stubborn gaze for a moment before rolling his eyes and walking away. I watched him for a second before stepping after him.
“Wait,” I said softly. He stopped and turned, but his annoyance was still apparent in his expression. “Wait, don’t go. I…I don’t want to be on my own.” Constable West’s face softened slightly as he gazed down at me. “I’m sorry, I’m just…not comfortable with being…babied.”
“I’m not babying you, Carlos,” he said gently. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. You look like you’re about to pass out.” I mentally thanked him for not saying ‘faint’ because I don’t think I could handle that – it was much too girly for me. And now, once he’d said that, I suddenly realised how very dizzy I felt.
“I just…” I said quietly, fighting the dizziness. “I…” And then, I fell forward, the world going black.
--
I rolled over in bed, sighing in content, before I grew confused as to what I was doing in bed. Blinking my eyes open, I looked around my bedroom – nothing seemed out of place – and slowly sat up and swung my legs over the edge. My head swam a bit, but I pushed it back and stood up. I headed out of my room and heard a humming from the kitchen and walked into the room with a curious frown. I froze midstep when I saw Constable West there, cooking pasta. He’d taken his bullet proof vest off and I could see his muscles beneath the thin white shirt. I cleared my throat nervously and he looked over his shoulder and smiled. “How are you feeling?” he asked and, after regarding him for another minute or so, I shrugged.
“Okay,” I said. “Are you, um, not on duty or anything?”
“I was just finishing my shift when you called. And my partner took Juan down to the station,” he said and I nodded. “Pasta?” My stomach rumbled just then, answering for me. “I’ll just finish up,” he smiled and I nodded, taking 2 bowls out of the cupboards and putting them on the side. “I couldn’t find anything to put on it.”
“I tend to eat it plain,” I said with a small smile.
“Fair enough.”
About 5 minutes later, we were both sitting at my kitchen table in silence, eating bowls of pasta. “So, um-“ I paused, realising that I wasn’t really sure what to call him. It felt a bit formal calling him Constable West every time.
“Nate,” he said helpfully and I smiled and nodded.
“Nate,” I said, trying out the name on my tongue. “Do you live around here?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “But I’m getting transferred next month.” I don’t know why, but my face instantly fell at this. He was leaving?
“Oh,” I said, covering up for my obvious expression. “Where are you going?”
“A position opened up in a town just outside the city,” he said. “I’m being promoted to sergeant if I take it.”
“If?” I asked with a gentle frown.
“I’m not 100% yet,” he said and I nodded.
“How are you being promoted so young? All the sergeants I know are old guys…” I said and he laughed a velvety smooth laugh. I smiled to myself, proud that I’d made him smile.
“I dunno,” he said with a modest shrug. “I guess, I have a pretty high arrest rate. And I graduated at the top of my class from the academy… Maybe they’re just so desperate for someone to come and be in charge they’d give it to anyone.” I smiled but knew that that wasn’t the case. Nate was nothing if not professional.
“So you want to leave the city?” I asked him.
“Not really, I just want to leave this area,” he said. “It’s kind of depressing, really, isn't it?” I didn’t answer for a second, just chewed thoughtfully, and then nodded.
“Yeah, it is,” I said. “I keep thinking of leaving, too, but then…I just can’t bring myself too. I grew up here. My dad left me the garage. I can’t just abandon it all.” Nate looked at me closely, as though he was trying to figure me out.
“Where would you go if you did leave?” he asked and I shrugged.
“I haven’t really thought about it,” I told him honestly. “Usually whenever I think about wanting to leave, I just get…really guilty, you know?” He nodded with a soft smile. “But I think I’d like to be outside the city.”
It was silent for a short while and then Nate asked, “So, how come Juan was after you anyway?”
“Um, well, ‘cause my dad and brother were both in his gang, he thinks I should be too,” I said with a shrug. “He wants me to take over what my brother had been doing, I think.”
“And what was that?” he asked gently. My eyes rose to meet his gaze and I searched his eyes for a moment. “Hey, I’m asking as a friend, not a police officer.” We’re friends, I thought with a little mental smile.
“Drugs,” I told him and he nodded.
“I know someone’s got to do it, but this job is starting to get to me,” he said with a sigh. “I can’t handle seeing kids dealing or buying drugs…It’s just. My mum keeps telling me I should get a new job, or at least a desk job, because she hates what this job is doing to me. She said she hasn’t seen me smile in over 6 months…” I could see what he meant, because he didn’t smile very often. But I had seen a few smiles, genuine ones, not just polite ones.
“Why’d you become a police officer?” I asked curiously.
“I wanted to…do good, I guess,” he said, his lips curving in a way that could be interpreted as a smile but I wasn’t sure.
“Have you always wanted to be one?” I asked and this time he did smile.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “I used to have one of those little pedal police cars when I was a kid. Right from the first moment I started driving around in it, I knew I wanted to be a police officer.” I smiled and nodded. “What about you? What do you want to be?”
“It doesn’t really matter, does it?” I asked with a shrug. “I’m running my dad’s garage.”
“Just tell me, Carlos,” he said gently. I frowned and looked up into his eyes.
“A teacher,” I told him and he smiled gently.
“Really? What subject?” he asked.
“Maths,” I said. “I’ve always had a way with numbers…”
“I think you’d be a great teacher,” he said and I shrugged.
