Someone Like You

I stare blankly at my cell phone screen, trying to process the three simple words that shine brightly there. Just three little words that are shattering my heart. Each one nonthreatening by itself but when put together they become a deadly weapon. I re-read the screen again, hoping that the first hundred times I've read the message wrong.

Justin's getting married.

The text hasn't changed. My eyes are working correctly and my brain isn't playing a trick on me. I don't know how to handle the information in front of me. What should I do? Should I cry? Smile? Be happy for the couple I didn't even know existed? Should I get mad? Throw something? Maybe regretful for letting the perfect boy slip through my finger like butter? I should feel something but I don't. I'm just...numb. Numb with this new information and that's how I respond. Without feeling I text back.

To who?

It only takes a minute for the phone to buzz. I look at the pop-up saying I have one new message. I think about not opening it. Maybe it's better I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know, shouldn't know, but I have to know, so I push the little button opening the text.

Miley. They announced it on Ellen today. Said that the wedding will be soon. Like end of this week soon. I guess everyone expected. I mean they have been going out for like, what, three years? That's forever in Hollywood....Are you alright?

I read over the message slowly. Then again. Then again once more. They've been going for like, what, three years? That's forever in Hollywood. I can't stop reading those words. Forever in Hollywood. That is true but we dated for far longer then that. I mean I was in third grade and Justin was in first when we started to date. We broke up when he was a freshman in high school and I was a junior. That's eight years. We almost tripled the time he's been with Miley. I text back.

I'm fine.

It's a complete lie. I'm numb. When my phone buzzes again I think it'll be more news from Demi. I'm surprised to see Justin's number. The number I've known by heart for so long. I stare at the number and tiny picture of him as I debate answering his call. If I don't answer I can use the old 'I was working' excuse. If I pick up I can hear his voice. Hear his 'good' news, try and pick up anything in his voice that says he misses me, that he regrets our break-up, and how he doesn't want to marry Miley. But then, why would he ask her to marry him in the first place? I sigh.

“Hello?” I try to prepare myself to hear the words out loud. To hear him say them. To make them real.
“Hey Sels.” Justin sounds the same as he always has.
“Hey Justin.” I love saying his name. The way it feels on my tongue.
“Umm, I, uh, I wasn't sure if you, uh”, he's having a hard time telling me. What does that mean for us? I shake my head. There is no 'us'. He's marring Miley for goodness sake, “heard about what happened on Ellen today.” He finishes up.
“What?” I ask him.
“Shoot, I hoping that you had already heard. It's gonna be hard now.” Like it wasn't already hard for you to say?
“Just say it Just.” I swallow hard.
“Miley and I are getting married.” He rushes it out of his mouth and it hearing him say it hurts more then I thought it would. He's silent on the other end. I can barely hear him breathe.
“Congratulations.” It's all I can say as a single tear rolls down my cheek.
“Thanks, I just wanted you to hear it from me if you hadn't heard it already.” Justin's voice has changed during this conversation, gotten harder, controlled.
“Well, thanks, for that, Justin. I have to get back to work now though, so I'll talk to later.” I force the lie through clenched teeth.
“Oh, right, yeah. Well, okay then. Bye, Selena.” Justin says.
“Good-bye Justin.” I hit the end button and drop my phone onto the couch next to me, then sob like a baby.

“Selena, get up.” Demi's voice fills my ears and drags me out of sleep.
“What Demi?” I ask looking up at her.
“It's today.” Her voice rises as she walks down the hall to my bedroom.
“What is?” I call out to her, rubbing my swollen eyes.
“The wedding.” I hear her muffled voice.
“I'm not going.” I raise my voice so she can hear me.
“Of course you aren't! But I don't want you just sitting around here all day, wallowing, either.” I follow Demi's voice into my room and sit on the bed.
“I don't want to go out.” I tell the open closet door.
“I don't care, we are.” Demi says poking her head out of the closet.
“Seriously Demi. I'm just gonna go back to sleep.” I curl up on my too big for one person bed.
“For real?” Demi comes out of my closet and sits on the corner of the bed.
“Yeah. I'm really fine.” I climb under the covers and give her a smile.
“Alright then, if you really don't want to hangout I'll leave to do whatever it is you do.” Demi smiles.
“I'm good Demi, thank you though!” I sit up and hug her. I watch her go to the door of my room then listen to her leave my apartment. I sigh to myself. With nothing else to do I reach for my remote and turn on the TV.

