Say You Mean It

The morning after the night before.

No words had ever been so true. I hadn’t given the boys a second thought before I’d gone to bed last night, which was just as well because instead of tossing and turning worrying about what Alex would think, and what he’d said to Jack, because I’m sure he knew I had a pretty good sleep. The only thing I didn’t want to happen was the whole waking up thing. As soon as I sat up I felt the urge to throw up, and I did. Several times.

I had to be quiet because I knew Jack had stayed over, in fact I’m pretty sure he and Alex had shared a bed... I didn’t want Jack finding out about my inconvenience and I don’t see Alex telling him either.

I wiped out my mouth and gargled some mouth wash which I usually avoid cos it feels like my mouth is burning, but it was quite necessary today. Then I crawled back to my old bedroom and lay down under the covers.

I needed a plan. Because unfortunatley I had let myself go too far with Jacky boy. It would give him the impression that I actually had feelings for him. So getting with another guy or several other guys would help him see that I’m actually a slut who would shag anyone.

Once I had decided what I was going to do I managed to drag myself out of bed to go and see if I could scavenge some food from our kitchen without being seen. I still hadn’t really spoken to Isobel and Peter about why I was back, although I assumed Aunt Rachel had called them by now. But it was a conversation for another day.

Or so I thought.

When I walked into the kitchen I was greeted by a wonderful smell of pancakes, but also the sight of Isobel cooking them.

“Kenny, you’re up.” This wasn’t in any way an attempt of making conversation; she was just shocked I was still here.

I sighed dramatically, and waited for the tension to build up. I am a drama queen after all. “Yes Isobel I am up, and as you’re making pancakes I’ll have two please.”

She tried to smile at me, and it turned into more of a grimace but I had to admit she was actually trying. “Coming up,”

I grinned cheesily back at her and smiled inwardly to myself. Oh I love making awkward situations.
After a few minutes the pancakes were ready and Isobel piled them onto my plate. I smiled genuinely at her and she looked shocked, but pleased.

“Kendall... I think we have some things to talk about.” Isobel started, sitting down on the stool next to me.

“Isobel... I think you’re right.” I said through a mouthful of pancake, so it came out as more of a mumble, but she got the general idea.

“Do you know who the father is?” She mumbled through her hands which were covering her face.

“Yes, definitely...maybe.” I smiled, and wolfed down more pancake. I hadn’t even realized how hungry I was till I started eating.

She took that as I meant her to, that I had no idea who the father was... It’s not quite as bad as it sounds. I had a boyfriend whom I was sleeping with. But I also had a ‘more than friends but not together’ thing going on with this other guy, who I was also shagging on a daily basis.

“Kenny, how did you get yourself into such a mess?” She muttered, trying to take a hold of my hands.

But I was trying to eat, so pulled them away. “See Isobel, I don’t see this as a mess, more a miracle of birth growing inside me.”

I then pulled a sickly sweet smile that she must have seen straight through.

“Kendall Alice Gaskarth. We may not have got on in the past but I am still your mother. We will get through this. Together.” She smiled, and took my hand once again.

I felt at that moment that I needed to yawn but thought it would be rude so turned it into a cough, and then I choked on stray pancake.

I then raised a hand in a salute and declared ‘Yes ma’am.’ I’m sure she appreciated it.

Apparently not, as all she did was sigh and walk away.

I’d like to point out that I am not a complete monster who is devoid of any emotion, I do have feelings but I don’t like expressing them, and I find it hard to trust people. Hence why I prefer one-night stands to full on relationships because I don’t have to pretend to be a certain way and not be myself, because I’m pretty sure nobody would like the ‘real me’. I know I don’t.

I ate the rest of my pancake in silence when I heard footsteps stampede down the stairway. That could only mean one thing. The boys were back.



“No. No way, piss off.”

These were the words spoken by my dear brother when I told him of my plan. Although I’m not sure he appreciates the fact that I’m trying to get his best friends kisses out of my system.

I only mentioned the plan when I knew Jack had gone back home, even though I’m pretty sure he lives here 80% of the time.

“Oh Alex come one, one teeny tiny little party is all I’m asking. You can invite any fit girls you want, and I’ll see if any of my friends are around.” I whined tugging on his hoody.

“Kendall? Are you pissing with me?” He asked, staring at me incredulously. “You want to have a party in your condition.”

“Oh come on dickhead. I’m pregnant not disabled, I’m pretty sure I can take care of myself.” I argued, annoyed at his over-protectiveness.

He sighed almost as dramatically as me.
“On one condition,”

“Yes? Pray tell me what conditions do I have to follow?” I retorted. I hate to say it but I was being pretty damn witty.

“No alcohol or sex.” He muttered.

“Why no sex? Sex is good right? You have lost your virginity haven’t you?” I replied, laughing at the blush that graced his cheeks.

He was so easy to wind up, and he twiddled with his thumbs before answering in the affirmative. At least I gathered so from the head twitch that resembled a nod.

“Good Good. Now, feel free to invite your little friends. I plan on getting some of my old crowd back together. God knows what they ever did without me.” I winked cheekily at him.

He made a scoffing sound which he then tried to turn into a cough. “You’re telling me you used to have friends? I thought you were the hipster girl who wanted to hate everyone.”

I smiled sweetly at him. “I didn’t like them, but I can’t help it if they idolised me.”

This was not in fact true. But Alex seemed to have this idea of me in his head, and who was I to crush his dreams?

“Fine, have the party if it’ll make you feel better about Jack. But don’t think I don’t know you Kendall.” He muttered before turning around and walking away, leaving me stood in my pyjamas in the kitchen like a dumbass.

Disgruntled I called after him. “This has absolutely nothing to do with Barakitty!”

It was so unconvincing, I’m not even sure I believed it myself.

I just heard a laugh coming from up the stairs and I scowled in frustration, not that there was anyone there to see it. Just myself and it did make me feel like I was achieving something.

I got out my phone and scrolled through my numbers. There was only one person who would be able to help me with these party plans and I intended on getting her on board with them immediatley although it wouldn’t be difficult because she could never resist a party, and she didn’t even know I was back yet.

Things were about to start getting exciting. And yes, I mean in the bedroom too. (And when I said that it was just for affect, I didn’t really mean in the bedroom...)