“It’s not like it will happen anyway,” I said. “I can’t afford to go to university. And…I have my dad’s garage to run.”
Nate gazed at me for a moment, but then his phone rang and he jumped slightly. He excused himself and then answered the call. “West,” he answered and then sat listening, a frown slowly becoming more and more obvious on his expression. “Mhmm,” he said a few times, but other than that, no actual words were spoken on his end. “Thanks,” he finished before hanging up.
“Everything okay?” I asked relatively cautiously.
“Another reason I want to get out of Manchester…everyone is corrupt,” he said angrily. I frowned in confusion and Nate looked up at me and sighed. “Sergeant let Juan go.”
“What?!” I asked, jumping up from my seat. “But he’ll be coming straight here. I…I should leave, but…where will I go?”
“Hey,” Nate said calmly, standing up directly in front of me. “I won't let anything happen to you, okay?”
“You take your job very seriously,” I said quietly, suddenly very aware of how close we were.
“You’re not a job, Carlos,” he said, bringing his hand up to stroke my cheek. “You’re…someone I care about, someone who doesn’t deserve this.” I felt my breath catch in my throat but at that moment, I didn’t really care.
“Can I tell you something?” I whispered, my eyes jumping down to his lips before going up to his eyes once again.
“Anything,” he said quietly.
“I was going to phone you anyway…just because I wanted to talk to you, not because Juan was here or anything,” I told him quietly, ducking my head with embarrassment.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked and I nodded. “I was hoping you would.” I looked up at him and a grin burst onto my face.
“Really?” I whispered happily. Nate just nodded and then lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me tenderly. I kissed back softly and then pulled away and gazed up at him. “What was that…?” I whispered, bringing my fingers up to my lips.
“A kiss,” he said with a gentle smile.
“You…kissed me?” I asked quietly. Nate nodded, biting his lip and I could see that my reaction was making him nervous, so I smiled. “Can you…do it again?” Nate grinned and immediately lowered his head to kiss me again. I gasped against his lips and moved closer to his warm body, wrapping my arms around his waist and gripping his shirt tight. Nate’s strong arms came up to rest on my hips and I realised something – I fit so perfectly into his chest it was as though I was made to be there.
About an hour later, we were sitting closely on the sofa watching a random television show but not really paying attention to it. “I guess I should get going…” Nate said and I frowned.
“Oh…” I said reluctantly. “Do you have to?” He turned to me but didn’t say anything so I continued. “It’s just…I don’t…I don’t want to be on my own.”
“You’re a lot different than I thought you’d be,” Nate said with a gentle smile.
“What do you mean?” I asked with a curious frown.
“I mean,” he said, “you’re a lot more…a lot less tough than you want people to think.” I blushed and ducked my head, trying desperately to hide my cheeks. “It’s not a bad thing, Carlos,” he said, raising my head by placing a finger under my chin. “It’s endearing. You may be uncomfortable with people looking after you, but whether you want it or not, I’m here. I’ll stay with you tonight.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, hugging him and burying my face in his chest so that he wouldn’t see how emotional I’d suddenly become. It was embarrassing and I didn’t want him knowing that he was exactly right about me. Nate just nodded, stroking his fingers over my hair.
--
The following month passed peacefully. I think Juan had learned that I was spending all my time with Nate, and that Nate was spending all evenings at my flat, and he didn’t risk coming after me. The fear that Juan would come back was constantly in the back of my mind – even when I was with Nate, it was still there. Even though Nate made me safer, that wasn’t the main reason he was staying with me. The main reason was that we just didn’t want to be apart. During the day, it was fine – I was in the garage while Nate was working. And then in the evenings, we were together. It was crazy how strongly I felt for him already. I was dreading the day when he would leave, because I knew he would. He wanted to leave, I knew that, so it would happen eventually.
Almost 2 months since I’d spent that first night with Nate, there was a knock on my door. Nate was already over – he was cooking dinner, as he did most nights. I’d just been so happy recently, that I forgot to check who was at the door. I pulled it open and froze, my eyes widening. “Hello, Carlos,” Juan said, stepping forward into my flat without invitation. “You’ve had time to think it over,” he said, flicking back his jacket to show me the gun that was hooked into his jeans. “So…?” I shook my head as I slowly backed away from him.
“No, Juan,” I said quietly. Juan shook his head and pulled out his gun. Having a gun pointed at me was the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. It was almost like standing there, waiting for death that you knew was coming. It was only a matter of time until Juan pulled that trigger and took out his anger on me.
“I’ve been nice, Carlos,” he said, glaring at me. “I’ve been patient. But now you give me no choice. Alejandro wanted you to continue what he was doing.”
“No he didn’t, he would never want me to,” I said quietly but still firm. “If he did, he and my dad wouldn’t have kept it secret from me. I would hate myself if I worked for you. Supplying drugs to kids it’s…it’s not right.”
“They’ll get them some other way,” he sneered. “Wouldn’t you rather give them to them in a safe environment rather than them having to get them from some seedy drug dealer?”
“With you involved it would never be a safe environment anyway,” I told him.
And then it all happened in a split second. Juan’s eyes narrowed angrily. Nate appeared from the kitchen, asking what was going on. Nate’s eyes landed on the gun just as Juan squeezed the trigger. I closed my eyes in preparation for the pain, but nothing came. I heard the shot, and I jumped, but I didn’t feel a thing.