Today is the one of the biggest days in Hollywood. Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus are going to tie the knot on national TV.

I turn the channel right away. National TV? Really Justin? What happened to the quiet church wedding we always talked about, with just our family and closest friends in attendance?

...said that Miley with not be walking down the aisle but be slowly dropped in from the ceiling.

I almost gag. Justin always said he could see his wedding in his mind. Light colored rose petals lining the aisle, traditional music playing, groom, groomsmen, flower girl, bridesmaids, then his bride, who was always me when we talked about this, walking slowly down the aisle attached to my father's arm until the last second. I turn the channel.

The wedding of the year, is becoming a little odd. We've just heard rumor that Miley will be in a black dress, with long sleeves, and to complete the look her signature black spike collar. Justin will be wearing a red, what is that right, a red velvet tuxedo?

Good-bye E! News. A black dress? Justin couldn't have been okay with that. My dress would have been a long white, sleeveless number, although white didn't really fit Justin and I. We took our love to the ultimate level when he was in eight grade, me in tenth. I'd have had a pretty white flower in my hair too not a choke collar with spikes.

The guest list is huge. Although looking through it, it doesn't seem to have any of Justin's exes on it. The most surprising one who isn't on the guest list is Selena Gomez. Odd, because she and Justin were together for so long, even before the fame they have both reached. They grew up together, childhood friends, then sweethearts. I wondered what happened to not make the list.

I turn off the TV. I wasn't even put on the list? I thought I would have been Justin's first guest. I guess I was wrong. That hurts too. Not being important enough to be invited to one of the biggest moments in his life. My phone buzzes and I go back into the living room to get it. A message from Demi.

Don't watch TV today.

To late Demi, but thanks for the concern.

I already have. I wasn't invited to the wedding.

I'm coming back over.

No, I'm fine. I wouldn't have gone even if I was invited.

Fuckin prick and his stupid slut.

Thanks Demi.

Love you Doll.

Love you.

I sit home almost all day when I can't take it anymore. I have to talk to him. I have to see him. I decide to go to the wedding, invited or not. I get dressed up, do my hair and make-up, and then go to Justin's house. As I come around the sharp turn, that I could maneuver in my sleep, I think about what I'm going to say to Justin. I park in front of his house and then I knock three times.

“Hello?” Justin answers the door. I just stare at him.
“Selena?” He seems confused by my presence.
“I'm sorry to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away.” I can't look him in the eyes.
“Sels, what are you, uh, what are you doing here?” Justin closes his front door and stands outside with me.
“I, wanted to uh, I mean, umm, are you happy? With Miley. Well, happier then you were with me?” I need to know the answer. Need to hear him say it.
“Selena,” The way he says my name makes me look at his face, into his eyes. I can see the pain there, the want, the need.
“I thought maybe if you saw my face, that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.” I saw at him, watch him process what I've just said.
“I don't know what to say.” And that's my answer. Right there, in the words that he didn't say. I nod my head slowly. Tears still streaming down my face.
“Never mind Justin. It's okay. You love her now.” I start to walk away.
“Selena, I'm sorry.” He calls out to me. I turn around.
“Justin, don't ever be sorry, not to me. I'll find someone, like you did. I'll mend my broken heart. Umm, just know that I wish nothing but the best for you and Miley. Okay? But, just promise not to forget me.” I almost beg him not to forget.
“I couldn't forget you even if I tried, Selena. But I am sorry.” Justin smiles sadly.
'Don't Justin, do you remember what you told me? Sometimes it lasts in love”-
“But sometime it hurts instead. Yeah, I remember.” Justin has tears on his face too.
“Don't let it hurt this time okay?”
“Alright, Sels. I'll do my best.” Justin smiles then goes back into his house, gets ready for his wedding. I get into my car and start to drive back to my house. I can't believe I just did that. How broken I feel. I liked the numbness better. Numb. Being numb. Not having to feel. I see the curve ahead, this time I don't slow down, I don't turn the wheel, I just ram head on into the guard rail. Careen down the jagged rocks. I smash my head on the steering wheel as the car comes to a stop and the bottom of the mountain. The windows all around me are broken and for a split second, before the blood drains form my body, I think I hear Justin's beautiful voice. He's calling out my name in the distance. It's like he's calling me to let me know he's changed his mind, that he wants me to be his again. That he wants to mine, for us to be each others, like we once were. For a split second I am happy. Then the darkness consumes me.