There Is No I In Love

Nate didn’t want to make a big deal out of telling Tucker he was Chase’s boyfriend, but he didn’t want him to find out through Facebook either. He didn’t really know how to put it. He never had to before since he never had a boyfriend. There was no shame behind it at all; he was happy that he was with Chase…there was just some insecurity with how Tucker would react.

The way Nate saw it, there were only three possible ways his best friend could react. He could either be happy, confused or indifferent. Of course Nate hoped Tucker would be happy; he should be happy, he’s the one who brought up wanting Nate to find someone only a couple weeks ago. He could also be confused as to why he would just accept a relationship request without giving it more time. Or he could not care one way or the other.

Nate didn’t think Tucker wouldn’t care. He almost knew exactly how Tucker would react. In Nate’s mind, he pictured Tucker to be excited for him, and maybe a little jealous. But not really…because Tucker could be with anyone; he just chose not to. So maybe seeing Nate happy and with someone would make Tucker want the same. Then they could double date. Or not; Tucker would probably hate that. Nate knew him all too well.

He decided to just come out and tell Tucker. It wasn’t a life-threatening illness…it wasn’t even serious. There was no need to drag it out or make it dramatic.

Nate called Chase and gave him a heads up that he wasn’t free to hang out because he was going to hang out with Tucker. At first Chase was jealous that Nate wanted to hang out with Tucker and not him, but once he knew the reason why he was cool with it.

Tucker came over to Nate’s house with a bag full of candy that he knew Nate would eat in five seconds.

“Hey let’s go upstairs, my sister and her annoying friend Jill are in the basement and you can hear them from the kitchen it’s ridiculous,” Nate said, happily taking the bag from his friend. “What’s in here, KitKats?”

Tucker laughed. “You wish. No, just Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Almond Joys. I ate all of the KitKats.”

Nate pouted. “How dare you? You know I love KitKats!”

Tucker pushed him playfully. “I’m sorry. I’ll buy you more tomorrow. Didn’t know you’d be devastated over it.”

Nate shrugged and dug around in the bag for a peanut butter cup. He was going to blurt out what he wanted to say, but Tucker beat him to it with a random thought.

“I don’t want to take my gym test tomorrow. I know it’s lame but I really just don’t want to. Why did I take archery? It sounded cool, that’s why. But I have to get all of the arrows in the red or yellow or I fail. How stupid is that? Why can‘t it be like 5 out of 10. It‘s really hard to get all of them in the center!”

Nate chuckled as he wiped his mouth; which somehow had chocolate all over it. Nate found it amusing that Tucker never got stressed over anything, and the one time he freaks out it’s over an archery test.

“Relax, Tucker. It’s only gym class. You’ll do fine. Just picture someone you hate in the center of the target…then you’ll pass. I’m sure it’s worked for some people.”

Tucker thought about that for a second. He didn’t really hate anyone. Even though he was mad at his dad for not understanding him, it didn‘t mean he hated him. It made him feel a little bit better about himself in a weird way. For a person with such an aggressive personality, he honestly didn’t have hate in his system. He didn’t think he could hate. Hate was such an ugly word to him. He’d rather say ‘dislike a lot.’

“Yeah maybe I’ll try that. We’ll see.”

Nate tapped his foot on the floor and bit his lip. “So, I have something to tell you actually. Not really sure how you’ll react but…I’ll just go ahead and say it,” he smiled and clasped his hands together. “Chase asked me to be his boyfriend yesterday after his show, and…I said yes.”

Tucker tried his absolute best to hide true feelings. He nodded his head and forced out a fake smile.

“I kind of saw that coming. Just didn’t know when. But good for you, Nate. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy. If he hurts you I’ll break his neck though. Tell him that, I don’t care.”

Nate was so happy to hear that Tucker was excited for him. That’s all he wanted. He was so afraid of his best friend being upset that he didn’t really have time to think about how he would feel if the reaction were good.

“Don’t worry. Chase is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. All three of us need to hang out more. I know you, and I know what’s going through your head. You’re thinking that I’m going to ditch you for Chase and never see you. Well you’re wrong. Chase understands our friendship, and he gets that you mean a lot to me. So stop all of those negative thoughts. Okay?”

Tucker was holding back a lot more than usual. The self control he was experiencing was almost unreal. He felt the words that wanted to come out of his mouth so badly. But he couldn’t let them. Because it was too late. Even if he wanted to let Nate know how he felt it wouldn’t matter. Chase wasn’t the only factor either; it was a lot of things.
Nate and Chase’s relationship sort of made it easier for Tucker to let go. After all, that’s what the original plan was- to let Nate go. Now he had to; he was someone else’s.

A part of Tucker wanted to cry. He wanted to cry it out and get over it because that seemed like the only way. But he couldn’t at the moment. He needed to keep up an act of composure even though he felt like he was losing it completely. Never had he felt like this before, and never had he felt so lost and confused.

“Yeah,” he said, realizing that he never gave Nate a response. “I was thinking that. I mean, he’s your boyfriend. You’re going to want to spend time alone- I get that. It’s fine. If I had a boyfriend I would want some alone time. You’re not going to want me tagging along every time. But it’s okay. Maybe while you’re out I’ll go out too. It’ll be a nice change for both of us.”

Nate nodded with a huge grin on his face.

For once in his life, Tucker didn’t smile from looking at Nate’s smile. He always used to…he was always captured by that breathtaking smile. He wasn’t this time; and it destroyed him.

“I’m so lucky that I get to have you and Chase in my life. I mean…I thought you didn’t like Chase, especially at first. I wasn’t sure if you’d be so accepting of us. But now that you are, it’s such a relief.”

Tucker wanted to leave so he could go home and deal with the situation, but he couldn’t. It would look odd if he just up and left right after a conversation like that. He did enjoy seeing Nate beaming, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as he wished.

He came to a harsh realization that everything was changing whether he wanted it to or not. There was nothing he could say or do to change the fact that Nate was with Chase. And Tucker had actually thought about sabotaging their relationship for a split second. But he could never do that. He couldn’t ever hurt Nate like that.

And then he figured out who he'd be picturing in the center of his target for his archery test. He had a good feeling he'd get a bulls-eye or something close to it each time.