I opened my eyes to find Nate lying on the floor in front of me, blood pouring from his chest. My eyes widened and I fell to the floor, tears already running down my cheeks. “Nate?” I cried, taking his face in my hands. “Nate, look at me.” His eyes met mine and he smiled gently. Tears were in his eyes and spilled over when he closed his eyes. “No, Nate, you can’t leave me,” I said, giving his shoulder a slight shake. I pulled a cloth off the table and gathered it up to try to stop the bleeding.
“I’m okay,” Nate whispered through clenched teeth. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I whispered, stroking his cheek softly. I looked up to the front door, but Juan had vanished. “I’ll be right back, okay? I need to phone an ambulance.” Nate just nodded stiffly, a deep frown between his eye brows. “You’re going to be okay, Nate,” I whispered, leaning down to kiss him quickly before jumping up and running to get my phone. I hurriedly dialled for an ambulance and then I called the police, too. Only a minute later, I was off the phone and kneeling next to Nate again, pressing the cloth to his wound. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered, tears running down my cheeks as I took in his pale skin. Nate smiled weakly.
“I couldn’t let him kill you,” he whispered.
“You…you can’t die either,” I stammered, desperately fighting to be strong.
“I won’t, baby,” he sighed. It reassured me that he was so sure about that, and I smiled softly while swiping at my tears with my bloody fingers.
Only 5 minutes later, paramedics appeared at the door, followed shortly by a few police officers. The paramedics rushed to Nate’s side and pushed me out of the way. I fell back, sitting against the wall as I watched them dealing with my boyfriend. They got him onto a gurney and then, only a few minutes after they’d arrived, rushed him out of the door. I ran after them, but they wouldn’t allow me into the ambulance with Nate. “But…But I’m his boyfriend!” I cried desperately.
“Sorry,” the woman said before closing the doors. A second later, the ambulance was zooming off, sirens blaring.
“Hey,” a voice said behind me. I turned to see Nate’s partner, Eric. I almost broke down, but managed to keep myself together. “Hop in,” he said, nodding to the police car. “I’ll give you a ride to the hospital.” I smiled gratefully but was too emotional to actually say anything. We quickly got into his car and he turned the sirens on so we could get to the hospital quickly. “Technically, I’m not meant to do this,” he smiled. “But Nate’s my best mate; I want to see him nearly as badly as you do.” I smiled at him and wiped my tears away again. We zoomed through the streets and got to the hospital in half the time it would usually take.
We ran onto the hospital and Eric went to the desk to enquire about Nate. He came over to me a moment later. “He’s in surgery,” he told me and I nodded slowly. “She said to wait in the waiting room and she’d come and get us when he’s out.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, following him and sitting down in the hard plastic chairs.
“What happened?” Eric asked once we’d been sitting in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before retelling story, my voice catching towards the end. Eric just listened, scowling.
“I’m going to catch that bastard if it’s the last thing I do,” he promised. “And this time, no one is going to let him go.” I just smiled weakly.
--
About 2 hours later, a nurse came into the waiting room. As we were the only 2 in there, we knew it was about Nate. We jumped up from the seats and went over to her. “How is he?” Eric asked.
“Can we see him?” I asked desperately.
“He’s recovering at the moment,” she said. “But yes, you can go see him.” She told us Nate’s room and Eric and I instantly headed in that direction.
We got to his room and we both nervously opened the door and walked in. Tears gathered in my eyes once I saw Nate lying in the hospital bed, his right arm in a sling. He was too strong, too confident, to be in a hospital bed. I rushed to his side and took his left hand. Nate smiled at me and gave my hand a squeeze. “How are you feeling?” I asked softly.
“I’m good, baby,” he smiled. I looked over at Eric, who was smiling slightly. He picked up the chart that was at the end of Nate’s bed.
“You were lucky,” Eric said with a small nod. “Shot in the shoulder. Just missed your lung…”
“I know,” Nate said with a wide grin.
“He’s on a lot of pain medication,” Eric told me and I nodded, still gazing at Nate. “I’ll, um, give you guys a minute.” He quickly disappeared out of the room again and tears starting pricking in my eyes again.
“Why’re you crying?” Nate asked with a frown.
“You were shot, Nate!” I cried. “Because of me! If you hadn’t…if…if I…this is my fault.” Tears now streaming down my cheeks, I took my hand from his and stood up. I couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing that he was in pain because of me.
“Hey, Carlos, come here,” Nate said, but I stubbornly shook my head, refusing to even turn around to look at him. “Don’t make me get out of this bed, you know I will.” A smile tugged at my lips and I finally turned to look at him. “This is not your fault and I don’t want you feeling guilty, okay? This anyone’s fault but yours. It’s Juan’s fault, it’s my fault. But it’s not yours.”
“But…”
“No, baby,” he shook his head, grabbing my hand and pulling me onto the bed next to him.
“But you jumped in front of a bullet for me…how could I not feel guilty about that?”
“Because it was my choice,” he whispered. “I couldn’t let him shoot you… It…It might be too soon to say this, but I love you, Carlos.”
“You do?” I breathed, my heart suddenly beating a mile a minute.
“Yeah,” he whispered. “I love you more than anything in the world. I love that you try to be manly and tough and strong, but really all you want is someone to look after you. I love that you’ve let me be that someone. I just…I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, ignoring the tears that were trickling down my cheeks.
“And…if I were to suggest leaving the city, going to live in a town or a village and you coming with me…what would you say?” he asked and I bit my lip as a smile worked its way onto my face. Leaving my dad’s garage didn’t seem that bad now. Not now that Nate had been shot and his life was at risk. No, I wanted Nate to be safe, and he wasn’t safe working here.
“I’d say, when can we leave?”
--
About 6 months later, we’d officially left the city. I’d sold my dad’s garage, Nate had been promoted to sergeant in a small town and he’d been offered the ex-sergeant’s cottage as a perk. It didn’t take us long to get settled. It was weird living in a small community – both Nate and I had been raised in the city – but it was a good weird. It felt like home.
I smiled softly at the thought of my dad. Only 4 months ago, he’d been my idol, my role model – my older brother coming in a close second. I’d thought the very highest of my dad, of both of them. And then…my opinion of them changed in one night. Well, it was really just one phone call.
--
“Is this Carlos Rodriguez?” a voice came through the store’s phone and I blinked.
“Um, yes,” I said hesitantly.
“This is Constable West,” the man said and I suddenly had a horrible sinking feeling in my chest. I sat heavily on the stool that was at the till.
“Is everything okay? Has something happened?” I whispered, already dreading his answer.
“There was an incident about an hour ago,” he said and I closed my eyes. “Your brother and father have been the unfortunate victims of gang violence.”
--
Those two words echoed through my mind for the following months – and years. I’d never thought my dad or my brother would get mixed up in something like that. He knew what sort of trouble people around here got into for associating with certain gangs. We didn’t exactly live in a nice area of Nottingham, which was one of the worst cities in England anyway.
I inherited the garage from my dad when he died, and I couldn’t just sell it and leave. I owed my dad to continue on running his business, didn’t I?
As I was staring into space, a light jingle from a bell jolted me out of my thoughts and I turned to the newest customer. When my eyes landed on the group of 6 or 7 guys, my heart sank all the way to my shoes. “Carlos,” Juan said, a smile on his face that was anything but nice.
“Juan,” I nodded back, acknowledging. I’d learnt the hard way what happened to people when they ignored – and so disrespected – Juan or any of his gang.
“We have a proposition for you,” Juan said, coming to crowd in front of me, his gang surrounding him. I took a nervous step backwards, intimidated just as they wanted, and hit the till counter. “Just a little thing, little Carlos,” he jeered at me.
“Not interested,” I said, proud of myself for not sounding as scared as I felt.
“I don’t think I asked you if you were interested,” he laughed, but there wasn’t anything funny about this at all. “It’s just a temporary job,” he continued, even though I knew that was a lie. “Filling in for your brother. I’m having trouble to find someone as good as he was. The guys that have replaced him so far keep getting arrested.” His tone sounded close to disgusted, as though he was appalled at the idea of someone being arrested for committing a crime.
“I’m not interested,” I said, slightly more firmly.
“Your brother would be so disappointed,” he said bitterly, stepping forward once again.
And then the bell over the door jangled and I turned towards it desperately. And there, in the doorway, was a police officer. Sure, these guys probably all had a gun shoved down their baggy jeans, but they could see the police car sitting outside my shop, with another officer inside it. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Problem?” the man asked, his voice low and smooth. I recognised it.
“Not at all,” Juan smiled sweetly, reaching up to ruffle my short hair. “We don’t have a problem, do we Carlos?”
“No,” I said after a moment of hesitation, staring into his dark, dangerous eyes.
“Move along, then,” the police officer said, holding the store door open, so Juan and the rest of his gang could file out.
Once they were gone, I found that my knees could no longer hold me up. I leant back against the counter and then eventually sank down to the floor. Fear was coursing through my veins, fear I hadn’t acknowledged until now. Juan could sense fear – he was alike an animal, a predator, in that way – and I didn’t want to give him any sense of satisfaction. Sure, it wasn’t wholly his fault that my brother and father were shot, but I could blame him if I wanted. “You okay?” I looked up suddenly, shocked that there was still someone in the room. My eyes travelled up the black trousers with the perfect crease at the front, up the black bullet proof vest, which had white shirt sleeves and a collar poking through, and finally up to the officer’s face. “Kid, you okay?” he asked again, crouching down in front of me. I just nodded.
“I know you,” I said softly, half to myself. The officer smiled.
“Constable West,” he said, crouching down in front of me. “Are you okay?” he asked again, more firmly this time.
“Yeah, I’m…I’m okay,” I nodded, using his words because I couldn’t think of my own. I gazed into his deep, dark brown eyes and found myself falling. It felt like I was falling endlessly into those warm brown orbs and I nearly lost balance and fell towards him, but I controlled myself at the last minute. “You were…you were the officer that phoned me when…when my dad and brother…”
“I remember,” he said softly, placing a hand on my knee. “I’m sorry about what happened.” I smiled weakly but otherwise didn’t say anything. “Is Juan giving you trouble?” he asked and I bit my lip.
“Um, a little,” I said, downplaying the truth. “You know him?” Constable West smiled but shook his head.
“We have our eye on him,” he said and I nodded. He regarded me for a second and then stood and pulled a white piece of card from his pocket. “We aren’t technically supposed to do this…” he said, fiddling with the paper in his hands. “But…I’m giving you my number. If you need me, at any time, I want you to call me, okay?” I bit my lip and looked up at him before nodding and then, the situation suddenly hit me. I was sitting curled up on the floor in my dad’s shop. Clearing my throat, I stood up, trying to reassemble what little dignity I had left.
“I don’t need your help,” I said. “I can handle it.” Constable West considered me for a moment before smiling gently, as though he could see through my façade.
“Okay, well, just in case,” he said, putting it down next to the till. “I’ll see you around.” I stood rooted to the spot, too in shock to move, and watched him leave. I breathed a sigh of relief once I was alone in the shop once again. My eyes were drawn to the little white card on the counter and my lip arched upwards as a smile fought its way onto my face.
--
A week passed and although Juan had pretty much left me alone, I was considering calling Constable West. Not because I was in any sort of danger, but because I just…I really wanted to hear his voice again. I was turning his card over and over in my fingers, seeing his name on ever full turn. ‘Constable Nathan West’. I stared at the card, as though that would help me to make a decision. I should just throw the card away, or at least stop staring at it.
Suddenly, there was a loud bang on the door to my flat. I jumped almost out of my skin and rose from the sofa. I was halfway to the door, about to see what had happened, when I realised something. It was more than likely Juan. I stepped lightly the rest of the way, up to the door and through the peep-hole. “Carlos!” Juan yelled, banging on the door once again. “I know you’re in there. Stop being a fucking pussy. You need me, you know you do. Your dad and Alejandro knew they needed my help and you know it to. Now stop being a fucking idiot and accept my offer before I change my mind.” I backed away from the door as quietly as I can. “I know you’re in there, you little fag. Other than running your dad’s garage, you don’t do anything. You have nowhere else you’d be and I’m not leaving until you agree to help me out. You help me, I help you. It’s not all as bad as you think it is.” I bit my lip. I was trapped. I moved into the living room. Juan had a gun, I was 100% sure of that, because he’d threatened me with it before, and I wasn’t going to stand behind my door in case he lost his thinly controlled temper and started shooting.
I looked around the room desperately, hoping to find something I could use to defend myself. And my eyes landed on the little slip of card that had fallen to the floor when I jumped up. I didn’t want to, but I had no choice. With Juan pounding on my door non-stop, I grabbed my phone and dialled Constable West’s mobile number. “West,” he answered only a moment later.
“Hello?” I whispered. “Um, it’s Carlos. Um, you gave me your card in case, um, and…” I trailed off, worried because Juan had stopped banging on the door.
“Carlos? Is everything okay?” he asked and I bit my lip.
“I…I don’t know,” I said as quietly as possible. I didn’t think my front door was that easy to hear through, but maybe it was. “Juan…he’s at my door and he’s not leaving and…I…I don’t know what to do and…I know he has a gun and I just…”
“What’s your address?” Constable West asked and I breathed a sigh of relief as I recited it. “I’ll be there in 2 minutes, I’m just round the corner.” I just nodded, my heart jumping into my throat as Juan starting banging on the door once again.
“Okay,” I whispered, hanging up and sitting down on my sofa, closing my eyes tightly and pretending like none of this was happening. Why did my dad and Alejandro have to get mixed up in all this? They should have known it would only end in them being killed. And Juan would never have let me just walk away. Sure, I knew we were kind of struggling to pay the bills and get food and everything, but joining a gang is the very last thing I would consider.
My eyes opened suddenly when it went silent outside my front door, and, straining my ears, I could hear low threatening voices. I stood nervously from my sofa and made my way to my front door once again. My hands were shaking slightly, but there was nothing I could do about it. I swallowed thickly as I leant forward to look through my peep-hole, but before I could, there was a knock on my door. A gentle knock. I quickly looked through the peep-hole and saw Constable West standing there with a gentle smile. “It’s me, Carlos,” he said and I smiled. I quickly unlocked and opened my door to him. I looked down the hallway and realised that Juan was nowhere around. “My partner took him away.” A large breath that I’d been holding was released and I closed my eyes. “Do you need anything? You look a bit shaken,” he said and I opened my eyes and met his concerned gaze.
“I’m fine,” I said, straightening once again and altering my expression to as neutral as possible. “I don’t need you taking care of me.” Constable West frowned.
“Sure, I just come and take rid of the criminal that’s pretty much been harassing you,” he said. He returned my stubborn gaze for a moment before rolling his eyes and walking away. I watched him for a second before stepping after him.
“Wait,” I said softly. He stopped and turned, but his annoyance was still apparent in his expression. “Wait, don’t go. I…I don’t want to be on my own.” Constable West’s face softened slightly as he gazed down at me. “I’m sorry, I’m just…not comfortable with being…babied.”
“I’m not babying you, Carlos,” he said gently. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. You look like you’re about to pass out.” I mentally thanked him for not saying ‘faint’ because I don’t think I could handle that – it was much too girly for me. And now, once he’d said that, I suddenly realised how very dizzy I felt.
“I just…” I said quietly, fighting the dizziness. “I…” And then, I fell forward, the world going black.
--
I rolled over in bed, sighing in content, before I grew confused as to what I was doing in bed. Blinking my eyes open, I looked around my bedroom – nothing seemed out of place – and slowly sat up and swung my legs over the edge. My head swam a bit, but I pushed it back and stood up. I headed out of my room and heard a humming from the kitchen and walked into the room with a curious frown. I froze midstep when I saw Constable West there, cooking pasta. He’d taken his bullet proof vest off and I could see his muscles beneath the thin white shirt. I cleared my throat nervously and he looked over his shoulder and smiled. “How are you feeling?” he asked and, after regarding him for another minute or so, I shrugged.
“Okay,” I said. “Are you, um, not on duty or anything?”
“I was just finishing my shift when you called. And my partner took Juan down to the station,” he said and I nodded. “Pasta?” My stomach rumbled just then, answering for me. “I’ll just finish up,” he smiled and I nodded, taking 2 bowls out of the cupboards and putting them on the side. “I couldn’t find anything to put on it.”
“I tend to eat it plain,” I said with a small smile.
“Fair enough.”
About 5 minutes later, we were both sitting at my kitchen table in silence, eating bowls of pasta. “So, um-“ I paused, realising that I wasn’t really sure what to call him. It felt a bit formal calling him Constable West every time.
“Nate,” he said helpfully and I smiled and nodded.
“Nate,” I said, trying out the name on my tongue. “Do you live around here?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “But I’m getting transferred next month.” I don’t know why, but my face instantly fell at this. He was leaving?
“Oh,” I said, covering up for my obvious expression. “Where are you going?”
“A position opened up in a town just outside the city,” he said. “I’m being promoted to sergeant if I take it.”
“If?” I asked with a gentle frown.
“I’m not 100% yet,” he said and I nodded.
“How are you being promoted so young? All the sergeants I know are old guys…” I said and he laughed a velvety smooth laugh. I smiled to myself, proud that I’d made him smile.
“I dunno,” he said with a modest shrug. “I guess, I have a pretty high arrest rate. And I graduated at the top of my class from the academy… Maybe they’re just so desperate for someone to come and be in charge they’d give it to anyone.” I smiled but knew that that wasn’t the case. Nate was nothing if not professional.
“So you want to leave the city?” I asked him.
“Not really, I just want to leave this area,” he said. “It’s kind of depressing, really, isn't it?” I didn’t answer for a second, just chewed thoughtfully, and then nodded.
“Yeah, it is,” I said. “I keep thinking of leaving, too, but then…I just can’t bring myself too. I grew up here. My dad left me the garage. I can’t just abandon it all.” Nate looked at me closely, as though he was trying to figure me out.
“Where would you go if you did leave?” he asked and I shrugged.
“I haven’t really thought about it,” I told him honestly. “Usually whenever I think about wanting to leave, I just get…really guilty, you know?” He nodded with a soft smile. “But I think I’d like to be outside the city.”
It was silent for a short while and then Nate asked, “So, how come Juan was after you anyway?”
“Um, well, ‘cause my dad and brother were both in his gang, he thinks I should be too,” I said with a shrug. “He wants me to take over what my brother had been doing, I think.”
“And what was that?” he asked gently. My eyes rose to meet his gaze and I searched his eyes for a moment. “Hey, I’m asking as a friend, not a police officer.” We’re friends, I thought with a little mental smile.
“Drugs,” I told him and he nodded.
“I know someone’s got to do it, but this job is starting to get to me,” he said with a sigh. “I can’t handle seeing kids dealing or buying drugs…It’s just. My mum keeps telling me I should get a new job, or at least a desk job, because she hates what this job is doing to me. She said she hasn’t seen me smile in over 6 months…” I could see what he meant, because he didn’t smile very often. But I had seen a few smiles, genuine ones, not just polite ones.
“Why’d you become a police officer?” I asked curiously.
“I wanted to…do good, I guess,” he said, his lips curving in a way that could be interpreted as a smile but I wasn’t sure.
“Have you always wanted to be one?” I asked and this time he did smile.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “I used to have one of those little pedal police cars when I was a kid. Right from the first moment I started driving around in it, I knew I wanted to be a police officer.” I smiled and nodded. “What about you? What do you want to be?”
“It doesn’t really matter, does it?” I asked with a shrug. “I’m running my dad’s garage.”
“Just tell me, Carlos,” he said gently. I frowned and looked up into his eyes.
“A teacher,” I told him and he smiled gently.
“Really? What subject?” he asked.
“Maths,” I said. “I’ve always had a way with numbers…”
“I think you’d be a great teacher,” he said and I shrugged.
“It’s not like it will happen anyway,” I said. “I can’t afford to go to university. And…I have my dad’s garage to run.”
Nate gazed at me for a moment, but then his phone rang and he jumped slightly. He excused himself and then answered the call. “West,” he answered and then sat listening, a frown slowly becoming more and more obvious on his expression. “Mhmm,” he said a few times, but other than that, no actual words were spoken on his end. “Thanks,” he finished before hanging up.
“Everything okay?” I asked relatively cautiously.
“Another reason I want to get out of Manchester…everyone is corrupt,” he said angrily. I frowned in confusion and Nate looked up at me and sighed. “Sergeant let Juan go.”
“What?!” I asked, jumping up from my seat. “But he’ll be coming straight here. I…I should leave, but…where will I go?”
“Hey,” Nate said calmly, standing up directly in front of me. “I won't let anything happen to you, okay?”
“You take your job very seriously,” I said quietly, suddenly very aware of how close we were.
“You’re not a job, Carlos,” he said, bringing his hand up to stroke my cheek. “You’re…someone I care about, someone who doesn’t deserve this.” I felt my breath catch in my throat but at that moment, I didn’t really care.
“Can I tell you something?” I whispered, my eyes jumping down to his lips before going up to his eyes once again.
“Anything,” he said quietly.
“I was going to phone you anyway…just because I wanted to talk to you, not because Juan was here or anything,” I told him quietly, ducking my head with embarrassment.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked and I nodded. “I was hoping you would.” I looked up at him and a grin burst onto my face.
“Really?” I whispered happily. Nate just nodded and then lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me tenderly. I kissed back softly and then pulled away and gazed up at him. “What was that…?” I whispered, bringing my fingers up to my lips.
“A kiss,” he said with a gentle smile.
“You…kissed me?” I asked quietly. Nate nodded, biting his lip and I could see that my reaction was making him nervous, so I smiled. “Can you…do it again?” Nate grinned and immediately lowered his head to kiss me again. I gasped against his lips and moved closer to his warm body, wrapping my arms around his waist and gripping his shirt tight. Nate’s strong arms came up to rest on my hips and I realised something – I fit so perfectly into his chest it was as though I was made to be there.
About an hour later, we were sitting closely on the sofa watching a random television show but not really paying attention to it. “I guess I should get going…” Nate said and I frowned.
“Oh…” I said reluctantly. “Do you have to?” He turned to me but didn’t say anything so I continued. “It’s just…I don’t…I don’t want to be on my own.”
“You’re a lot different than I thought you’d be,” Nate said with a gentle smile.
“What do you mean?” I asked with a curious frown.
“I mean,” he said, “you’re a lot more…a lot less tough than you want people to think.” I blushed and ducked my head, trying desperately to hide my cheeks. “It’s not a bad thing, Carlos,” he said, raising my head by placing a finger under my chin. “It’s endearing. You may be uncomfortable with people looking after you, but whether you want it or not, I’m here. I’ll stay with you tonight.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, hugging him and burying my face in his chest so that he wouldn’t see how emotional I’d suddenly become. It was embarrassing and I didn’t want him knowing that he was exactly right about me. Nate just nodded, stroking his fingers over my hair.
--
The following month passed peacefully. I think Juan had learned that I was spending all my time with Nate, and that Nate was spending all evenings at my flat, and he didn’t risk coming after me. The fear that Juan would come back was constantly in the back of my mind – even when I was with Nate, it was still there. Even though Nate made me safer, that wasn’t the main reason he was staying with me. The main reason was that we just didn’t want to be apart. During the day, it was fine – I was in the garage while Nate was working. And then in the evenings, we were together. It was crazy how strongly I felt for him already. I was dreading the day when he would leave, because I knew he would. He wanted to leave, I knew that, so it would happen eventually.
Almost 2 months since I’d spent that first night with Nate, there was a knock on my door. Nate was already over – he was cooking dinner, as he did most nights. I’d just been so happy recently, that I forgot to check who was at the door. I pulled it open and froze, my eyes widening. “Hello, Carlos,” Juan said, stepping forward into my flat without invitation. “You’ve had time to think it over,” he said, flicking back his jacket to show me the gun that was hooked into his jeans. “So…?” I shook my head as I slowly backed away from him.
“No, Juan,” I said quietly. Juan shook his head and pulled out his gun. Having a gun pointed at me was the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. It was almost like standing there, waiting for death that you knew was coming. It was only a matter of time until Juan pulled that trigger and took out his anger on me.
“I’ve been nice, Carlos,” he said, glaring at me. “I’ve been patient. But now you give me no choice. Alejandro wanted you to continue what he was doing.”
“No he didn’t, he would never want me to,” I said quietly but still firm. “If he did, he and my dad wouldn’t have kept it secret from me. I would hate myself if I worked for you. Supplying drugs to kids it’s…it’s not right.”
“They’ll get them some other way,” he sneered. “Wouldn’t you rather give them to them in a safe environment rather than them having to get them from some seedy drug dealer?”
“With you involved it would never be a safe environment anyway,” I told him.
And then it all happened in a split second. Juan’s eyes narrowed angrily. Nate appeared from the kitchen, asking what was going on. Nate’s eyes landed on the gun just as Juan squeezed the trigger. I closed my eyes in preparation for the pain, but nothing came. I heard the shot, and I jumped, but I didn’t feel a thing.
I opened my eyes to find Nate lying on the floor in front of me, blood pouring from his chest. My eyes widened and I fell to the floor, tears already running down my cheeks. “Nate?” I cried, taking his face in my hands. “Nate, look at me.” His eyes met mine and he smiled gently. Tears were in his eyes and spilled over when he closed his eyes. “No, Nate, you can’t leave me,” I said, giving his shoulder a slight shake. I pulled a cloth off the table and gathered it up to try to stop the bleeding.
“I’m okay,” Nate whispered through clenched teeth. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I whispered, stroking his cheek softly. I looked up to the front door, but Juan had vanished. “I’ll be right back, okay? I need to phone an ambulance.” Nate just nodded stiffly, a deep frown between his eye brows. “You’re going to be okay, Nate,” I whispered, leaning down to kiss him quickly before jumping up and running to get my phone. I hurriedly dialled for an ambulance and then I called the police, too. Only a minute later, I was off the phone and kneeling next to Nate again, pressing the cloth to his wound. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered, tears running down my cheeks as I took in his pale skin. Nate smiled weakly.
“I couldn’t let him kill you,” he whispered.
“You…you can’t die either,” I stammered, desperately fighting to be strong.
“I won’t, baby,” he sighed. It reassured me that he was so sure about that, and I smiled softly while swiping at my tears with my bloody fingers.
Only 5 minutes later, paramedics appeared at the door, followed shortly by a few police officers. The paramedics rushed to Nate’s side and pushed me out of the way. I fell back, sitting against the wall as I watched them dealing with my boyfriend. They got him onto a gurney and then, only a few minutes after they’d arrived, rushed him out of the door. I ran after them, but they wouldn’t allow me into the ambulance with Nate. “But…But I’m his boyfriend!” I cried desperately.
“Sorry,” the woman said before closing the doors. A second later, the ambulance was zooming off, sirens blaring.
“Hey,” a voice said behind me. I turned to see Nate’s partner, Eric. I almost broke down, but managed to keep myself together. “Hop in,” he said, nodding to the police car. “I’ll give you a ride to the hospital.” I smiled gratefully but was too emotional to actually say anything. We quickly got into his car and he turned the sirens on so we could get to the hospital quickly. “Technically, I’m not meant to do this,” he smiled. “But Nate’s my best mate; I want to see him nearly as badly as you do.” I smiled at him and wiped my tears away again. We zoomed through the streets and got to the hospital in half the time it would usually take.
We ran onto the hospital and Eric went to the desk to enquire about Nate. He came over to me a moment later. “He’s in surgery,” he told me and I nodded slowly. “She said to wait in the waiting room and she’d come and get us when he’s out.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, following him and sitting down in the hard plastic chairs.
“What happened?” Eric asked once we’d been sitting in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before retelling story, my voice catching towards the end. Eric just listened, scowling.
“I’m going to catch that bastard if it’s the last thing I do,” he promised. “And this time, no one is going to let him go.” I just smiled weakly.
--
About 2 hours later, a nurse came into the waiting room. As we were the only 2 in there, we knew it was about Nate. We jumped up from the seats and went over to her. “How is he?” Eric asked.
“Can we see him?” I asked desperately.
“He’s recovering at the moment,” she said. “But yes, you can go see him.” She told us Nate’s room and Eric and I instantly headed in that direction.
We got to his room and we both nervously opened the door and walked in. Tears gathered in my eyes once I saw Nate lying in the hospital bed, his right arm in a sling. He was too strong, too confident, to be in a hospital bed. I rushed to his side and took his left hand. Nate smiled at me and gave my hand a squeeze. “How are you feeling?” I asked softly.
“I’m good, baby,” he smiled. I looked over at Eric, who was smiling slightly. He picked up the chart that was at the end of Nate’s bed.
“You were lucky,” Eric said with a small nod. “Shot in the shoulder. Just missed your lung…”
“I know,” Nate said with a wide grin.
“He’s on a lot of pain medication,” Eric told me and I nodded, still gazing at Nate. “I’ll, um, give you guys a minute.” He quickly disappeared out of the room again and tears starting pricking in my eyes again.
“Why’re you crying?” Nate asked with a frown.
“You were shot, Nate!” I cried. “Because of me! If you hadn’t…if…if I…this is my fault.” Tears now streaming down my cheeks, I took my hand from his and stood up. I couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing that he was in pain because of me.
“Hey, Carlos, come here,” Nate said, but I stubbornly shook my head, refusing to even turn around to look at him. “Don’t make me get out of this bed, you know I will.” A smile tugged at my lips and I finally turned to look at him. “This is not your fault and I don’t want you feeling guilty, okay? This anyone’s fault but yours. It’s Juan’s fault, it’s my fault. But it’s not yours.”
“But…”
“No, baby,” he shook his head, grabbing my hand and pulling me onto the bed next to him.
“But you jumped in front of a bullet for me…how could I not feel guilty about that?”
“Because it was my choice,” he whispered. “I couldn’t let him shoot you… It…It might be too soon to say this, but I love you, Carlos.”
“You do?” I breathed, my heart suddenly beating a mile a minute.
“Yeah,” he whispered. “I love you more than anything in the world. I love that you try to be manly and tough and strong, but really all you want is someone to look after you. I love that you’ve let me be that someone. I just…I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, ignoring the tears that were trickling down my cheeks.
“And…if I were to suggest leaving the city, going to live in a town or a village and you coming with me…what would you say?” he asked and I bit my lip as a smile worked its way onto my face. Leaving my dad’s garage didn’t seem that bad now. Not now that Nate had been shot and his life was at risk. No, I wanted Nate to be safe, and he wasn’t safe working here.
“I’d say, when can we leave?”
--
About 6 months later, we’d officially left the city. I’d sold my dad’s garage, Nate had been promoted to sergeant in a small town and he’d been offered the ex-sergeant’s cottage as a perk. It didn’t take us long to get settled. It was weird living in a small community – both Nate and I had been raised in the city – but it was a good weird. It felt like home.
♠ ♠ ♠
comments? :)